As promised, the next chapter for your enjoyment...
Healing (6/7)
Scully arrived for work the next morning and quickly headed for the safety of their basement office. She could feel the eyes of each employee follow her as she passed them, hurrying further down the hall. She knew the worst of her injuries had healed, but she still bore a scar on her left cheek and her arm in a sling. She hated that they knew what had happened to her. It made her feel vulnerable and weakened in their eyes. Her back defiantly straight, she got on the elevator, not allowing herself to relax despite the absence of others.
She walked into the office, breathing a sigh of relief. Mulder handed her a cup of coffee. "You okay, Scully?" His concern for her spread across his features.
"Yeah, I'm fine..." She stopped herself in the midst of her usual response to these questions. "I just felt like everyone was staring at me. I wish I brought a lunch so I could just stay down here all day." With that said, she flopped into her chair, ignoring her computer and simply enjoying her cup of coffee.
"Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, Scully, but we're due in Skinner's office in about 5 minutes."
"What does he want now?" Scully could hear herself whining, but couldn't find the control to stop. "I just came back to work and we're already getting hauled up there. What did you do, Mulder?"
Mulder caught a hint of smile in her eyes and relaxed. 'Maybe today will be another good day?' "I think he wants to talk to you. You know, make sure you really are ready to come back to work."
"Oh." Scully took a final gulp of her coffee and rose from her prone position. "Let's get this over with."
Mulder could sense his partner stealing herself against the inevitable looks she would receive, once again, and admired her courage. He was angered at his colleagues who were so insensitive to his partner's situation. The elevator doors opened and he found himself glaring angrily back at the many faces looking in their direction. Stepping forward, Mulder placed his hand at the small of Scully's back, guiding her towards Skinner's office. Scully was stiff under his touch and he silently cursed the people staring at them, thinking they had caused her uneasiness. To each of the onlookers however, it was plain to them, from the expression on her face and the rigid movements of her body, that she was terrified. The complete terror overtaking her body the moment her partner placed his hand on her back.
Scully's mind reeled. She found herself frantically planning an escape. Then there was a knife and she numbly allowed herself to be directed by the hand at her back. Images flashed through her mind at breakneck speed. The sound of his grunting and moaning. His hot breath on her neck. The cool metal against her face. Tears flooded her eyes. She closed her eyes to hide her fear, opening them to find herself in front of Skinner's door. The hand was still at her back. 'Mulder, help me.' She realized fully then where she was and what she was doing. The hand at her back belonged to her partner and not one of the men that had raped her.
She took a long, steadying breath. Mulder looked down at her, eyes searching her face. "Are you okay?"
"I, uh, just need a minute." She hurried off before he could respond, fleeing into the washroom. Thankful that the room was empty, she gazed at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red-rimmed as if she had been crying. 'No wonder he was concerned.' She splashed cold water on her face, patting at it gently, careful not to remove the makeup she had applied in a vague attempt to disguise her scars.
Trying to regain her composure, she took several deep breaths, leaning her back against the door for support. 'Mulder's touch: that's what did it. It used to be so reassuring. Now it conjures up images of one ofthe worst experiences of my life.'
She took a last steadying breath and opened the door. She found Mulder waiting for her at the door to Skinner's office. He searched her face, eyes questioning, his hand reaching out to her. Scully found herself backing away from his touch. "I'm fine Mulder." She tried not to notice the disappointment that crossed his features.
Mulder gazed at his partner as she pulled away from him. He had expected her to reveal her feelings to him, as she had earlier this morning, as she had ever since the rape. She was pulling away from him emotionally as well as physically. Neither was healthy for her. Neither helped the healing process.
In Skinner's office, Scully's return to work was questioned. After assuring him that she was ready to return to work, he handed her a file. At first, Scully was shocked that they had been assigned a case so soon. She had hoped to return and get caught up on paperwork before heading into the field. About to speak, she looked at the file fully for the first time. It wasn't an X-File. Opening it, she realized it was her file, the file on her rape.
"Agent Scully, I thought you would like to be updated on the status of your case, unless Agent Mulder has been keeping you informed."
Scully tripped over her words as they tumbled out of her mouth. Both men stared at her as she failed at her attempt at coherent speech. Neither had seen her struggle with her words before.
