Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Alas, this fic is finally coming to an end. It took 29 chapters and almost a year, but it's finally over. All in all, it didn't turn out as bad as I thought, but it didn't turn out as perfect as I would have liked. You see usually when I write fan fiction, I write the entire story and then post it slowly chapter by chapter. That way while I'm writing it, if I need to fix a chapter toward the beginning because of something I decided to put in toward the end, I can. I know I can actually re upload chapters on here, but what good does that do me if I need to totally rewrite a chapter? It would just confuse readers, so during this fic I had to sacrifice a lot of my emotional moral writing for the sake of a continuing timeline. I'd like to thank you all for being so supportive throughout this crazy venture. There will be more Royai/ Riza fan fiction to come from me and I hope I've interested some of you enough to check out my other stories.
Now, on to the main event. Please enjoy the final chapters of "Living on Borrowed Time"
WARNING: THERE ARE SEVERE SPOILERS TO THE END OF THE SERIES AND TO THE MOVIE IN THIS CHAPTER, SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DON'T READ.
Chapter 29 – Epilogue Pt.1Life continued on as if it'd never been interrupted for the two. Well almost as if it'd never been interrupted. The emotional wall that had built up between them had fallen. They both could feel how much closer they'd become. They weren't the only ones to notice. The tension between the two leading up to Hawkeye's death was beginning to be felt by the rest of the squad, but the following weeks the other men could easily detect the difference. None of them knew exactly what brought about the change, but most of the men, Havoc in particular, felt that the answer lay within the change in Mustang. Havoc had watched the Colonel fall from the proud man he was, to the broken individual that had been crumpled in the rain on the front steps of Eastern Headquarters. It seemed apparent to him that Mustang had finally realized how important Hawkeye was to him. After all, it had been Mustang himself that had said, "It's amazing the emotions that surface you realize when someone's gone…"
--
Hawkeye ran with everything she had left. She had to get back to the Fuhrer's home…back to Roy. Her arm had pains shooting up and down it from where Archer had shot her. It wasn't fatal, but it hurt like hell. Despite the pain, she ran on. The two had never planned for Archer to show up. Hawkeye was supposed to lure everyone away from the Fuhrer while Mustang took him on alone. With every step Hawkeye cursed herself for going along with this. She had faith in Roy that he'd be all right…but even if she believed in him, there was still the possibility they the Fuhrer would win. 'Why did I agree to leave him!' she screamed at herself mentally, but immediately the answer sprang to mind.
"I don't know about this Colonel." She'd said. "I don't think it's the best idea to leave Havoc and the others on their own. Without you—"
"I know," he replied, stopping her short. " but I have to go after King Bradley."
He could see it in her face that she was concerned. "Please let me at least go with you." She pleaded, " If we confront him together maybe—"
"I need to you to distract his bodyguards. I don't want to have to deal with anyone besides Bradley. He'll be hard enough to kill as it is without having to burn my way through subordinates that are just doing their job."
Uncertainty still plagued her, "I still don't see why I can't—"
"Please, Riza. I have to do this alone. For Maes." He said, staring her full in the face. It was the first time she ever really recalled him using her first name and just hearing it made her melt. Silently she gave him a sad smile.
Archer had gotten there first. 'Damn!' She thought shooting at him with her left hand. It took seven bullets, but he finally fell to the ground, dead. "Colonel! Colonel!" she screamed as she noticed the lump of a man crumpled on the front steps of the Fuhrer's mansion. Beside him lay the lifeless body of a 10 year old boy. Rushing to her superior she broke into tears. "Colonel! Colonel!" she screamed as she shook him, desperately trying to bring him into consciousness. 'He can't be dead' her heart screamed, 'he can't be!'
There wasn't a response to her shouts and it felt as if her chest had been ripped open. Desperation clawed at the inside of her heart and tears rushed from her eyes. She buried her face in his bloodstained back. "Roy Mustang!" Wet sobs echoed out of her throat and pieces of the burning porch began to fall. If she didn't move soon the entire house would collapse. She didn't care…if he was gone she didn't have a place here. He was her reason, her purpose. Before she'd met him she was just a confused girl looking for her place, and he'd given it to her. He'd given her everything, a life, a job, something to believe in…even love. He may have never outright said it, but she could feel it. Every time he beamed that egotistical smirk at her, every time he made a point to ask how her day was, all those little excuses to touch her arm or shoulder, every little look he gave her showed it…it was hard to see, but it'd been there and that's what mattered to her.
"Lieutenant, I can't breathe with you on top of me like that." He mumbled, his voice raspy.
