note: I realise that the XF timelines are royally screwed around on the show itself. In order to clarify when this fic is set, it is set about half way through season 6 just after Aqua Mala & Arcadia. Scully tried to adopt Emily around Christmas, and I've played with the timeline and set this fic around October almost two years later. I'm pretending that between Arcadia/Aqua Mala and this fic, nothing else in season six has actually happened yet, even though that's not entirely accurate. It's not like the show was any good at continuity anyway, so there's no reason why the fanfic should be!
Now that I've got that cleared up – on to the fic!
Ps – sorry about this part taking so long to post. I was away for the weekend and my internet connection died! Thankfully it's all fixed now.
3.
Scully was reluctant to leave the quiet room where Jacob and Lucy lay sleeping. She stood in the doorway and watched them, trying to convince herself that they would be okay for a few minutes while she went downstairs and explained the situation to her mother. Oddly enough, she found it hard to leave her position against the doorjamb, and it was almost impossible to keep her gaze from the two children whose cheeks were flushed with sleep.
"Dana?" her mother asked behind her, a light hand resting on Scully's shoulder. "I've made you some tea. Come down to the living room so you can explain."
"Okay, Mom," Scully said, but she didn't move.
"They'll still be here when you've had your tea, Dana. They'll be fine for a few minutes without you guarding their dreams."
Scully flushed a little, and allowed her mother to lead her downstairs where two cups of tea sat on the coffee table waiting for them.
"Now," her mother said, once Scully was settled on the couch with a cup in her hands. "Would you care to tell me what this is all about?"
"Jacob and Lucy's parents were murdered last night, Mom," Dana said quietly.
"Oh, that's terrible!"
Dana nodded, fiddling with the cup in her fingers. "They don't have anyone. Their parents didn't make any provision for them in case something happened to them. Effectively, Lucy and Jacob are orphans, and are going to be put into the social service system."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Maggie said sincerely, sipping at her own tea. "I'm still not entirely certain on why you've brought them here though."
"My apartment is too small for children," Scully said reasonably, finally lifting her own tea to her lips. It was sweet and milky and warm – not the way she liked it, but it soothed her in a way that only her mother's tea could. "I'm keeping them for a while. At least, until things are a little more certain regarding the murder investigation and suspects. We're fairly certain Jacob witnessed the murder; even if he didn't, he most likely knows who it was. We don't know for certain though, because he's refusing to talk to anyone about what happened, and I don't want to force him."
"It's not usual for you to take in children though," Maggie said reasonably, her eyebrows lifting in a way Scully recognised as very similar to her own. "Don't they have protection schemes for children in this situation?"
Scully nodded. "I found them, Mom, and Mulder and I both agreed it's better for the children if I keep them for a bit." She stared at her milky tea, not willing to look at her mother suddenly.
"Dana, are you sure about this?" Maggie asked quietly.
"Of course I am," Scully said firmly, nodding. "Jacob trusts me, and right now, he needs someone he trusts."
"I know you, Dana. You're not planning on letting them go any time soon, are you?"
Scully opened her mouth to protest, but found she couldn't form any words or sounds, let along try and convince her mother she was wrong.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Dana," her mother assured her. "I just want you to realise the decision you're making. It's not fair to be someone Jacob can trust if you're only going to break his trust by abandoning him."
"I won't abandon him!" Scully almost shouted.
"I'm not saying you will," Maggie soothed. "But if you don't keep the children after you've taken them in, he will see it as abandonment. He's young, Dana, and little ones don't always understand why things happen the way they do."
Scully was silent for a while as she surveyed the milky tea in her cup. A thin film was collecting on its surface as it cooled, and the thought of swallowing the sweet liquid suddenly made her feel sick. "Am I making the right choice?" she whispered, not looking up.
"I can't answer that," Maggie said carefully. "You have to understand though, Dana, that if you do this, it's for good. You can't change your mind half way through and decide you made the wrong choice after all. It will mean a change in career, lifestyle and priorities. Are you willing to do that for two children you barely know?"
Scully thought she knew Jacob better than she knew most people; she knew the way his small body cuddled against hers and the way his tears burnt at her skin like acid. The way his pain cut into her so deeply she thought she might bleed forever even after she ran out of blood.
"I was willing to do that for Emily," Scully said, licking her lips. Time felt slow and heavy like honey. "I'm willing to do that for them."
