Mace's day had started off bad and grew steadily worse. Just hours after sending Obi-Wan off onto another assignment, he had to explain to the Supreme Councilor why Anakin Skywalker was no longer in charge of the 501st anymore.
"I hope that Anakin's leave of absence will not be long," Palpatine began with that grandfatherly smile of his. Mace wished for the umpteenth time that he hadn't ever allowed the man into the Temple, the man loved trying to meddle in Jedi affairs.
"I am afraid that Knight Skywalker," Windu making sure to slightly emphasize Anakin's correct title to the politician. "Has been restricted to the Temple for six months. During that time he will not be allowed to leave or converse with anyone outside of the Temple."
Palpatine was silent and still as this information seemed to sink in. It was the first time Mace had seen the other man lost for words, shocked into silence. But it seemed to pass. "Whatever for Master Windu? What could the poor boy have done that you have him under house arrest?"
"That is Jedi business Chancellor."
If Mace wasn't watching the Chancellor closely, he would have missed the look of anger pass over the Chancellor's face. "As Supreme Chancellor of the Republic I have the right to know why one of the best General's the GAR has, cannot defend the Republic the Jedi have sworn to protect. I demand to speak with Anakin."
Mace Windu's frown deepened as he stared at the projection of the Chancellor. "Knight Skywalker is under the Jedi Council's jurisdiction. Your authority does not supersede the Jedi Council's, especially with one of our own. I am sorry Chancellor Palpatine but until his time of probation is over with Knight Skywalker is confined to the Temple and will have no contact with the outside world, including yourself."
Mace once again seemed to shock the Chancellor into speechlessness, and he took the opportunity to end the message. Mace knew that if he continued to talk to the Chancellor, he would say something that he was going to regret.
Ahsoka made sure to escort Anakin straight to the door that his instructions Master Che had sent before excusing herself with a promise she would be training in the salles.
Anakin loitered in the hallway for several long minutes until the door opened before him. "Knight Skywalker do please come in," came an unexpected voice. It was not the one he was expecting. Stepping into the room he was greeted by the sight of a single man, who had friendly face. "Please do sit."
"I thought I was going to be talking to Master Che," Anakin said with a frown as he sat down across from the other man.
The other man was about his size, but thinner. He had dark brown hair that was cut short and had a frizzled look about it and a moustache. His eyes were also brown and had a calm sincerity about them.
"Mind healing is not Master Che's main focus, and she approached me and explained the situation after swearing confidentially. My name is Sid-Ney Freedman, and I will be your primary Mind Healer Knight Skywalker with some assistance from Master Che from time to time. May I call you Anakin?" asked Master Freedman.
"That is fine Master Freedman."
"Sid-Ney will do. Now do you have any questions before we start?"
"How come I've never really heard about Mind Healers before?" asked Anakin, part because he was curious and part because he didn't want to talk about himself to a stranger.
"It is quite a simple explanation," Master Freedman said pouring a cup of tea from the pot beside him, one for himself and one for Anakin. "It has been pounded into a Jedi psychology that the Force is all one needs, releasing your emotions and fears into it will fix everything," scoffed Sid-Ney, surprising Anakin with his hostility. Then the Master did something that surprised him, he seemed to pull the emotion inside of him before releasing it into the Force.
"However living beings are not built that way, certain things can haunt people for years even after 'releasing' everything into the Force. Healers like myself were thought as radical and only used in the most extreme of circumstances. Since the war has begun however, it has brought to light how naïve the Order has been about the mental health of their numbers."
"But didn't you just release your emotions into the Force?" asked Anakin.
Sid-Ney smiled, "I was wondering if you felt the difference. I accepted my emotion of hostility, and acknowledged it before letting the Force carry it away. There are emotions no matter what the Code says, and the Jedi need to acknowledge this. We need to accept them and then release them. It is not as easy as it sounds and will be one of the skills I will teach you. I believe that you will benefit from learning it and make controlling your emotions easier."
Anakin nodded. Anakin was now willing to admit he needed help with his emotions, to many times they had dictated his actions. But like many said hindsight was 20/20. Anakin could only strive to not make the same mistakes.