Riza almost screamed in surprise. He wasn't dead! Carefully she rolled him over, only to expose a terrible wound. His eye was gone. Vomit rose in Hawkeye's throat but she swallowed firmly. "You're going to be okay." She told him. "I'm going to get you help."
"Stay with me, I don't want to be alone." He said, echoing the same words she'd said to him over six months ago.
"Don't worry" she told him. "I'm not going to leave you." Carefully she pulled his entire body onto her back and, with much trouble, proceeded to carry him like a shepherd carrying a lamb away from the building. It was immensely hard to carry him…he was nearly 70 pounds heavier than she was, but shear strength of will kept her putting one foot in front of the other. She glanced once more at his face, only to see that he'd passed out. Silently she prayed to the God he didn't believe in that he wouldn't die.
--
Two days had passed as the doctors and nurses took care of the Colonel's injuries. Not only had he lost his left eye, but also he had a very severe knife wound that had missed his heart by mere centimeters. Every moment Hawkeye sat by his side unable to do anything but hold his hand. During the span of the two days he hadn't awoken even once, and the doctors were skeptical that he would make it. They tried time and again to not get her hopes up, but considering it was the only hope she could manage, she ignored them.
On the afternoon of the third day he finally came to. After about a week or so, most of his wounds had healed up enough to be moved back to his home. He still needed constant care, so Hawkeye brought a few of her things and began taking up residence on his couch. Their conversations had been very limited, mostly to just "Can I have some water?…Something to eat?…Another blanket?" Roy spent the better part of his first week home simply eating and falling back asleep. Riza didn't mind, he was alive and that's what mattered.
While Hawkeye was happy he was alive…guilt couldn't help but itch at her. If she'd just gotten there before Archer, he would have never lost his eye…he wouldn't be laying there. She played the entire scene in her mind as she sat peeling an apple by Roy's bedside.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
The comment had surprised her, she hadn't realized he was awake. "I—I was too late." She said, unable to look him in the eye.
He smiled that familiar little smirk at her, "The world isn't perfect." She looked up at him, her throat tightening. "That's why it's beautiful." He ran the tips of his fingers around a few stands of her hair. She smiled at him realizing that he forgave her, she shoved a slice of apple in his mouth. "Just shut up and eat."
Grinning, he thoughtfully chewed the piece. The entire set up seemed to remind him of those moments they'd spent together shortly after her transmutation. Things seemed so perfect. For the next three weeks they lived in their own little world. She waited on him and took care of him, while he made her smile with little remarks. Formality had been lost in the wind and they were on a first name basis.
"Riza?" Roy said over the breakfast table.
"Yes?" she replied giving him a content half lid stare over her eggs.
"Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you first wake up?"
She smiled uncontrollably, and smoothed her messy hair as if she were self conscious, "No, you haven't."
"Well now I have."
He smirked at her. Their eyes met.
"You sound like Maes when
he used to talk about Gracia." She remarked.
"Maybe I want what Maes had." He said, his voice serious. In his chest his heart stopped beating terrified of what his mouth would say next.
Riza couldn't think, so she said the first thing that came to mind. "We should go shopping today, you need some milk and I used the last of the eggs this morning." It wasn't the most romantic thing she could have said, but it was the best she could do at the moment. The last time they'd been this close to saying what they felt had been nearly six months ago…and then he hadn't been sure. Life was perfect within their little bubble and Riza would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she was a little afraid that he really would say it. Feeling it, and actually being told that's how someone feels are two totally different things. She was a little afraid of how things would change. Would they date like normal people? Why should they? They'd known each other for over 10 years, what else was there to know about each other? But if they didn't…wouldn't it be rushing things?
Her remark had caught Roy a little off guard, but he and his heart quickly recovered, "Yeah, we'll go to the market after breakfast."
--
"Want an apple?" she said picking up one from a stand and smiling at him over her shoulder.
He grinned back at her. Every time either one of them mentioned apples they both couldn't help but think of her feeding him apples the day he really started to wake up. It'd become apart of a strange language that they're were some how making up as they went along. "Apples sound great." He replied, which in their little unspoken language could easily tell her that he wouldn't eat them without "help" from her.
He wanted to tell her, he wanted to take care of her for the rest of their lives. Just the idea made him almost giddy. His breath would catch in his throat and his stomach would do somersaults. 'I'll tell her tonight.' He thought to himself.
"Colonel!" a familiar voice called.
Roy turned to see a familiar face. "Hello Havoc, I'm glad to see you made it back from the North. I knew you could command."
