Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: I hope all of you realized that in the last chapter her bloody clothes were in the package that the red headed military officer dropped off. Sorry this chapter has been so long in the works. I've got point A and point B, but getting to point B seemed to have caused a lot of problems :P

Chapter 6 – Seeing is Believing

Roy began to walk home. 'She's not gone…' his heart screamed. 'She's not coming back…' his head reassured. Neither side seemed to be able to gain the advantage. Roy felt sick; the inner battle was tiring and it seemed the world had gone mad. All he knew for certain was that if she really was gone, someone would pay. They'd taken Maes from him and he'd be damned if he let them take her too.

The sun began to sink and Roy could feel the night closing in on him. He felt the incoming darkness threatening to strangle him. The rain of the early morning had long since dissipated and from anyone else's point of view tomorrow looked hopeful.

Vomit rose in Roy's throat when he saw a familiar woman sitting on his front steps. It was an older woman, easily identified as Hawkeye's neighbor. Roy took a deep breath as he walked up to the woman.

"Oh it's you." The woman stated with a hint of surprise in her voice. "You're that colonel they told me to see? Roy Horse?"

"Mustang, Roy Mustang." He corrected her. He dreaded what she was here for.

"Oh I'm sorry. I thought that 'Horse' was a peculiar name, but I've always been bad with names."

'What do you want?' Roy asked her in his head, 'Just tell me what you want so you can leave!'

"I saw about Miss Riza's death in the evening post…and well, I have her dog." She said as she stepped aside revealing a rather depressed looking Black Hayate. When I read about what'd happened to poor Riza…well I just couldn't keep him. Not permanently anyways. I asked those people at the military headquarters what to do with him and they gave me your address, they said you could take him."

Roy bit the inside of his mouth and nodded. It seemed that nobody knew what to do with her things…they only thought to send her belongings to him. He felt that he was playing the grieving widower by accepting, but what was he supposed to do? He was the closest thing she had…

Solemnly he took the leash. Black Hayate immediately perked up and began barking happily. The woman smiled at the dog. "Well at least he seems a bit happier now. Since we found out, he appeared to have lost his spunk. But it looks as if the pup has taken a liking to you son." The woman said, pleased.

"Thanks." Roy replied, trying to be polite. A look of enlightenment crossed the woman's face. "Roy Mustang! I thought that sounded familiar when you said it." She placed an understanding hand on his arm. "Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry about what happened to Miss Riza. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love."

Roy's eyes widened in surprise, "Excuse me?" The woman continued. "When my Joseph died I was just—"

"Wait." Roy said stopping her short. "W-who told you that I loved her?"

The woman suddenly realized she'd jumped to conclusions. "Oh, I'm sorry…I only assumed. Whenever I spoke to Miss Riza she always talked so highly of you. In fact I don't think I ever spoke to her without your name coming up…I'm surprised I didn't recognize you immediately. You look exactly the way she always described. You know, I think she even mentioned you the other day when she left her puppy…what was it she said…Oh yes! She said, 'I'll be back in a few days. I've got to run a few errands for Roy.'"

"S-she told you we were…involved?" Roy asked slowly. He couldn't believe that Hawkeye would tell an outright lie.

"Oh, no. I don't think she ever said it directly, but sometimes the stories she'd tell and just the way she spoke of you…I-I guess I just assumed. She always seemed to brighten a bit when she talked about you…" the woman added the last line as an attempt at condolence. "I think she genuinely cared about you…"

Roy cleared his throat awkwardly. All this talk of love was making him uncomfortable. "Well I should probably get Black Hayate inside…I'm sure its time for his dinner." The woman nodded, getting the hint that he wanted to be alone. She walked a few steps down his walk way and turn just in time to see his front door slam. 'Poor fool,' she thought to herself, remembering the look in his eye when she mentioned how Riza spoke of him. 'He doesn't even realize he loved her…'

As Roy walked inside, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror…he suddenly realized why the woman had mistaken him for Hawkeye's lover…he really looked like a grieving widower. He attempted to wipe the look off his face, but no matter what expression he made at the mirror the same pain was reflected behind his eyes. Angrily he turned from the mirror…'I didn't—I wasn't—we weren't' he tried to reassure himself…not daring to put the word love into his thoughts. He took his coat and gloves off, revealing once more his tarnished hands. His heart fell; he just wanted to wake up. This had to be some sort of horrible dream…

