Author's Notary Public: Hal Rayner.

Author's Note: You ever notice how some authors have to leave an author's note before each chapter rather they have something to say or not? It's like some obsessive-compulsive disease they have to waste space with their pointless meanderings. At least I hope they're pointless. I don't know I never read them. I also skip the preface and Introductions in books too…and sometimes the first three chapters. I'm a get straight to the action type of guy though. And speaking of action, have you been reading these past few chapters. Wow! I mean I have no idea what's going on in this story, but these fight scenes are intense! But I don't need to tell you the reader that Right?...Right?...Ah who am I kidding? Nobody reads these author's notes…hmmm….I know where Sadaam hid the weapons of mass destruction. I've known all along. Whew! Boy does that feel good to get off my chest. Hey! What are you doing here? I'm under arrest? Hey easy! No, don't take my computer! Anything but that! All my pornography's in there! Curse you Patriot Act! You weren't supposed to read the Author's Note! You're never supposed to read the author's note!

Author's P.S. Oh I almost forgot. This was my favorite review ever.

Dark-Wiccan-Goddess "I really want to kick the sht out of u at the moment."

Yowch! I'm sorry you didn't like the story, Good Witch Glenda. Actually I don't really care. But, seriously, kicking the Sht out of me? That's a tad harsh. Couldn't you had insulted my mother or a simple hate mail would have been fine. Anyway Congratulations Elphaba you made it into the fic!

Buffy the Cliché Slayer.

Chapter God, who knows anymore!

Somewhere between 14 and 17

"Villains…who write fanfiction."

Lindsey floated around in a vast white void. His arms were crossed and he had a sour look on his face.

"Oh I get it." He grumped.

"You don't have any more use for me in this fiction, so I've been banished back to obscurity. Yeah, well don't come crawling back when you attempt to write a sequel. Nobody's going to read Buffy the Cliché Slayer Version 2.0 or whatever idea you got cooking up in that twisted brain of your. Just leave me out of it ok." He said as he floated in the sea of nothingness. "This whole story's pointless. I've been in better slash fic."

THE MAGIC BOX.

"Willow surely you know a spell or something that can get them back." Buffy pleaded. "That madman's still got Giles and Spike in there."

"And Angel." Anya added helpfully. Buffy looked at her thoughtfully, and then looked back at Willow.

"That madman still has Spike and Giles in there!" She repeated.

"I'm sorry Buffy. But fanfiction magic is the strongest magic in existence. I would have to turn my hair color blue to even remotely tap into its power, and Fred all ready used that trick when she turned into Illyria." Willow said

"Well, there must be something we can do. What if we used this crystal ball to watch how they are doing?" Xander suggested pointing to the glass orb sitting at the table.

"That's a Wal-Mart lawn ornament." Buffy said deadpan.

"Oh. Nevermind then."

Round 5

"Fat Angel vs. Principal Woody."

A hole in the sky opened up above Buffy's apartment circa: Season 7…and ANGEL WOULD HAVE FELL OUT EXCEPT HIS SS WAS TOO BIG TO FIT THROUGH THE PORTAL! The voice of the narrative yelled as Angel struggled and grunted trying to wedge himself through the rip in the space-time continuum.

"Look…umph…could you maybe give me a bigger portal?" Angel pleaded sticking halfway out of reality like Winnie the Pooh stuck in a bloody honey tree. (Author's Note: Which begs the question. Since when is honey made in tree? That always bugged me about those books.)

THE PORTAL'S ONLY COME IN ONE SIZE, LARDO CARESSIAN!

Principal Woody popped his head from around the corner.

"Hey, what's the hold up? I was ready to make my dramatic entrance through the backdoor, but there's nobody here to make an entrance for."

FAT ANGEL GOT HIS BUTT STUCK IN THE PORTAL…AGAIN!

"Hold on, honey, I got just the thing." Woody said as he pulled a jar of Vaseline out of his pocket.

"Never leave home without it." Woody said as he quickly lubed the area between Angel and the portal. "Now suck in that gut girlfriend!" Woody said as he pulled on Angel a roll of Angel's fat.

Angel took a deep breath in and finally popped out upon the carpet. The portal sealed up quickly from behind. Angel got up and dusted his duster off, and extended his pudgy handout to Woody.

"Thanks for the…uh…assistance."

Woody smacked his hand away and scowled.

"Girl, put that fat thing away. We're here to fight not SHAKE HANDS." Woody said as he unleashed a barrage of slaps.

While the slaps were not so much painful as they were annoying. They bugged the fat vampire immensely. It was bad enough that he had spent 15 some chapters getting made fun of for being a few pounds overweight, now he was getting gently pummeled by an effeminate black man in a pink cat suit. Enough was enough. Angel's face converted to vamp face and he flung Woody across the room.

Woody lay there stunned at what had just taken place and then he blew loudly on a whistle he had pulled from his pocket.

"What's that suppose to do? Hurt my ears?" Angel said condescendingly.

"You'll see." Woody said with a wink. Just then there was a knock on the door. Angel turned, and answered it.

At the door was a short balding man in thick glasses carrying a briefcase. Behind him stood two large policemen.

"Mr. Angelus?" The man said.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Angelus I'm Paul Fink with the ACLU. We've just received reports that you have just committed a double hate crime."

"That's right, officers, he brutally attacked me because I'm black and gay." Woody yelled as he stood up.

"What?"

"That's all we need to hear, book him guys." Mr. Fink motioned as the two policeman began to cuff Angel and read him his rights.

"But...but…you don't understand! This is fanfiction combat. I had to hit him!"

"Tell it to the judge, fatty." Paul said as they led Angel away.

