Chapter 33 - The Chapter Where Tony Punches a Cop

Pepper was smiling, but Tony knew knew it wasn't an "I'm so glad to see you" smile. No, he was pretty sure it was a "you're in so much trouble" smile. She crossed her arms over her chest and spoke in a voice that was much too chipper for his comfort. "So, do you want to explain how this happened?"

Tony smiled sheepishly back. "You mean how I gave myself a hernia or how I ended up handcuffed to this hospital bed?"

"Why don't you start with how you assaulted a police officer?"

"I didn't mean to. I meant to assault a brain surgeon, but he ducked."

Pepper shook her head. "I'm going to need a lot more explanation than that."

(ง •̀෴•́)ง

Tony watched the paramedics load Pietro's stretcher into the back of the ambulance, which had driven up the walking trail as far as it could to get as close as possible to the castle.

The police were there too, which he probably should have expected, given that technically, they had all been trespassing inside a currently closed public attraction. A plain clothed female officer approached him, holding out her badge. "Mister Stark, I'm going to need to ask you some questions."

"Not now," he snapped at her, which probably wasn't the best idea, but one of his kids was badly injured, another was beside herself with grief for her brother, and the other was—wait, where the hell was Loki anyway? "Damn it—Wanda, get in the back of the ambulance with your brother and stay with him, okay? I'll follow in the car, but first I have to find your other sibling."

Wanda looked at him blankly—she seemed to be in shock or something—then obediently followed the paramedics and got in the back of the ambulance.

"Mister Stark," the police officer repeated, but he didn't have time to talk to her.

"Look, can it wait? I have to find my other kid."

"Your other kid? Are these kids yours?"

"Yes, these kids are mine! I'm their dad, I claim full responsibility for them, and I don't care who knows about it." Pepper might have his head for making that little announcement, but so be it. At least there weren't any press around.

"Look, I'm really going to have to ask you some questions now. Why were you all—"

"I plead the fifth."

"Mister Stark, you can't plead the fifth because you aren't under arrest, although you will be if you don't—MISTER STARK."

Tony waved her off as he saw a set of what he hoped were footprints in the snow and began to follow them in the direction of the pond. He was probably lucky she didn't shoot him, or at least try to tase him. Instead, she followed him down to the pond, where Loki's coat and sweater lay on the ground. He felt his heart beat faster. My fault, thought Tony. I should have said something to him—told him it would be okay, and to stay put.

"Sir, I can help," said the cop. "If we have to, we can organize a search party. I just need you to answer some questions, starting with the name and age of the child who's missing. Do you think you could do that?"

"I, uh—" Damn it, what was he going to do now? He couldn't tell her he was looking for the war criminal who lead the Chitauri invasion—could he? No, she definitely wouldn't get it, especially considering how many first responders had gone down that day. "He's eighteen," he told her instead. "So, not technically a child—"

The officer seemed to relax, if only a little. "I see. Does he have any developmental or emotional issues that would render him unable to care for himself?"

Definitely yes, thought Tony, but he couldn't say that. "No, no—it's just that with the storm coming through, I need to find him. I don't think he has his phone on him, so he wouldn't be able to call a cab or anything. And uh, he's not from the city. He hasn't been living here long, so I don't know if he could find his way home on his own—"

"I understand, Sir. When you get down to it, being eighteen isn't that different from being seventeen, is it? I can help you look for him."

"That's really not necessary."

The lady cop peered at him through narrowed eyes. "Sir, is there something you're not telling me?"

This is why they shouldn't let women be cops, thought Tony. They were just too perceptive, and it was entirely unfair. "Look, the truth is he does have some emotional issues, okay? That's why I need to be the one to find him."

"Do you believe him to be a danger to himself or others?"

Yes, on both counts. "No, no—he wouldn't hurt anyone."

"Sir, why were you and those kids inside Belvedere castle when it was closed? What happened to that boy?"

"I told you already. He slipped, hit his head on the stone floor. Honestly, I ought to sue the city, or the park conservancy, or—"

"I know you're lying to me, Mister Stark. Those injuries weren't from a simple fall."

"Look, tell you what. I'll give you a million dollars if you just—"

"Mister Stark, I would think very carefully before completing that sentence."

Tony forced himself to grin at her, despite the fact that he didn't feel much like grinning. He held out his hands in the air in a show of surrender. "Hey, hey, it was a joke! I would never try to bribe a cop. I'm not that hopelessly stupid. Look, the problem is that you wouldn't believe the truth if I told you."

"Two years ago, aliens demolished half of Grand Central Station. There's not much I wouldn't believe at this point, especially coming from a man that diverted a nuclear missile through a hole in space in order to save all of us."

