Author's Bank Note: $$$

AN: Yay! I've officially become one of those annoying writers who start a story and then wait like a year to update it! Aren't you guys happy for me? Guys? What are you doing with those pitchforks and torches?

Dedicated to movie Superman from Chapter 6:

1952 2004

"Yeah, except for the fact that all Tom Welling is good for is running over bad guys with Movie Superman's wheelchair." Chapter 6: The Dork Age.

Yeah, don't I feel like an now.

Buffy the Cliché Slayer

Chapter 15

"Tabula Rastafarian"

Round 3

"Tarot vs. Willow"

The sky opened up on the streets of Sunny Dale and Willow and Tarot crashed to the Earth. Willow landed on a car, while Tarot landed on the street.

"Ouch! You $#-hole, you couldn't have me land on a giant pillow or something! I'm on your team, for &'s sakes!" Tarot shouted up at the sky.

Suddenly a large paint brush appeared and proceeded to paint a large pillow over Tarot's head.

"Too little. Too late." She grumped. Then gravity took over and the pillow fell on her mulleted head and fell apart in a massive explosion of feathers.

"You're despicable."

"Um…excuse me," Willow interrupted as she rolled off the indented Lexis. "Ouch…aren't we supposed to be fighting to our deaths or some nonsense like that?" She asked.

"Yeah that's right, Mom. Me and You, I've got 9 years worth of therapy to work out on you." The half-pint mullet threatened as she charged her hand up with dark green energy.

"Now, let's not be hasty. I'm much older than you and I don't want to hurt you." Willow said nervously.

"Hurt me? The only time you seemed remotely threatening was when you skinned Andrew alive. Other than that your scariest trick was to cause everyone to relive a tired old Star Trek plot." Tarot said as she shot a bolt of witch power at Willow.

"Tabula Rasa was a good episode! Why does everyone pick on season six so much?" Willow yelled as she dodged behind the Lexus to avoid the blast.

"Because it had more angst then the entire first two seasons of Dawson's Creek and One Tree Hill combined! Grrraaaaa!" The child lunged at Willow and tackling her and unleashing a fury of blows.

It took Willow most of her strength to push the child off of her. Tarot was flung off the young witch and landed in the street with a nasty Thud The little girls eyes began to well up with tears,

"How dare you?" She asked. "I'm just a child."

Willow became overridden with guilt having struck the child and painfully lifted herself off the ground to see if the Tarot was okay.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was just trying to protect myself." She stammered and offered her hand to the little girl.

"Sucker." The girl snarled and latched onto Willow's wrist with her teeth.

"Yeeow!" Willow flailed her arm trying desperately to shake the child off. In doing so she accidentally knocked Tarot against the passenger side of the Lexus, knocking the child unconscious.

Just then Willow was cascaded by a beam of light. And an ominous voice announced:

"TEAM BUFFY vs. TEAM STEVE-0: 3-0 This fight was brought to you in part by Lexus. Drive in style with Lexus."

The sky began to split open and a giant floating Magic 8-ball appeared and sucked Willow up inside of it. Willow was then spit out of the 8-ball that was lying on the floor of the Magic Box.

"Will!" Xander yelled. "Oh it's a regular first season reunion!" He rushed forth to hug the redhead. Buffy soon followed suit.

"Ugh remind me to never adopt children. Not even Second Generation fanfic children."

"Don't worry, Will, as long as the Republicans are in the white house you'll never be allowed to anyway." Xander said darkly.

"Since when did this fic become a political satire?" Buffy asked.

"Every once in a while an author will stick in his or her political views or causes subliminally in a fanfic. I read all about it in this 'Fanfiction for Dummies' book, while I was waiting for you two." Xander said as he picked up the yellow and black tome.

"I wonder how the others are doing." Will said absently as she stared at the 8-ball.

Round 4

"Anya vs. Mary Sue"

The sky opened up above the locker lined halls of Sunnydale High School, and Anya floated gracefully and landed neatly and nicely on the floor.

"Thank you, Steve-0." She said looking p and giving the sky a cute little curtsey. Just then that red axe looking thing from season seven flew passed her right ear and embedded itself into one of the lockers. The axe was so close to striking her it managed to slice off a few hairs from the right side of her head.

"Like it?" A voice called out. Anya turned to see Mary Sue decked out in a full arsenal of weapons. "I got as a gift from Buffy when I single handedly defeated the First in one blow." She bragged.