Havoc shook his hand. "It's good to see you again sir. When I came back last week they told us that you'd been severely injured…I was just going to head over to see you." He seemed to just notice Riza, "Hello Hawkeye. Are you helping him with his shopping?"
"Yes," Roy said, "Riza's been kind enough to take care of me during my recovery."
Havoc noticed the change immediately. He'd never heard the Colonel use Hawkeye's first name before. He couldn't help but look from one to the other in a slightly comical manner. "Really? When's the wedding?" he asked joking.
Both their hearts skipped a beat. "The what?" Riza blurted.
"I'm kidding Lieutenant. It's just that the Colonel doesn't use your first name often…or at all."
The two began to breath a little easier, they were just beginning to figure out how they felt and what to do…they didn't need anyone else to add to the mixture of confusion.
"So what have you been doing since you've gotten back?" Riza asked.
"Oh, just going through all the paperwork of reassignment and everything. With the Fuhrer's 'disappearance' a lot of departments are being moved around and reorganized. I hear that your grandfather is in the middle of setting up a Parliament. I'm not sorry to say, but I think that they're going to get rid of the title of "Fuhrer" completely. Sorry Colonel, but it seems the best you'll ever do is a seat on the Parliament. Not that I'm saying that's a bad place though." He added winking.
The happy little bubble that Roy and Riza had been living in the past few weeks was deteriorating fast with every word Havoc said. Living with Riza, things had been perfect. Roy didn't have to worry about the government, promotions, all the people that counted on him—all he had to think about was what he had to do to get her to reveal that sweet elusive smile of hers. Suddenly he was being thrust right back into that world and he wasn't sure if he remembered how to be the person he used to be. All those old worries began rushing back. He'd killed the Fuhrer, the leader of their nation…what was he supposed to do now?
Would they lock him up for murder? 'No, Havoc said that they believed he 'disappeared' not like anyone couldn't see through that.' What would happen to him? Would they reassign him? Would they demote him? Promote him? He wasn't sure he liked either possibility. He silently cursed himself for not thinking this far in advance. In all actuality he really had never thought he'd lived through his encounter with the Fuhrer.
"Would you believe that they actually gave Fuery a seat on the council! He's head of the technical department." Havoc continued smiling at the thought of shy little Fuery speaking for an entire department.
"What's the rest of the team doing?" Mustang asked, jerking his thoughts away from his possible futures.
"Well Falman and I haven't been reassigned. Breda is still ranked as a Lieutenant and Armstrong has finally decided to leave the military."
"Oh?" Riza asked, "What's he planning on doing?"
"I think he's going to help rebuild some of Liore. I hear that his family owns half of a construction company or something."
"I'm glad that he's decided to get out." She replied, "I don't think he was ever really comfortable being a soldier."
"Yeah, its just too bad everyone wasn't as lucky" Havoc replied sadly.
Riza's eyes widened in shock. She knew exactly who Havoc was referring to, and it wasn't someone that she wanted him to bring up. She hadn't gotten around to telling the Colonel yet, and she didn't want him to hear it clumsily from a second hand source like Havoc. Hawkeye shook her head nervously, indicating that Havoc should just shut up. Lucky for her, he got the message.
Havoc didn't expand on his mysterious insinuation, so naturally Mustang was a little confused. "Who wasn't so lucky?" he asked, but when Havoc didn't say anything he began to suspect that something was going on. "What's wrong? What are you guys hiding?" he asked looking from one to the other.
"We'll talk about it when we get home." Hawkeye replied guiltily, she couldn't hide it anymore, she was going to have to tell him about Ed.
--
"How could you keep this from me!" he shouted at her. They'd been home for barely a half-hour and she'd told him of Edward's fate.
"I was protecting you. The doctor's said that any shock to your system could send you downward." She replied.
"You should have told me." He said dropping down to sit on the couch, burying his head in his hands. "What did Alphonse say?"
"Nothing really. He doesn't remember anything after the time they tried to transmute their mother. The past 4 years are a total blank."
"And that Rose person you told me about? She doesn't know what happened to Fullmetal?" he asked.
Riza shook her head. "Apparently after Alphonse sacrificed himself to bring Edward back, Edward told her that he was going to destroy the underground city. She left thinking that he was going to meet her on the surface. Only instead of meeting Edward, Alphonse was the one that came out."
"They're sure that there wasn't a body?" Roy asked, a little afraid to hear the truth.
"There was no body, no trace of anyone or anything." She replied to him. It hurt so bad to tell him these things…she could visibly see Roy falling apart on the inside…it reminded her of her own death.