"Huh—I did do that, didn't I?" Right. Play up the hero thing and not so much the billionaire thing; most people responded better to that—

"Which is why you get away with as much as you do," said Cagney and Lacey, giving him the evil eye. "You're a hero, Mister Stark, and the New York City police haven't forgotten it. Whatever you're doing here, I want to believe it's in the interest of New York. But it would help if you could explain what the hell is going on."

Maybe, just maybe, he could trust this woman. And maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't think he was insane. "Okay, fine. If you really want to know, in the past year, I've adopted three kids. Two of them can do magic. The short version is that those two got in a fight with each other, and the other kid got in the middle of it."

"Magic," the female police officer repeated. "Now, in addition to aliens, we've got magic?"

"To be fair, we've had magic. Thor is a Norse god who can control the weather."

"Fair enough," said the cop.

( ´∀｀)_中

"Oh my God—" As soon as they'd found Loki, lying half naked in the snow and blue as the day he was born, the cop (whose name he had somehow never gotten) pulled out her radio. "I need another ambulance dispatched—"

"It's probably not as bad as it looks," Tony interrupted her. "That's his natural color."

"His?"

Tony looked down again, and saw what the cop was looking at. He pulled off his coat and bent down to cover Loki with it. "Ah, sorry—hers—well, theirs, anyway," he told her, remembering at the last minute that Loki's appearance didn't always match what was inside these days.

"Alien or mutant?" asked the cop.

"Alien," Tony told her, though he wasn't sure why it mattered.

"You adopted an alien kid? He's not one of the ones that—"

"No, no, definitely not Chituari. You saw those things, right? They're Asgardian, like Thor."

"Thor isn't blue," the cop pointed out.

"Yeah, well, the two of us are from the same planet and we're not exactly the same color, are we?" Tony held his breath, hoping that what he'd said hadn't come off as offensive, even though in his opinion, she was the one who was being racially insensitive by making a big deal out of the kid's blueness.

The terra-cotta skinned police officer arched an eyebrow at him, but whatever she was thinking, she didn't say it. "Even if that is their natural color, are you sure they're alright?"

"I'm pretty sure they're just being dramatic, but we're about to find out." Tony grasped Loki's shoulder and shook it gently. "Lokes, come on, time to get up." Loki didn't respond. "Come on, I know you feel bad, but we need to follow the ambulance to the hospital."

Loki made a small, pathetic whimpering noise. "Just leave me here."

"Not happening. Come on, just sit up for me. Please? Everything's going to be alright, nothing was your fault—what do you need me to say?"

"Don't lie to me!" the kid shouted at him, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw the cop's hand move towards the gun at her hip. To her credit though, she caught herself a moment later and crossed her arms casually in front of her.

"Okay, you know what? Maybe what happened was kind of your fault, but it was also mine." Damn, he wished Doc was here. (Oh right, Doc—what had happened with him? He had never called, so hopefully that meant he didn't need any backup, not that Ross had shot him as soon as he started asking questions. Unfortunately, he didn't really have time to worry about it. He was just going to have to trust that Leonard had things under control.)

Tony didn't have a choice. If Loki was going to lie there in the snow, he'd just have to pick her up and carry her.

*✲ﾟ*｡⋆_(:τ」∠)_*✲ﾟ*｡⋆

"If that's how you gave yourself a hernia, you must really be out of shape."

"The kid weighs over three hundred pounds."

Pepper's jaw fell open. "How is that possible? If anything, Loki still looks like she needs to eat more."

"Weirdly dense alien bones," Tony told her.

"None of this explains how you ended up assaulting a police officer."

"I'm getting to it."

⸝₍̗⁽°°⁾₎͕⸍∘˚˳°✧

Through nothing short of a Herculean effort, and likely aided by a new flood of adrenaline, he'd managed to pick Loki up and carry them out of there. Luckily, he'd only had to make it as far as where the police car was parked directly outside the castle before cop lady insisted he and Loki get in the back and let her drive them to the hospital.

"Nice of you," he'd told her.

"If I let you drive yourself, would you drive at a safe speed?"

"Probably not," he admitted.

"And that's why I'm taking you there."

Tony put Loki in first, then after he slid in on the other side, he leaned over to buckle her seatbelt for her, since she was still playing at catatonia. He squeezed her shoulder. "Everything's going to be okay, Loki."

The police officer turned around to look at him over her shoulder. "Did you say Loki?"

"It's a common name in Asgard." Once again, Tony held his breath until the officer turned back around and started the car, backing out and making her way back to the road.

And of course, she was driving five miles below the speed limit. "Hey, can't you go any faster?"