"Excellent," Sid-Ney praises. The man crossed his legs and pulled out a holopad and turned his full gaze on Anakin. "Now I want you to tell me about the first time you were angry, no mad or upset, but true anger."
Anakin immediately frowned, memories of his time of a slave rising up in his mind. He had never talked about these times to anyone, not even Padme. Obi-Wan had tried a few times to get him to open up but Anakin refused to answer and eventually Obi-Wan had quit asking.
"I see my question has upset you," Sid-Ney said calmly.
Anakin sighed, "I don't like talking about my past. Before I was brought to the Jedi, I was a slave on Tatooine."
"How long were you a slave Anakin?" asked Sid-Ney gently.
"Nine years," Anakin said shortly.
"That must have been a very hard time for you," Sid-Ney hedged. Testing the boundaries of how Anakin reacted on talking about his slavery.
"It was."
Sid-Ney made a few more notes in his book before closing it. This was a major issue that they would have to extensively talk about before even moving into Anakin's time as a Padawan. Sid-Ney hoped that six months was enough time to get Anakin to a balanced state.
"How was it that you were brought to the Temple?"
Anakin told Sid-Ney the circumstances of how he was freed and how he became the Temple. Sid-Ney knew that his old adversity was involved in this case, but he hadn't known how deep. Qui-Gon was infamous in the mind healer ranks. Force knows Sid-Ney had gone many rounds with the man trying to get him to come in and talk about his problems. These were the long reaching effects Sid-Ney feared would happen. Sid-Ney could only hope that perhaps through this Padawan, the Master might be drawn in. Sid-Ney would consider getting Obi-Wan to see a Mind Healer, not necessary himself, the crowning achievement of his career.
"It seems to me that you were not allowed time to assimilate to the idea that you were free to make your own choices. You carried part of that mentality throughout your life, your emotions was one thing that were yours when nothing else was. Your Master's couldn't take away your feelings of anger, it probably helped you survive. Now back to the original question, when was the first time you felt anger?"
Anakin wrestled with himself, but he knew he had to talk about his past. He had to do it for Obi-Wan, Padme, Ahsoka, and their men.
"I was three I think. I don't know remember who our owner was. But we weren't on Tatooine. My Mom was a kitchen servant. She locked me in a cupboard to keep me out of the way and safe from our owner and other slaves. I watched day after day as all this food was prepared for the Master while my own belly rumbled with hunger. So much food and yet the slaves were barely given enough to eat. That's when I remember feeling angry for the first time. One bad day we hadn't had anything to eat and I was so hungry. I heard a click and my cupboard was open. I know now that I probably used the Force to open it. I grabbed my Master's dinner and I ate it."
Anakin paused, struggling with the anger and guilt he felt about this memory. Sid-Ney waited patiently for Anakin to continue.
"My Mom took the blame for it. She was whipped and we were sold the next day to Gradulla the Hutt. I was so angry at myself and my Mom for taking the blame and how unfair it was."
"You were a child," Sid-Ney said gently. "Your Mother loved you very much. Often the ones we love take the blame and punishment in order to protect us."
Anakin flinched, seeing the bloody and bruised face of Obi-Wan in his mind's eyes after the Krell fight. To think he ever doubted Obi-Wan's affection.
"You were in a difficult situation in which you had no control. As a child you knew the unfairness of situation but didn't understand why you were not allowed to eat when food was plentiful. It just made you angry to see so much wealth in front of you. This was your first rebellion against the rules and you saw the consequences. But the consequences justified your anger about the situation and your resentment about authority figures not of your choosing. Subconsciously you are grouping Obi-Wan in with your other 'Masters' because he was not the one You chose."
"No I haven't," denied Anakin quickly. Sid-Ney raised an eyebrow but remained silent.
Anakin crossed his arms and glared at the other man. Trying to convince himself that what Sid-Ney said was wrong. However he was forced to think, just like Sid-Ney wanted him to. He remembered during his early days the flashes of resentment when Obi-Wan asked him to do something. His justification of sneaking out of the quarters without Obi-Wan's knowledge and the anger when Obi-Wan disciplined him.
