Chapter 30 - Winter is Coming

Leonard had spent about thirty seconds spasming on the floor after drinking the eerily green contents of the vial, but when that had passed, the stiffness and pain from before melted away. Upon standing, he had discovered any injuries he might have had to be healed.

"How do you feel?"

"Better than I've felt since I was twenty," he had told Betty. "Whatever that stuff is, it's impressive."

"You don't feel strange at all?"

"No—should I?"

"Never mind, forget I said anything. Just stay here for a minute, while I take Bruce a snack."

Maybe he should have been more concerned about the way Betty had abruptly ended that conversation, but he couldn't help being a little distracted by the fact that he had gone from feeling as if he had been hit by a train to feeling as if he could run a couple of marathons without stopping. Whatever Betty had given him was nothing short of a miracle drug.

Now he waited impatiently in the room where she had left him. He would have preferred to go with her, but apparently, the security around Bruce's cell was pretty tight. He had no idea how she was planning on getting him out, if his other self couldn't. The next time he saw General Ross, he was going to have to give him a good punch in the jaw. Frustrated, he took a swing at the wall instead.

His hand went right through it. "Walls here must be super thin," Leonard said aloud, even though there was no one to hear him. Embarrassed by his lack of self control, he looked around for something to cover the hole with, and saw a filing cabinet. Standing in front of it, he pushed it a bit to try to determine how heavy it was. As it offered no resistance at all, he decided it must be empty.

It was easy enough to lift the filing cabinet instead of dragging it. In fact, it felt like it weighed nothing at all. Was it made out of Vibranium or something? But who would have a filing cabinet made out of Vibranium, then stick it in a lab in a secret underground government facility? Talk about wasteful government spending.

As he carried the filing cabinet across the room, the drawer at the bottom began to slide out. Before he could do anything to fix it, the drawer fell out and a mass of papers scattered across the floor. For a moment, he just stared at them. Then he set the cabinet down and opened each door to see what it contained. To his surprise he found that every one of them was full. Something wasn't right, he realized. By his estimation, a filing cabinet of that size, stuffed with papers, should have weighed at least five hundred pounds.

Calmly, Leonard approached the steel framed hospital bed he had woken up in, and lifted one side of it with one hand. He felt no more strain on his muscles than if he had lifted a piece of paper. "What the—"

Before he could finish that statement, Hulk burst through the wall to his right, which was the one he had punched a hole into. Leonard couldn't help but think of the Kool-Aid man. He laughed out loud, not because he found it funny, but because it felt like his brain had just cracked in two.

Maybe he was asleep, and this was a dream. At least he wouldn't have to worry about covering up the hole he had made. Betty stepped through the Hulk hole. "Come on, Leonard. Don't just stand there, we need to go."

∘˚˳°((o( ಠ益ಠ )o))∘˚˳°

"May I tell you something I haven't told anyone else?" asked Loki, as he and other Lady Loki curled together on the sofa.

"If you must." Other Lady Loki continued to pet him; he had at this point concluded that probably, she thought of him more as a life sized doll than anything else. The petting seemed to be primarily for her benefit, as he hadn't been allowed to move.

Still, he felt compelled to ask for her advice, because there was no one else he could possibly tell his biggest and most pressing secret. "Recently, it seems I've fallen in love with Sif."

Other Lady Loki stopped petting him. "That's impossible. Are you certain you haven't mistaken some other emotion for love? Abject hate, perhaps?"

"We don't hate Sif and you know it."

"Perhaps not, but romantic attraction is certainly not a feeling I would associate with Sif."

Loki sighed. "I took a love potion."

The lady snorted. "On purpose?"

"Odin was about to force me to marry Thor—well, I didn't know it was going to be Thor at the time. Luckily, the potion didn't make me fall in love with him, but Sif was the first person I saw after him." Loki pursed his lips together. "Sigyn must have known that it was Thor waiting for me at the altar. Someday, I'm going to get her for that—"

"Sigyn," Other Lady Loki murmured.

"Yes. In your timeline, did you have a Sigyn?"

Other Lady Loki shrugged. "Perhaps, perhaps not."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that the timeline I'm from has quite a few holes in it, when you get right down to it. Perhaps Sigyn is my estranged wife, or perhaps she never existed."

"Shouldn't you know which one it is?"

Other Lady Loki spread her fingers towards the ceiling in the sort of vague gesture that Loki tended to make whenever he thought making vague gestures would distract someone from the fact that he had no idea what he was talking about. "The nature of our marvelous multiverse is both limited and infinite, knowable and unknowable."

"I feel like you're just making things up now."

"While I cannot currently recall whether or not Sigyn is known to me," Other Lady Loki continued, "the concept of a Sigyn isn't entirely unknown to me. If you want to put her in her place, I can tell you exactly how to do it." She leaned over and whispered a plan in his ear.