"I know you're concerned about your son, Mister Stark, but the weather's getting worse. There isn't anyone in this car who's injured, and I have a responsibility to keep it that way."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure I am injured." It felt like he'd strained something carrying Loki.

"We're not that far away from the hospital. Are you going to die in the next ten minutes?"

"I might." Loki made that horrible whimpering sound she'd been making a lot of lately, and Tony bit his own tongue. "It was a joke. I'm sorry, I tend to do that when I'm stressed. I'm not dying. No one's dying, Lokes."

"Are they going to be okay?" asked the police officer.

"They'd be better if you could get us to the hospital a little quicker."

"I'll get there as quickly as I can, Mister Stark, but I'm not going to endanger anyone inside or outside of this vehicle unnecessarily."

*✲ﾟ*｡⋆*✲ﾟ*｡ō͡≡o

"So was that the police officer you punched in the face?"

"You know I would never intentionally punch a woman in the face, even if they were a cop."

"So, yes—oh my God, this is going to be on the news—" Pepper rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

Probably not a good time to mention she had been a black female cop, then. "She was just standing in the wrong place at the wrong time, Pep. Do you want me to continue the story or not?"

She didn't seem to be listening. "Probably the national news—"

"Hey Pep, you alright?"

"No, Tony, I'm not alright! This was the last thing I needed to have to deal with right now."

"Oh right. What happened with—"

Pepper cut him short with a look that he knew meant "don't even ask."

"Pep, you know you don't have to handle any of this stuff by yourself. This is why we have lawyers and a PR department." Pepper fidgeted with her engagement ring, twisting it back and forth on her finger. He reached out and took her hand. "You don't normally wear that outside the tower—hey, is this your way of saying it's time to use our 'get out of jail free card?'"

"I needed a little reassurance today, so I wore it. It's on my right hand, see? No one needs to know it's an engagement ring."

"Oh." Tony felt a little disappointed, but now probably wasn't the right time to start planning a wedding anyway. Still, just how hot did it have to get before they were officially out of the frying pan, into the fire?

・o・)⊃-(🔥)

"Come on Lokes, time to get out of the car."

Loki didn't respond. Tony ran a hand through his own hair. "You know, don't you think you're being just a little bit selfish here? You remember that Pietro is in critical condition, right?"

Loki's eyes shifted towards him. "I told you to leave me where I was."

Okay, at least they were talking now. "You know I wasn't going to do that."

"Why do you care what happens to me?"

"Because you're my kid." How many times did he need to say it?

"I'm not, though."

So they were back to that. "No, you are, and damn it, if the universe doesn't get a clue after I picked all three hundred pounds of you up and carried you across Central Park, I don't know how else I can prove it—"

Loki frowned at him. "The universe?"

"When you guys came back from your mom's wedding, your brother told me that he had a talk with Frigga, and that according to her I needed to prove it to the universe that you were mine, so that Odin wouldn't have a claim on you anymore."

"That's ridiculous." Loki wiped her nose, which had started to run, with the back of her hand. "Odin doesn't want me. He never has. No one has."

"I can't speak for Odin, but Odin aside, you should know that isn't true. First of all, I want you. Everyone else in the tower thinks of you as family. I'm pretty sure Frigga wanted you too, even though she has an odd way of showing it sometimes. And Thor wanted you to stay in Asgard, didn't he?"

"He said he did, but—"

"But what?"

"But he hasn't seen me like this! If he did, he wouldn't want to call me his sibling."

"Loki, you're his little brother, other than when you're his little sister. He's not going to reject you just because you could go as a blueberry for Halloween, no costume required."

Loki scowled at him. Apparently they didn't appreciate the joke. "You don't understand. Perhaps my appearance holds little meaning for you, but any Asgardian who saw me this way would see a monster."

"And they would be wrong. You aren't a monster, and I swear I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe it."

Loki shook their head. "I can't get out of the car like this."

"Okay, I get that. You probably would draw some unwanted attention. So just turn back, and let's go."

"Don't you think I would have turned back if I could?" snapped Loki.

"Oh—" So the kid had gotten themself stuck in smurf mode.

"I can change sexes, but try as I might, I can't make myself look like a person."

"Loki, you are a person." Tony was getting angry now—not at Loki, but at everyone who had made them feel less-than.

"You keep saying that, but just look at me."

"I am looking at you, and I'm seeing the same person that I've always seen. You're smart, smart-mouthed, and every bit the kid I never thought I'd have. Sometimes I can't believe we're not related by blood."

