Obi-Wan was glad for the protection the brown Jedi cloak gave him as he finished his meditation in the Room of A Thousand Fountains. With his hood up, he was able to find his center in peace without the whispers following him. Of the great General Kenobi, the Negotiator, before the war he had hid from the whispers that called him Sith-Killer, and before that the Padawan who left. All those times he was grateful for the simplicity of a simple brown robe.
After his fight with Anakin dismorning all he wanted was to be left in peace. And it was here in the fountain room he was always able to find peace throughout his life. And during these troubled times it was harder and harder to find the time to find peace.
Surrounded by the Living Force, he sunk deep into meditation and just allowed himself to float on the currents of the Force, listening to its sing. When he was young he knew only the warmth of the Force, but now as a Master he could hear the voice of the Force. It was a soft soothing melody like a Mother would sing to her babe.
Cradled in the Force he knew not of how much time passed. But when his eyes finally opened, sunlight no longer streamed through the windows, but instead the light of the nightlife of Coruscant. It was one thing he missed about the campaigns, was going to sleep every night and seeing the stars in the sky.
Sighing he unfolded himself from the meditation pose and stretched. Tea, shower, and a good night's sleep were in order for the Jedi Master. Keeping his hood up he began to make his way back to his apartment. There were few people roaming the halls, so Obi-Wan was able to make it to his room in peace.
Obi-Wan wasn't expecting anyone to be in the apartment, but he was surprised to find both Anakin and Ahsoka sitting on the couch in the sitting room as he opened the door.
Obi-Wan mentally sighed he didn't want to have another fight with Anakin. All the peace he found while meditating was slipping away as he hung up his robe. An action that finally caught the attention of the duo on the couch.
"Master!" called Anakin, and threw himself at the older man. Obi-Wan let out a small umph when the full weight of his former Padawan slammed into him.
Obi-Wan felt his eyes widen as his old Padawan clutched at him tightly, even more so when Ahsoka followed not too far behind him. The older Jedi was shocked, usually after an argument it would take Anakin a few days to come back to him. Unless something was seriously wrong, had something happened to Padme?
"Anakin, what's wrong? Did something happen?" he demanded trying to pull away to look into Anakin's face, but Anakin and Ahsoka clutched at him tighter.
"Why didn't you never say anything Master, why?" said Anakin sadly, his voice muffled by Obi-Wan's robes.
Obi-Wan's concerns grew, "Anakin what are you talking about, what has made you this upset?"
"The Agoge" whispered Anakin so softly that Obi-Wan almost didn't hear him.
Obi-Wan froze, certain that he had heard wrong. It wasn't possible that both Anakin and Ahsoka knew about that, especially Ahsoka. "What did you say?" he asked in a steady voice.
"We know about the Agoge Master" said Ahsoka from her place on Obi-Wan. "And how many you participated in."
Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut, he had hoped that neither Anakin or Ahsoka never found out about that. He sighed and brought his arms up to wrap around his Padawan and GrandPadawan. "Who told you?" he whispered. There was no use in trying to deny it, there was an only a handful of people who would go behind his back. He just hoped that stories were told and not any other evidence of those fights.
"Master Yoda heard the earlier argument, he gave Anakin a data chip that we watched" explained Ahsoka softly.
It was worse than Obi-Wan feared, he looked up at the ceiling and drew the Force around him, trying to draw strength. "How many did you watch?" he asked softly.
"Not all of them, but a lot" said Anakin remorsely.
Obi-Wan cringed, many of the worst fights were those first few dozens. By the end he had mastered the defensive form of Soresu, and was nearly unbeatable. Obi-Wan pulled roughly away heading towards the kitchen. "Yoda had no right to show you, either of you those fights."
Anakin and Ahsoka trailed after Obi-Wan. Ahsoka knew that this was a private moment, but the Force bid her to wait and listen to the truths being said between Obi-Wan and Anakin. The Force told her that they would all be stronger for it. So she faded into the background and tried to stem the words that wanted to fall out as her Master and GrandMaster laid their souls bare. The chasm that was present in their relationship needed to be healed.
"You weren't ever going to tell us" accused Anakin staring at his Master.