Roy bent down to unhook the leash from Black Hayate and the dog avoided him…not with fear, or even anger, but with happiness. The puppy wanted to play, but Roy was far from the mood. He tried to grab the dog's collar again and Hayate barked happily and did a little turn around. "I'm not in the mood Black Hayate." Roy said annoyed as he roughly grabbed the dog and held him still. As Roy struggled with the clip for the leash Black Hayate sniffed his hands. A small part of Roy expected the dog to realize what had happened…to blame him, maybe even bite him, but Hayate did no such thing. Much to Roy's surprise, the dog licked his hands. Roy had finished unhooking his collar and the lick had felt strange. He pulled his hands away from Hayate's tongue. The dog barked happily at Roy's face and licked him on the nose. Standing up and wiping his face Roy remarked, "You're the strangest dog I've ever met…only you would try to play with your master's murderer."

Even as he said it the word struck a cord with him…Murderer…that's what he was. It was his fault that Hawkeye was dead…it was his hands that were stained in her blood…he was the murderer. The bullet wounds may have come from someone else's gun, but even the old woman had admitted that Hawkeye had met her end doing something for him. He was the reason she was dead…and he had to make it right. Roy gulped loudly and held back his tears. He slowly stepped around Black Hayate and went into his room. The dog took the hint and ran into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. "Take it." Roy said to the pet. "I won't sleep tonight." Hawkeye's voice was still ringing in his ears "Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy…" Part of him wanted her voice to stop, to never hear it again, but part of him never wanted the voice to stop. It was all he had left of her…not counting the blood stains.

Roy flopped onto the bed once more. He felt like moping. Part of him wanted to just get up and rip apart the people that had done this to her…but part of him just couldn't find the will to carry on. "What's the point? It's not like I have a hint as to who she was after anyway…" The voice in his ears momentarily stopped, and a sighing rush of air filled his ears. The blood stains on his hands and chest seemed to have turned to ice.

The delicate outline of a woman slowly faded into view. As the figure began to fill itself in, Roy's eyes grew wider. With every finishing touch the ghostly apparition began to look like his very own Riza Hawkeye. Her golden hair was floating gently about her shoulders and she seemed to be dressed in some sort of flowing white nightgown.

Roy's heart leapt into his throat. "Hawkeye…" he breathed, scarcely afraid to believe she was real. The figure seemed to have finished filling in, but still wasn't quite solid. Roy could still see the entrance to the hallway through his former lieutenant's stomach. Her blonde hair created a small halo effect about her head that made her seem more like a dream. 'Please…if this is a dream, don't wake me up.' He pleaded with his mind.

She smiled a small smile at him as if she'd heard his thoughts. Her eyes softened and in the soothing voice he'd been hearing all day she said, "Roy."

Roy couldn't contain himself, he jumped up from the bed and rushed to his former lieutenant. He tried to pull her into a tight hug, but caught nothing but cool air.

"Sorry about that…I'm not quite as substantial as I used to be." She apologized. Pain stabbed through Roy's chest. "You're not real are you?"

"I am…I'm real." She said. Instinctively she tried to put a reassuring hand up to his face, but remembered just in time that her fingers wouldn't be felt. "I'm just dead." He didn't say anything, but could only study her face…inside his mind he willed her body to solidify…to be alive again. Part of him started to wonder how she could possibly be here, but before he could coherently form the question, she continued. "I'm sorry about this morning Roy…I didn't want to leave you like that." His name echoed in his ears…it was the second time he'd seen it come from her lips. Despite hearing it a million times today in his ears, seeing her say it had a strange effect on him. "Was it you saying my name?" She nodded and said, "I'm surprised you didn't realize I was still with you sooner."

"I felt…I didn't feel like you were gone…"

She smiled slightly, "Thank you Roy."

"For what?" he asked. A suddenly wave of guilt hit him and he added, "For killing you? For letting you get hurt?"

She shook her head, "It wasn't your fault. I should have told someone…I just wanted to protect you."

