5.
Lucy started stirring a few minutes after Mulder left; Scully was almost impressed with the baby's timing. The little girl was warm and cuddly after her nap, dark hazel eyes blinking sleepily at Scully. Scully had expected a fuss or confusion over with the strange woman picking her up and cuddling her, but Lucy was apparently at ease with strangers and went quite happily into Scully's arms.
"You, Lucy, are in need of a change," Scully told the baby, catching a whiff of a not entirely pleasant odour emanating from Lucy's diaper-clad backside. Lucy gurgled sleepily in agreement, clutching at Scully's sweater with chubby fingers.
The mess in Lucy's diaper was almost worse than some of Scully's cadavers, and she wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"It's not too late to change your mind," her mother said from the door way.
Scully looked up from her diaper changing, and smiled in amusement at her mother. "This does make me pause and really think about what I want to get myself into," Scully admitted.
Her mother smiled, and there was an unusual glimmer of companionship in her eyes. "It made me wonder," the older woman acknowledged. She stepped forward and offered Scully a baby-wipe, watching as Scully cleaned and powdered and redressed the baby.
"I didn't realise you were so good with babies."
"I got a lot of practise at med school," Scully shrugged, snapping the buttons on Lucy's romper shut. "There we go," she told the baby, "all clean and ready for a play."
Lucy grinned, revealing two small front teeth. "Oh," Scully said in surprise, examining the teeth with her finger. "I need to get you a teething ring."
"Ah, the good times," Maggie said dryly. "Give me the baby, Dana, and wake Jacob. If you let him sleep too much you'll never get him to bed tonight."
"Thanks, Mom," Scully smiles, handing over the infant. She was a little disappointed to see Lucy go so easily to her mother, but then reasoned that if Lucy had accepted her so happily, she was bound to accept most people without a fuss. But maybe subconsciously she'd wanted the baby to just take to her more than everyone else even though it was unreasonable.
Unlike Lucy, who'd awakened happily and accepted Scully's affection with a slobbery grin, Jacob flinched away from Scully warily.
"Where's my mom?" he demanded, almost panicked.
"Jacob," Scully whispered, biting on her lip. She started to say more, but memory flooded the little boy's features and he stared at her with horror. "Oh, Jacob," she murmured, reaching for him.
"No!" he shouted, slapping at her arms and pushing her away. "NO! I want my Mom! Where's my Mommy? I want my Mommy!"
He fought her again, just like he did hours ago in the dark hiding hole he'd found in the attic, and she let him struggle and fight her until he collapsed against her again, his skin hot and flushed and damp with sweat against hers.
"I'm so sorry, honey," she told him, kissing his damp forehead. "I'm so, so sorry."
"I want my Mom," he cried, clutching at her again with desperate fingers.
"I know," she told him, rocking him, "I know, and I'm sorry she's not here."
She rocked him until he settled, and then smoothed the hair back from his face. His blue eyes were red and his pale face streaked with tears. "I can't bring your Mommy back, Jacob," Scully said quietly, "no one can change what happened. But I'm going to do my best to look after you, okay?"
"Are you going to be my new Mommy?" he asked, looking worried.
"You don't need to worry about a new Mommy yet," she told him, rubbing his back. "You'll still miss your Mommy, and I'll look after you, okay?"
He didn't look convinced.
"Do you want me to look after you?"
"Who are you?" he asked, looking confused.
"I'm Dana, remember?" she said gently. "Do you want to say hello to Lucy?"
"Where's Lucy?" he demanded, almost panicked.
"She's in the kitchen with my Mom," Scully calmed him. "I think she's helping to bake some chocolate chip cookies. Did you want to help too?"
The idea of chocolate chip cookies evidently sounded appealing, despite Jacob's obvious distrust and wariness, and before long the desire to help bake and see his sister won out over any pressing fears. "Can I eat them?"
"After dinner," she promised him.
"How long until dinner?"
"Not long," Scully lied. "First though, we need to get you cleaned up, young man."
He gazed at her steadily, the look in his eyes strangely contemplative for such a young child. "Are we going home?"
"We're staying here, for now. Is that okay?"
"Yes," he decided. "I don't want the bad man to find Lucy."
Scully hugged him. "He won't find you or Lucy here," she promised, kissing his forehead again. "Now come on, let's get you cleaned up, and then we go help with the cookies."
"I can make big cookies," he told her as she helped him off the bed and led him to the bathroom. "Really big ones!"
