MYSELF ON THE MERCY OF MY READERS! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I DON'T DESERVE TO WRITE!" Here are my pitiful excuses:

1. I've been balancing my free time between not flunking out of college, and working on the play from hell. Any time that wasn't spent on those two things was spent either
a. Sleeping.
b. Eating.
c. Relieving myself.

2. Remember when I told you I accidentally erased my word processor? Well, I accidentally erased Windows XP trying to get it back, so I've been sans computer for the past month and a half.

3. I'm pretty damn lazy, when you really boil it down.

4. Writer's Block. Why couldn't it be a cool block like a Lego or a Lincoln Log?

But fear not, cliche-heads; I'm back online, with spankin' new copies of Windows XP and Microsoft Office, and I'm ready rock your parody-craving world.

Author's Note 2: Old Business.
1. Chapter 3 is fixed! I'm sorry it took so long, but it was on my hard drive when I lost Windows

2. Q: What is a waff? A: Before I came onto the Buffy forum, I use to hang out in the anime category of I didn't write anything there, just read the fics and sent anonymous reviews because I was too lazy to login. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, a waff is a mixture of a fluffy pairing/high school fantasy fic.

3. Thank you for reviewing regularly. As a token of my gratitude, if you have a favorite fanfic genre you would like to get the cliche treatment, let me know, and I'll include it in my story. (This way when I run out of ideas I can just leech off my loyal readers' creativity...crap, that was supposed to be in a white colored font! Um...pay no attention to the words in the parenthesis!)

4. This chapter is supposed to be an OC parody chapter which I'm told either means that a character is acting out of character or the fic contains and outside or other character. Not knowing which definition was better I decided to cliche them both. Also this fic goes out to the reviewer who wanted to see vampire slut Buffy.

Bet you wish I'd stop boring you with the lousy author's notes and get on with the story...yeah, me too.

So without further delay...

Buffy the Cliche Slayer
Chapter 10
"DoppleGagLand"

Previously on Buffy the Cliche Slayer...

Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow, and Spike stand silently around the corpse of Rupert Giles. Dawn bursts through the door looking all Nancy Drew-like.

"I did it! I know who was responsible for the death of Rupert Giles!"

The lights go out, and there is a gunshot and a scream.

Oz, dressed up like Indiana Jones, is tied back to back with Cordelia, who is dressed in a dazzling lounge singer dress. They struggle against their bonds, as they are forced to sit helplessly on the floor of an ancient stone crypt that is slowly filling with water.

"This is another fine mess you've gotten us into," Cordy snaps.

"Look at it this way, the Nazis have stolen the mystical Rod of Solomon, we're about to be sealed in a dark watery tomb, and I have no idea how to get out of here. So at least things can't get any worse," Oz says.

Just then, the walls begin to close in.

"You know, I think I liked you better when you weren't written out of character, and you didn't always open your big mouth."

Tara, Kennedy, and Principal Wood, dressed in green scrubs, are operating on a broken Buffybot inside an army tent in South Korea. Faith bursts in with a distressed look on her face.

"As of 0500 hours, a helicopter carrying Privates Andrew and Riley was shot down over Cambodia. There were no survivors found at the crash site."

And now the exciting continuation of Buffy the Cliche Slayer!

The Magic Shop

"Hey look, Chapter Three's back online!" Lindsey exclaimed while hunched over a laptop that was sitting on the table. A few seconds later, he was done reading.

"Well, that certainly wasn't worth the hype," Angel said as he read over Lindsey's shoulder.

"Neither is this fic, when you look at it as a whole," Lindsey quipped

"Guess people will read just about anything," Angel sighed.

YEAH, LIKE I JUST READ THAT THE WB ISN'T PICKING UP ANY MORE SEASONS OF ANGEL.

"What?" Angel and Lindsey turned to face Steve-0.

YEP, BUT HEY, MAYBE SCI-FI'LL PICK YOU UP.