"It wasn't necessary for you to know" said Obi-Wan, falling back on his stoic façade as he put the kettle on for tea.
Anakin stamped down on the anger that wanted to rise up at hearing these words from his Master. He swore he would be patient, after watching what he did, he refused to. But Obi-Wan was being stubborn as usual.
"Just answer this one question than Master" said Anakin coming around to stand next to Obi-Wan, "Why would you do it Master?"
Of all the questions Obi-Wan was expecting this was not one. Had Anakin never known how much he meant to Obi-Wan? Had he really been that bad of a Master the young man didn't know how much Obi-Wan cared?
"Why" said Obi-Wan softly with a small laugh, taking the kettle off the stove ad pouring it over tea leaves. "Many have asked me that. At first you were the last thing Qui-Gon had entrusted me with. And there was no kriffing way I was going to let you go without a fight. But that being my sole reason to win changed I-I grew attached" admitted Obi-Wan softly his eyes down casted. For all his courage he couldn't face his Padawan's face as he admitted that he broke the Jedi Code. Instead he watched the tea leaves dance in his cup as he continued.
"I couldn't stand the thought of losing you to a Master that would try to stamp out everything that made you you, so that you could become a perfect Jedi" admitted Obi-Wan. "The perfect Jedi the Chosen One is supposed to be."
Obi-Wan sighed and finally looked up into the shocked blue eyes of his Padawan. "They would only see the old prophecy and not the boy you were. The one that would sneak out to the garages and bring stray droids back to mess with when you thought I was sleeping, or when you would sneak into my rooms when thunder rumbled in the sky." Obi-Wan said with a fond smile on his face as he reached over and ruffled a hand through Anakin's long hair, before his face turned serious once again.
"Many think I am still the worst choice of Masters for you. They see your ability to care for everyone as a failure on my part to train you right. I did fail in helping you learn how to release your anger, but some things take time and you are young. In time you will be able to produce the Jedi calm better than even Master Yoda. Because despite what other Jedi think, you are a wise and stronger Jedi than I, and I am very proud of you."
Anakin was speechless, he never thought that Obi-Wan would say those things. Especially after everything he had done to his Master.
"Master I don't deserve this praise. I see now how bad of a Padawan I was. Even now I fail to see all you have done for me. It has to be pointed out for me to see by my elders, because I am too blind to see it."
Obi-Wan immediately began to shake his head. "You are young, if this war had not been so. It would have been probably likely you would still be my Padawan. When I was Knighted, I was considered too young to have a Padawan. Yet here you are a Knight and have your own Padawan and younger than I was. I do not expect you to know everything, especially things that I have purposely not told you" said Obi-Wan, his eyes full of old pain. "My past is complicated Anakin, even before I took you as a Padawan, and it holds painful memories. I dislike discussing it, even with people who were there for it" admitted Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan did not like to discuss how he almost didn't become a Padawan, Qui-Gon's coldness, when he left the Order, and everything else that happened the first few years of his apprenticeship.
Anakin burned to ask Obi-Wan, a dark part of him whispered that he had a right to know. But he shoved that part away, as a voice that sounded like his Mother whispered that he never told Obi-Wan of his years as a slave or his brush with the darkness on Tatooine or even his marriage to Padme. Everybody had secrets, and it wasn't his place to ask, he could see that now.
Obi-Wan seemed to sense his Padawan's distress as he reached out to squeeze his shoulder and led him to the couch, while also motioning Ahsoka to follow. Though Anakin seemed to forget Ahsoka was still in the apartment, Obi-Wan was still quite aware the young girl was there. He settled in the middle of the couch and drew the youngsters on either side of him. "I am always here Padawan. If you ever need to tell me anything, I am here. Both of you. Not as Council member Master Kenobi, but as your former Master and friend Obi-Wan."
Anakin smiled, "There is a difference." He teased.
Obi-Wan smiled fondly, "Yes surprisingly there is. If you ever told me anything important, I would not tell a soul, not even the Council. I know you probably think that I tell the Council everything. But as Qui-Gon used to say, 'What the Council doesn't know can't hurt them.' Remember I am on your side no matter what."
"Truly?" asked Anakin, a part of him doubting it. Palpatine had always cautioned him about Obi-wans devotion to the Council.