Sid-Ney watched as his words sunk in, feeling the whirlwind of emotions. Sid-Ney hoped in identifying one of Anakin's issues, that they had begun the process of healing. Closing the pad of notes he had taken during the session, he decided that this was enough for one day.
"That is enough for today Anakin, we will pick this up tomorrow. I want you to try to meditate on today's session."
"I don't find meditate very helpful," Anakin muttered as he stood up.
"I imagine not, that is also something we will be working on. The more we work, the easier meditation should become. I hope by the end of our sessions, you will be able to find peace in your mediations."
Anakin kept his doubts to this to himself as he bid Sid-Ney a good-bye.
Anakin headed towards the directions of the salles, not really paying attention to his surroundings. He was too busy thinking about his session. He didn't notice Mace Windu coming down a side hall towards him.
"Knight Skywalker," called out Mace catching the young man's attention. Anakin waited until Windu was close to him before giving a shallow bow.
"Master Windu?"
"Due to Obi-Wan leaving and Master Yoda attending meetings at the Senate, you will be spending the evening in my apartments. Make sure that you are there by eighth bell."
Anakin nodded without thinking. It wasn't until Windu was leaving did it hit him. When he had heard that condition about his probation he thought he would spend most nights with either Obi-Wan or Yoda. It hadn't crossed his mind that he would spend nights with Master Windu.
Anakin spent the rest of the day on slight edge, not knowing what to expect. As the eighth bell sounded Anakin shifted from foot to foot outside of Master Windu's apartment. He had been in tons of battles yet he was nervous outside Windu's apartment. Finally steeling his courage he took a deep breath and knocked.
"Come in," he heard Master Windu called.
Anakin had never been inside the Korrun Master's apartment. And what he saw surprised him. Instead of the sterile environment he was expecting, the walls were painted in a warm tan color and bright colored weaved blankets were settled over the chairs and couch. The air was filled with the smell of spicy incense. In a word it was quite comfortable.
"Just because I am the Master of the Order, doesn't mean I cannot make my apartments home," Mace said with an amused smile catching sight of Anakin's face as he exited the kitchen.
This too was a surprise, seeing Master Windu actually smile instead of frown in disapproval.
"I am not stone Knight Skywalker, I have all the emotions any other person has."
"No offense Master Windu, I always thought you hated me. I could feel your anger in the Force when Qui-Gon brought me before the Council the second time."
"In my apartments Knight Skywalker, it is Mace, I hope I may call you Anakin," said Mace motioning Anakin to sit down. Anakin nodded his consent as he sat down. It was weird to be on first name basis with Master Windu. "As for the other part, I wasn't angry at you Anakin. I was angry at Qui-Gon," Mace said with a sigh. "You were young and unused to our ways so you probably didn't understand what Qui-Gon did that night in the Council Chamber."
"What do you mean?" asked Anakin.
"When a Master deems their Padawan ready for their trials, there is usually weeks if not months of discussion with the Council beforehand. We had recommended Qui-Gon start the process with Obi-Wan two weeks before the mission to Naboo. But he refused saying Obi-Wan wasn't ready, that it would be at least another year before Obi-Wan was ready," revealed Mace. "That is why I was furious that day in the Chamber. To know just two weeks ago Obi-Wan wasn't ready in Qui-Gon's mind but when you came along it was if he couldn't dump Obi-Wan fast enough."
"I never thought of it that way," murmured Anakin. Anakin never liked to think of that day, when the Council had declared that he would not be a Jedi. He never sat down and thought of what Qui-Gon was actually saying in those chambers.
"You were just a boy. However Qui-Gon probably never thought of the damage he did to Obi-Wan. After everything those two went through, in the end he casted him aside because he would not listen," Mace said releasing the anger that welled up from this line of thought into the Force.
"We would not have abandoned you Anakin, or thrown you out into the street," continued Mace before Anakin could ask any questions. "Chances are you would have been placed in the crèche as a decision was made. With confirmation that the Sith, we would have revisited our decision from before. Whether it was to allow you to join the Jedi or the Naboo. Queen Adamdala had sent us a message that if we didn't take you, you would have been welcomed to go live on Naboo."