Anya made a break for it, and began dashing down the halls as Mary Sue shot at her with a crossbow.

"On second thought, Steve-0, screw you. You put me up against this demi-god in a pink dress on purpose didn't you? I'm not supposed to survive this fight because I'm technically dead. Well I'll show you." She said to herself, and I guess me as she made her way to the cafeteria.

Mary Sue followed her slowly and gingerly. At first she thought she had lost her, but as soon as she turned the corner she caught sight of the swinging doors of the cafeteria. Mary Sue put down her crossbow, and pulled out her broadsword. She gently pushed open the door and entered the dark cafeteria.

"I feel just awful about killing you like this, Anya, I was hoping we could have been really good friends." She said as stabbed her sword through a table that she thought Anya might have been hiding under.

Anya had found refuge in the pantry area of the kitchen and was hiding behind one of the many shelves.

"Think, Anya, Think. How do you defeat something that is perfect and undefeatable? I mean I've beaten tougher opponents. Remember when the Mayor turned into that uber-demon and I….oh wait that was Buffy. Well what about that time I defeated Glory, she was a god…no, that was also Buffy. Okay. How about that time when Willow went crazy and became that super witch? No, that was Xander, of all people. Darn, I'm beginning to think my only purpose on this show was to be cute and funny, and to provide extra angst for Season Six. Oh wait what about the time when we had to face The First evil and I…died a horribly anti-climactic death… $#&!" Anya thought aloud. She began to survey her surroundings for something to fend off the peppy perfectionist. That's when she noticed the small tub of cooking grease.

"Perfect."

Mary Sue was beginning to grow impatient as she quietly stalked the rows of tables. She made her way closer and closer to the serving area.

"Oh Anya…come out, come out, wherever you are." She called.

"Ugh! I can't believe you said that line." Anya groaned as she popped out from behind the serving counter.

"I mean it's so cliché!" She yelled as flung the cooking grease right into Mary Sue's face.

"How's that for a witty catch phrase after delivering a finishing move." Anya bragged. Mary Sue just stood there drenched in cooking grease, completely befuddled by the events that had just occurred.

"What was that suppose to do?" She asked.

"You'll see." Anya smiled.

"Too bad you won't." Mary Sue said as she readied her sword. "Get ready to feel a sense of deja-vu." She said as she swung her sword at Anya. Anya calmly pulled her compact from her pocket and held the mirror up to Mary Sue's face before the blade made contact, and Mary Sue fell to the floor.

"W-What did you do to me?" The girl cried burying her face in her hand.

"Simple. Your entire existence is based on your perfection. So I just made you imperfect. You see once that cooking grease made its way inside your pores. It caused them to clog therefore creating what the mortals of this world call acne. Without your perfect beauty, you lose your perfection, and pretty much your relevance to this reality." Anya said smugly. But her explanation fell on deaf ears as Mary Sue slowly began to melt away.

"I'm melting, melting! I'll get you next time Gadget! Next Time! Will I dream, Dave? Silly Anya, Love means never having to say your sorry, " Mary Sue gasped in a montage of pop culture lines of deaths scenes

Just then a beam of light hit Anya, and an ominous voice announced:

"TEAM BUFFY vs. TEAM STEVE-0: 4-0! This fight brought to you in part by Panola Cooking Oil. For all your frying needs.

"When did we get corporate sponsors?" Anya asked the light.

Well I figured since it worked so well for The Fantastic Four Movie…

Just then the sky began to split open and a giant floating Magic 8-ball appeared and sucked Anya up inside of it. Anya was then spit out of the 8-ball that was lying on the floor of the Magic Box.

"Anya!" Xander cried and embraced his once dead ex-fiancé whom he would occasionally get back together with throughout Season 7 because the fans were so mad that the wedding thing didn't go through.

"Not to sound insensitive or anything but, shouldn't you be dead?" Willow asked.

"I guess I found a loophole." Anya said smiling.

"Ridiculous resurrections use to be my shtick." Buffy grumped.

"Man, Steve-0's team must really suck if all four of us were able to win." Xander noted.

"Let's just hope Giles and Spike are as lucky as we were." Anya said as she stared at the 8-ball.

Next Time on Buffy the Cliché Slayer: Are Giles and Spike as lucky as they were? Find out when we bring you Spike vs. Bob the Universal Janitor, and Giles vs. Cyborg Giles. Heck, we'll even throw in Angel vs. Woody. See you then! Buffy the Cliché Slayer is brought to you in part by Baby GAP.