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CHAPTER 7.
She'd been at the police station for hours. Going over every fuzzy detail again and again. When the officers were satisfied, she walked with shaky legs to the foyer. The Winter Soldier was there, speaking with the police, and they were writing down everything he said.
He looked up at her, and his eyes shifted from steely no-nonsense to what she could only describe as concern. He gave her a non-smiling two fingered wave as if to ask if she was alright. She nodded. Maybe she could sneak out to grab a cab home. She just wanted to be alone.
The officers to her right were speaking in hushed tones about this afternoon. One of them mentioned the Winter Soldier.
She walked over to one of the officers and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me,
"Yes Preili Wallace?"
Preili was the term for 'miss' in Estonian.
"Have you found anything in connection to the murder? Please tell me."
"I cannot speak to you about this Preili."
"I understand. You mentioned my companion though."
"Oh, Harra Barnes. Yes. He was here interrogating the shooter last night. For many, many hours."
"What did he find out?"
"I'm sure he would tell you if you asked."
Yeah right. "I suppose."
"I must go. Thank you for your forthright testimony in this awful time."
She nodded reluctantly. "You're welcome," she said.
She rummaged around in her purse for her Chapstick, feeling dry and dehydrated and… disappointed.
"Were you asking about the Winter Soldier Preili?"
Jenny looked up to see a short man in a brown suit, with a stout nose.
"Yes."
"I'm a reporter for the Daily Sun, I have information if you'd like it. I've been here for two days."
"Please," she said, feeling a small semblance of relief.
"If you share with me your statement that is…"
"I can't. I'm under obligation, I'm sorry." Jenny started to walk away.
"Wait Preili, please, you look so sad. I'll share a few things."
Jenny turned around and he made an apologetic bow. "I overheard him talking with the politsei. He thinks what happened last night is connected with today's tragedy."
"Did he say how he knew?"
"No, but the Flag Smashers have disavowed the attack and as we all know, Hydra is not around any longer."
Jenny curved her neck toward the Winter Soldier. Maybe, maybe not. He was clapping the police officer on the shoulder with a wide grin. A grin she'd never seen. It looked… nice. He turned that grin on her and she felt a warm current run down her spine. In two strides he was at her side.
"Ready to go?" he asked. His face was steel again.
She nodded. It looked like he was making to grab her elbow, but instead of touching her, it was like a force field guiding her toward the door. She could feel him behind her, his warmth radiating onto her ice cold neck.
It was silent for most of the car ride back to the hotel. She didn't know what compelled her to speak first. "They spoke highly of you at the station."
He raised his eyes to her.
"They couldn't stop talking about the Winter Soldier," she said.
"My name is Bucky," he said.
She looked out the window.
He sighed. "You can use it if you want."
She turned back to him. "Thank you for helping me today Bucky."
He nodded.
"I haven't felt this shaky since I came back from the 'Blip'," she said. It slipped out smoothly, she hardly noticed she was talking.
He looked up at her, his eyebrows raised.
"It was like my atoms were all fizzy and then I was back," she said. "I could hardly walk. There was complete chaos in the elementary school I worked in. I don't know if that makes sense."
"Like being plunged into a bottle of coke on fire and then feeling like you'd never get warm again."
"Yeah," she met his eyes, soft with understanding. "That's exactly the feeling."
He nodded.
"The world had moved on without me," she said.
"That's been my whole life," he said staring at the floor. Their eyes met, and he shifted in his seat. "I lost everything and had to live it in my subconscious every time I woke up for seventy five years while my body did things against my will."
Jenny froze. Her grandfather was a part of that. And yet, the man in front of her had still done those things. He'd still tried to kill her all those years ago.
They pulled up to the hotel and he let her out.
"The GRC is expecting your call," he said, looking at his watch.
"Oh my God!" she said. She pulled out her phone to a litany of texts and missed calls. She groaned and put her hand to her forehead.
"Call them in the morning," he said.
She nodded and put her phone back in her purse, and he followed her back to their rooms. Just a quiet, steady presence.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said. He waited until she was inside before she heard the soft click of his room door next to hers.
...
Jenny let herself cry. She let herself cry all night. In the shower as she watched the caked red swirl down the drain. When she changed into her pajamas. While she watched the news and the shock of a nation. When she climbed into bed under the scratchy hotel sheets.
It was never outright said that sadness and grief were bad in her family, but it didn't have to be. It was an ever present expectation hanging over them, that anger was the only appropriate emotion. That crying was for the weak. That to be truly strong, pain or heartache should be suppressed so one could continue the fight. Continue pushing forward. Now that she'd been on her own for these past three years, she realized if she didn't cry, she felt weaker. She'd always loved big, always wanted to love to her full capacity, which seemed unending. But her emotions were too much for the men in her life. Daniel didn't want it. Her father didn't want it. And her Grandfather most certainly didn't want it.