It probably wasn't the best thing to distract him, Scully thought, but it would be easier to talk to him when he trusted her a little more. Maybe she should ask Alice how to handle what Jacob had seen, and what to expect. Maybe Alice would have some advice on the best things to do.
---
Scully had flour all over her black suit; small handprints where Jacob had constantly grabbed hold of her throughout the afternoon, as though he was making sure she really was there and not just a ghost of his imagination. She was touched that he stuck to her side like glue, but a little concerned at how wary he was with her mother.
It didn't Margaret Scully long to win most children over; having raised four of her own and being involved with numerous church groups for children, she had long ago honed in her children skills and had most of them loving her hugs and tickles within a few minutes of meeting her. Jacob, however, seemed immune to Maggie's charms, and Scully wasn't entirely certain that was a good thing.
Initially she'd felt a little proud and smug that the boy seemed to prefer her, but it didn't take her long to realise her selfish emotions were stopping her from seeing that the boy's preference of her was stemmed more out of necessity and the fact that she'd saved him, rather than him preferring her company over her mother's.
Still, she thought as his hand wrapped itself in the once spotless material of her trousers again, he trusted her and even though he wasn't overly communicative or responsive to Maggie, he'd made a certain amount of progress during their afternoon of cooking and was now at least talking to her.
"Don't worry about it, Dana," her mother told her at one point, when Jacob was engrossed with making the biggest chocolate chip cookie ever, "he just needs to get comfortable again, and then he'll settle down. Once that happens, he should start behaving more like a normal four year old."
"He's been through a huge trauma though," Scully whispered, watching as his brow creased in concentration and his fingers struggled to place extra chocolate chips in the perfect pattern. "What if he never gets over it?"
"It's been my experience that if you give children enough love and stability and support during a difficult period, they usually turn out okay," Maggie said carefully. "He's still young enough that I think he can move on from this. He might never be as out-going as he was before, and it might always take him a long time to learn to trust people, but you can't say for certain that he wasn't a withdrawn child before this. You can't look at Lucy and decide that because of what Jacob saw or didn't see, he now doesn't trust people like he used to."
"What if that is the case?" Scully argued.
Maggie shrugged. "It's a horrible thing to go through, Dana, but you can't change what happened. All you can do, if you're sure it's what you want to do, is love that little boy as much as possible, and show him that you can always be trusted to be there for him. If you can do that, he'll be confident enough to live a normal life, because he'll know that you'll always be there for him."
Scully stared at her mother with amazement, and a trace of doubt. "How do you know all this?"
Maggie smiled. "I've learnt things while I volunteered at church and community centres," she said simply. "You'd be surprised at the amount of difference one constant source of love and trust can make in a child's life."
Scully nodded slowly. "I hope you're right, Mom."
"Me too," Maggie agreed. "It won't be easy, Dana, you'll probably have to help him through a lot of things like nightmares and fears, and maybe even anger or guilt."
"You'll help me, won't you?" Scully whispered.
"Of course," Maggie said, wrapping Dana in her arms and hugging her. "You just need to make sure you get to keep them."
"I'm working on that," Scully promised.
Maggie, to Scully's surprise, smiled. "I take it Fox is helping you?"
Scully, to her horror, blushed. "Yes."
"Good," Maggie said, as the doorbell rang. "I'll go get that, you save some of that cookie dough from Lucy."
Lucy, Scully saw when she turned back to the children, had decided that raw cookie dough was far more appealing than the cheese and fruit pieces in front of her, and had demanded some of it. Apparently Jacob wasn't one to refuse his sister anything yet, and had passed her a fairly large chunk quite happily.
"What are you doing, Lucy!" Scully grinned, smiling at the sight of a dough smeared baby gumming happily on a large wedge of uncooked cookie.
"She likes cookie dough," Jacob told her happily.
"I can see that!" Scully told him, picking Lucy up out of the old highchair Maggie had dug out of her attic, and kissing the gummy cheek affectionately.
"Look at my cookie, Dana! It's the biggest bestest cookie!"
"It's huge!" Scully agreed. "You even decorated it!"
"It's a happy cookie," Jacob nodded. "Can we cook it now? Please?"
"Look who's dropped by for another visit," Maggie said, reappearing in the kitchen, followed by Mulder.
Jacob forgot about his cookie, scrambled off the chair he was kneeling on, and ducked behind Scully, wrapping his doughy hands in her trousers again and burying his head against the back of her legs.