When she was finished, Loki arched an eyebrow at her. "Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"I've given you my advice. It's up to you what you want to do with it."

"But what am I supposed to do about Sif? Do you know how I can make an antidote?"

"Not when I don't know what went into the original potion. You did think to keep the container you drank it from, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't think of that," admitted Loki.

"Idiot child." Other Lady Loki sighed exaggeratedly. "In that case, there's nothing I can do. You'll just have to force your little girlfriend to give you the antidote the next time you see her."

"Sigyn is not my girlfriend."

"Right, because you're madly in love with Sif."

"You don't have to rub it in," Loki told her.

❤ (ɔˆз(≧ε≦σ) ❤

Hulk sprinted down the hallway, carrying Betty on his shoulders. Leonard found that he had no trouble keeping up with him. Surprisingly, the hallways felt empty. If this was a top secret military facility, where were the security guards? With all these labs around, shouldn't there be other scientists? But then, Betty had been acting as if she hadn't spoken with another person in months. He thought about asking her about it, but another question weighed more heavily on his mind. "Betty, what the hell did you give me?"

"If you're worried about the increased muscular strength and the unusual shift in hair pigmentation, don't. They're just temporary side effects—I think."

"You don't sound sure. Wait, what was that about my hair?" Leonard stopped to examine his reflection in a highly reflective metal wall, and discovered that once again, his hair had been turned a shade similar to the green Loki had turned it as a practical joke one time. "Damn it, it just grew out!"

"To be honest, this is my first time trying the 'Drink Me' on a human test subject. But when I gave it to the lab rats, the effects only lasted a few hours."

Being called a "human test subject" was disconcerting, but ultimately, Leonard decided that wasn't the most troubling part of that statement. "What happened to the lab rats after a few hours?"

"It's probably best if we focus on the present. Stop here!" Hulk put on the breaks, and Leonard had to swerve to keep himself from slamming into her. She slid from her perch, landing gracefully. "Sorry, this will be quick. I just can't leave without Bruce and Leonard."

"Betty, are you feeling alright? Last time I checked, I'm Leonard, and Bruce is—"

She cut him off. "They're more than just lab animals. They've been the only friends I've had for the past few months, and they're more like pets at this point. If I don't take them with me, who knows what will happen to them."

"You named your lab rats after us?" The first thing that came to mind was the Bronx Zoo's Name a Cockroach After Your Ex campaign. On the other hand, maybe he ought to be flattered. Betty obviously felt affection for the animals.

"No, no, the rats are all—you know what, never mind what happened to the rats. Hulk, you wait for us here. You won't fit through the door, and I think we should avoid knocking down anymore walls."

Hulk snorted and dropped to the floor with an earth-shaking thump.

Betty swiped her ID card in front of the sensor next to the door, and Leonard followed her inside. As the door swung open, the lights came on, revealing a row of mostly empty cages on one wall.

The room was filled with happy barking, like the barking of a dog whose owner had just come home. Dogs then—she had named dogs after them. That wasn't so bad, he thought, until he peered into one of the cages. "Oh, my God. Betty, are you sure we shouldn't just put these things out of their misery?"

Betty frowned at him. "They aren't miserable. I know what they look like, but—"

"That's way too many eyes for a dog, Betty."

"Just because Bruce has more eyes than most dogs have, that doesn't mean he's a monster."

"How and why did you do this?"

"Just a little genetic engineering," Betty told him. "So, you and Bruce—"

Leonard knew perfectly well that she was trying to change the subject, but he wasn't sure what else he could say about Betty's pets. "It just kind of happened. The Avengers brought me on as a consultant, and then as staff psychiatrist—"

"The Avengers? Is that a band?"

"Wow, you really have been isolated down here. Let's just get the, um—dogs, I guess—and get out of here. We can catch up later."

Betty opened one cage and then the other. She whistled. "Come on, Leonard. Come on, Bruce."

"So the one with one eye is me, and the one with all the eyes is Bruce? Couldn't we call them something else? If nothing else, it's going to be confusing."

Betty tilted her head to the side. "Sometimes I call Bruce 'Brucie.'"

"Huh. That's what Tony calls Bruce, when he isn't calling him 'Green Bean' or something."

"Tony?"

"Tony Stark."

"You're friends with Tony Stark now?"

"We live with him."

Betty's eyebrows crept upwards, but if anything, she looked a little impressed. "You guys are in a threesome with Tony Stark?"

Leonard snorted. "Tony wishes."

Somewhere, an alarm went off. "We should get going," Betty told him.

⊆° U)┬┬ﾉ ⊆% )┬┬ﾉ

"Who the heck are you?"

"We've met before." Other Lady Loki stared back at Loki's guardian unappreciatively. "We shared a pack of horrid wine coolers, remember?"

