Author's Note: Do you like me? Circle one: Yes or No

Author' Real Note: Hey fanfic readers, writers, etc. The Cliché series is one I started in another forum that went over really well over there, so I'm bringing it here. I must remind all those without a sense of humor that THIS IS PARODY! I am not making fun of you. I think anyone who can weave together a fantastic well-written fiction regardless of what form the plot takes is incredibly creative and a far better person than I am because all I can write are these silly little novelty fanfics. So before you flame me, let me just say "Parody is the greatest form of flattery." Mark Twain. Also, this is my first Buffy fanfic, so I'm not hip to all the lingo yet, but I'm working on it.

DISCLAIMER: According to my lawyers, just because I own a Buffy poster does not mean I own Buffy. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. Anybody else I bring up in the story aside from myself is probably not my creation either, but I'm too lazy to do the disclaimers. That all being said cue the music...

Buffy the Cliché Slayer

By Steve-0

Prologue:

"Dying twice is Easy, Writing Fanfiction is Hard."

It was a sunny day in Sunnydale, when our lovely protagonist, Miss Buffy Summers, entered the Magic Box. The magic box for all those not familiar with the series is a store that sells magical items, and is not an actual box of magic. Anyway, it was a day just like any other. Giles was researching some demonic cult. Xander was researching a comic book. Willow was practicing her spells, and changing her hair color from red to black to white and back to red again. Anya was minding the register with a bored expression. Dawn was out in the back alley stealing hubcaps. Spike was pouring himself a brandy at the nearby table, and chasing it with a cup of yak's blood that he drank out of a "World's Best Watcher." coffee mug.

Tara stared off into space; she had no personality, because her creator forgot to give her one. Oz stared at Tara wondering why his ex- girlfriend, Willow was dating a limp dish towel shaped like a mousy young woman. Kennedy sat next to Oz wondering the same thing. Faith was off in another room either killing someone or sleeping with them. Nobody seemed to care which, because that's the way Faith was and that's what she did. Riley sat across from Spike with his right palm face down on the table. He stared at Buffy while he tried to stab between the spaces around his fingers with the knife he held in his left hand. He later realized that he was right- handed after cutting off half his pinky. Riley then ran into the bathroom crying and holding onto his bloody hand. Poor Riley, he never was that bright. Joyce and Miss Calendar sat near Giles staring lovingly at him.
Cordelia sat near the counter staring lovingly into a handheld mirror at all the magnificence that was her.

Wesley was underfoot of Giles. (FYI: "Underfoot" is an Old English term meaning "being in the way." Nobody uses the term today except grandparents.) "Someday I'll be a respectable character like Giles..." Wes thought "...but it won't be on this series." Andrew sulked in the corner, he realized that he was the least liked of the three geeks, and now he was the only one left. This left him feeling unoriginal and out of place. Now he was nothing more than a geekier version of Xander, and maybe a little gay. Angel sat at the same table as Spike and Riley polishing off his seventh box of ox blood Twinkies. Hiatus had not been kind to the "vampire with a soul." Now he looked more like the "vampire with a roll." Kendra and Principal Wood stood in background and shook their heads in disgust. This was probably the only show on UPN that doesn't have a strong black character to back it up. "Hell, at least Angel had Gunn!"

They thought. Buffy walked into the Magic Box and surveyed the sight of all her comrades, past, present, and future, furrowed her cute little brow, pouted her little Buffy lips and yelled

"Giles, what the hell is going on here?"

Giles looked up from his book, and adjusted his glasses.

"I'm not quite sure. It seems to be some sort of disruption in the space-time continuum. I'm looking up demons that might have that kind of power but thus far, I haven't found any being that powerful."

"Did you try Jerrod's Book of Spooky Things?" Wesley asked slamming a tome that was obviously too large for him to carry down in front of Giles.

"Yes, for the fifth time I've all ready looked at that one, now will you please leave me alone and go bug Cordelia. She's legal now!" Giles snapped at the bumbling watcher.

Wesley sighed. "It's just not the same."