"I thought you were only stopping by tomorrow, Mulder," Scully said, trying to remain calm as Lucy grabbed hold of her with grubby fingers and yanked gleefully. Scully grunted with pain, and tried to pry Lucy's fingers out of her now doughy hair.
"Apparently I can't leave you alone and unsupervised," Maggie said dryly, reaching for Lucy.
The baby, recognising the new adult who spoilt her with cuddles and kisses and treats, shrieked her delight and wriggled, almost launching herself out of Scully's arms and onto the floor.
"Easy!" Maggie smiled, catching the baby. "I'll take her, Dana, and go get her cleaned up."
"Thanks, Mom," Scully said, happily passing over the baby.
"You look like you've been having fun, Scully," Mulder said blandly from the doorway.
She eyed him pointedly. "Not one word, Mulder."
"Would I say anything about the fact that you have more flour on you than I've ever seen in one place, and that your hair is caked in enough cookie dough to be cooked and sold as the biggest cookie ever?"
"You're wrong," Scully said smugly. "Jacob's made the biggest, bestest cookie ever."
"The bestest?" Mulder asked, teasing.
Scully smiled, blushing. "Show Mulder your cookie, Jacob."
The little boy refused to let go of her legs; clutching at her trousers even tighter.
"I think you're lying, Scully," Mulder said, eyes twinkling. "I don't think Jacob made the biggest, bestest cookie."
"I did so!" Jacob said indignantly from behind Scully.
"Did not," Mulder disagreed.
"Did too!"
"Did not."
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Mulder!" Scully said, exasperated. "He did too."
"I don't believe you," Mulder shook his head. "I don't see no biggest, bestest cookie."
"It's right there!" Jacob said loudly, poking his head out from behind Scully and pointing at the table.
"Where?" Mulder asked, pretending to search the table.
"There!" Jacob said again, torn between hiding from the strange man and showing off his biggest, bestest cookie.
"I think you'll have to show him, Jacob," Scully whispered to Jacob. "Mulder isn't always very clever, see, so he needs your help."
Jacob hesitated, and then grabbed Scully's hand tightly with his; Scully didn't say anything about the gummy state of his fingers. Instead, she let him tug her along behind him as he warily shuffled his way toward the table where Mulder was now standing.
"There," the little boy said as Scully helped him back onto his chair. "That one."
Mulder winked at Scully, and turned his attention to the cookie. "Oh, wow!" he exclaimed loudly. "You're right, that's the biggest, bestest cookie ever. Did you really make that?"
"Yes," Jacob nodded. "Look, it's got a happy face!"
"That's so cool," Mulder enthused. "It must have taken you a long time."
"No," Jacob boasted. "I did it real quick. Ask Dana; I'm good at making big cookies!"
"He's very good," Dana agreed.
Jacob, forgetting his apparent fear and distrust of Mulder, let go of Dana's hand and pointed at the chocolate chips forming a lopsided smile. "See? This one is good, it's got lots of choc'lit."
"When it's cooked, can I try some of it?" Mulder asked politely.
Jacob considered him. "Are you Dana's daddy?"
Scully spluttered at the shocked expression on Mulder's face.
"Not yet," Scully said calmly – having a young nephew who referred to Bill as Tara's 'Daddy' meant she knew exactly what the young boy meant. "He will be soon."
"Daddy?" Mulder repeated silently, above Jacob's head.
"Husband," Scully translated just as silently with her lips.
Husband. Something inside her twisted and jolted sharply, her heart thudding erratically out of beat. Husband. Oh god, he was going to be her husband. Maybe.
Mulder smiled. "Do you mind if I'm Dana's Daddy?" he asked Jacob, looking down at the little boy now watching them intently. Scully was glad he wasn't looking at her anymore; she wasn't sure she had full control of herself.
Husband.
"Do you like dogs?" Jacob asked.
"Yes," Mulder said, nodding. "We're going to get a dog."
"Really?" Scully questioned, raising her eyebrow.
"Yes," Mulder said, grinning. "And a cat, and we'll have a nice white fence around our garden."
"We have a green fence," Jacob told him. "And my Daddy's going to build me a tree house."
"Really high up?" Mulder questioned, wisely ignoring the present tense the little boy still used.
Jacob nodded. "Yup. But Mommy is scared of trees, so we're going to build a small one first so she can have one too."
"That's pretty cool. Maybe you can help me build Dana a tree house too."
