Hello all! Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed! Remember, Twilight belongs to the fantastic Stephenie Meyer, as does Midnight Sun (a retelling of Twilight from Edward's POV – if you haven't read it, the first chapter is up on her website, with a link to it on the lexicon – AND IT IS BEYOND FANTASTIC!).
As for me, I think this will be my final chapter, so I hope you all like it. Enjoy!
"Penny for your thoughts?" Edward asked, returning my tray table to its original upright position as the flight attendant gushingly took my dinner tray from his hands.
"Just a penny? I would have thought a rich guy like you would offer me a quarter, at least," I joked lamely, trying to avoid his eyes. I knew once I looked into his eyes, I wouldn't be able to avoid his questions.
"Bella, I'd give you the moon if it meant that I would finally know what you are really thinking," Edward said fervently.
I squirmed in my seat. I really wanted to tell Edward what I was thinking, to tell him my fears and talk things out with him, but I was afraid that if I did, he would once again decide against changing me. And that was something I wasn't sure if I could go through again.
"Bella, I really do wish you would tell me what you're thinking," Edward said gently.
"I know," I said, "I just don't want you to get upset."
Edward sighed, "I guess it is possibly my fault. I have been told that I have been a bit…high-handed…in our relationship."
"Really? Who told you that?"
"Esme," Edward replied. "After you left to say good-bye to Charlie, she gave me some advice that she felt I needed. Then the others happily added their theories about what I was doing wrong. Apparently, I have been handling things badly with you."
"That's not true! I love the way you handle things with me," I said teasingly.
Edward flashed me a wicked grin and my heart leapt. "I'm trying to be serious here Bella. Please try to focus."
"Okay, okay, but I'm only human, you know," I said, pretending to pout.
Edward chuckled, and I smiled, pleased with his response. "Seriously, Bella. Esme made me see that I had been so caught up in my feelings for you, and how you made me feel, that I never really considered our relationship as a whole."
"I'm not sure I follow," I said, confused.
"Me either, at first," Edward admitted, "but the married members of my family let me know that it wasn't up to me to make all the decisions about our relationship, no matter how noble my attentions. Given the way you had just insisted on becoming…one of us…I had to concede the point."
I reached out to touch his face, "I'm sorry, Edward. I never meant to hurt you."
He cupped my hand with his cold one, and said, "That's just it. I have been agonizing over the possibility. To have you with me for an eternity, it was a delicious, tantalizing dream. My deepest, wildest desire. But I wasn't worthy of it, and I couldn't ask you to make such an enormous sacrifice for me."
"I never thought of it as a sacrifice, it's always been my dream, my desire, too," I said fiercely.
"I know that now, Bella," said Edward, sighing. I caught a hint of his sweet breath, and had to close my eyes to keep from losing my concentration. "You have no idea how frustrating it has been for me not to be able to read your mind. I don't know if you realize just how different what people think is from what they say. But Esme reminded me that most people have to deal with that reality everyday. And that couples who love each other deal with the problem by building trust."
I opened my eyes and looked at him. His topaz eyes were filled with such love it took my breath away. "Bella, I don't want you to ever have to worry about what my reaction will be to anything you say. No more editing. I want you to trust me."
"What if what I have to say makes you angry?" I asked in a whisper.
"I'll get over it, and we will work it out together. Esme was right, I know you love me, but I want you to trust me, too. No, I need you trust me." He took a deep breath, and said, "And so, even though this is probably not the time, and definitely not the place, I have an important question to ask you."
He turned me around to face him, gently took my hands in his and said, "Bella, I want to be the one."
"Edward, you are the one," I said confused, my head still reeling as I tried to digest Edward's words about trust.
He shook his beautiful russet locks impatiently, and said, "No, Bella. I mean I want to be the one to change you. Not Carlisle, me. If you feel like you can trust me, I want to be the one."
I was stunned, "Are you sure?" I asked. I remembered vividly what he had told me about being addicted to my blood, how it was his own personal heroin.
He nodded solemnly, and whispered, "In my fantasies, it has always been me, but I was afraid. So very afraid of what I might do. Of losing control. Of hurting you – hell, of killing you. But I guess loving you has been like going through rehab – I had no idea how tough it would be! Luckily, my family is the ultimate AA group for recovering…" he dropped his voice even lower, "…addicts, like me. And you are the best reason in the world for staying 'clean'."
I smiled, thinking how appropriate his analogy was not only for him, but also for me. I said slowly, in the lowest possible whisper knowing he would still be able to hear me, "When I was locked in that room with Sarah and the others, I mentioned how I could smell human blood. Sarah thought that meant that as a…that is, if I were like you…I would be more drawn to the smell, more addicted. Of course, at that point she didn't know I was considering becoming one, and when she found out, she said that it wouldn't necessarily be the case, just one of many possibilities. That since the smell made me sick, I might actually be less drawn to it. But I had already begun to doubt myself. What if I put you and your family in danger because I couldn't control myself?"