---
It was surprising how quickly things moved after she realised what she'd wanted all along. Barely past one o'clock on the Saturday morning that had started off no more unusual than most, and Scully was sitting in her mother's living room with sweaty palms and a pounding heart.
The doorbell rang, and she swallowed convulsively.
"I'll get it, Dana," her mother said, resting a hand on her shoulder to keep her in her seat.
Scully didn't stay seated though; her heart was racing and her blood was pumping, and sitting still felt far too relaxed for the emotion pumping through her body. She felt like she should be chasing down a suspect or hunting aliens with Mulder, not sitting in a flowery living room with a silver tea service and waiting for a visitor.
"Agent Scully?" a familiar voice asked.
The young woman standing in her mother's living room looked no different to how she'd looked a few hours before at the Logan's home.
"Please," Scully murmured, trying to smile, "call me Dana."
Alice nodded, "I'm happy if you call me Alice," she said easily.
"Have a seat," Scully said, waving toward the sofa.
Alice sat down, making herself comfortable on the floral sofa. "This is your mother's home, I take it?"
"Yes," Scully said, "can I get you a drink?"
"Tea is lovely, thanks," Alice said. "While you're busy, I wanted to apologise for this morning."
"I'm sorry?" Scully asked, pouring the amber liquid into two delicate porcelain cups. "Why are you apologising?"
"I was fairly rude and careless with several of the things I said in front of the children," Alice said awkwardly, trying to smile. "It's just… you caught me off guard. I'm not as new to the welfare system as Agent Mulder and yourself seem to think I am, and in my experience I've found that most law enforcers are only interested in the children as a possible witness or piece of evidence. I was worried that might be yours and Agent Mulder's motives for wanting to keep the children in your custody."
The words, while not meant maliciously or personally, stung Scully's sense of morals, and she stared coldly at the young woman. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I can assure you that neither myself nor Agent Mulder would ever use anybody that way, much less use children like that."
Alice smiled tightly. "I'm saying I'm sorry for jumping to those conclusions," the woman said, "but you have to understand that it's not the first time I've had those sorts of requests for the reasons I've just outlined to you. I worry about the children, and I don't want to see them hurt that way."
Scully nodded. "I understand. It's why I asked you to stop by."
Alice's gaze, Scully was surprised to discover, was almost unnerving. Her eyes, appearing so innocent, studied Scully intently, as though she was trying to learn Scully's secrets and motives. "I'm guessing you're about to do ask or suggest something even more unusual that your original request this morning," Alice said finally.
"How do you mean?" Scully questioned.
To her surprise, Alice smiled broadly. "The problem with people like yourself who work in the law enforcement field, is you can't help deflecting questions with more questions," Alice said, almost chuckling. "I'm not interrogating you, Dana. You asked me to stop by because you had something you wanted to discuss with me, so there's no need to start getting so defensive."
Scully blushed and smiled self consciously, suddenly at ease with the young woman. "I want to adopt them," Scully announced, shocking herself with her bluntness. She felt, looking at Alice, she might have surprised the younger woman too.
"Why?"
Scully faltered. Why? No one had ever asked her why she wanted to adopt a child before. "I… what do you mean?"
"Why do you want to adopt these children?" Alice said patiently.
To fill something in herself, Scully thought tiredly. She needed something more, and the children needed something more. It was an ideal solution to a problem with no other feasible happy endings.
"I don't want to pry, Dana," Alice said gently, "but you have to understand that I need to know you want the best for these children. Adoption isn't easy on either the parents who are adopting, or the children who get adopted, and I don't want you to have the wrong idea about what it entails."
"I've been through all this already," Scully admitted. "I… I tried to adopt a little girl almost two years ago."
Alice raised her eyebrows. "Tried?"
Scully nodded. "Emily… Emily suffered from a rare autoimmune haemolytic disease, and she died before the adoption was approved or rejected."
"Do you have any ideas as to how the court was looking at your application?" Alice asked.
"I don't think I would have been awarded custody," Scully said honestly. "I was emotional at the time, Emily was tangled up in an investigation which I was technically not supposed to be involved in, but I wouldn't listen and I think it may have harmed my chances."
Alice nodded. "Any other comments?"