So here she was, head buried in her pillow, wetting the fabric through with her tears. Alone. And she always would be.
President Tarkov's lovely face, vacant of the life she held, played like a movie over and over in her mind. There had to be a reason she was targeted. It didn't make any sense. She was moderate and didn't swing too far one way or the other politically. She was a champion for her country.
Of course madness didn't need to make sense for it to destroy.
The prime minister had taken over while the investigation continued on the mysterious group. No one knew who they were, or where they'd come from. Only that they'd disappeared and the two that they'd caught in custody had vanished, it seemed right from the police car.
She wondered if Bucky would continue to pursue them tomorrow. Or if he would meet up with them to discuss their next attack.
The confusion about his alliances made her head fuzzy and tired. She closed her eyes to restless and haunting dream filled sleep.
…
The next morning she put some big band music on her phone to help bolster her spirits before she called headquarters. Max had asked if she'd like to have breakfast but she just wanted to be alone. He was getting too… familiar. She had to distance herself. She ordered room service and ate quietly while listening to Benny Goodman and Sing, Sing, Sing, the horns boisterous and dirty over the pounding drums.
She'd just finished her coffee when her phone rang. She picked it up, and went to the window, moving the curtain so she could look out on the street.
"Hi Stuart," she said.
"Jennifer! I called and called all night."
"I know. I'm sorry, I was busy giving my statement."
"Were you near when it happened?"
Jenny bit her lip, the tears welling again.
"Hey," he said, moving on. "The big boss wants you guys onto the next location this afternoon."
Jenny sat down in her chair heavily. They were still going forward with the tour. "I don't know if I can do it Stuart."
There was silence on the other end of the phone. "I understand your hesitancy. But we're counting on you for the sake of the people you're helping."
She swallowed hard. "What if…" she asked. "What if they weren't targeting the president? What if they were targeting the tour?"
"This was a team of local radicals. The official reports said so."
"What if the reports are wrong?"
"Has Barnes let you down so far? Sounds like he's the best security you could have."
Jenny felt a wave of heat at his name. she wasn't sure if it was relief that he'd been able to save her, or fear that he was part of this.
"No, he hasn't."
"Listen, I hate to pull this, but you've signed all the papers. The plane is ready for you and the team at the airport. I'll put in an order for more security if it would make you feel better."
"It would. Thanks Stuart."
"Done. Keep me posted."
Jenny clicked off her phone and stared out the window. Things weren't quite adding up. She didn't necessarily trust Bucky, but the things she saw in him weren't what she'd remembered. This didn't seem like the thing he would have done while with Hydra. He was a loner. They sent him in to clean up Hydra's messes when their agents had failed, or a covert assassination needed to happen for their agenda.
Their agenda.
Once again her grandfather's betrayal hit her like a ton of bricks. And the Winter Soldier was a part of it. That night, in his house came back to mind full force.
It had been late. She was eight years old, and she'd woken from a dream, thirsty and parched. She and her sister Ashley were spending the Summer at Alexander's house in Washington. She crept down the stairs for a glass of water. But she stopped. She could hear her grandfather talking to someone in the pitch black of the kitchen. She peeked around the corner and spied the clock on the stove. One thirty in the morning. Her eyes adjusted to the dark. She snuck another look and found a pair of dark rimmed piercing eyes staring straight at her from the kitchen table. She screamed, and the man jumped up, the legs of his chair scraping against the floor.
She knew in that moment- he was going to kill her.
"No! No!" her grandfather shouted. "Not her, stop!"
The man halted and Alexander scooped Jennifer into his arms and carried her up the stairs. "It's ok Jenny, it's alright," he kept saying. "That was a friend. He's not scary, you don't have to be afraid."
He soothed her, gave her a glass of water and put her back to bed. But she didn't sleep that night. Every time she closed her lids, she saw those eyes, filled with murder and… blankness. It was the nothingness that was the most terrifying. A shell that only knew violence and destruction.
For years and years she would see those eyes in her dreams. It was burned into her memory. She hadn't known what it meant at the time, but as the headlines rolled after the explosion at the UN building she knew exactly who the man was that attacked it. The memory of his face in her grandfather's kitchen resurfaced like a latent nightmare. The Winter Soldier was to blame.
It was reported that it had been Baron Helmut Zemo that had been the real killer, but it was so hard to believe, given his history.
But now she wasn't sure. And her predilections were based on a tattered and well-worn copy of The Hobbit. And his surprising gentleness. She wanted to go on hating him. She wanted to despise him. But she just didn't know if she had it in her.