Tears rolled down Loki's cheeks, and Tony could only hope that they were crying in relief if not happiness. They wiped their nose again with the sleeve of Tony's jacket. He'd probably need to get it dry cleaned, but that was fine.

"Come on, Loki, just get out of the car. If anyone looks at you funny, I'll punch them in the nose for you."

Loki nodded, and let him take their hand to help them out of the car.

( ╥_╥)0 o(-෴-)

"And is that how—"

"Nope. As it turns out, in New York, a blue alien kid doesn't attract that much attention. Everyone in the ER's waiting room probably thought they were a street performer or an extra from a sci-fi movie that was filming nearby."

Pepper arched an eyebrow at him. "So how did you end up punching someone?"

🏥 ️

The man in front of him extended a hand towards him. "I'm Doctor Strange."

"Strange? That's seriously your name?"

"We've met before, Mister Stark. It was at the last gala for the Maria Stark Foundation. And the answer is the same now as it was then: yes, that's really my name."

Right, now he remembered. There had been something about the guy that had put him off then. "Sorry, I meet lots of people. And it isn't my fault that you have a name that sounds like a third rate birthday party magician's stage name. Are you Pietro's doctor?"

The man gave him a tight-lipped smile. "I'm one of the most prominent neurosurgeons in the country, Mister Stark. I was called in because the young man in question seems to have suffered extensive neurological trauma, despite a complete lack of external injury. Like I said, I'm one of the best. I may be able to prevent him from spending the rest of his life as a vegetable, but before I can operate, I need to know how his injuries occurred."

There was no way this guy was going to believe the truth, so Tony didn't bother trying to give it to him. "Why does it matter? Aren't we just wasting time here? Shouldn't you be operating right now?"

"Mister Stark, as head of neurology at Metro General, I reserve the right to choose which cases I take on. I haven't agreed to take his yet."

Okay, now he was starting to figure out why his "asshole" detector had gone off as soon as the doctor had swaggered over to him. "In that case, find anyone else to operate on him! Someone who doesn't waste time asking pointless questions."

"There's no reason to become belligerent. You'll find that of all the surgeons here, I have the highest success rate with these kinds of patients. The information I've asked for is necessary if you want him to have the best chance of recovery. If I don't know the nature of the injury, I'll be going in blind."

"Alright, fine! If you have to know, he was caught in the crossfire of two magical spells."

"Magic?" Strange gave him a look that said he thought he was nuts, and Tony couldn't blame him for that. He shook his head. "Right, I think I'm going to have to pass on this one."

"Sorry, you're going to have to pass?"

(Tony barely registered it when the police officer who had driven them to the hospital had come up behind Strange, probably because she'd heard him raise his voice.)

"If you're not going to take my inquiries seriously, I don't have the time to deal with you," said Strange. "I can have Doctor West take a look at the boy, but I really wouldn't get my hopes up if I were—"

( ▼෴▼)=○)Д)゜゜

"And that was when you took a swing at him?" asked Pepper. Tony couldn't get a good read on her expression.

He answered her question with another. "Wouldn't you have?"

"Of course not—I would have taken off one of my shoes and beaten him with it."

"Those are your most dangerous shoes you're wearing," he said, looking down at Pepper's three inch Louboutins. "You could put someone's eye out with one of those."

Pepper gave him a small, strained smile. "This really isn't the time to be joking around, Tony."

"I know." Pepper sat down on the edge of the hospital bed, and Tony buried his face in her neck to get a good whiff of her Chanel N°5. "I swear, I'm going to make sure Strange doesn't work in this town again—"

"I've told you this before, but you can't ruin someone's career, even if they are a monumental jerk. And jokes aside, you definitely can't resort to violence, even if you thought you were protecting your family."

Tony wasn't in the mood to argue with her. "Just tell me how Loki and Wanda are doing."

"They're okay. You don't need to worry. Happy's keeping an eye on them out in the waiting room."

"Happy is—?" So far, he hadn't formerly introduced Happy to Loki or the twins, even though the guy technically knew about the arrangement. As head of security at Stark Industries, there was no way he couldn't know about everyone living in the tower.

"Also, Pietro hasn't woken up yet, but Doctor Palmer said she was confident he would make a full recovery."

Tony felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. "That's good. I—I didn't want to ask, because I thought—"

"I know. I'm sorry; I should have told you that first, shouldn't I?"

＼＿ﾍ(•̃͡•̃͡

Author's Note:

After I posted the chapter last week, I realized that I had somehow deleted a scene with Leonard and Karla. I was going to add it back in this week, but it just didn't fit, so it should be in next week's chapter.

Originally, I wanted the police officer in this chapter to be an existing Marvel character, but I didn't end up having time to research it to make sure she was written in character.