Tony's eyebrows knitted together, but then his face relaxed. "Oh! Sorry, I didn't—hold on, what are you doing in my penthouse?"

"Random welfare check. You've failed, by the way. I'm taking this child with me." Though Loki doubted she meant it, Other Lady Loki wrapped herself more tightly around him as if he were some sort of prize.

"Go ahead and try," Tony told her. "See what happens."

Loki watched as Tony and his other feminine self attempted to stare one another down. He knew they weren't serious, but still, it was all somewhat thrilling; he had never been considered much of a prize before. At times, Sif and Thor had fought over him when they were younger, but the "loser" of those arguments had typically been the one compelled to watch over him when they would rather be training or off having adventures. More often than not, they had come to an impasse and he'd been dumped on one of Frigga's handmaidens.

Their contest lasted nearly a minute, but then Other Lady Loki broke into a smile. "Fine, he's all yours, then. Just don't leave him home alone again." She pushed Loki off of her, nudging him towards Tony.

Tony took hold of him possessively, and Loki melted into his arms. Then he remembered the twins, and felt guilty. "Tony, I'm so sorry. What are we going to do about—"

"Don't worry, I know where they are."

"You do?"

"And so does JARVIS." Tony looked up at the AI's camera. "Right, J?"

"Obviously, I've had the drones following them the entire time. If anything had been about to happen to them, I would have deployed one of the Iron Legion suits."

"I'm so going to erase you," Loki growled.

Loki expected that Tony would scold him for his vehemence, but instead, he addressed JARVIS. "What I'm still wondering is why you let them out of the tower in the first place."

"I'm sorry, Sir," said the AI, his tone genuinely contrite. "But you see, Miss Wanda asked."

"What do you mean, she—oh no," Tony groaned. "J, I knew you took after me, but I didn't think you took after me that much."

"While I resent the implication that I am anything like you, I admit I cannot fully comprehend the feelings I have for Miss Wanda, which I believe go beyond affection."

"I'm just trying to figure out how inappropriate this is. I mean, you went online in what was it, 2000? So technically, you two are around the same age. Still, I've started to think of Wanda as a daughter, so it's kind of like she's your sister."

Loki tugged on his sleeve. "I'm still you're favorite, right?"

Tony arched an eyebrow at her. "You sure you want to ask that right now? You didn't do a very good job babysitting."

Loki knew he was joking, but if Tony thought it was a good idea to mess with her right now, two could play at that game. He made his bottom lip quiver. "I knew it—you don't—you don't love me anymore!"

Tony's eyebrows crept higher. All the while, Other Lady Loki had summoned a bowl of popcorn, and sat watching as if it were all part of her favorite soap opera.

εз εз εз
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\ POP / εз

Leonard stood shoulder to shoulder with Betty in the now empty hallway. "Where do you think he went?"

"Hulk can't have gone very far," said Betty. "I don't think he would have gone back in the direction we came from, so let's just keep going and hope we run into him."

Leonard followed Betty down the hallway, which twisted to the right. As they rounded the corner, once again, he nearly ran into Hulk's backside. "Hey, we asked you to wait for us—"

Hulk interrupted him with a snort, and Leonard noticed the coiled tension in the muscles of his forearm. Leonard leaned around him to see what he was looking at. "Karla? What are you doing here?"

Karla Sofen wore a white lab coat like Betty's. Her hair was down and she wasn't wearing her glasses. But that wasn't the most noticeable change in her appearance from the last time he had seen her. There was something about the way she held herself that was fundamentally different than before. Before, he might have described her as demure and maybe even a little frumpy, but now she was exuding more of a "femme fatale" vibe. She pursed her lips at him. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? You're the one who shouldn't be here."

"Yeah, I'm just going to ask again—what are you doing in the underground military facility where my ex-girlfriend's father has kept her isolated for several months? I know it's a small world, but it can't be that small."

Sofen took a step towards Betty, who had come around the corner to stand next to Hulk. She spoke to her as if talking to a child. "Betty, what are you doing out of your room? You know you're not supposed to walk around the compound unsupervised."

Betty backed away from her, looking uncertain. Leonard didn't like that; she had never been a timid person. Hulk didn't seem to like it any better. He stepped in front of Betty, grunting at Sofen in warning.

Sofen didn't flinch. Either she was seriously underestimating what would happen to her if she continued to threaten Betty, or she had a reason for her confidence. That worried him, because Sofen was anything but stupid. She inched towards him. "You look tired, Bruce."

Hulk began to sway unsteadily.

"Why don't you just close your eyes for a moment?"

Hulk's eyelids began to droop. He staggered forward a few steps, then fell forward onto his knees. Then he looked up at her as if in a trance.

"That isn't possible," Leonard objected. "This isn't a movie. That's not the way hypnosis works—"

"I'm just that good." Sofen grinned. "Also, your boyfriend happens to be one of the most suggestible people I've ever met, so there's that."

