Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
Silver and Gold
Chapter 2
Later that night I came back to the dorm to find Remus, James and Peter already in bed, Re's curtains were open, his face is half berried in his pillow, his honey coloured eye lashes are resting gently against his cheeks. He looks pale too pale, when its 3 weeks until the full moon, his eyes are puffy and dark, he must have been crying. My hand brushes over his cheek, his face moves towards my hand as though he unconsciousness is enjoying my affection, he begins to stir, I snatch my hand away, his eyes are now moving behind his eye lids, but he does not wake. Rolling over in his sleep he gently whimpers
"Sirius" its barely audible but I hear him, he must be dreaming about me, he snuggles back into his pillow again … but he whispered my name, what does this mean? I move towards my own bed not very euphuistic about being away from Remus, stripping down to my light grey blue boxers, I shiver at the cool autumn air as it engulfs me like a lonely illness. I slip into my bed, with its blood red sheets that should be so warm but are freezing against my warm skin, I close my eyes and fall into an uneasy sleep.
I awoke to someone whispering my name
"Siri" I roll over hitting the body next to mine, the sun is shining through my closed eye lids and I grumble is annoyance. Hold it body next to mine! My eyes snap open, bit I quickly regret it as the sun pours into my sleepy eyes stinging them to an extent that I can barely keep them open. As my eyes adjust, the figure of Remus becomes clearer to me, we're lying dangerously close to each other, his elbow is resting on the pillow as it hold his smiling head up and I can feel his warm breath on my face
"Remus what the hell are you doing in my bed?" I think I should have said that in a more angry tone as his smile widens. His hand caresses my cheek before his fingers ease into my hair and stop as they grab the back of my head pulling me towards Remus' face where his lips are looking full and pouty, before I even have a chance to blink Re is crashing our lips together, his lips moving against mine, I KISS HIM BACK moaning far to eagerly into his lips.
Suddenly I jolt awake, I'm in bed alone and its still very dark outside, it was a dream … it was all just a dream, I try to convince myself, I snuggle uneasy into my pillow, I need some sleep I'll think about this in the morning.
The next morning, I'm sitting staring out of the dorm window … not really look at what's going on just thinking, think about the dream I had last night, I kissed him back and I liked it. Does this make me gay? That's stupid its just a dream it doesn't mean a thing, I try to convince myself, I snap myself out of my trance, Peter James and Remus have all already gone down to breakfast, standing from my defensive position on the chair, I move slowly in the direction of the grate hall for breakfast, I may not feel like any food but I haven't eaten since yesterday.
As I enter the grate hall I spot Remus, he looks angelic in the morning sun feminine but in a beautiful way … not that I'm calling him a girl, now would be a good time to avoid him, after all that was said yesterday and then the dream as well but its as if I'm being drawn to his lips in a similar forceful was as in the dream, someone or something is bending me against my will and leading me to him. Act civil, and try not to fixate your self on his lips, too late I'm standing over him looking like a lemon staring at his lips, which are covered in crumbs, his tongue darts out and in one quick yet very sex movement there all gone. Crap … I have to admit that these thoughts aren't exactly the thoughts of a straight guy! I'm gay and I have a crush on one of my best friends … crap, crap, crap what the hell am I going to do?
"Umm Paddy, are you going to sit down?" James asked me, in a slightly all too amused voice, does he know? How the hell can he know I only just figured it out myself, Remus is glaring at me he must still be mad … have to get out of here.
"No, I have to get that essay for potions done you know the one on the shrinking potion?" James looks at me in utter disbelief
"Pad's are you feeling ok? Its Sunday morning and your doing home work" I smile, to further make him believe this stupid act just to get away from Remmy, who is so mad at me … why do I feel like pouting … oh yes I'm a stupid spoilt child who can't have a 'toy' he wants
"Even the most naturally intelligent of us all have to work every now and then Prongsie" before turning on my heels and heading out of the grate hall at grate speed
I'm now in the back of the library, huddled in a corner sheltering myself from the world, holding my quill loosely in my fingers staring into space, thinking of nothing other than the colour or Remus' honey gold eyes. A pang of pain goes through me as I think about who Remus might be in love with, who's good enough to take him away from me, I am suddenly very rudely brought out of my pouty whining thoughts at the sound of mike Phillips' voice
"Re … Merlin you're so beautiful" if I was in my dog form right now I'd be growling and baring my teeth in the direction that his voice came from
"Shhh mike someone might hear you" Remus says with a giggling tone to his voice, please, please don't let them be together, not now, not when I've just relied I love him, what the fuck did I just say LOVE, Sirius black does not fall in love, I'm soooo screwed
"I want the world to hear, Remus Lupin the cutest gay guy in Hogwarts has agreed to be my boyfriend" can I hear kissing I think I'm going to cry and punch things and run out of here like the big poofy girl I now am. I don't want to be noticed, so I exit slowly and quietly and the nearest exit, a single tear falls down my cheek, tears blur my vision, what the hell did I expect, RE gorgeous of cores he was going to find someone I just wish it wasn't Mike and I wish it wasn't now! I think before hitting something solid, I had ran into my best friend James Potter, weeping like a girl … fan fucking tastic, I think my day has just been made
"Pads what's the matter?"
"Nothing" I lie wiping my eyes, in the manliest fashion I could master
"Bull your crying" dur not shit Sherlock
"I don't want to talk about it" I say rather bluntly, hoping he gets the message and leaves me alone!
"Well your going to have to, because I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me what has upset you!" he said firmly, I know how stubborn James is I'm never going to get rid of him
"I'll tell you but not here" James will understand he supported Remus through his unrequited love so why not me … I don' have to name any names
"Ok let go for a walk out side" we are both silent as we walk toward the entrance hall, and out on the school grounds
James turns to me with a stern look in his eyes "Ok are you going to tell me why you were crying your eyes out now?" his eyes are boring into mine as if he's trying to read my mind, I avert my eyes staring intently at the floor feeling that our rolls of the past few days had suddenly been reversed and I was now hiding something
"I've just realised something" hoping that he will allow me to give as little away as possible, I'm watching a blade of grass near my foot move in the wind, bloody hell its cold, why couldn't we have gone to the dorm room?
"What have you realised Sirius?" he says gently, I lift my head to meet his now much softer hazel eyes, god this is hard to say, I just wanted to keep this to myself for a bit, just a bit longer, but I couldn't
"That I'm gay" I avert my gaze "That I'm in love with a guy, who has just started going out with someone" my voice is braking, I take a deep breath "I heard them in the library, that's why I got upset and that's why I was crying" suddenly I can't hold it in anymore and I start to weep, no weep is not strong enough … ball, I bring my hands up to my face in shame, James quickly hugs me, bringing his arms around me one in my hair so that my head is now on his shoulder as I sob he whispers
"Shhh its ok Siri we're going to sort it, everything is going to be ok" but I just cry
Author's note: I was a bit unsure of how to end this chapter I had originally intended to put what is now the begging of chapter 3 at the end of chapter 2. However obviously changed my mind, I thought that Sirius revelation and James reaction was a nice end to this chapter. The end of this story happens around the time of tOotP in which, as most people should know Sirius dies, which is why I have said in the summery that it might turn into an AU. Chapter 3 might take a bit longer as I think it is the longest chapter yet
Reviews would be nice and might encourage me to write faster lol