A new glimmer of hope lit in Roy's eyes. "There's no evidence that he's dead."
"Roy…he's gone. You and I both know that the only way that he could have brought Edward back was if he offered himself—"
"That's not true. It worked for us—maybe he found a way to bring back Alphonse like I brought you back."
He was grasping for straws. "You and I both know that he would have never left Alphonse unless he had to. He loves he brother more than anything. If he didn't die, he would be with Alphonse." She explained. It was horrible to have to shoot down Roy's only hope, but she knew that he couldn't accept death. The quicker she explained the situation, the quicker he would have to come to terms with it.
"Maybe he had to leave—"
"Please, stop." She said, taking his face in her hands and looking directly into his deep coal eyes. "He's gone Roy, and there's nothing you can do to bring him back."
"I brought you back—"
"That was different and you know it. He's gone…you can't blame yourself."
"I guess you're right," he lied to her. "I can't blame myself."
--
The next morning the phone rang, it was Riza that picked up. "Hello, Mustang Residence, Riza speaking."
There was a deep laugh at the other end. "You sound like you belong there my darling!" her grandfather's voice stated heartily.
Riza couldn't help but smile, it did feel like she belonged here. "Hello Grandfather."
"So are you and your handsome husband going to start giving me some beautiful great grandbabies soon!"
She couldn't help but laugh slightly, "He's not my husband and you know it." Riza tried to get slightly more serious before a still sleeping Roy over heard her. "So why did you call? I'm sure it wasn't just to harass me to get married."
"Ah, you've found me out. I was actually calling for Mustang. I heard that he's been up and about and I wanted to schedule a meeting with him about his position in the military." Her grandfather explained.
"I don't know if that'd be the best thing right now Grandfather. I just told him about Edward and he's been taking it kind of hard."
"It's really important darling." The General reiterated, "If I don't get his confirmation, it'll be extremely hard to save him a spot on the Parliament."
"A seat in the Parliament! Really?" she replied surprised, "Can you do that?"
"Well the other Generals and I have decided to sponsor our own choices for the seats on the council. Then they will all go up for a vote by the people, but the vote would easily be a formality with Roy. He's got enough charm to lure love from Satan, besides he's been revered as a war hero and if its one thing people love, it's a hero."
"Well I doubt he's feeling very heroic." Riza said sadly.
"Please just let me talk to him. If he refuses to be sponsored I need to find someone else before next week." The General pressed.
"Who are you talking to?" Roy whispered in Riza's ear. She jumped slightly and let out a small yelp. "Sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to scare you."
"I'm just talking to my Grandfather." She replied.
"Oh really? Can I talk to him? I'd like to ask him a few questions." Roy asked. Havoc's talk about rank had him worried now.
She nodded and handed him the receiver.
"Hello? General Grumman?" Roy said into the phone. "Yes, I'd like to talk to you too…no, I don't think I'm up to meeting you today…tomorrow is fine…8 A.M…yes sir…you too." Riza heard him say.
"Why aren't you going to meet him today?" Riza asked as he hung up the phone. The old Roy would be chomping at the bit for a seat on the Parliament…it was easy to see though, that this wasn't the old Roy his encounter with the Fuhrer had changed him.
"I actually wanted to spend today with you." He said taking her hand. "Fullmetal's death reminded me that we're not going to be around forever. Parliament can wait. You can't."
Riza couldn't help but smile. "What do you have planned?"
"Well, I thought we could go to the lake. Maybe bring a picnic." He suggested, "Then maybe tonight we could catch a show and eat out at L'amour."
"Sounds like heaven." She said. "I'll go get ready." She turned and went off to the bathroom. Riza had been a little surprised that he seemed to have accepted Ed's death so quickly, but the promise of spending the day doing nothing but being with him easily pushed any inhibitions from her mind.
Roy could see the happiness radiating off of her. All he wanted was to make her this happy everyday for the rest of her life. He wanted to spend every moment with her…to care for her…to make her smile that beautiful smile. Quietly he sighed, Ed's death had disturbed him to say the least, but there was nothing he could do. No one had murdered him, he'd done the transmutation of his own freewill. Now all he could do was move on, and try to make the best of what fate had dealt him.
"You don't deserve her." A familiar voice said.
Roy's heart began to beat faster, he knew just who that voice belonged to. He slowly turned and there, just as he suspected, was Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. He didn't look quite like the Ed that Roy had come to know. Dark circles surrounded his eyes and there was a gaping bloody hole in his chest. His skin was so pale and his eyes were filled with hatred. A psychotic smile passed over the apparition's face, "You don't deserve her and you know it."
