Disclaimer: All Harry Potter people, places, things, or ideas (all Harry Potter nouns) belong to J. K. Rowlings. I named one of Severus' grandfathers Mordecai and Minerva's father Cyrus.

Chapter 11: Seeking atonement.

Severus took to completely avoiding Minerva for the rest of his seventh year. She could only watch sadly as he became more remote and spent the majority of his time with the other Slytherins. To fill up the sudden loneliness that she felt, chess games with the headmaster had been resumed. However, she kept conversation to everything except what was truly bothering her, the feeling that she had failed Severus.

Minerva still had the same office a few years later as an owl brought her a note in late July. She would not have even been in the officer were it not for her desire to revise next year's Transfiguration curriculum with a few new ideas she had recently read about. She was revising lesson dates as the owl flew into her office and landed perfectly on her desk. Her heart nearly stopped as she realized that it was like the small spotted owl she had seen before. After the owl had flown away, she unrolled the note and gasped.

Aphrodite,

I've made such a mistake. I know I have done some truly terrible things, but now all I want is to forget that they ever happened. I need to speak with you and I will find you within the next few days. I still love you and I want to come home.

Your Black Knight.

After these years, he was asking to see her again. And he would find her on his own. She took a deep breath and tried to formulate something close to a plan. After a while she realized that the only thing she could do would be to wait. She quietly left the castle that evening and made her way to her London flat. She curled up with a book, hoping to calm her mind.

Minerva was startled, but not surprised to see him as he apparated to her muggle flat. He suddenly stood in her living room as she was reading The Count of Monte Cristo and dimmed the lamp near her shoulder. She immediately jumped up and shut the curtains with her wand, then she placed a silencing charm on the entire flat.

He eyed the book. "My grandfather, Mordecai, was fond of that book."

"So did my father Cyrus, and you shouldn't be here," she whispered.

"You don't have to whisper, considering that you are using a silencing charm," he mentioned sardonically. Glancing over to see her irritated stare, he began pacing. "I needed to talk to someone and I needed somewhere to hide for a little while."

"Why did you come to me of all people?" Minerva questioned, standing with her arms crossed in front of her.

Severus slowed his pacing and faced her, standing uncomfortably close. "Because you're the only one who ever paid attention to me, the only one I ever trusted."

Minerva saw determination in his dark brown eyes, but also a sad longing. "Just what were you hoping that I might do for you?" she asked in a quietly impatient tone.

She's still angry with me. He exhaled sharply and looked away for a moment. "I was entertaining the thought that you would be willing to forgive me. I chose the wrong side for all of the worst reasons. I was young, angry, and I wanted to prove that I wasn't just some Gryffindor's doormat or jester. I suppose I was looking for acceptance from all the wrong people."

Looking down at her feet, she answered him after a while. "I am so sorry. I failed you, didn't I? Was your decision my fault?"

Shaking his head, he looked into her green eyes. "No, this was my decision. I might have been angry at you, but I have never blamed you. I should have never tried to act on my impulses back then, for more reasons than I can count. All I want now is forgiveness." To help her to understand him clearly he pulled back his sleeve to reveal the dark mark.

The sympathy she had felt for him only a moment earlier dissolved at seeing the mark. Her eyes narrowed at him as she looked over the top of her reading glasses. "You bare the mark of the worst murderers the wizarding world has known since Grindewald now you ask for forgiveness?"

The icy words stung and cut him like daggers and he took a few minutes to compose himself. "It may surprise you, but I regret all of it, every last bit. I've got to find a way out."

She felt as though her heart was being torn in two. Part of her still wanted to help him, but the other part reminded her that deatheaters had left quite a trail of victims. How strange that I should still care about you, but what you have done is vile. She stepped closer to him and slapped him hard across the face, leaving an angry red mark. "I do not have the capacity to forgive you for such atrocities! The only ones who can forgive you are those you have hurt. I will not hear any more of this rubbish! We never had this conversation. Now get out!" she shouted, pointing to the door.