"I was advised that being a single working mother with a dangerous career was also not a great mark in my favour," Scully said dryly.
"It's not," Alice said honestly. "If you've already had one 'brush' with adoption services, and it wasn't a good one, you're going to have to fight for these kids tooth and nail, Dana. You're going to have to sacrifice and convince and prove that you have these kids' best interests in mind, and that it's not just for your sake that you want to adopt."
The words, hard and cold though kindly delivered, solidified a small niggle that had been brushing at Scully's conscience since she'd first held Jacob in her arms.
"I'll have to leave the Bureau, won't I?"
"Field work, yes," Alice said. "You could take on an internal role, or a teaching role, or administrative… but field work, travel and direct line of fire will have to step back completely."
Mulder. Mulder would not take this decision easily, she realised with a cold stab of dread. Chances were he'd probably take it personally. Scully was shocked she'd already made the decision; it seemed to easy and too quick to really be a good decision, but it made her feel better knowing what she had to do.
"What else?" Scully asked quietly.
Alice studied her. "I won't lie to you, Dana, you're going to give up a lot and I can't guarantee you'll get the children."
"I want this," Scully whispered. "I really, really want this."
"Why don't you have a child of your own?" Alice asked quietly.
"I can't… I can't have children," Scully managed, closing her eyes. "Adoption is my only chance, and since before Emily I've been feeling a void."
"What about your work? It must be important to you."
"It is," Scully agreed. "I love my work. But it's not as important to me anymore; it hasn't been for some time."
"Why not?"
The questions were harder than Scully had thought they would be. "My sister was murdered several years ago. I was abducted against my will by the same people. I had to bring the people to justice for what they did."
"Did you?"
Scully smiled. "No, I didn't. But I feel that justice was served accordingly, and while it's not easy to accept what happened or accept the fact that my sister isn't coming home, I can move on with my life knowing that I did what was needed of me and the work that was important to me is completed."
Alice was silent a long time, still studying Scully. Scully didn't like the silence; it felt oppressive and accusing.
"Your mother has a beautiful home," Alice remarked suddenly. "It's not your home though."
"No," Scully said, smiling.
"If you are going to look after two children, Dana, you'll need a house. You'll equipment for them, and clothes, and toys and a yard for them to play in. You'd need to be near a school and think about planning for their future."
"I'd do that," Scully said emphatically.
"You'll also need an income, Dana, unless you have a lot of money stashed away somewhere."
"You don't sound convinced," Scully realised.
"I believe you when you say you have these children's best interests at heart," Alice said sincerely. "I believe you when you say you'd do anything for them. Unfortunately, I also know what it's like for a single mother to try and raise two children and give them the best. Children are expensive, and require a lot of time. I'm not saying you won't succeed, but given your history with adoption services and the fact that you would still be a single mother who'd have to look after two very young children, I don't think you have a good chance of winning the battle, Dana."
Scully closed her eyes, refusing to let Alice see her cry.
"What if I wasn't single?" she asked. "What if I had someone who wanted the children as much as I do?"
"You're not married," Alice pointed out. "Unless it's a legal marriage, a partner doesn't count in the eyes of the law."
"Are you busy tomorrow night?" Scully asked, surprised at how calm she felt inside.
"No," Alice said, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Dana, you can't just find someone and ask him to marry you. You have to have proof of a long and stable relationship. And," the woman added with an uncanny foresight, "it can't just be a marriage of convenience. Those end up causing more harm than good, and I won't allow the children to be subjected to the unnecessary trauma of a divorce when things turn messy."
"Well," Scully said conversationally, "if I loved him, it wouldn't be a marriage of convenience, would it?"
Alice, Scully was relieved to see, looked somewhat reassured at that statement. Scully, on the other hand, felt a wild bubble of long overdue panic pop and splatter her insides with cold, dark fear. What if it was the wrong choice? What if he didn't agree? What if she wasn't right for the children?
"Okay," Alice said, "I'll stop by again tomorrow night."
Scully felt herself smiling and rising to her feet. "Okay," she said, still smiling. "Please, Alice, I really want this to work."
"I hope for your sake, and the children's, it does," Alice said, smiling as well.
Alice said goodbye, and Scully was left in her mother's sitting room panicked and scared and fighting to keep the tiniest flicker of hope alive inside.
God she hoped she could talk Mulder into agreeing.
---
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