AN: This is just me playing aroud with Tsunade. You can if you will take a deeper meaning, but I just wanted to give her a little, sad dance.
"Multiplying Heroes"
Heroes don't get happy endings in their lives, she thinks looking through the round window of her Hokage office. With sorrow in her heart she admits to herself that this little town, that's hers now, is full of small heroes, but none of them will ever shine through as they should.
Her thoughts turn to Jiraiya, to him and his little lies and remarks, his dark and biting accusations, small bitter words that these days often leave his mouth. Open bitterness settles on her mind for a moment, and inside she curses Jiraiya for never showing her how to love, only how to despise. Maybe, if she treads deep enough - he has only shown her how to say 'No' and hate.
Lately she spends her days and nights, endless in counting all the tiny moments that are sometimes too many and sometimes too little in numbers for her to make a mistake in her calculations. And she curses him to Hell and back - again, again, and dammit, again - because he never showed her how to properly love.
She curses him in the empty places between her breaths, while she murmurs it to her chin - while she eats, drinks (too much, too much), trains, teaches, laughs (bitter, bitter)and lives.
She is not as deep thinking as some believe her to be, and how some want her to be, but simple calculations are quite easy for her to do. She can sit for hours and stare into nothing adding and deducting all the losses and them multiplying them with love. She doesn't quite get it herself, but at the end of the imaginary paper the ratio is always such that hate - maybe it is just disgust, she wonders - is a lot bigger than the rest.
So she curses Jiraiya for not telling her (beside everything else he tells her) how to love that she almost misses the fact she has come to love him - and that she's doing it rather perfectly. And when she finally sees that, when she finally accepts it as another miscalculated issues of her life, she laughs with a laugh full of wrong results. Because heroes do everything that way, so that it seems perfect, right?
Just like she does.
Tsunade spends her days and her nights adding and cutting off the minutes when she loves him and seconds when she hates him. In the end, when she draws the final line and multiplies it with lost chances and with chances that heroes have to get their happy endings...
Tsunade is enough of a gambler to recognize when she's so much into the minus side that she's losing.