Author's Note: Dear diary: Today I started the last chapter of the Buffy the Cliché Slayer. It's been a fun ride, and now it's drawing to a close. Oh well nothing last forever, even cold November rain.

AN: I don't even know where to start with the excuses for not updating in so long.

Ironically, the last chapter was just a joke. I wasn't having any emotional problems other then the fact that I was a little distraught over not knowing how to end this fic. Oh and I also had my account suspended for a while. It was because of a little mix-up in another forum. Apparently you can make ludicrous claims about another author, and the moderators will delete your fic and suspend your account without even seeing if the claim is true or not. They also won't respond to your e-mails explaining the situation either. So bottom line: This site sucks! I hate you with a hate that knows no bounds. Four years ago, you use to be cool. Now you suck worse than Everwood.

BTW: A lot of people have been confused, and if not they should be, about me adding Sailor Moon being the representative of the cross-over chapter when she wasn't even in the crossover chapter. The reason is this: I forgot to put her in when I was writing that chapter and I wanted to use her for this chapter, because I can recycle the jokes I had from a never written Sailor Moon parody fic in this chapter and not have to come up with any original ones. I'm allowed to do this because I'm the writer and I can do anything I want and it doesn't have to make sense. I'm sort of like George W. Bush in this aspect.

This last chapter's dedicated to the fans; could kiss my skinny white ass.

Buffy the Cliché Slayer

Chapter 14

"Chosen…to be the Last Chapter."

THE MAGIC BOX

Lindsey looked around the empty magic box, and wondered where everyone went.

"Hello? I wonder where everyone went." He asked. See, would I lie to you?

The Wal-Mart Lawn Ornament glow brightly. Lindsey rushed to it just in time to see Steve-0 and fat Angel getting sucked into a large portal.

"Oh this is butt! Everyone gets to go on the final adventure but me?" He asked to know when in particular.

"Well that's it then. I don't need this crap I'm in Friday Night Lights the number 2 movie in the theatres right now. So you can take your little fanfic and stuff it Steve-0. It didn't make any sense to have me here anyway. I mean at least Wes was a member of the original series. You should have used him!" Lindsey shouted, and with that quietly walked out the door.

IN THE NEXUS

Steve-0's voice boomed in the background.

ATTENTION COMBATANTS THESE ARE THE RULES OF THE FIRST EVER CLICHÉ CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS:

YOU HAVE EACH BEEN TEAMED UP WITH AN OPPONENT.

YOU WILL FACE YOUR OPPONENT IN A FANFIC REALM OF MY CHOICE.

THE PERSON WHO DEFEATS THEIR OPPONENT GETS A POINT FOR HIS OR HER TEAM.

THE TEAM WITH THE MOST POINTS WINS.

IF IN THE EVENT, THERE IS A TIE IT WOULD MEAN THAT I AM NO LONGER WRITING THIS FIC, AND FROM THEN ON OUT IT'S ANYTHING GOES.

PLEASE ILLEAGALLY DOWNLOAD THE THEME FROM THE MORTAL KOMBAT MOVIE TO PLAY ON LOOP IN THE BACKGROUND AS YOU READ THIS FIC.

Round 1

"Xander vs. Wuss Spike"

The sky opened up and Xander and Wuss Spike landed into two empty graves from Chapter 12. After groaning from the pain of their fall, hey each get out of there respected grave, and dust themselves off.

"Hey wait, we didn't actually go anywhere?" W. Spike noticed.

"I think the author just wanted to drop us from the sky onto a hard surface one more time." Xander noted.

"Oh." Wuss Spike put on his vamp face. "Well I guess I have to fight you."

"Are you serious? No offense dude, but I kind of figured you would just give up as soon as we landed. I mean you're not what anyone a tough adversary. I mean face it. You make Jonathan look like a badass." Xander scoffed.

"You've got room to talk." W. Spike said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you weren't really the toughest character on the show either. I mean Buffy, Spike, Faith and Angel were the muscle. Willow, Tara, and Giles could use magic. Dawn was the key (whatever the hell that means.) Anya was a vengeance demon. Oz was a werewolf. Wes and Cordy even went on to outrank you in terms of power and fighting ability. I mean, come on even Riley, Kennedy, and Principal Wood are more useful than you were. Let's face it contribution to the team was somewhere in between Andrew and Joyce."

Xander looked like he was about to cry.

"Hey words hurt!"

"I know." W. Spike said.

"I was so useful." Xander sniveled.

"You were a carpenter."

"So was Jesus."

"Yeah but he could perform miracles."

"What do you call staying on a show for seven seasons without actually contributing anything to its overall lot?"

