Chapter 22

Legal Disclaimer-Like I said before-Family Larson owns, I rent. Thank god they haven't asked for payment….

Authors Note: Let me tell you, this was not an easy chapter to write. That said; please note this chapter does include situations not suitable for children. If you have taken a health class in school, you know where we are going….REVIEW please. I feed on the reviews here like they were chocolate. All of you who have heard me ask the questions that I have pondered; this is what I have come up with. Thank you for your insight.

"A control freak?" Mary laughed, "Yeah, I guess I can see that."

"Oh, come on, you don't see that?" Roger joined her laugh, happy that she was finally showing some emotion, her coldness in the room had scared him, "He is always after me and Mimi to take our AZT, never mind the fact that he runs the camera, no one else."

"How did he get that camera?" Mary asked, "You're his best friend, I know there's probably a story to it."

"His parents," Roger said, "He was the A/V nerd in school, all he did for school was make sure that equipment was perfect for whatever was needed. He was really into Lucas, Spielberg and all the directors of the sixties, seventies and eighties, one day we started talking about it, and he mentioned to me how he loves to make sound equipment run perfectly. With me starting a band, that made him perfect for the band, as our tech guy. We've been best friends ever since. He makes music videos too; he probably hasn't mentioned that to you yet."

"He will argue his way into anything using that camera," Mary added, "Okay, I see your point, but why can't he see mine?"

"Thick headed, that's Mark Cohen," Roger continued, "Mary; he's embarrassed that you were the one to beat off the muggers last night."

"Male ego bullshit?" Mary asked, "God, I am so tired of that."

"Hey, I'm a male with an ego, so watch it," Roger bantered back, "He wants to protect you, make sure that nothing happens to you."

"Nothing will, hasn't he clued in on that yet?" Mary's annoyance was visible.

"Uh, Mary, I don't have a broken hand and a concussion," Roger continued, "He really doesn't get the whole need to perform thing, he films and edits then doesn't get to see the audience's reaction instantly. I tried to get it through his head when I was in Mute but, he still didn't get it."

"I would have loved to have known you in your front man days," Mary said, "Then again, how much smack were you doing?"

"Too much," Roger said, "And that's why I worry about you, you have a similar thing going on, Mary. You are jonesing for the stage, aren't you?"

The comment took her off guard. She looked at him, the expression in his eyes screaming at her, but his own feeling pretty evident. He wanted her to be well, healthy and whole. Her time with Mark was showing her the world outside of the stage, but she was lost.

"Yeah, I am," she admitted, "You're right."

"Mary, even if I have to sit on you with Mark, you are going to let your head heal before you go and dance," Roger said, "I swear this to you as a fellow performer."

"You don't have to do that," Mary said, "I'll listen."

Mark sat watching their conversation knowing that he would love to be able to be that comfortable with her. How did Roger do it? He knew that his best friend didn't love her like he did, he had Mimi, but the comfort level he had with Mary had him curious. What was it about her that made her so comfortable with everyone?

"She's a bright light to many of us," Mimi said, not realizing she was reading his mind, "Mark, she brings out a light in you that we aren't used to seeing. That's why we love her so much."

"Really," Mark said, "I'm sorry I'm such a downer."

"That's not it at all, Mark," Mimi said, coming up to sit next to him, "You took on a great responsibility when Roger got diagnosed. When you met me and I fell into your life, you got us both. You haven't complained. You have busted your ass, starved, sold blood and done everything that you can to keep the three of us alive. I know that Roger appreciates it, I love you for it, and to see someone walk into your life where the situation you're in doesn't matter is perfect. It's a gift. You have to realize though, what her life is like."

"I'm just getting that," Mark said, "She doesn't have a clue what to do without the dance."

"That's right," Mimi replied, "She is a ballerina. They are perfectionists. If the line of the body isn't perfect, you train until it is."

"Gives you a negative body image, huh?" Mark asked.

"Anorexic is considered a good look," Mimi continued, "At least for several ballerinas, Mary's lucky. She eats and doesn't gain. This much time off is going to drive her nuts."