Jenny picked up her phone and dialed someone she prayed would be up. She heard the click on the line.
"Jenny?" said a sleepy voice. "You ok?"
"Yeah, sorry Nicole, I know you're sleeping."
"Actually no, baby's awake and kicking, so I'm watching Law and Order."
Jenny snickered. "Don't you always get paranoid watching that show?"
"I can't help it, I'm addicted. How are you? How's the tour?"
Jenny's eyes welled with tears. "It's um… It's."
"What's wrong?" asked Nicole, her voice heavy with concern.
"Have you seen the news?"
"No, I worked until six, came home, ate with Aaron and went straight to bed."
"I'm not supposed to talk about the case, but… The Estonian President is dead, and I saw it happen. She was good and kind, and I don't know how to feel." She heard rumpling on the other end of the line.
"Oh Jenny," said Nicole. "Is the tour cancelled?"
"We're leaving for Symkaria this afternoon."
"Stuart, that Bastard. Do you want me to pull some HR stuff and shut it down?"
"No, it's important that we continue… I just. She said something about…" She realized telling Nicole about what Juula had said about the Winter Soldier might worry Nicole, and she didn't want that. Not until she knew more.
"Something about what?" asked Nicole
"Nicole, do you trust that the Winter Soldier is rehabilitated?"
"Of course. Captain America vouched for him. And, every country that had a warrant pardoned him."
"Do you think a person can change?"
"Yes I do. You know me."
Jenny, not for the first time felt a wave of guilt. Nicole had been so open about her past with drugs, but even now, Jenny refused to talk about her grandfather.
"Yeah. I do."
A knock on her door made her jump bringing her out of her reverie.
"I have to go," said Jenny. "I miss you and baby." It felt so good to say. It had been a long time since she allowed herself to say the words.
"I miss you too, you sexy girl boss. Go knock 'em dead ok?"
"You're a queen," said Jenny. She turned her phone off and went to the door. Opening it she found Max with another cup of coffee.
"Oh, hi," she said. Even though he hadn't listened, she realized she was glad to see him. A friendly face in person was kind of nice.
"Morning," he said. His straight white teeth gleamed in the morning sunlight from her window. "I know you said no breakfast but thought you could use a latte."
"Actually, yeah, that would be great."
They sat down by the window, and she took a sip, the warmth from the coffee comforting her frazzled nerves. "Thanks for this, seriously."
"How are you doing after yesterday?" he asked.
"I'm… alright. It's hard to hop to the next place like nothing ever happened."
"Yeah, I got word that we're leaving this afternoon."
"I got the same word."
"How was our friend?" he asked. He started playing with a silver ring on his finger.
"He was actually really helpful."
"I have to honest Jennifer, I'm still unsure about him. It makes me nervous that he's spending so much time with you."
Jenny took another sip of coffee. "I wouldn't say going back and forth between police stations is spending a lot of time together."
"Still. You know what he's done. You know he's killed people…" He kept turning and turning the ring.
She locked in on the movement. The ring was so smooth.
"Yeah… yeah I know. He's a killer. He was an assassin..." Jenny felt so sleepy suddenly. Like yesterday's events were catching up to her.
Max was still talking, but she couldn't really hear the words he was saying.
There was another knock on her door and she shook her head to wake up. She hurried to the door and there was Bucky. In a tee shirt and Jeans. A tight tee shirt and jeans, stretched across his pecs. His chocolatey hair brushed back, and a coffee in his hand, holding it out a little.
"Good morning," he said and cleared his throat.
"Morning," she said, staring at his chest. She blinked and pulled her eyes back up to his face. She could have sworn there was a little pink in his cheeks.
"We need to head out soon. I thought maybe you'd like…" His gaze landed on Max behind her, and his countenance returned to ice. The register of his voice dropped an octave. "Oh."
"Is that… is that for me?" she asked, pointing to the drink in his hand.
"This? No. I always drink nonfat lattes." He took a huge swig and sputtered.
She held in a laugh, as he wiped his chin.
"I'll just meet you both downstairs," he said lowering his head. Down the hall he went as Jenny slowly closed the door behind him.
"I have to pack Max. But thanks for the company. And for the coffee. Twice."
She met his gaze, and was surprised to find his features, annoyed? No, angry. She watched as he shifted back to friendly, his cheekbones relaxing. He must hate Bucky as much as she did. Or was the new word, 'had'?
"Sure," he said, his voice tight. "I'll see you." He grabbed his jacket and walked out.
Jenny picked up her cup and took another drink. She checked her watch. It was so much later than she would have thought, Max was only in the room with her for five minutes, but a whole half hour had gone by.
She shrugged and opened her suitcase.