Disclaimer: Don't own Xander... sadly he belongs to another
AN: This is going to be a multi-chapter fic, or atleast I hope its going to be. I really need a beta-reader.. At least I think I do I'm not 100 sure of what they do, but if they pre-read stories to look for errors and stuff then thats what I need really bad! So if your intersted please send me and email. You can find it in my profile. Oh and please review with any kind of constructive criticism. Please and Thank You!
He meant it as an insult, and I took it as one. A white knight, no her white knight. He is right though it does kill me that he got to her. Not just because he got to her first, believe me I made peace with the fact that I would never be seen by her in anyway except for as her Xander-Shaped Friend. What kills me is that he got to her at all. He's a demon, a vampire with or with out a soul he can never step out into the sun and revel in its warm embrace. Crosses mare is skin and holy water burns his flesh. I want him gone preferably his ashes blowing forever in the wind. She can't do it though. I know this for a fact she will always see Angel. Blinded by the face of the man she loves. I find myself incapable of blaming her for that. If Jesse hadn't accidentally fell into the stake I was holding then I never would have been able to do it.

I understand it, but that doesn't mean that I will accept it. Angel and Angelus, the both of them are practically the bane of my life. Well, next to my father that is. He needs to be staked, decapitated, or set on fire. The last one is the one I'm particularly fond of. Anything, something besides just letting him run free and ramped around sunnydale killing whomever he pleases. I have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that blonde haired girls is what Angelus is hunting or will be hunting very soon.

I rub the back of my head slightly trying to dispel the small twinge of pain that suddenly erupted in the back of my head. As quickly as it came the pain faded. Must be stress I mused. Once the pain completely faded a vague semblance of a plan started to form. A lop-sided grin spread across my face as the plan took shape with my head, but I would need help.

I know Giles would be on board with me. After what that soulless bastard did to Jenny. I didn't know her very well just that she was the computer teacher who Giles happened to like. Even when her secret was out. Giles still held affection for her even if Buffy did not. She was important to Giles and thus she was important to me. He tried to kill Angelus but he only accomplished in burning the factory that they were hiding out of down. He hates Angelus more than I do and no one not even Buffy can fault him for that. Except He doesn't hate Angel, but if the opportunity is given he would gladly destroy Angelus. He isn't blinded by his face he can see the difference between Angel and Angelus. Giles would help me.

Willow, my sweet dear Willow still see what happening around her as something straight out of one of those romantic novels she denies reading. To her Buffy and Deadboy are destined to be together. I once over heard her and Buffy talking and she said that they were soul mates. Not sure about that, but I do know that you can't be soul mates if only one of you has a soul. I have a feeling that Willow will never be able to see Angel for what he truly was, A vampire. She sees him as something slightly dark and mysterious that swept her best friend off her feet.

Yes her best friend, and I'm pretty sure my feet are planted firmly on the ground. I'm still her friend of course, but like Jesse and I share a connection because we were both guys in the group. Her and Buffy share that same connection because they are both girls in the group. If I asked her to help me get rid of Angelus once and for all she would surely shake her head and tell me that I'm acting the way I am out of jealousness.

On the surface I could deny it, I could look at Willow or Buffy and say that jealousy isn't the reason, but deep down within me I know they are right. Not necessarily because he had Buffy, though that is a part of it. The jealousy that burns within me is because he had almost everything I ever desired to have. Save the whole being dead thing. He was handsome and mysterious with nice clothing and practically stole the girl of my dreams away from me.

I caught myself one night blaming him for Jesse's death. It was one year ago that day and I blamed Deadboy for it. For no other reason than it was his sire Darla that took Jesse and turned him. As soon as I finished that though I realized something horrifying about myself.

I realized I was doing what my father always did blaming someone else for my own misfortune. He gets fired from another job, and its not his fault he went in drunk, or called off one to many times because he couldn't handle his hangover the next day. No it was my fault or my mother's fault, or the higher ups were trying to keep him down. Bile had risen up in my throat the more I though about it. Would I start blaming my friends next? Would I start hitting the bottle? Start lashing out at Willow?

No, No, No once again I forcefully push those thoughts away, but the mental image of Willow looking up at me with a fist sized bruise on her face, shock and fear clearly visible in her eyes will never go away. Never would I hurt my Wills. If I ever did strike her, I don't know what I would do. Leave maybe; run away so I could never do it again. Maybe end my own retched life at that point, if I had sunken that far down.

Giles once said that most slayers don't make it past a year or so. Buffy beat those odds. Why? Its not because she's a better slayer then her predecessors. I'm sure others lots of others have worked harder, studied harder, and trained harder than her. Its because unlike all the other slayers before her, she refuses to truly dedicate herself. Mind, body and soul. Her mind and body she does, out at night on patrol she's a force of nature. Her strength and speed its amazing, even after all this time I can't help but be amazed at what she is capable of. What the slayer is capable of, but when the nights over though she stop being the slayer. She goes home to a mother that loves her then in the mornings she goes to school like every other normal teenager. She has friends like every other teenager, and that keeps her grounded. Keeps her alive and stronger than the other slayers. It's her soul it's always about the soul in the end its more precious than gold.

Her soul is that of Buffy Summers and not the slayer. However, I can see that it is slowly changing. Maybe its not even changing that slowly. Her thoughts are starting to become focused purely on slayage and on Angelus. Her smiles are becoming more fake more plastic in appearance. She only half listens to anything that's not solely about the night, or about Him. What kills me is that no one else notices besides me. What kills me is that when I do what I'm thinking about doing, then chances are I'm going to lose her as a friend. Lose her as everything Giles too and maybe even Willow.

I can live with that if I have too. Because in the end I am a white knight her white knight. And what knight wouldn't risk it all to protect his queen? Even if she doesn't realize she needs saving herself.

I move over to one of the less than comfortable waiting room chairs and I lean back. Sighing softly to myself I tiredly rub my eyes.

"He meant it as an insult" I whisper "but it just might be his downfall."