"And we're here for it," Mark added.

"Yeah, but you guys have each other for this, Mark," Mimi stated, putting an arm around him, "Roger's going to stay with you guys tonight, I have to go dance."

"Okay," Mark nodded, "You think I should apologize."

"It wouldn't hurt; you have to be understanding, "Mimi said, walking away from him and toward the bedroom, "She needs that the most right now."

"I know, I know," Mark said, "Thanks for pointing it out to me."

"It was either that or hit you over the head with it, but that's already happened to you," Mimi said, laughing.

Mimi left for work and Roger convinced Mary to come in from the fire escape. Mark didn't say anything, just handed her a cup of cocoa to warm her up. She took it from him with a smile, and then turned for the bedroom. She wanted to lie down again, her headache had returned. He kissed her on the cheek as she left, her eyes lighting up again. She closed the door to the bedroom as Roger went into the kitchen to pour himself some more coffee.

"She okay?" Mark asked him.

"She will be," Roger replied, "There's a whole lot going on under the surface with her; she's irritated that you don't see what she is going through not being able to dance."

"Mimi clued me in on it," Mark admitted, "That's a great woman you have there, Roger."

"Mary's a great woman as well," Roger added, walking into their living area and sitting down, "You don't realize that she's as into dance as you are into the camera."

"I do realize that," Mark said, "Finally."

"Do me a favor," Roger said, "Go make up with her. You need to, don't let her sleep on this."

Mark looked at Roger, then turned for his bedroom. Roger sat down and pulled up his guitar, it was time to work on some music.

Mary was awake as Mark entered the bedroom, watching him as he entered. She had curled up with a pillow and her eyes followed him as he sat down on the bed.

"Are we going to continue this fight?" she asked, "Because I don't have the energy for it, Mark."

"You have the energy to listen to an apology?" Mark asked, settling in next to her, "I'm an idiot."

"Can I get that in writing?" Mary teased, putting her head on his chest, "I think that it needs to be in the media."

Mark laughed.

"C'mon, I'm trying," he continued, "I'm sorry I didn't realize that you not dancing is so scary. I should have seen it, honey."

He gently rubbed circles in her back, feeling her tension vanish.

"You've dated artists before; you haven't seen it in others?" Mary asked, "God that feels wonderful."

He continued to work on her shoulders, shifting to gently work on the knots he knew were hiding in her spine. She responded by lying flat on her stomach.

"Maureen isn't just an artist, she is a human supernova," Mark said, "Loved her, love her still, but she's not you, and she never had a concussion from work."

"If what you were doing didn't feel so great, I might have the energy to fight you, Marcus, but, I don't, did I mention that your apology was accepted?"

Mark laughed and kissed the back of her neck. He found himself kissing her, her responding, and the passion between the two of them building. He gathered her in his arms, shifting her from her stomach to where he could kiss the front of her neck. Her hands went to the back of his neck and down his back.

He stopped for a moment. This could go somewhere, and he wasn't certain if this was the time. He sat up, looked at her, and then sat on the edge of the bed. It wasn't the right time.

"I can't do this," Mark said, "I'm sorry."

"Mark, I," Mary stammered, "I was, I mean I am, ready, but…"

"It wouldn't be a good idea, Mary. You and I have been through so much lately that I think I would be taking advantage of you if I did, I mean we…" Mark grew silent.

For the first time in a while, he didn't have the words to say. He knew that he loved her, but she was so vulnerable right now that if he had pressed the issue, they would regret it.

Mary felt herself tearing up. No one had ever been this honest with her. She couldn't help but love Mark for it. She sat up and put her hands around him.

"You're right," she said, "Besides, didn't the doctor say that we should refrain from strenuous activity? Roger would kill us if we got any worse."

Mark laughed bitterly. He had to admit that she was right. It sucked, but he knew she was right. There would be a time, but this wasn't it.

"You know I love you right?" Mary asked softly, whispering in his ear.

"Yeah, and I love you," Mark's reply was as soft.