"I don't need this. I'm doing a voice on Kingdom Hearts 2! Plus I'm on a hit drama on FOX and those always last forever. Right Tru Calling? Right?" The policemen took angel into the squad car and drove away.

Just then Woody was cascaded by a beam of light. And an ominous voice announced:

"TEAM BUFFY vs. TEAM STEVE-0: 4-1

"What do I win?"

The sky began to split open and a giant floating Magic 8-ball appeared and sucked Woody up inside of it. Woody was then spit out of the 8-ball that was lying on the floor of the set of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

ALL THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER.

"Somebody needs a crossover makeover!" Carson squealed.

Woody looked up to the sky and said "Thank-you."

Round Six

"Cyborg Giles vs. Regular Giles."

The most polite death match ever

A hole opened above the library in Sunnydale High and Giles fell through it, landing behind the librarian's desk with a thud.

"Well, that was rather unpleasant now wasn't it?" The Englishman muttered. Giles leapt to his feet and dusted himself off. "Now to figure out where I am."

"You're at the library of your own demise, my good man, and I'm about to file you under Ancient History under the Dewey Decimal System of Death." Cyborg Giles threatened as he turned the corner in a swagger that could be described as a cross between Robocop and The Terminator if they were both played by Hugh Grant.

"My God, man." Human Giles wrinkled his nose at his opponent's entrance line.

"What?"

"Dewey Decimal System of Death?"

"You don't like it?"

"It's bloody awful."

"What's wrong with it? I thought it was rather witty. I was up all night working on it."

"Well first off, there is no Ancient History section under the Dewey Decimal System."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm quite sure. There are only nine categories"

"What about subcategories?"

"There are subcategories?"

"Of course, there are subcategories. What kind of librarian are you?"

"What kind of cyborg are you? Where are your lasers, or death rays, or chainsaw hands? We're in a death match, and you don't even have a weapon!"

"Neither do you."

"But you had the upper-hand."

"True, but I had to come up with that opening threat. That took some time to perfect. You should have heard some of the ones I didn't use."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Hmmm…let me see…there was..um…'You're about to be overdue.'"

"Well that doesn't even make sense."

"That's why I scrapped it. There was also "You're going to need a library card to check out the thrashing I'm going to give you."

"That one's kind of clever."

"Thank you. Then there was 'Please be quiet, people are trying to kill each other.' Or 'I'm going to knock you off your shelf.' It was a very difficult task. Librarian-theme threats aren't very intimidating."

"I see, but I must digress for I fear we may be getting off the subject."

"What subject is that?"

"The Battle to our deaths."

"Oh right! Pardon me, I almost forgot all about that. If I remember correctly you were asking me about if I had in weaponry installed in my cybernetic body. Correct?"

"Yes, being cyborg, do you have any advantages that would prove to be unfair when pitted against a human adversary?"

"Well, I can read and retain information from books really quickly."

"You mean you have various fighting styles programmed into you? Like the Terminator?"

"More like Johnny Five from those Short Circuit movies. I even sometimes like to call it "Input" and flip the pages really fast like in the movie."

"So you're saying we're completely evenly matched."

"Aside from the reading thing? Yes. Oh, and my body is entirely made out of metal and wires, and since I have the strength of a machine if I punched you my arm would more than likely go straight through your body." Cyborg Giles said.

"Well…that's good to know." Human Giles gulped and surveyed his surroundings. His eyes spotted a coffee mug filled half-way with water.

"Since we are both British, I recommend that we keep this fight fair and polite by using the Queen's rules. Since we've already established that I have the upper-hand, I will level the playing field and give you time to arm yourself with the weapon of your choice. I, of course will be using fisticuffs." (That's British stereotypical colloquialism, for fighting with your bare hands.) Cyborg Giles stated as he put up his dukes. (That's American stereotypical colloquialism, for hoisting up two rednecks, who recklessly drive an orange car named after a Civil War general.)

"Then I shall use this coffee cup." Giles said as he picked up the mug.

"That's a rather odd choice, but I'll allow it. Shall we?" Cyborg Giles bowed politely.

"We shall." Giles bowed politely also, and then threw the water on to Cyborg Giles causing him to short circuit ironically like the obscure 80's movie they had earlier referenced.

"Oh dear, I do believe you have slain me. Tell me something, Giles, will I dream…." Cyborg Giles asked as his body began to smoke and convulse. Finally, the robotic Englishman exploded catching Giles in the blast. The watcher wearily picked himself off the floor, dusted himself off, and straightened his lapel. (I don't even know what a lapel is.) Just then he was bathed in a white light as an ominous voice announced:

Team Buffy vs. Team Steve: 5 1

Just then the sky began to split open and a giant floating Magic 8-ball appeared and sucked Giles up inside of it. Giles was then spit out of the 8-ball that was lying on the floor of the Magic Box.

"Well that was quite pointless." Giles stated.

"Giles!" Buffy and the scoobies exclaimed and tackled Giles in a welcoming embrace.

"Take it easy, I haven't been this well received since my 'returning' appearance at the end of the season six cliffhanger." Giles laughed.

"Have you seen Spike?" Buffy asked. Just then the portal opened and Spike landed on top of Giles.

"Bloody hell, I'm glad that's over with." Spike groaned.

"Get off of me! You rubbish oaf." Giles cursed pushing Spike aside.

"Spike, you're alive!" Buffy squeaked and jumped into his arms. "I was worried about you."

"As you should have been, pet. That back there was probably the toughest fight I ever fought." Spike said.

"Why? What happened?" Willow asked, because she hasn't had a line in a while.

"Well…"

TO BE CONTINUED.

Next time on Buffy the Cliché Slayer: Steve-0 will procrastinate, and work on other projects and school until he gets a random review that reminds him he needs to finish this story.