Anakin leaned back surprised, Padme had never mentioned that. He could not ponder that thought as Mace continued talking.
"However Qui-Gon forced our hand and by extension Obi-Wan's. Looking back, he probably was the best to train you, even the Force agrees. He would not have won all the matches in the Agoge if the Force hadn't agreed. However he was young and inexperienced. Obi-Wan didn't get the chance to step firmly out of Qui-Gon's shadow and be his own man before taking a Padawan. He went straight from being a Padawan to having a Padawan. A very young one at that, most don't get chosen until they are 11 or 12. Of course Obi-Wan would not have it any other way. He told Master Yoda he would train you with or without the Council's approval."
Anakin felt his guilt grow. He had never thought of any of this. He felt so bad about the many times he complained about Obi-Wan holding him back. How he arrogantly said he was better than him. Obi-Wan had tried to keep him grounded and not let his arrogance grow like it had.
"Release the guilt Anakin," Mace said gently. "Like I said you were a boy and many things were kept from you."
"I-I just never knew how hard Obi-Wan had it, and I made light of it half the time," muttered Anakin struggling to release the guilt into the Force.
Mace actually gave Anakin a small smile, "Most Padawan's do, it's a time honor tradition to think our Masters are holding us back and we never realize how much they sacrificed for us until we have Padawan's of our own. But Anakin even if the Chosen One is a myth, you are incredibly powerful. Some days it is like you are a supernova. Even without the rumors you were the Chosen One, Obi-Wan still would have been challenged in the Agoge several times. I believe even Qui-Gon would have been challenged if he had been the one to train you."
"Did you know Qui-Gon well?" ventured Anakin. Obi-Wan had always been sparse about Qui-Gon and his time together. It was a boundary that Anakin had never stepped over, except for that day, when all of this had been set into motion. "Obi-Wan never talked much about Qui-Gon."
For a long moment Anakin thought Mace wasn't going to answer him. "He might have seen how much you looked up to Qui and decided to not ruin that image by telling you how human he actually was." He paused before he continued, "Qui-Gon and I were close friends, we were in the same clan when we were initiates. He wasn't perfect, in fact he was one of the most stubborn people I have ever met. Once he made up his mind, nothing short of knocking his head against a tree a few dozen time would change it. His stubbornness almost cost him everything good in his life."
"Qui-Gon had a difficult relationship with his Master. It was not a good match. Dooku was a very strict and demanded perfection from Qui-Gon in his dress, to his manner, to even the way he spoke. I personally think it was the main reason he was always bucking the Councils authority and considered The Maverick. The rebellion he never was allowed to show as a Padawan he expressed in his Knighthood and fostered in his Padawan's."
Anakin was confused, "Padawan's? Wasn't Obi-Wan Qui-Gon's only Padawan?"
Mace looked sad, "Obi-Wan was Qui-Gon's third Padawan."
Anakin's mind screeched to a halt, he stared unbelievingly at Mace. "Third? Why have I never heard about the other two."
"It is a sad tale."
Mace told Anakin the sad tale of Qui-Gon's first two Padawan's. He felt no shame in revealing this information however Mace respected Obi-Wan's privacy. Obi-Wan's Padawan days, those dark first years were Obi-Wan's to share with Anakin.
By the end of Mace's tale, Anakin head was swimming with the new information. Not quite believing how much he didn't know about his Lineage. Anakin had always assumed that Obi-Wan had an easy apprenticeship with Qui-Gon as a Master. But hearing Qui-Gon's past and the few hints Mace had dropped about those days did not paint a pretty picture.
Anakin vowed that the next day, he would go to the Temple archives. Mission reports for every mission were stored there. Anakin would find his Masters Padawans mission reports. Perhaps he could learn more about his Master.
He was just realizing how much he didn't know about the man he considered a brother. Anakin virtually knew nothing about Obi-Wan prior the Naboo Invasion. And he was bound and determined to fix that.
I hoped you like this chapter, have to give a shout out to anesor, who gave me the idea to put Sidney Freedman from MASH into this fic. Btw I am not a psychologist and just making up this therapy stuff.