MU Empire:
"It smells like mashed potatoes," the great Maximus Rahl said. "I really like mashed potatoes. They're shady. … mashed potatoes. Oh yes! Mashed potatoes! Mm."
The Great Maximus Rahl was from D'Hara. She was 14 years old, six feet tall, platinum blond, and who many people considered to be one of the weirdest people in the world. Maximus Rahl was what she called a vampire-lycan-yokai-human.
Maximus was dressed in black leather and at her right hip hung an elegant sword.
She was raised by Darken Rahl, an evil, ruling wizard from her homeland D'Hara. He died recently and she found out that her real parents were gay cowboys.
She began a quest to rule the universe. Her plan was to take over the world first, continent by continent.
This one evening, Maximus Rahl was having dinner with her 'acquaintances' Link and Zelda, in her African palace.
"What is it with you and mashed potatoes all of a sudden? I don't smell any mashed potatoes." Link said.
There was a loud gobble heard in the distance.
"Was that a gobble?" Zelda asked.
There was a rumbling in the distance. It felt like an earthquake was happening. Link, Zelda and Maximus got under the table.
"What the fuck is goin' on?" Link yelled. He heard what he thought was a peck. There was a gigantic hole in the side of the hotel room. They looked outside and saw an eye and heard a loud gobble.
Maximus Rahl unsheathed her sword and ran from underneath the table. She jumped out of the window and landed on top of a gigantic turkey. The moon was full. The lycan side of the Great Maximus Rahl came out now.
"OH YES TURKEY! I SMELLED MY DINNER WHEN IT WAS IN THE JUNGLE!" she yelled. She tried to eat the giant turkey but she couldn't get through the feathers. The turkey shook her off and she was knocked unconscious. She returned to her regular form.
It ran away gobbling and Link and Zelda came from under the table. They ran outside and found the great Maximus Rahl knocked out… and covered in feathers.
"I know this 'crackhead' did not try to eat the giant turkey! My god!" Link said. He picked up the great Maximus Rahl and took her into the hotel. When they got to their room, an officer was waiting for them. He had a scientist with him. The great Maximus Rahl woke up.
"That turkey's gonna taste bitchin'! " she licked her lips.
" That's what I came to talk to you about. The one hundred foot turkey is named Henrietta. She was an experiment gone wrong. We were trying to make the ultimate bird for Thanksgiving. It was supposed to be one hundred pounds and poo mashed potatoes and pee gravy but an insane boy fell in love with Henrietta and made the scientist spill some chemicals on her. She's just trying to find her lost love." the scientist said.
Zelda was a little confused by the story. "Excuse my language but who the hell falls in love with a turkey?"
"Me." everyone except the great Maximus Rahl turned around. "I, prince Tyson the cool, am madly in love with Henrietta."
"Oh god, another jackass." Link said with a sigh.
Tyson began to cry "I treated her so wrong. I cheated on her with big bird. But we broke up and now I've got to get Henrietta back… before she divorces me."
The cop in the room looked at Tyson like he was a retard. "we have to take the turkey out. There is no other way. We have assembled an army and-" he was cut by the great Maximus Rahl.
"Call off your army. I AM THE RULER AND I, THE GREAT Maximus Rahl SHALL ASSEMBLE THE WORLDS GREATEST WARRIORS… BECAUSE I AM …THE GREAT Maximus Rahl! THE LORD Rahl OF D'HARA AND EUROPE… AND NOW AFRICA! … first we have to go to my secret headquarters."
"I hope its not some place stupid like, NOWHERE!" Tyson taunted Maximus. Maximus simply smiled. On the way to her headquarters she clucked, gobbled, and asked everyone what they were thankful for. Tyson started to cry really hard, sort of like a bitch.
They ended up underground. Everyone was lead to a door where a password was needed. Maximus said "any way you like it!" and the door slid opened. Every walked in. the room was dark and only shapes could be made out.
