Yoda's ears twitched as the Force flowed through him, showing him the truth that had been hidden from him most of his life.
I don't feel anything anymore!
A Jedi doesn't let their emotions control them.
Releasing my emotions into the Force isn't working anymore.
The Master's will kick me out of the order if I express these doubts.
Voice after voice echoed in the Force, many Yoda recognized, many he did not. Each expressing doubt, anger, and fear as they struggled to remain in the light.
As Yoda pulled out of the maelstrom, he caught one last voice echoing . A voice that overlapped, a young boys, a teenagers, a young man, and an adult. Asking the same question, over and over again.
Why am I never good enough, strong enough, worthy enough?
Opening his eyes, Yoda realized he recognized that voice. Obi-Wan.
Sid-Ney looked knowingly at Yoda, before flickering his eyes to look at the rest of them.
"Those echoes of the Force, the guilt and shame and the darkness have only been growing. The war has only made them worse. It is time for a change, and while my fellow mind healers have tried for years, but change has to come from the very top."
The Eleven Masters froze as the implications sank in, what Sid-Ney was asking of them. These Masters to show the entire Order the way, by going to the Mind Healers themselves.
"I do not wish to make this as an ultimatum, but this will show the entire Order that it's okay to seek help, that even the Jedi Council needs help in this War."
Silence rang through the chamber, before a voice spoke out.
"Do this I will," Yoda said softly looking at Sid-Ney. "Failed the Order I have. Blind I have been. Help I have denied my fellow Jedi for too long. See you I will."
Sid-Ney blinked in shock but nodded, a few other Councilors voiced their agreement as well. Others like Mace declined to answer right away. But over half of the Council agreed to see the Mind Healers and Sid-Ney felt hope rise in his chest. The first he had felt since the War had begun.
After the meeting, Sid-Ney found himself invited to Yoda's chambers along with Master Windu.
Sid-Ney gazed around Yoda's rooms curiously. It was his first time inside the Grand-Masters and it wasn't like anything he expected. It was almost swamp like with all the plants, and moisture in the air. He could see why Anakin had said he preferred to stay with Windu than Yoda. A child of the desert would not feel comfortable in such an environment. He just hoped that he wasn't served any stew, Anakin admitted to being able to eat about anything because he knew true hunger. But he drew the line at Yoda's stew.
"What would you like to talk about Masters?" Sid-Ney asked, taking charge of the conversation.
Master Yoda and Master Windu looked at each other, before a small tea-pot floated onto the table along with three cups.
"Heard something in the Force we did," Yoda said without preamble, while Mace nodded in agreement beside him. "Recognized a voice we did."
Sid-Ney said nothing, waiting as Yoda poured the tea.
"Obi-Wan." Mace supplied after a long moment. "We heard Obi-Wan's voice, echoing in the Force. Padawan, Knight, and Master all these voices we heard. I don't understand why we heard his voice overlap so when I, we, did not hear it for any others."
"We have been hearing Obi-Wan's voice for almost his whole entire life," Sid-Ney said softly accepting the tea from Yoda. "Sometimes it fades, but these last two months, we hear it more frequently. What few realize that this Temple has housed generations of Jedi, the very stones have soaked in the Force. Here in our home, when we open ourselves to the Force to meditate we also open ourselves to the Temple, leaving a stronger echo. A theory amongst ourselves is that Obi-Wan asked these questions multiple times during his meditations while growing up. Why am I never good enough, strong enough, worthy enough? He still asks them, that is why his echo is still strong."
Mace sighed, he was afraid the answer would be something like that. In his minds eye he could still see Obi-Wan's face when he told him that he was bound for the Agri-Corps before his birthday because of a fight. The look of soul crushing sorrow as the small boy gazed up at him.
"Why didn't you ever try to help him?"
"We do not force people to seek our help," Sid-Ney said with a frown and a small glare. "We have tried to reach out to him, numerous times. Only to be rebuffed at every turn. Master Che and I have had many conversations, if you might recall Obi-Wan has always had a natural aversion to Healers. However the biggest problem in trying to help is that Mind Healers are not respected, our path is often called a pointless path in the Force. My Master was rebuffed numerous times by Qui-Gon in Obi-Wan's presence, Jinn often reciting these same arguments. Obi-Wan doesn't know he can get help, because the man who was for all intents and purpose his Father venomously disapproved of our talents."
Sid-Ney paused and fixed his eye on Yoda. "The only person in his direct lineage that might have been able to help was Master Dooku after Tahl died."
Sid-Ney watched as the Grand-Master of the order seemed to appear smaller as the weight of Sid-Ney's words hit him. However Sid-Ney did not offer any comfort or absolution. Too much had been swept under the rug in Yoda's lineage stemming from Dooku. In truth Yoda wasn't fully to blame, every sentient being had its own free-will to choose. But Yoda had played with his lineages lives many times for his belief in the greater good. Obi-Wan and Anakin were paying that price. The truth hurts.
Sighing Sid-Ney finished his tea. "I am afraid I must go Masters. Master Yoda the halls are open to you when you have time to come see us. Please rest and try to settle your mind."
Yoda seemed to be far away, but Mace gave him a small bow.
Ahsoka tugged on her montrals, as much at a loss as the Vod on what to do.
Ahsoka couldn't tell Skyguy, the Kenobi Squad agreed. Ahsoka had respected Obi-Wan's and Anakin's privacy by not filling in the Vod of the crime Anakin committed to be Temple Bound, but had hinted enough that Anakin needed this desperately. Going after Obi-Wan now, when he was finally making progress could jeopardize everything and might cause Obi-Wan to spiral more. Ahsoka just knew that Obi-Wan would blame himself for Anakin wasting his last chance on him.
She couldn't go to the Council either. She didn't trust them enough to actually help her GrandMaster. They hadn't had his best interest at heart for years or they were too blind to see what was happening. Plus the Vod would be separated between other Generals if Obi-Wan was pulled back to the Temple.
From what Anakin had said, from what Master Windu had said; Obi-Wan had fought tooth and nail to keep them all together. Cody, Rex, and all the rest were just as adamant of keeping Obi-Wan with them.
The 212th and 501st knew that forcefully separating Obi-Wan from them would be bad for everyone. He was shutting down because he lost a few unavoidable casualties. Not every General was worried about conserving their lives like Obi-Wan. That might be the straw the breaks the nerfs back.
Ahsoka shuddered at the thought of Obi-Wan falling because he cared to much was tragic. A Sith who fell not for power, or gain, but for love.
But like the Kenobi Squad, Ahsoka didn't know how to help. Obi-Wan was ignoring her calls and messages.
Angry, frustrated tears fell from her eyes, that she hastily wiped away. Picking up her communicator, she tried dialing Obi-Wan's number once more. It rang, and rang before the pre-recorded message popped up.
General Kenobi.
"Khos please," she whispered. "Please, pick up. Please talk to me Khos."
Half a galaxy away, tears poured down Obi-Wan's face as he gazed at Ahsoka's image flickered above his communicator, repeating that same message. Khos please…
Never fear, I promise next chapter Obi-Wan will receive some help from an unexpected person. Or maybe not so unexpected, we'll see. But until then angst! So much fun to write lol