"I was trying to gain forgiveness from those whom I've hurt!" he yelled back. Then he stepped toward her and spoke more quietly. "I know that I have hurt you and I figured that you would be the best place in which to start. Minerva, please just let me talk to you for a bit," he pleaded.

Most of her instincts and common sense told her to turn him out on his ear, to simply kick him out and have a glass of brandy. His eyes seemed to hold her in place though. She could see that he was earnest if not remorseful. Yet something stopped her from forcing him to leave. Perhaps it was simply hearing him say her first name, or even the fact that they were addressing each other on the same level. As she continued to watch his face, she saw glimpses of the Severus she remembered, the one who had found a cure when none was present, the one who had asked the questions she had never forgotten, and the one who seemed to understand her quite well.

She sighed heavily. "Alright, say what you want, but let's at least have tea."

He nodded and waited on the sofa while she made two cups of herbal tea. She returned and sat next to him, handing him his cup. "Thank you," he stated.

"You're welcome," she said into her teacup. Their elbows brushed, but the action did not feel awkward. It's strange that it feels so natural to be this close to him, even after what he has just told me, she thought to herself.

"I hate being a part of this mess. I want to work on the side of the light, anywhere else but where I'm at. He's planning something absolutely abominable and I want no part of it. I cannot simply leave or I lose my life," he explained. "I would do almost anything to be able to come home again, and by home I mean normal wizarding society."

Minerva sipped her tea in thought for a while. "What if you could somehow relay information back to my side?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you mean as a spy would?"

She nodded and set her teacup down on the coffee table. "Yes."

His brow furrowed as he frowned. "That means I would have to become part of the inner circle in order to give you anything you could actually use. Then there is the problem of getting the information to you without it being seen by anyone else."

"Why should I be the one to handle your information?" she inquired.

Moving closer to her as he finished his tea he answered, "I will not trust anyone else except you, not will this kind of information. As it is this plan could take quite a while before it becomes functional."

"It's as good as any other plan," she encouraged as he stood.

"I really ought to be going now. I won't trouble you for a place to stay tonight, after all, I have already inconvenienced you enough."

She stood and grabbed his forearm as he turned to leave. "Wait," she said. He wheeled back around to her. "Be careful Severus," she whispered.

He snorted. "That would be easier said than done."

Glancing down he noticed that she had not released him. "There is one thing I would like to know. Did you mean what you said in the note?"

He had become quite skilled at Legillimency as well as Occlumency since they had last met, and he understood what she meant as she tried to retain her usually austere manner. "Yes, I still love you," he admitted as he looked into her pensive emerald-green eyes.

As their eyes locked he felt a thousand emotions returning that he had fought hard to suppress. To him it looked as if she was having the same conflict in her mind. He moved toward her slowly, gently cupping her face with his hand. She was too surprised to hex him.

"I do have one question that I need answered before I leave," he explained before he closed the distance between them with a kiss.

Shockwaves passed through both of them as the kiss intensified. He wrapped his other arm around her waist and she placed both hands against his chest. She stepped back and was slightly leaning backward over the couch as he deepened the kiss. No matter what was in the past or what could be in the future, for the present both of them felt that this was right.

When they pulled back he expected her to break away and yell at him as she had done on the previous occasions when he had attempted to kiss her. Instead she smiled at him with her swollen lips, longing reflected in her eyes. I had wondered if she could ever love me like I loved her. I need not wonder any longer, he mused. He had given her time to walk away and she continued to watch him. Lowering his lips to hers again, he kissed her hungrily, showing her all the passion and the love he felt for her.

She grasped his shirt and clung to him, not prepared to let him go. The ocean-blue muggle dress she wore slipped off easily. Then they were in her bedroom, on her bed, and nothing else mattered.

(My thanks to Graciesmom (), Leta McGotor, Miss eo-Wyn, and excessivelyperky for reviewing :D)