It was a struggle those first few days for Obi-Wan.
Constantly turning to say something to Anakin, only to stop himself; or turning to share a look with Ahsoka and remembering neither was there.
He tried to ignore the pitying looks the clones sent him no matter how subtle they were.
Unfortunately though, the clones who lost batch mates understood what he was going through. There were times they would turn and start to say something only to stop and realize their batch mates were dead.
It was difficult to adjust to the fact people so important were no longer at your side.
Obi-Wan didn't know why it was so difficult to him, he had been on missions before without his Padawan and GrandPadawan. Though a small part of his brain supplied the fact he had always been able to contact the two and speak with them.
Not being able to talk to Anakin and Ahsoka was hitting Obi-Wan hard, harder than he expected. He missed the banter and the teasing. He was so tempted to contact Ahsoka to learn how Anakin was coming along. But he feared that Anakin would be near, and Obi-Wan didn't want to tempt Anakin into breaking his probation.
Obi-Wan only hoped the Council would contact him if Anakin needed him. Because it seemed like the Separatists knew something was up, and attacking with even more ferocity. From the Hyperion system, they had went to the Idiom system, and now they were heading towards the Titus system. A full month had passed since he had left Coruscant. One of the longest months of his life.
Safe in hyperspace for the moment, Obi-Wan prepared a package of news for the Council, making sure to send a list of casualties and injuries of all the clones underneath him. He hoped the Council would take the hint and pass it along to Anakin.
He knew his old Padawan was probably worried about his men. Obi-Wan was trying his best at keeping them all safe. But he missed the presence of Anakin and Ahsoka. Oh he had no problems with the clones, but he missed the Force presences that kept him grounded.
Obi-Wan was stretched thin trying to protect them all by himself. He had to resort to his undercover makeup to lighten the color of the bags underneath his eyes. However he knew he wasn't fooling his Commander or Captain. And Obi-Wan knew he wouldn't fool Kix or Helix so he had been playing a game of hide and seek with the two medics. And the only reason why he was winning was because of the help from the Force to keep a step ahead of the medics.
Fortunately the wounded kept them both busy so they were not staked in front of his quarters to grab him when he emerged.
When the call to arms had come around this time, they had barely made planet side when the call to arms had come rang out. It had been a vicious battle, the Separtists had been better prepared. They had lost many, to many.
The battle had stopped a while ago, Obi-Wan's lightsaber lay forgotten beside him. Ignored like everything else going on around him.
Obi-Wan stared at his hands covered in blood, children's blood. Children who looked like men, but were boys. Obi-Wan shuttered, he felt 13 again, a child leading children towards death in the name of peace.
"Obi-Wan?" asked a concerned voice.
For a moment Obi-Wan saw the concerned face of Cersai before it melted into the familiar form of Cody.
Warm hands intertwined into his own, bringing warmth to his ice cold fingers that trembled slightly.
"Obi-Wan, Sir?" Cody asked again, an odd note in his voice.
Cody was worried…worried about him.
This snapped Obi-Wan into the present. He immediately pulled his hands free. "I'm alright Cody, just forgot myself there."
Cody leveled a look at Obi-Wan clearly not believing him.
Obi-Wan chose to ignore the look and stand up. "I want half of the available troops to gather the wounded Commander, the other half gather the dead. I want the name and numbers both groups within the hour."
"Yes General," Cody said shortly, "Sir-"
"If you would excuse me Commander," Obi-Wan cut in, quickly fleeing from the clone.
Cody could only sigh in frustration as his General fled.
Cody went through his duties and at the end of the day, gathered the Kenobi squad. The squad had come together a week after Coruscant. It was clear that General Kenobi wasn't going to take good care of himself that the clones decided to band together to make sure their Jedi was taken care of.
"He's getting worse," Cody said softly to the group gathered. "I caught him just staring at his hands covered in Egwans blood. Called me Cersai at first before coming to his senses."
"Should we go to the Council?" asked Fives.
"They haven't helped him so far, what is going to change now?" challenged Kix, Helix nodding beside him. "Obi-Wan's been like this since the war started, always insisting that he is fine when he obviously isn't. Meaning that it was already a learned behavior, and very well established."
"What are we going to do then!" demanded Hardcase throwing his arms up. "How do we help a man that is so insistent on not being helped."
"We try to fill in the cracks, we are there for him even when he doesn't want it," Rex spoke finally. "We do our jobs as vod and take care of our struggling brother."
Obi-Wan gripped the edges of the sink and stared into his reflection. He could almost feel the cracks appearing on his skin, showing the world how broken he was becoming.
Obi-Wan broke eye contact with himself and starred down at the sink and began to breath deeply as he forced it all back down. He would hold it together. He had all his life, no point of breaking down now. Not when so much rested on his shoulders. So many Vod's lives depended on him. He wouldn't allow his weakness to bring him to his knees. He wouldn't fail them.
Stepping out of the small fresher Obi-Wan settled at his small desk and pulled the nearest data pad to him. Beginning the small mountain of reports he needed to complete. Forgoing another night's sleep.
As the hours passed, Obi-Wan was so consumed by his work, he didn't notice a small camera being lowered from the overhead vent.
"Kriff, now we know why he looks like slag," murmured Rex to Kix and Cody, tilting the small careen to show his brothers.
"How many days do you think this has been going on?" Cody said heavily, running a hand through his close cropped hair.
"Since the war started," Kix said bluntly.
"But this new level, started because now Obi-Wan has to deal with twice as much paperwork with having two complete companies under him. And who know how much other shit the Council and Senate load on him," grumbled Kix.
"We fix this tomorrow," Cody said with certainly.
"We're going to have to surprise him. If he suspects my presence, we won't see him for a week," Kix said with a small smirk.
"May the Force be with us," Rex said with a return smirk.
Happy New Year! Thanks for reading!