Obi-Wan looked at Anakin seriously, "Yes, do you remember that time you gave me your lightsaber and almost quit the Order?"
Anakin nodded slowly, it was back when he was still a young Padawan, before the Clone Wars. He had been unsure of his place in the Order and had given Obi-Wan his lightsaber. "What about it?"
"When I told Yoda, he asked me what I would have done if you had left. Do you know what I told him?" asked Obi-Wan.
"No" answered Anakin.
"I told Yoda that I would leave the Order if you had left."
Ahsoka couldn't hold in the gasp at that revelation. She couldn't believe it, and by Anakin's face he didn't either. Obi-Wan's hand came up and began to soothe her montrals. It slightly amazed Ahsoka that even though this was a moment between the two men. Obi-Wan was remembering her presence and offering silent comfort. The Force had obvious told him that it was important for her to witness this.
"But Master, the Order is your life!" exclaimed Anakin not hardly believing it. Obi-Wan was the epitome of the perfect Jedi. One of the most respected Masters in the entire Order, it seemed sacrilegious that he would leave it all behind.
"And I would give it all up for you" said Obi-Wan reaching out and grabbing Anakin's hand and squeezed it. "Because you are my brother Anakin, and I love you" he said softly.
Anakin couldn't believe it. After everything he had done to Obi-Wan, after all the sacrifices that the older man had done.
"I'm not worthy of this, not after everything I've done, what I've kept from you" whispered Anakin, finally feeling as young as he was.
He didn't feel like the Hero with no Fear, a husband, or a Jedi Knight. No at this moment he felt like a nine year old boy that was leaving behind everything that he knew. Because in the face of what Obi-Wan was admitting, the secrets he was carrying were threatening to send him to the ground. He couldn't keep them to himself, not anymore.
The words came tumbling out of his mouth. "I slaughtered the Tusken Raiders that killed my Mother. Every man, woman, and child. I slaughtered them like animals. I touched the dark side Master and I didn't care."
"Oh Anakin" breathed Obi-Wan drawling Anakin into a hug. Ahsoka moved from her spot beside Anakin and moved to Anakin side and hugged him from behind. She could feel the pain Anakin was in from saying that simple little sentence through their bond. But she could also tell that Anakin was not done.
Anakin found the courage to admit his other secret by the fact that Obi-Wan had not immediately backed away but instead drew him into a hug. He buried his head in his Master's chest, hearing the steady thumping of his heart and opened his mouth. "That's not all Master. I broke the Jedi Code. I married Padme."
To Anakin's shock his Master did seem all that surprised, his arms remained tight around him and the Force was calm around them. "When?" he asked quietly.
"When I took her home after Geonosis" admitted Anakin.
Obi-Wan hummed in consideration. "I knew you two were involved intimately, but I didn't think you had already married."
Anakin tried to keep from looking too surprised as his head popped up to look into Obi-Wan's slightly amused face. "You knew?"
Obi-Wan sent him an amused glance, "The whole GAR knows it, certainly the 501st and 212st. Padme and you are not as discrete as you believe you are. There is a current bet I believe when one of you makes a major mistake in front of the troopers"
Anakin couldn't believe it, he had thought Padme and he had been extra discrete around the clones. But apparently not as good as they thought. But still Obi-Wan being this understanding was still so unreal.
"You're not going to tell the Council?" said Anakin in disbelief.
"I already told you I am on your side Anakin. But despite every caution you display. Someone will find out about you and Padme, Anakin."
"So you think I should tell the Council?" asked Anakin, disbelief clear in his voice.
"Not now, but eventually Anakin. At least after we have ended this War. But Anakin I do implore you to talk to Yoda about your brush with the darkness."
Anakin was immediately shaking his head negative. "No."
Obi-Wan frowned, "Anakin, I am on your side. But what you did was serious. You killed in anger. The brutality of that amount of violence leaves scars Anakin, mental ones. It leaves you in risk for more darkness to invade your conscious. Making it easier for the Sith to manipulate you in places such as the battlefield. But Anakin you have to take responsibility for your actions, be the Jedi I know you are."
