Author's Goat: Baaaa!

Author's Real Note Sniff Sniff Here it is, the last few chapters of the Buffy the Cliché Slayer series. I want to thank all of my readers for reading it, all of my reviewers for reviewing it. All the people who put it on their favorites list for…you know putting it on their favorites list, Babies Ate My Dingo for making a second-graders term paper look like an actual work of Fanfiction. I also want to thank Clippie, the animated paper clip the on the right hand corner of my Microsoft Word screen, who spent hours of looking sleepy, and scratching his head while I type, morphing into a bicycle, and turning into an exclamation point when I make a mistake, and provided me with the much needed entertainment as we burned the midnight oil writing this piece of satirical crap. Now, because PAX turned down my idea for a Riley spin-off, I bring you…

Buffy the Cliché Slayer

Chapter 13

"End of Fics"

Previously on Buffy the Cliché Slayer…

Andrew sulked in the corner

"I wonder if it has anything to do with Guns and Roses."

"No problem, those creeps were no match for a magic using, half-

Demon/slayer/watcher/werewolf." Mary-Sue bragged.

"Did I say in the sandbox? I meant is the sandbox. I've got to get better at this sun allergy thing. Now am I forgetting anyone else?"

That's right, Buff, SHAKE MY HAND! SHAKE MY HAND all night long!

"Optimus Prime!"

I'm not. That's Buffet: The Vampire Slayer.

"You're in pain, I know. I feel it. Let me hold you, 'til it melts away

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME

Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't introduced you to my gang. OC Scooby Task Force, assemble!"

OPEN THE BOOK! OPEN THE BOOK! QUICK!

And now the exciting conclusion of Buffy the Cliché Slayer…right after this brief interlude between Angel and Lindsey at the Magic Box.

"That's it. It's over." Angel sighed as he sat down next to Lindsey.

"I know and it was one of those cliffhanger endings too. I hate when they end a series like that. I need closure." Lindsey said.

"You know this is all Buffy's fault. If she hadn't left the franchise in the first place we would still have a show."

"True, but we wouldn't have gotten Spike either, and he saved our ratings."

"So what now?" Angel asked.

"I guess we just sit here and watch the end of fic." Lindsey said.

"This fic is ending too?" Angel cried.

"Well yeah, the author has been beating the same dead horse for the past thirteen chapters. How much further did you think he could take this?"

"I just don't believe it." Angel said in disbelief.

"Wow, are you really that torn up about it?" Lindsey asked also in disbelief.

"Torn up? No I'm just stoked about not having to be the butt of any more fat jokes!" Angel said.

"Mmm, good point. Twinkie?" Lindsey asked as he offered Angel the golden pastry.

"Don't mind if I do."

Meanwhile…

The sky split open and all six of our adventurers fell out landing in six holes in the ground that were approximately six feet deep. (Note to Christian Conservative parents: The use of the numbers 666 in one sentence is just mere coincidence. This fic has no ties to Satan or the occult. Praise Lucifer.) Buffy was the first to crawl from the hole she turned around to see a headstone reading: Here Lies Buffy Summers Daughter, Sister, etc, etc.

"Oh God didn't we all ready use this plot? Twice!" Buffy groaned.

"Three times if you count the time you died and Willow revived you at the end of Season Six." Anya added helpfully from her hole.

"Sorry, thrice."

"Five, if you count Angel and me both dying and coming back. Although since they're both vampires that means they had both died and come back once before, so technically that's seven." Spike added.

"Right, that's not the point I was trying to make…"

"Oh and don't forget the Nightmare." Xander added. "She technically died in that episode too. That's six."

"And are we counting the fact that Tara, Joyce, Ms. Calendar, and I are all supposed dead, but our now alive and kicking in this Fanfiction that's ten. Oh and did you the time everyone died in the alternate reality from The Wish episode? Cause that's like…" Anya continued.

"Anya!" Buffy shouted exasperatiously.

"Where are we?" Willow asked as she climbed out her grave.

"It appears to be a parallel universe where everyone in our party is dead." Giles noted.

IT'S CALLED A CHARACTER DEATH FIC. AND I THINK IT'S THE PERFECT PLACE FOR YOUR FINAL STOP IN THE LAND OF FANFICTION. A familiar voice boomed from the sky.

The six heroes looked upward to see the sky split open, and Steve-0 and his Anti-Scoobies land grace fully before them.

SINCE THIS FANFICTION IS PRESENTLY NOT REALLY GOING ANYWHERE. I OFFER YOU THIS CHALLENGE. A BATTLE BETWEEN SIX OF YOUR GREATEST CHAMPIONS AGAINST SEVEN OF MY GREATEST CHAMPIONS THE WINNER WILL GO HOME AND THE LOSER WILL BE WRITTEN OUT OF THE STORY.

"Six against seven that's hardly fair." Xander whined.

FINE. I'LL ALLOW YOU ONE MORE.

Steve pulled a poke ball from his back pocket and threw down before his feet.

FAT ANGEL I CHOOSE YOU.

The ball cracked open and Angel materialized before them guiltily engorging himself in a piece of chocolate cake.

"I swear the diet starts tomorrow." Angel said.

Steve-0 smacked his forehead in disgust.

ANGEL, CLEAN YOURSELF UP AND GO BE ON THEIR TEAM.

"Aww last picked again." Angel sobbed and shuffled sadly to Buffy's side.

AND NOW LET THE CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS IN THE REALM OF FANFICTION BEGIN!

Steve-0 held aloft his mighty magic 8-ball, and the ground began to quake and the sky grew dark and tempestuous. (Thank-you Microsoft Word thesaurus, stormy didn't dramatic enough.) Thunder rolled and the lightning struck, as the fourteen newly-deemed gladiators were sucked inside of the ominous tiny black sphere with a smaller white circle painted on it with an eight printed boldly in the center, and full of liquid that had a tiny triangle with answers to yes or no questions that floated within that liquid and made visible by a small window also on the ball. (Sorry the thesaurus didn't have another word for Magic 8-ball.")

"t"

TO BE CONTINUED…

Dyslexic Author's Note: Sorry it's so short. I'm writing it at work as we speak. The next one will be longer and more eventful I promise, but I figured I should put something out there till then.

NEXT TIME ON BUFFY THE CLICHÉ SLAYER: The exciting, thrill-packed, anti-climactic conclusion!