"Well at least you held up your promise…I couldn't even do that." Roy countered. His mind flew back ten years…to Ishbal. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She screamed at him to get down. Just as he turned to see what she was talking about an Ishbalan man took aim at the two officers. She shoved him to the dirt and fired off two shots at the man. The two bullets found their mark, but the man wasn't quite done. Roy watched as the man slowly pulled the trigger, his weapon aimed at her heart. Hawkeye's reflexes weren't quite enough and the bullet lodged in her left shoulder. The impact of the shot pitched her backwards into the building they were standing in front of. Roy watched, paralyzed, as his comrade fell to the ground, her head and shoulder oozing a small amounts of blood. Suddenly things ran into fast forward and he could see himself pick her up in his arms and run with her. Several Ishbalan's had seen what had happened and were trying to fire on them. As he dodged their bullets a strange thought entered his head. He realized must have looked like a groom carrying his unconscious bride across a battle field. If he hadn't been so afraid he would have laughed. He ducked into an abandoned building unnoticed. Gently he laid his make-believe bride on the floor. Roy watched the scene as if he was someone else. The black haired boy that he used to be crouched on the floor next to the unconscious girl. "Please Hawkeye wake up…come on. You're going to be okay." He whispered to her. There wasn't a response and the boy began to panic. He began to order her to wake up…and then he tried bribery. "If you wake up, I-I promise I won't tell you to shut up anymore…you can tell me I'm an idiot anytime you want—please, just wake up." There still wasn't any movement from the girl. "I'm sorry…I should have listened…" he gently took the girl's hand, stroking it a bit in hopes it would bring her around. "I won't let you get hurt again…I promise. Please, just wake up."

The memory burned bright in Roy's mind…it was the first time one of his unit had been injured in battle…he made a promise to himself that day that he wouldn't let them get hurt because of him.

"Roy you can't protect everyone…" she said. . She could see his pain visibly…it seemed to glow off of him like a blue aura. "Roy?" she said to get his attention. He looked up at her sadly…feeling the weight of her death resting on him, "…this morning, it meant a lot to me that you stayed." She said. "To be honest…I was a little scared."

He hung his head once more. "You wouldn't have been in that mess if it weren't for me."

Her patience was being tested to its limits. She hated it when he moped and she wasn't about let him spend the rest of his life doing it. "It's not your fault and you can't go around thinking it was. You didn't kill me…and before you even try to pull the 'It's because you were protecting me' card let me say that it was my own fault that I was killed. I should have said something to someone. It was stupid for me to go in alone, but I thought I could handle it."

"Who was it?" Roy said, a new determination sparking in his eyes.

Hawkeye pulled back from him a bit, confused at his sudden change in subject. "Who was what?"

"Who was it that killed you?" he asked. He was ashamed that it hadn't occurred to him before, but now that he realized the well of information she would be, a new life burned within him…revenge.

She had worked with him for years, she wasn't stupid…she knew exactly why he wanted to know…the moment she revealed their names he would go after them…just as she had. "I can't tell you."

Roy's heart jumped in his chest, surprised at her insubordination. "Can't or won't."

She considered for a moment. "A little of both I suppose." He turned from her. 'What the hell is she thinking?' he thought, 'I have the chance of killing the very people that took her from me and she wants to play games…'

"Roy think about it." She said from behind him. "If I tell you who they were you'd just go after them…don't think I can't see it."

"I want justice for you." He said turning to face her.

"You want revenge." She corrected. "I'll tell you who they are, but not right now. It's nearly 11 and knowing you, you'd rush in alone thinking that you'd incinerate them all with a few snaps of your fingers."

"Sounds like a good plan to me." He replied to her. "Go in under cover of dark and strike when they least expect it."

"It sounded like a good plan to me too, until I was captured and murdered."

That shut him up. He gulped audibly. "Then what do you want me to do? You want me to sit here? Wait for Hiver and Reigns to find a clue when you can just tell me?"

"I'm not saying that, I'll I'm saying is that I won't tell you until you're thinking more rationally. You need back up Roy, trustworthy back up."

She stressed trustworthy and it rang in his ears…if he needed someone trustworthy, it meant that she knew not everyone in the military could be trusted.

She spoke again, "They're expecting you to take your revenge. They know we were…close." 'close' came out kind of forced and she averted her eyes for him. "I was bait, I was planted on those steps." She seemed to choke up a bit after that and refused to speak. After a little while he realized she wasn't going to tell him anything until the next morning. "Go to sleep." She urged like a mother hen. He reluctantly laid on the bed. Before closing his eyes he stared up at her wavering form. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

She smiled at him, "I won't leave you."