"Bad agent? I mean I would have held out for a talking car or something."

"Hey, let's just fight." Xander said putting up his dukes.

"Geez, I would but I really don't think you're worth it." Wuss Spike explained. Xander went to take a swing at his insulting malefactor (Really just because the author wanted the chance to use the word malefactor in a sentence.), but Wuss Spike used his Special Super Cower in a Ball move, and dodged. Then Wuss Spike went Vamp face and went in for the bite attack, Xander blocked and countered with a sucker punch to the kidney. Wuss gasped and stumbled back into an open grave.

"Ouch! No Fair!" Wuss Spike whined.

"Yeah well neither is being the most useless charcter in a TV show for the past seven seasons." Xander retorted.

Just then Xander was hit by a beam of light and an ominous voice announced

"TEAM BUFFY vs. TEAM STEVE-0: 1-0"

The sky began to split open and a giant floating Magic 8-ball appeared and sucked Xander up inside of it. Xander was then spit out of the 8-ball that was lying on the floor of the deserted Magic Box, and finally found himself back home.

Round 2

"Buffy vs. Sailor Moon"

The sky opened up and Buffy and Sailor Moon fell out and landed in playground of Xander and Dawn's Sunnydale Sitters from Chapter Four. Buffy flipped herself around in mid-air and landed gracefully on the picnic table. Sailor Moon landed head first into the sandbox. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"What the hell are you suppose to be?"

"I stand for love and I stand for justice. I am Pretty Solider Sailor Moon, and on behalf of the moon I will punish you!" Sailor Moon shouted in an ear-splittingly annoying high-pitched shrill as she did a spastic set of ridiculous poses.

"Yeah whatever, let's just fight and get this over with; so I can take a hot bath and you can go trick or treating, or to one of those geek conventions." Buffy said taking a normal fighting stance.

"Prepare to be eliminated! MOON TIARA MAGIC!" Sailor Moon yelled. As she did a slow-motion spin, removed the golden crown from her head and chucked at the unsuspecting vampire slayer in the face.

"Ow! What the hell? Did you throw jewelry at me? Who the hell fights like that? My nose! Oh if you broke my nose they're going to be picking up pieces of rainbow-colored mini-skirts out of the sandbox for weeks." Buffy said rubbing her nose.

"Oh it's on, bitch." She said and came rushing at Sailor Moon.

"It appears you have evil in your heart. I must heal you. MOON ETERNAL CRYSTAL HEALING—Gaughhh!" Sailor Moon started to pull a white and red scepter out of her hand and began a drawn out interpreted dance, but as she got half-way though it Buffy grabbed her by the throat with hand and yanked the scepter away with the other.

"I'm not going to stand here and let you not going to throw this at me either!" She said just then Buffy was struck painlessly in the back by a single rose. She turned around to see a tall man in a tuxedo, mask, and top hat standing atop the swing set.

"You should always brush your teeth once in the morning, once at night, and after every meal and snack. This will make your teeth clean, and prevent the gum disease gingivitis." He said.

"Great, now what's his deal. I thought these were one-on-one battles." Buffy groaned.

"That's Tuxedo Mask. He always comes to rescue me with his special attack whenever I'm in danger." Sailor Moon swooned.

"And his special attack is throwing a flower at you and spouting out a moral?"

"Uh-huh."

"And this works on the enemies of your world?"

"I have a talking cat." Sailor Moon smiled

"I'm officially in hell." Buffy grumbled and blew a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. She then proceeded to pick Sailor Moon up, and throw her at the well-dressed stranger.

"There how do you like having things thrown at you." Buffy said proudly as she stood over the two unconscoious adversaries.

Just then Buffy was hit by a beam of light and another ominous voice announced

"TEAM BUFFY vs. TEAM STEVE-0: 2-0"

"That should have counted for two!" She shouted back up. The sky began to split open and a giant floating Magic 8-ball appeared and sucked Buffy up inside of it. Buffy was then spit out of the 8-ball that was lying on the floor of the Magic Box.

"Buffy!" Xander yelled and ran to hug his friend.

"Xander!" She yelled accepting the hug.

"Is it finally over?" He asked her.

"I hope so. I mean I have been in some bad fanfics, but this definitely takes the cake. The worst thing is how the author keeps on dragging the story on and on in all these tiny little chapters with absolutely no meat to them. I bet he's not even going to finish the story in this chapter either." Buffy complained.

TO BE CONTINUED…

"You see what I mean? You know he only does this to milk reviews."

NEXT TIME ON BUFFY the CLICHÉ SLAYER: Rounds three and four: Willow vs. Tarot and Anya vs. Mary Sue! See you soon!