He didn't think he could take anymore pain.
His entire life had been riddled with injustices which any normal man couldn't bear. The death of his son was the worst of them all; taking his soul to a dark place to which he hoped to never return.
He thought he had escaped it, and he thought wrong.
As he attempted to tie his silk tie with shaky hands, he avoided the mirror. Reflections see too much. For something so inanimate, it reflected reality with a startling clarity that his hollow eyes couldn't handle.
The other occupants in the room were somber, looking more like pall bearers than the unorthodox bridesmaids they were meant to be. He could tell they were keeping a close eye on him and as Daniel handed him his jacket. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words were right on this occasion.
How do you comfort your best friend when he is meant to stand behind the woman he loves as she gets married? No, no words were appropriate, so eerie silence won.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Sam was on the far side of the chapel with Cassie who was helping with her hair and make-up, attempting to fill a void left by two women that could never be replaced. She was an inadequate substitute for her mother, much less Sam's mother as well, and felt the weight of that burden tremendously.
As she handed Sam her bouquet of white lilies, not Sam's favorite but Pete liked them, she tried to think of something to say. Her mind was screaming to tell her not to do it, run away, find Jack, don't marry yourself to a lie… but the supportive side of her, the fill-in side, just found itself speechless. With a small smile they headed out the doors to the sanctuary.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
The ceremony, already unorthodox with three male bridesmaids, was twisted further with the stand-in of Cassie as the mother. She was seated just before the ceremony on the bride's side, and just stared at her uncles standing a few feet away from her.
None of them looked happy or excited. In fact, the only one showing no emotion at all was Jack. Teal'c's face held a grimace of disappointment and Daniel's a mixture of sadness and fury where briefly one would win out over another. Cassie wasn't sure if he was going to cry or scream.
Then the music started.
-- -- -- -- --- -- -- -- -- --
Sam took a deep breath and resolved herself to follow through with her decision. She knew at this point it was her pride that was her weakness, and when the music started and the doors opened she suddenly realized what that pride had made her do.
As she stared down the aisle which looked inordinately long for a church this size she was greeted by the sight of her fiancé on the right, and the man she was in love with on the left. She gasped for air; afraid she might faint, and attempted again to steel her resolve.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
She seemed to be taking a long time to get down the aisle. When the doors had opened she looked as if she was going to run, but after a few seconds and a couple hesitant steps she seemed to have regained her composure. About three quarters of the way to the front though her stride got smaller, her steps faltered and her face became extremely pale. The plastic smile wavered and Cassie noticed that she was no longer staring at Pete, as she had been, but at Jack.
Jack, who was standing in formal attire waiting to support her through her decision, and willing to give up his own happiness for her.
As sudden as the moment was it was over and she reached the front of the church with a few more hurried steps and fell in place beside her husband-to-be.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
The ceremony seemed long to Cassie and when her part came up, after the small sermon and before the vows, she wasn't sure she could do it. It was the ceremonial lighting of candles by the mothers to show their individuality. The couple than used these candles to light one, which symbolized their union.
As she demurely scooted out of the pew to join her family at the front, tears came to her eyes. When the pastor held the candle out to her to be lit, her hand shook as she grasped it.
This wasn't lost on her uncles, all of who were silently supporting her, Jack, stepped a little closer to her incase he was needed. This unfortunately brought him closer to Sam as well.
As she walked to the candles on the side of the alter, passing by Teal'c on the way, she walked slowly. Looking across the alter at the woman, Pete's mother smiling ridiculously on the other side, she broke.
A sob racked her body as her hand came up to her mouth and the candle dropped to the floor.
Teal'c was there in an instant, and caught her as she collapsed into heaving sobs which would not be quieted. Daniel was quick to assist while the couple just stood frozen to the spot and the congregation let out a gasp.
Pete looked at Sam. It was only a fleeting glance, just long enough to see her eyes roll back and her body start to fall. His reactions were too slow, and he just stood there frozen as he watched his rival catch her gently and kneel on the floor with her in his lap.
Dr. Lam was quick to be ushered to the front of the church as Cameron's startled "Carolyn!" rang throughout the chapel.
Cassie was sitting there crying her eyes out, and crawled over to Sam just as her startled eyes opened.
When awareness reconstituted itself, all Sam could see was Jack O'Neill looking down at her with a concerned face. A smile lit her eyes and her hand reached up to stroke his cheek, and then back through his hair. His eyes closed, relishing the contact.
As he stood her back up to face her fiancé, he noticed the fire in Pete's otherwise goofy eyes. She took a minute and looked at Pete, just stared at him in front of everybody, analyzing him, sizing him up.
In the end, she leaned forward, handed him her bouquet and simply said, "I don't like lilies, Pete."
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