Mulder spoke up, to save her. "No, sir, actually I haven't been updating her. In all honesty, there hasn't been much to update."
Scully found her ability to speak, her head still buried in the file. "There's nothing here. No physical evidence, no leads, no suspects?" Her voice was low, but still betrayed the disbelief she felt. "The only suspects were in the line up I saw two weeks ago."
She looked up to face the two men at that time. Each acutely feeling that they had terribly let down the woman before them. She took a deep breath at that moment, making a decision.
"I don't think, sir, that you should waste anymore manpower on this case. I inadvertently destroyed all the evidence and it's fairly obvious that we aren't going to catch any of the men involved. I'm not sure I wanted to endure a lengthy trial anyway."
Scully's admission of defeat crushed Mulder's heart. He found the anger inside him building uncontrollably. Not only was his infallible partner admitting defeat, but he could no longer keep his promise to her. He couldn't make those men pay for what they had done.
Skinner agreed to respect Scully's wishes and the agents were dismissed. Mulder hovered close to his partner, hoping to protect her from any further anguish as they left the office. Thankfully, he found that most of the agents had the sense to not follow their path again. He gently guided her to the elevator, finding her body rigid beneath his protective touch.
Scully was numbed by the returned presence of the pressure at the small of her back. She continually reminded herself that it was Mulder's hand and that he wouldn't harm her, but she couldn't keep the images at bay. Her mind was assaulted with the sights and sounds from that night. She again followed the direction indicated by the hand at her back, numb to her surroundings.
Mulder lead his partner into their office, her feet stumbling hesitantly as he gently pushed her forward. Once inside, he turned her to face him. "Scully are you sure you're okay?" She responded with a whimper and her eyes didn't seem to focus on him.
Scully's subconscious had won the battle against her conscious mind. She found herself lost in the world of that terrible night. Her attacker forced her into the alley, turning her to face him. She felt her shoulders shake. There was a knife, her clothes were being torn form her body. Her body was forced to the ground. She wanted to cry out, but she knew she couldn't. He'd hurt her again. She whimpered in fear.
"Scully. Scully, can you hear me? What's wrong? Scully?" Mulder was frantically trying to snap his partner out of the trance she seemed to have fallen into. He continued to repeat her name, hoping she would respond to his voice. "Dana, please talk to me."
Her eyes focused on him then. She looked down at his hands on her arms and pulled away, fear plastered across her features. Slowly, she took in her surroundings and then, before Mulder could say another word, she bolted from the room.
Fleeing into the nearby washroom, Scully sank to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest with her good arm. 'He doesn't want to hurt you, Dana. Why can't you accept that?' Images from the attack mingled with her conscious thought. 'You're supposed to be strong. You can overcome this.'
"Scully? Can I come in? Please."
When she didn't answer, Mulder opened the door slowly and was confronted by his partner's huddled form on the floor. He stopped there, frozen by the similarity she now shared with the picture engraved in his mind.
"Oh, Scully," he paused. Tears formed in his eyes. He couldn't find any words to comfort her. He took a step forward and noticed her flinch on his approach. Pausing a moment, he continued forward, kneeling before her. Slowly, he reached his hand towards her face. She pressed her back into the wall, pulling as far away from him as she could.
"Scully, please. I won't hurt you, you know that." Lightly, his fingertip brushed against her cheek, tracing a path to her chin. Gently, he forced her eyes to meet his. Tears flowed anew from both pairs of eyes. He felt her relax slightly.
"Mulder. Hold me please." Her voice was desperate, pleading. He gathered her body in his arms and carried her to their office. She wept silently on his shoulder, while he cried into her hair.
After some time, she brushed the tears from her face. Rising from his lap, she straightened her clothes and smoothed her hair. She looked at him and felt as if she were seeing him for the first time that day. 'We must look like quite a pair, both our eyes red-rimmed and our clothes all rumpled.' She brushed a lock of hair from his forehead.
"I'm going home," she stated quietly. "Tell Skinner to call me there if he needs me for anything."
"Are you okay to drive? Do you want me to drive you?" Mulder wanted to ask to go with her, but didn't want to infringe on her space.
"No, I'm fine. Maybe you can come by later with some dinner. I'll probably want some company then."
Only one more chapter left and it's on its way soon.