"Oh, God, my career is over!" Lindsey cried.

"I'm going to need two quarts of ice cream, and some time alone please," Angel sniffled.

UM, SURE THING, BIG GUY, BUT LET'S CHECK IN ON YOUR FRIENDS FIRST. Steve-0 pointed to the crystal ball/Wal-Mart lawn ornament.

"Oh, who cares? I'm about to get syndicated!" Angel had managed to find a large pot full of M&Ms and was now alternating between sobbing loudly and stuffing his face.

OK, YEAH, I'LL JUST WATCH BY MYSELF. Steve-0 backed away slowly from the brooding vamp.

The sky opened up inside the living room of Buffy's house and...blah, blah, blah, you know the drill by now. Anya landed safely and comfortably on the sofa, while Xander's fall was broken by the glass coffee table.

"Ouch! Pain!" Xander slowly got to his feet and dusted the glass shards off his clothes. "Oh, how fair is that?" he said, motioning to the reclined position Anya had shifted to when she fell.

She smiled cutely at him. "I guess the gods like me."

"Or, the writer's a total fan-boy with a crush."

"Can you blame him?" She batted her eyes at Xander.

"No, not completely." He smiled back, and snuggled close beside her.

"So, any idea where we are now?" Anya asked

"Well judging from that freshly boarded-up hole in the bay window and the string of sleeping bags all over the floor, I'd imagine we're in Buffy's house during that never ending episode known as Season Seven," Xander answered.

"Swell. That means if we run into Buffy we'll have to listen to one of her fifteen minute long speeches, which were powerful and dramatic the first couple of times, but now are about as riveting as the owner's manual to my blender." Anya rolled her eyes. Just then Buffy burst through the door. Her hair was teased, and she was wearing five-inch-thick make-up and a bottle of perfume. She was attired in a black mini-skirt and a green halter top with a red bra. She pounced on top of Xander without a word and started making out with him.

"Xander Harris!" Anya shouted, as she tried to pry Buffy off of him.

"Back off, hussy! I saw him first!" Buffy hissed at Anya.

"Like hell you did! Xander, don't just sit there--do something!" Anya yelled as she smacked him over the head.

"Hey come on, Buff, cut it out! Hey cut that out! That tickles! Hee hee. Now, I'm warning you..." Xander protested weakly, as Buffy licked the nape of his neck.

"Nice, Harris. Real forceful," Anya said, her arms crossed in disapproval.

"It's useless, Anya. He's completely enthralled with me. It's a little trick I picked up from Dracula when he turned me. It's also a little trick I used when I seduced and ate Giles."

"Eww!" Anya wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"And now your little Xander here is about to be dessert," Buffy purred, putting on her vamp face.

"Over my dead body!" Anya yelled as she lunged herself at Buffy. In a blink of an eye, Buffy jumped off Xander, spun around and kicked Anya, knocking her into the wall.

"Over your dead body? Was that a pun? Funny." Buffy smiled cockily, and returned to her task--as a mysterious figure rushed into the room and staked Buffy with the sharpened handle of a mop.

"Take that, vile seductress!" the mysterious man shouted as Buffy turned to dust. The man went to Anya and helped her to her feet.

"Whew, thanks, that was a close one," Anya said, brushing herself off.

"You can say that again. Who are you, mysterious mop man?" Xander asked, making his way over to the two.

"I'm Bob, the Universal Vampire-Slaying Janitor. My posse and I have come here to stop the First from resurfacing."

"Posse?" Xander asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't introduced you to my gang. OC Scooby Task Force, assemble!" Bob shouted, and the next thing you know a group of six started to fill the room. Xander and Anya could vaguely pick out three of them, but the other three they'd never seen.

"OC Scooby Task Force?" Anya asked.