"That can't be right either," Leonard protested. "Bruce is a genius."

"I've found that whether or not one is open to hypnotic suggestion has little to do with intelligence and everything to do with vulnerability."

"That's it, I am definitely reporting you to the state medical board and filing an ethics complaint with the American Psychiatric Association."

"That might be a little difficult, since you won't be leaving here. You don't seriously think I can let you go now that you've seen me here, did you?"

"Again, this isn't a B movie. You realize you sound like a cartoon villain, right?"

"Perhaps, but at least I don't rely on mixed metaphors."

"That's—really beside the point! What have you done to Bruce. And to Betty for that matter? Also, don't you normally wear glasses?

"I suppose I might as well answer all your questions, since you really aren't leaving here." Sofen pulled an odd-looking gun out from the inside of her lab coat and pointed it him. "So, which question would you like to ask first?"

Leonard slowly put his hands in the air. He might have super strength, but he wasn't at all sure that meant he was immortal, or that he could withstand being shot. He smiled at her sheepishly. "How about this one, Karla. What the hell is wrong with you? No, seriously; what happened to you that lead to this?"

"You want to psychoanalyze me?" The edge of Karla's mouth quirked upward in a Joker-like grin. "Might be interesting. But first, why don't we go somewhere more comfortable?"

(｀∇´)┳═一 (╯°-°)╯

Tony kept his eyes on the road as he drove down the 79th Street Transverse in the 2014 Porsche Cayenne Hybrid Pepper had gifted him for Christmas so he wouldn't have to borrow her car anytime he needed to transport more than one other passenger. At first he had complained that the luxury crossover SUV looked too much like a minivan, but he had seemed to come around after he, Pepper, Loki, and the twins had all piled into it and taken a drive through the outer boroughs to see the Christmas lights that evening. He liked how it handled, he'd said; but considering they'd been stuck in traffic most of the time, Loki wasn't sure how he could possibly gauge the car's performance.

The trees on either side of the road were covered in a thick layer of snow, and more accumulated as it fell. JARVIS had advised them that there a winter snowstorm warning had been issued by the National Weather Service.

Loki didn't like the snow, which only reminded him of Jotunheim and the secrets that had been kept from him for over a thousand years. Tony had once told him that it didn't matter, but if he ever looked into the demonic crimson of Loki's true eyes, would he still feel the same? Suddenly, Loki couldn't stand the silence in the car anymore. "Am I really not in trouble?"

"For what?"

"For losing them."

"Oh—nah, don't worry about it."

"But I was supposed to be responsible for them."

Tony shrugged. "It's okay."

"You expected me to mess this up, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't. I mean—look, don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't have left the three of you alone in the tower if I didn't have JARVIS watching you too."

"So why didn't you just leave JARVIS in charge?"

Tony shrugged again. "I didn't want you to think I didn't trust you."

"But you don't trust me," Loki pointed out.

"I trust you, it's just—look, would it make you feel better if you were in trouble?"

"Not really. Being grounded all the time is kind of getting old."

"Good, because I'm tired of grounding you all the time."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you don't have to be sorry. You're still a lot less trouble than I was as a kid. Hell, you're less trouble than I was five years ago. Just ask Pepper."

"She would probably say I'm less trouble than you are now."

Tony cracked a smile, which made Loki feel a little lighter than he had been feeling. "True. Still, I like to think I've maturedsomewhat, especially since I became a parent."

Loki arched an eyebrow at him. "Have you recently discovered that one of your past dalliances conceived?"

Tony's smile turned into a scowl. "If that's Asgardian for 'did I just find out that I have a love child I never knew about, then no. Obviously, I'm talking about you. And the twins, as much as I'm pretty sure Wanda still hates me. And JARVIS, I guess."

"I'm touched, Sir," said a droll voice that emanated from the car's sound system. "But what about Dum-E and U?"

"I'm on the fence as to whether they count as my kids, or if they're more like a pair of cocker spaniels."

"Might I remind you that Dum-E saved your life once?"

"Alright, fine. Maybe they're more like a pair of border collies. Although that might be giving them too much credit, since I'm pretty sure Lassie never got stuck trying to back into an elevator."

"I believe that Wanda and Pietro are currently located somewhere in the patch of trees to your right," said JARVIS.

"Thanks, J." Tony started to pull off the road.

"Are we supposed to park here?" asked Loki.

"Yeah, I'm probably going to get a ticket, but it's fine. Not like I can't pay it."

"Sometimes, I don't understand your mortal systems of government at all. It's as if the wealthy aren't subject to the same laws as everyone else."

"Yeah well, that's capitalism for you. Just get out of the car and help me look for your brother and sister."

Loki doubted that Pietro thought of him as a sibling any more than JARVIS thought of Wanda as one, but he just shook his head as he opened the car door.