"I wouldn't like to introduce you to my cohorts but, I will anyway." She pointed to a circular shaped man. "this is general Ritz. He's our five bacon bit general." She pointed to a rectangular man, "this is lieutenant Keebler, our remarkable stracheesist " she pointed to an odd shaped man. "And this is our newest member, captain 'jack' Animal."
Someone turned the lights on to reveal a Ritz, Keebler, and an animal cracker. The Ritz and Keebler crackers had string cheese for limbs and wore boots of celery. The animal cracker wore only sprinkles.
"You cant be serious." Zelda said. "are they real or did you just bake them?"
"they are real and we have to move. SO! Off we shall go." Maximus said.
Everybody was seriously creeped out but they didn't ask questions. They walked out and went to the surface.
"now, I am fluent in gobbledygook so I'll like, call my dinner, or something. Tyson you bitch if I can't get it your gonna have to try." Maximus said. She began to gobble extremely loud. Maximus realized that she needed to get loud so she got her pokemon loudred to amplify her voice.
"If you hurt Henrietta I'll kill you chicken-chaser!" Tyson told her.
After a few minutes the ground began to rumble and Henrietta appeared.
Tyson gobbled and said. "Henrietta baby please don't leave me! I love you." he clucked. "what you have a lawyer?" he gobbled. "Denise Moreno! Oh god why her? She'll ruin me! Please don't leave me!" he clucked again. "oh well then. Evil monkey in my closet!" Tyson yelled.
An evil monkey dressed in a suit came out of some nearby bushes. It made an evil face and pointed at Henrietta.
The cop tried to shoot Henrietta but Link and Zelda stopped him. The scientist ran behind a bush and began to write about this encounter. The general, lieutenant and captain prepared to fight the 100 foot turkey.
"Mmmmmmm! The best dinner… I'm going to have!" Maximus said.
The scientist yelled from behind the bush. " she's as big as Godzilla! You have to stop her. I think she's knocked up and pregnant chicks, I mean turkeys, are crazy."
Henrietta pecked at the ground and ate the general, the lieutenant, the captain, and Tyson's lawyer the evil monkey. Everyone else dodged it.
The great Maximus Rahl freaked out because the turkey ate her fellow commanders. She turned into a lycan. She had the same eyes and face but she was now covered in short black fur.
"the great Maximus Rahl's dinner… powered by Tyson." the great Maximus Rahl ran around the turkey. She climbed to the top of its head and yelled 'licky!' she unsheathed her sword and cut the turkeys head off. She dived in the turkeys body.
Link and Zelda tried to comfort Tyson as the great Maximus Rahl devoured his wife. The cop couldn't believe what he saw and the scientist came from behind the bush and was really mad because his life's work was being eaten by a girl who gobbled and was friends with three crackers.
Ten minutes later the corpse of Henrietta was ripped open and Maximus stepped out. She had changed back to her normal self.
"you just keep getting weirder." Zelda told her.
"really? I should start paying more attention because I only see myself getting sexier." Maximus said in response.
"you suck! You killed my wife now who will peck away my troubles?" Tyson began to cry again.
"well now that that's over I guess we can leave. C'mon Zelda, let's go before one of them falls in love with something else that's screwed up." Link told her.
Maximus stopped them. "wait, we have to do something before you leave. Now my subjects hold hand and we shall since the song of victory!" Maximus began to sing the level complete song on yoshi's story. When they were done she said. "the page turned and the great Maximus Rahl grew sexier."
The scientist, Link, Zelda, Tyson, and the cop all ran away in fear of being freaked out anymore.
When they were gone Maximus pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen. She scratched out something. "Asia, then Australia. Yes…yes."
Incase you were wondering there's a song called Mu Empire. I was sort of making fun of it because it centers around irony and coldness and the story is set in Africa. Download it and see what else is ironic. And I'll tell you one you'd probably never guess.. The Mu Empire was in the east and the story is in the west
Review if you like the story Copyright 20-06