"I don't see what the problem is, Buff? So the Magic Box is a little crowded." Xander asked his eyes not leaving his comic.

"Are you serious Xander?" Buffy exclaimed.

"My mom, Kendra, Tara, Miss Calendar, Anya, and for all I know Spike are dead! Cordie is in a coma, and Riley's married and working for the military. Wesley is working in LA with Angel and is nothing like the old Wesley who we knew back in high school. Oz left us a long time ago, and the worst of all Angel got fat."

"Um...that's not a time disruption thing, I just have been letting myself go lately." Angel said sheepishly.

"And the really weird thing is Sunnydale is supposed to be a hole in the ground! It was destroyed during our battle with the First!" Buffy yelled.

"None of this makes sense. Everyone acts like they're either from a different time period, or they're just not in character at all. It's like something's ruined the...ruined the..."As Buffy searched for the word to describe the strange happenings, a magic 8 ball rolled off the shelf, onto the floor, and touched her foot.

I THINK THE WORD YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR IS CONTINUITY. EVERYTHING IS OUT OF CONTINUITY.

The ball said. Buffy jumped, and took a fighting stance against the 8-ball.

"Who are you? What do you want? You picked the wrong gal to mess with, don't you know I'm the—"

SLAYER? YES I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. AS FOR YOUR QUESTIONS SHAKE THE BALL AND ALL WILL BE REVEALED.

Buffy picked up the strange orb, and stared at it with uncertainness.

"Maybe you should ask it a question. I use to have one of those and it just answered Yes or No questions. Mine never talked though." Willow said. "

Can I trust you?" Buffy asked the 8-ball.

ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES. NOW SHAKE THE DAMN BALL!

"Buffy be careful we don't know what kind of arcane forces are at work here!" Giles warned while he did some random British guy fidgeting.

"I can't help it, it's like I don't have control of my own body."

Buffy said as she gave the ball a good shake. Blue light blasted from the plastic opening of the toy, followed by a phantasmal mist. When the smoke cleared, a tall, reed-thin man appeared dressed in a tuxedo.

FREE AT LAST! NOW TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION AS TO WHOM I AM AND WHAT IS GOING ON. I AM YOUR WRITER.

"No you're not." Anya said.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

"You're not Joss. Joss is a fat guy with glasses. You don't have glasses and you look like an extra from Schindler's List." Anya bluntly pointed out.

NO I'M NOT JOSS WHEDON, I'M A FANFIC WRITER. WELL, ACTUALLY I'M A HUMOR FANFIC WRITER. (WE'RE SLIGHTLY LOWER ON THE TOTEM.)

"Wait a tick, are sure this isn't part of the series, and you're not some baddie playing with our heads?" Spike asked.

OH I'M SURE OF THAT. YOU SEE YOU'RE SHOW'S BEEN CANCELLED FOR MONTHES. IF IT WASN'T FOR FANFIC WRITERS (AND THE ANGEL SPIN-OOF) YOUR CHARACTER'S WOULD HAVE FADED INTO OBSCURITY LIKE MOESHA.

"Well, actually the fact that the characters haven't faded into obscurity is 99.9 because of the Angel spin-off, and like say 0.1 fanfic writers." Angel stated. He's such a fat little know-it-all.

WHATEVER THE POINT IS I'M WRITING YOU ALL INTO THIS FANFIC AND THAT'S WHY THE CONTINUITY IS ALL MESSED UP. YOU SEE EVERY FANFIC WRITER HAS TO DECIDE WHICH CHARACTERS TO USE AND FROM WHEN IN THE SERIES THEY CAME FROM. TIME IS VERY IMPORTANT IN THIS SERIES ESPECIALLY SINCE THE CHARACTERS ENTIRE PERSONALITIES CHANGE FROM SEASON TO SEASON. FOR EXAMPLE, DO I USE WHINY BUFFY FROM 6TH SEASON OR BITCHY, SPEACH GIVING BUFFY FROM 7TH, OR DITZY BLONDE BUFFY FROM 1ST, OR...