I looked into Edward's eyes and knew he understood exactly what I was trying to say. Perhaps even better than I did. He squeezed my hands, and I continued, "But Edward, I would do anything to be with you. Go to rehab, attend AA meetings religiously, anything – just as long as I could be with you forever."
I took a deep breath and said, "And if you think you can trust me, knowing what is possible, then I want you to know that I trust you with my life…and death. You have no idea how honored I would be if you would be the one."
Edward slowly lowered his lips to mine, showing me exactly how he felt about me accepting his proposal.
"Are you ready, Bella?" Edward asked, as we sat alone on the new bed he had bought for his room. He had wanted me to be as comfortable as possible, so instead of a black tie affair, I was dressed in my most comfortable PJs. He was already a little miffed that he hadn't been able to fix me a last, enormous farewell to human-dom breakfast, but Carlisle insisted that food in my system would only make me uncomfortable as a vampire. So Edward made up for it by buying the most expensive bed he could find and decking it out in 3000-count Egyptian cotton sheets. He would have bought me new PJs as well, but I insisted I would be more comfortable in my own.
The others waited downstairs, Alice and Carlisle ready to intervene if necessary. But I knew they wouldn't be needed – I trusted Edward completely.
"I'm ready," I said, the tension running through my body contradicting my words.
"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered, as he slowly lowered his perfect, cold lips to the skin at the base of my neck.
"Edward," I cried, as I felt his teeth sink into my flesh.
The first day passed in a haze of pain. All I could I remember was the fire burning through my entire body. I felt as if it would tear me apart, and sometimes, when the torture was too much, I prayed that it would. Edward's face was always near, and whenever I would stop thrashing in misery, he would gather me up in his arms to sing to me my favorite lullaby. But the searing agony went on and on, I had no thought beyond the pain.
But when I woke the next day, the pain was gone. I thought it must be a hallucination brought on by the fire – surely the process should take longer. But all I felt was a hunger unlike any I had felt before. I sat up and saw Edward across the room, looking out the window. Sensing my movement, he turned to me and smiled.
"Hello Bella," Edward whispered, but I heard the words as if he had been sitting next to me.
"It's over?" I asked.
He nodded and came over to sit beside me, "I knew it would be soon – the smell of your blood was fading fast, leaving behind an altogether too delicious smell of pure Bella."
I laughed, but my throat was parched. I turned to him and said, "Edward, I'm starved."
Edward chuckled and handed me some clothes. I headed for the bathroom to change, but ran into Alice as I opened the door. She wrapped me in a bear hug that would have crushed me yesterday.
"Welcome to the family!" she said, grinning broadly.
I grinned happily, "So, so happy to be here!"
The others were waiting downstairs, so I was able to sneak into the bathroom and change. As I changed, I took stock of myself in the mirror. My skin was shiny and smooth as porcelain, a shade or two lighter than my normal color. My hair was a tangled mess, but with a sheen it had never had before. My eyes, however, were a disturbing shade of red.
"I thought you might need these," Edward said, holding out a box of colored contacts. "Not exactly the perfect shade your eyes were before, but they should keep Charlie from thinking you contracted some horrible disease while he was gone."
I laughed, and took them gratefully from his hands. I brushed my hair as Edward watched, then took his hand and went downstairs to join my new family.
The next few days were a joy. I couldn't believe how strong I was. Edward told me it wouldn't last, that this first wave of strength was common for new vampires. I didn't care - I was having too much fun. I went around the house, picking up all the members of my new family. Edward was, of course, my favorite target – he would sigh in a resigned way as I began carrying him all over the house for no reason at all. I loved picking up Emmett, too, remembering how his sheer size had terrified me once. Alice would make a game of it – I had to catch her before she would let me carry her, but with my new found strength and speed, that wasn't difficult. As for Rosalie, well, I only picked up Rosalie once.
Emmett seemed to enjoy my transformation almost as much as I did, especially since my favorite pastime was to challenge Edward in any and every way possible, and beating him every time. I couldn't believe that I could run without tripping, that I could jump without falling, that my body would do exactly what I told it to do. Emmett was in hysterics as I managed to pin down two mountain lions before Edward – until I pinned down a grizzly before him. He demanded a rematch, once my strength was down to its normal level, that is.
As I once again carried Edward from his sofa to his window so that he could enjoy the view, he asked me in an exasperated voice if I wouldn't rather play a nice, quiet game of chess. Feeling generous, I agreed. Little did I realize chess would become my new obsession. No matter what move Edward made, I knew the perfect way to counter it. It was as if there was a computer in my brain, telling me all the possible options I had, and letting me calculate the best one. I was even able to best Alice – even though she knew exactly what I would do, she couldn't figure out the best countering move as I could. I wasn't sure how I would use my new found ability, but Edward said that as time went on, I would find ways to incorporate it into my life.
Tomorrow, Charlie would come home, and I would officially begin a brand new chapter of my life. I couldn't wait to see what the future held in store.
Well, that's it for now guys. I hope you liked my story, and I want you all to know how very, very, very much I appreciated everyone who read and reviewed what I wrote. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU GUYS! From the bottom of my heart. Thanks, a million times over, and I hope to see you all again sometime soon!