Roy gasped…it couldn't be! "What—what are you?" it wasn't like the time that Riza had died…he was different.
"I'm a figment of your imagination." The yellow haired youth explained smiling darkly. "I believe modern mental medicine would say that I'm a manifestation of your guilt."
"I must be going crazy…" Roy breathed.
"It would only serve you right," Edward said, malice dripping from his words. "You're a murder. The least that should happen is that you go insane." Roy was too terrified to say anything, so Ed just kept talking. "The big hero of Ishbal. Some hero you were. You're just a murderer, hiding behind your orders."
"That's not true! I did what I had to, to make my way through the ranks so that I would be the one giving the orders—so no one else would have to do the things I've done."
"Your ends justify your means? Isn't that what you were telling me in the car? You're full of shit. Try telling the families of those you killed that their loved ones were just the means for an end! Tell Winry that you murdered her parents so you could make a better world…tell the Ishbalans that it wasn't anything personal, you were just using them to get into power, tell Gracia and Elysia that Hughes gladly died for your cause—tell Al that it's okay that I died because you got what you wanted! I'm sure that it'll be a real consolation to them all!"
Roy was speechless. All the things he done came back at him tenfold.
"Aren't you going to say anything Murderer?"
"I never wanted this to happen."
"You knew exactly what you were doing Mustang." Fullmetal said. "Every step of the way you had a choice. And you chose to use me and my brother for your own ends."
"You're right," Roy said his chest tightening. Even if it wasn't really Ed talking…even if it really was all in his head it was hard to take in. Despite it all he was determined to make Riza happy. He dragged his eyes from the "spirit" and looked back at the bathroom door. "I don't deserve her, but I'm still going to try my best." He looked back to where Ed had been only to see that no one was there. He sighed heavily and began getting dressed. Something told him he hadn't seen the last of his golden hair guilt trip.
Riza smiled as the warm sun illuminated her face. "Look at the children Roy. Aren't they beautiful?" She asked as they watched a few children playing with a kite in the park. Roy nodded automatically, not really hearing the question. All of his attention was focused on her. She was beautiful…she took his breath away.
"Jason! Pay attention!" a little girl shouted at the boy holding the kite, but it was too late, the kite had gotten snagged in the lower branches of a tree. The children were much too small to get the kite. Silently, Riza got up and walked over to help the kids.
"She'd make a wonderful mother." Ed whispered in his ear. "I can see it now, your children will be the spitting images of a murderer."
"Go away." Roy whispered back. "I'm trying to move on."
Ed's words sliced cleanly through Mustang's inner wall, "Yes. Move on. Fate gave you a winning hand despite all the suffering you've caused, so of course you should get to move on! What about my brother? He's all alone in this world now. How do you think he'll move on?"
Ed's words hurt, but Roy tried to remind himself, this wasn't the real Ed, he was just Roy's conscience upsetting him. He tried with all his might to focus every amount of energy on Riza. She'd free the kite from the tree and was now starting back toward him. The grace of her movements were intoxicating.
"Are you okay?" she asked sitting down on the picnic blanket again. "You look a little pale."
"I'm fine." He lied again.
"Dinner was fantastic. I don't think I could eat another bite." Riza said clutching her stomach.
"Yeah, that seafood thing—what was that?" Roy asked smiling a little.
"I think it was squid." She replied her smile growing.
"Ugh," he groaned mockingly, "I think I was happier not knowing." He unlocked the door to his apartment and ushered her inside. "I'm beat."
"Me too." She said. Her face became more serious and she turned to face him. Looking in his eyes she said, "I had a really nice time Roy. Today really meant a lot to me. It was…nice."
He smiled back at her endearingly, "Yeah, it was."
She tilted herself up on her tiptoes and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, "Goodnight Roy." The day had been perfect. Roy's cheeks warmed and he smiled. "Goodnight Riza." Awkwardly, he made his way toward his room. Riza sighed with contentment at his retreating form. She couldn't have asked for more.
Sorry that this isn't the entire epilogue. I would post the whole epilogue in one chapter, but when I got to 20 pages I decided I should break it up into sections. This was only the first 9 pages and believe it or not I'm still not done writing. I just wanted to drop you guys a line to prove I wasn't dead ;) Besides I really miss opening my email and seeing your reviews. I hope you enjoyed the first part, hopefully I'll get to post the next parts soon.
As for the part about Ed that might have confused some of you. He's really just Mustang's conscience plaguing him. Ed isn't dead in any way shape or form.