"OC. It either stands for Other Character or Out of Canon; we're not sure which, so we formed a team including both. Hi, I'm talkative Oz. I'm just like the old Oz, except I tend to go off on these tangents of rambling where I go on and on, and I just can't stop talking. Do you know what that's like? I bet you don't, so I'll tell you! It's like having a piece of candy stuck in your teeth, and you're digging at it with your tongue but you can't get it so you stick your finger in there, but that doesn't work either, so you grab a toothpick and you're picking and picking, but it's not moving so you pick some more..." Oz turned blue and collapsed on the floor. Faith rushed to him and raised his head off the floor and placed it in her lap, as she fanned him with her other hand.

"Aww, poor Ozzie-poo! You forget to breathe when you're talking, silly. You know that if you don't stop that you're just going to keep on passing out." Faith giggled.

"Are you sure he's not sick? If he's getting sick I don't want to catch it. You better keep him away from me; I'm afraid of germs," Spike said.

Faith gently put Oz's head down and moved towards Xander and Anya with her hand out-stretched. She wore a cherry printed sundress and a straw hat.

"Hi, I'm sweet as pie Faithie, and this is Wuss Spike from Chapter 8," Faith said as she shook Anya's hand.

"What's up, Wuss Spike," Xander said, going over to him to shake his hand.

"Eeeek! Don't hurt me!" Wuss Spike yelped and hid behind Bob.

Just then a serious-looking 12-year-old girl dressed in blue and white robes stepped forth.

"I am Seera, a seer from another galaxy, and I predict doom for you." The girl pointed to Xander.

"Wh-What kind of doom?" Xander gulped.

"I predict that in desperation you'll take a job where you'll play the gay best friend of the main character in a Fox Family Channel made-for-TV movie," Seera soothsaid.

"Sucks to be you, son!" shouted a gruff, muscular man dressed as a stereotypical drill sergeant. He was followed by a small pink dragon.

"Name's Sgt. Savage and I am a one man army in a war against them damn vamps, and this is our pet dragon, Queef!" He smiled as the dragon flew around in a circle.

Xander looked at Anya, who looked back at him.

"Ok, I draw the line at pink dragons named Queef," Xander said.

"Me too." Anya turned to Bob. "You wouldn't happen to have seen a magical, leather-bound book floating around anywhere, have you?"

Seera reached into her robes and pulled out a book matching the description.

"You mean this book that opens up a portal to a different fanfic genre dimension every time that its opened?" Seera asked, handing Anya the book entitled Nexus."

"Yes! How did you know?"

"I read spoilers," Seera said.

"What?"

"Never mind. Let's just get out of this freak show, before we're asked to join them," Xander said, grabbing the book and opening it. He and Anya were sucked inside.

"Where did they go?" Wuss Spike cried.

Just then the sky opened up, and Mary-Sue fell from the hole and landed in Bob's arms.

"Oh my! That was some trip, and, look! Not one hair out of place," she said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Who are you?" Bob asked.

"I'm Mary-Sue, and I'm perfect."

Just then another portal opened, and Tarot from Chapter Four and Woody from Chapter Five fell from it.

"Ooo, child, that little wind tunnel better not have mussed my hair," Woody squealed.

"You're bald, jackass!" the mulletted six-year-old snarled. "Now, look out, there's another portal opening up, and it's a big one."

The portal was the size of the entire living room, as everyone ran for cover. Cyborg Giles from Chapter Seven, and Sailor Moon from Chapter Six (well, not really, but I meant her to be) fell out.

"Ow, my circuits!" Cyborg Giles cried.

"Oof, what are we doing here?" Sailor Moon asked, surveying her surroundings.

SIMPLE. I SUMMONED YOU, said a mysterious figure. (I'll give you three guesses on who it is and the first two don't count.)

YOU ALL HAVE ALL BEEN BROUGHT HERE FOR ONE REASON: TO DESTROY BUFFY AND HER SCOOBY GANG! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

To Be Continued...

Next Time: Umm, I don't really remember what happens next. Let's just bask in the rays of the cliffhanger ending, instead. Ahhh, now that's refreshing.