"Ok, ok we get the point. But wouldn't a good writer use characters that were from the same time period so people wouldn't get confused?" Buffy asked.

"What makes you think he's a good writer?" Anya asked.

HEY NOW!

"Anya has a point. I mean 'pouted her little Buffy lips.' Who writes like that?" Xander scoffed.

I...UH...WAS MAKING FUN OF WRITING STYLES.

"Then why does the whole thing start out in the style of being written by a bloody fourth grader?"

Spike noted as he struck a match to light his cigarette.

"Yeah and I don't think phantasmal is even a word." Willow noted.

"Yeah and if this is a humor fic, shouldn't it be, I don't know, funny? You're going for slightly annoying at best right now." Buffy retorted.

"I'm not even going to think about the amount of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors." Giles said with disgust.

I DON'T HAVE SPELL CHECK.

"Plus he mentioned Buffy going into the magic box three times, like the reader didn't get it the first two." Xander explained.

"I think that was to distract us from the lack of content of the story thus far."

OK THAT DOES IT THE STORY DOESN'T EVEN START TILL NOW.

Poof Wesley, Cordelia, Miss Calendar, Oz, Tara, Joyce, Dawn, Faith, Kennedy, Kendra, Principal Wood, and Riley disappeared, leaving only Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, Angel, Spike, and Buffy left staring awestruck at sheer omnipotent power of the estranged fanfic writer.

"You just called yourself estranged." Anya said.

Ok maybe awestruck wasn't the right word.

RIGHT NOW I AM ESTRANGED! I'M NEVER GOING TO DO THIS SELF INSERTION THING AGAIN.

"Self-insertion?" Buffy asked

IT'S WHERE THE AUTHOR INSERTS HIMSELF OR HERSELF INTO THE STORY.

"Wow how pathetically self-conscious do you have to be, to insert yourself into a story about fictional characters?" Xander pondered aloud.

"Aww, I think it's kinda sad. Those people probably can't tell fantasy from reality." Willow sighed.

YES IT REALLY IS A TRAGIC GENRE OF FANFICT--HEY! I'M WRITING A SELF- INSERTION FIC!

"And you're doing a great job too." Anya said condescendingly.

I'M STARTING THE STORY NOW!

"'Bout bloody time."

And so the even more estranged author picked the Magic 8-ball up off the ground and pointed it at the seven heroes. It began to glow with the unholy light as it opened a vortex that sucked six of the heroes inside one by one. But when the 8-ball reached Angel, it just sputtered loudly and fell to the ground. The Magic Box was gone now all that remained was a vastness white void. The author and Angel just stood there staring at each other

"What happened?" Angel asked.

I THINK YOU WERE TOO HEAVY FOR IT TO SUCK YOU IN.

"Great just what I need, first Spike steals my show, and now I'm too fat for fanficton." Angel brooded.

YOU CAN HANG OUT IN THIS CHAPTER ABOUT SELF-INSERTION FICS.

"That's cool. How big of a part in the story does this chapter play?"

ACTUALLY I WAS HOPING THE READERS WOULD SKIP THIS PART AND GO STRAIGHT TO CHAPTER ONE. I MEAN SO FAR THE ONLY POINT TO THE PROLOGUE WAS TO MAKE FUN OF SELF INSERTION STORIES. I MEAN AFTER THIS ONE WE GET INTO THE REAL CLICHED GENRES: SONGFICS, PAIRINGS, CROSSOVERS, WAFFS, SLASH, AU, AND NEXT GENERATION.

"Wow, we're going to get to poke fun at all those?" Angel said hopefully.

WELL, WE'RE NOT. AS SOON AS THIS CHAPTER'S FINISHED YOU WON'T SEE US AGAIN FOR THE REST OF THE STORY.

"When does this chapter end?"

RIGHT AFTER THIS SENTENCE.

"Oh great, you know I don't need this shit! I did a voice for Kingdom Hearts!" Angel shouted as he walked away into oblivion.

TO BE CONTINUED...OR STARTED...WHATEVER...