"Okay," Jacob said. "But I need to cook my cookie first."
"Yes," Mulder said, "you do."
Scully eyed the large mass of cookie dough stuck to the table, and sighed to herself. How on earth were they going to lift that cookie off the table without breaking it, let alone fit it in a tray?
Jacob watched as Mulder helped her slide a knife under the biggest, bestest cookie, and then they placed it on a large oven tray all by itself.
"Now," Scully said, turning to Jacob. "While that's cooking, Jacob, you can go upstairs to Maggie and ask her to help you clean yourself up a bit."
"But I haven't been outside so I'm not dirty," Jacob disagreed.
"You're plenty messy," Scully told him firmly.
"So are you," Jacob told her.
Mulder snorted loudly behind her. "Yes, I am, which is why I'll be cleaning up after you're cleaned up. But first, I need to clean up the kitchen."
Jacob surveyed the mess. "Yes," he agreed. "It's very messy."
"Off you go, Scout," Mulder said, reaching for Jacob. Scully almost stopped him, but when Jacob accepted Mulder's lift off the chair and ran out to the stairs without a fuss, she stared at him in amazement.
"How," she asked, "did you do that?"
"Do what?" Mulder asked, confused.
"He wouldn't let my mother touch him all day, and you waltz in here and five minutes later he talks to you, likes you, and lets you touch him."
Mulder shrugged, his cheeks slightly pink with embarrassment, but she could detect a hint of pleasure in his eyes too. "I'm your Daddy," he said instead, eyes sparkling. "I think that counts as something."
Scully raised her eyebrows. "You're not my Daddy yet, Mulder," she informed him.
"Almost," he said instead. "I got something this afternoon."
"What?" Scully asked.
Mulder shrugged. "Well, it's meant for this incredibly neat, tidy and professional woman I know who just happens to be an FBI agent and doctor."
Scully eyed him suspiciously. "Mulder?"
"Only, I seem to have lost her," he continued, grinning at her.
"What do you mean you lost her?"
"Well, I don't see any neat or tidy women around. Do you, Scully?"
She opened her mouth to argue with him, and then looked at herself.
"You look very cute covered in flour and cookie dough," he told her. "Almost good enough to eat."
Her face flamed at his words, and she stared at him stunned.
"While I've got you speechless," he added, grinning again as he dug in his pocket. "Here. Now it's official."
She fumbled with the small box he shoved into her hands, finally opening it to reveal a plain gold ring with a single, small diamond set in the metal band. "Mulder?" she whispered, looking at the ring and looking at him.
"You can't be engaged and not have a ring," he said quietly. "Do you like it?"
Her eyes were blurring; she tried to tell herself that she wasn't crying. Even though the ring was beautiful and perfect, none of it was real. He was marrying her because she'd asked him to as a favour. Friend to friend. He'd said himself he wasn't going to fall in love with anyone again, so that's all they were destined to be. Friends.
"Scully?" He sounded worried now, and she knew she should say something to tell him it was okay, it was perfect, but she couldn't speak. Instead, her floury, doughy fingers shook slightly as she fumbled with the beautiful ring and tried to slide it onto her ring finger. His clean, graceful hands helped her, and the ring slid into place beautifully.
"It's perfect," she whispered, smiling up at him.
"Good," he whispered. He was awfully close to her face, Scully thought, staring into his eyes. And then he was kissing her lightly, brushing her lips with his own while his hands curled around hers, rubbing the tops of her hands gently with his thumbs.
"Well, what's going on here?"
They jumped apart guiltily; Scully was horrified to feel her cheeks burning again in a hot blush. "Dana, is there something you'd like to tell me?" her mother asked, a smile on her lips as he eyes rested on Dana's left hand with a knowing look.
"Mrs. Scully," Mulder said uncertainly, "Dana and I are engaged."
Maggie grinned broadly. "Good," she said. "Dana's daddy indeed."
"I told you!" Jacob piped up from beside Maggie.
Mulder wrapped his arms around Scully, and she buried her head against his chest, grateful to be able to hide her flaming face from their apparent audience. The only thing wrong with this situation, other than the dough in her hair and flour on her suit, was that Mulder didn't love her.
She breathed in the smell of his aftershave, spicey and fresh and mingled with the scent she'd come to recognise as uniquely Mulder, and closed her eyes as his hand rubbed up and down her back. He was marrying her, and maybe that would be enough. It was, she consoled herself, more than she'd ever dared to hope for anyway.
---
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