Anakin could almost not met his Master's gaze. But he finally raised his eyes to meet concerned grey eyes. He felt his will crumbling.
"Please Master, go see Yoda" said Ahsoka finally.
Anakin turned to his Padawan. She looked so young. What kind of example was he setting if he ignored Obi-Wan's counseling, and refused to see Yoda. What if Obi-Wan was right and he was at risk for manipulation from the dark side?
Obi-Wan reached out, "Anakin you are not the first Jedi to touch the darkside and you will not be the last. Go see Yoda, he can help."
Anakin closed his eyes in defeat, and slowly nodded his acceptance. "Alright."
He took a deep breath, knowing that he would have to leave now or else he would not get the courage to do it again. He slowly extracted himself out of their embraces.
"Anakin" "Master" began both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. But Anakin raised his hand.
"I know what your both are going to say, but this is something that I have to do on my own. I will see you both tomorrow," he said trying to muster a smile.
Obi-Wans eyes grew understanding, and they shone blue with pride. "Tomorrow then."
Ahsoka and Obi-Wan sat on the couch in silence for a while, Ahsoka slowly migrating until her head rested in Obi-Wan's lap. She was slightly shaken at everything Anakin had revealed. She wasn't shocked at the information about Padme. Like Obi-Wan she had guessed the truth long ago. But the fact that he had slaughtered an entire village.
Obi-Wan knew that no words were going to give comfort in this moment. He sent out calming waves through the Force, and slowly stroked her head. It was a side that Ahsoka had never been privileged to when it came to Obi-Wan. He had been nice to her, but he had never really shown her much affections. It was nice to know that she was wrong.
It didn't take long for Ahsoka to find her center and share her emotions with the Force. It was only when her eyes began to droop that she knew that she either had to go back to her quarters or fall asleep in Obi-Wans lap.
Though it was tempting, she knew that both of them would probably have a more comfortable night if they both went to bed. Obi-Wan must have felt her intentions because the hand disappeared and instead helped her sit up.
"I guess I aught to be going to Master Obi-Wan" Ahsoka said standing up.
"Goodnight Ahsoka" said Obi-Wan getting up to show her to the door.
Ahsoka paused in the doorway and turned back to Obi-Wan. "It didn't escape my notice Master Obi-Wan. You completely managed to not really talk about the Agoge."
Obi-Wan paused, his GrandPadawan was growing wise. He gave her a small nod. "Very good Ahsoka. But I am not called the Negotiator for nothing young one."
Ahsoka narrowed her eyes at him. "That amount of violence leaves mental scars Master" she quoted, "Did you ever talk to anyone? Did you see a Soul Healer?"
Obi-Wan pursed his lips, "You best get some rest Ahsoka. Anakin is going to need your support when he comes back."
Ahsoka scowled at Obi-Wan but she knew that she would get nowhere with the stubborn Jedi Master. He was so willing to see to other people's problems, to offer comfort. But so unwilling to accept it in return. What was it with the men in her family, Obi-Wan, Anakin, the Clones, why were they all so dang stubborn!
"This is not to end Master" she said with her eyes narrowed.
With that she turned and left the room.
It was probably good that neither could see the form of a tall Jedi Master chuckling at the surprised look on his Padawan's face. Qui-Gon had taught Obi-Wan everything he knew, and the Master knew that he would steer the conversation away from what happened to him and they was why he had whispered to Ahsoka to stay. He knew that she would catch onto Obi-Wan's tricks, intentional or not. When he had whispered to Yoda to show Anakin the holovid, he had hoped that secrets would come out.
But he hadn't expected it to work this well. The Force was already pushing back the darkness that pressed on the Temple from the Sith, it was weakening. The shadows casted on Obi-Wan's and Anakins, and even Anakin's and Ahsoka's bonds were disappearing as Anakin finally confessed his sins to the GrandMaster of the Order in his private quarters.
Qui-Gon felt Hope, Hope that the Darkness would not win. One conversation might have changed the entire course of the future.
Sneaky Obi-Wan thought he had gotten out of talking about his demons, but Ahsoka showed him lol.
Soooo this story was originally going to be three chapters, but Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka demanded that it would be longer. So now I see one or two more. Hoped you enjoyed!