Chapter 47 - The Marriage of Bruce and Leonard?

Pepper sat down across from Betty at the table with her coffee. "Is everything alright?"

The other woman had simply been staring into her own cup, contemplating it as if it might hold the secrets to the universe. "I'm just worried about Bruce. He hasn't been eating, and he's been lethargic—"

"I thought Bruce was doing better."

"This morning, he vomited in the middle of the carpet in my bedroom. Maybe I should change his food."

It took Pepper a moment and her first sip of coffee to process that. "You're talking about one of your dogs, aren't you?"

Zora sat down at the table with them, a mug in one hand and one of Thor's Pop-Tarts in the other. "If you wish, I could take a look at dog Bruce. In Latveria I mostly attended the livestock, but I know some about pet animals as well."

Betty smiled at her. "Thanks, that would be great."

Meanwhile, Pepper took another sip of coffee and almost did a spit take. "Zora, how long have you been here?"

"Do you mean in the kitchen, or in your tower?" asked Zora.

"Let's start with the tower."

"I just got in."

"I am sorry I did not alert you, Ms. Potts," JARVIS interjected, "but she took me a bit off guard by not using any of the doors."

"How—"

"Queen Frigga opened a portal. Here, I have a letter from her explaining." Zora pulled a letter out of the pocket of her jacket and handed it to Pepper.

Pepper unfolded it and found that it was written in Frigga's delicate script-like handwriting.

Dear Lord & Lady Stark,

Thank you in advance for allowing the girls to stay with you as Victor and I finally embark on our honeymoon. Zora will be starting her classes soon, and while Victor had originally arranged for her to stay in the school 's dormitories, I convinced him that such a thing made no sense when she now has family in New York who would surely welcome her into their home with open arms.

I think it goes without saying that we couldn 't have left Sigyn home alone. There's no telling what she would get up to! Like Loki, Sigyn is a clever child and fully capable of causing mischief even without her magic. She really is a sweet girl when you get to know her, but if I were you, I would keep both eyes on her.

Best Regards,

Frigga von Doom

P.S.

Please give all my love to Loki and Thor.

Pepper wondered why Frigga never thought to ask before leaving one or more of her children in their care, but she supposed it didn't matter. Zora and Sigyn were there, there would likely be no way to contact Frigga or Victor von Doom to discuss it, and it wasn't as if they could just throw two young girls out into the street in the middle of winter. "Hold on; if Sigyn is here, where is she?"

∵:.(o⊱ O)p■

When Loki's eyes fluttered open the first thing he saw was Sigyn's face, which was only a few inches away from his own. "Not again," he groaned. "I really thought I was done with these sleep paralysis episodes."

"I'm not a 'sleep paralysis episode,' whatever that is."

Loki jerked awake, knocking Sigyn off him onto the floor in the process. "What in the nine are you doing here, Sigyn? You're supposed to be in Latveria!"

Sigyn pushed herself off the floor and smoothed the wrinkles from the front of her skirts. "Your mother and her new husband went off on their moon of honey, so she sent your stepsister and I here. That's a nice way to greet me, by the way."

"I'm not sorry. Why were you on top of me?"

"I was just waking you up. Do you always sleep so late?"

Loki glanced at the clock by his bed. "It's not even 8 AM."

"That can't be right. We left Latveria in the early afternoon."

"Midgard is an oblate spheroid, and it rotates around its sun."

"How fascinating."

"You know, you might actually take the time to learn a few things about Midgard," Loki advised her, "seeing as you're probably going to be here for the next several centuries."

Sigyn made a screeching sound and dramatically collapsed onto the bed in front of him. "Your brother can't mean to banish me for that long! I didn't even do anything that bad."

"You were in possession of magical artifacts that were stolen from the palace treasure room, and you used them to perform highly disruptive magic that almost killed someone. I still don't understand what you were trying to do."

Sigyn scowled at him. "I just wanted to get your attention."

"Why? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Sigyn continued to scowl, but then her lower lip began to quiver, and her eyes began to fill up with tears. Loki began to feel sorry for her again, until she leaned over him, picked up one of his pillows, and began to beat him with it. "IT'S—BECAUSE—I—LOVE—YOU—YOU—IDIOT!"

"Sigyn, stop it!" Eventually, he succeeded in grabbing his pillow back from her. "You can't love me when I don't even like you anymore. Did you take one of your own love potions or something?"

Sigyn's shoulders tensed, and her expression was similar to that of a small child who had been caught helping herself to the contents of the larder without permission.

"Seriously, Sigyn?"

"I had to test it before I gave it to you, didn't I?"

"Norns, you're an idiot." Something wasn't adding up, however. "Didn't you say that the potion was only temporary?"

"Perhaps it wasn't as temporary as I thought."

Loki's stared at her for a moment, but then he grinned. "Thank the Norns! I might have been forced to gouge out my own eyes with a blunt instrument if it turned out I was truly in love with Sif. Now, please tell me you know how to make an antidote."

"The Enchantress didn't show me how to make an antidote."

"You got the recipe for the potion from Amora? Ni estas fikitaj."*

"You know, you really have become crude since you started living among these Midgardians."

"Sigyn, you should know better than to learn how to make a love potion from Amora and believe her when she tells you it isn't permanent!"

"You don't suppose it is permanent, do you?"

"Let me put it this way; if it does happen to be temporary, I doubt the effects will subside any time in the next century. There's only one thing to be done. We have to find Amora and kill her."

Sigyn's eyebrows knit together. "Will that make the effects of the potion fade?"

"No, but it will make me feel better. Hopefully we can extract a recipe for an antidote first—" That was when Loki realized that they weren't alone. "Why, good morning Thor. When did you get back in? You didn't bring Jane back with you, did you? How long have you been standing there?"

Thor leaned against the inside of his door with his arms crossed over his chest. "I was going to ask you if you knew who ate my last toaster pastry."

Loki wrinkled his nose in disgust. "It certainly wasn't me. Out of all the food available on Midgard, I don't understand why anyone would favor that kind of overly processed garbage."

His brother narrowed his eyes at him. "You had better not be serious about killing Amora."

"Brother, you know I've never killed purely for revenge; other than that one time with my own biological father, but to be fair, I was having a very bad mental health day at the time. Anyway, one way or the other, we need to find Amora and make her give us the antidote to this stupid potion of hers."

"That I agree with. Sigyn, where did you last see her?"

Sigyn's eyes drifted back and forth between Loki and Thor. "I can't tell you that."

"Sigyn, we may not be in Asgard at the moment, but I am your king." Thor puffed out his chest and attempted to make himself look king-like. Loki thought it was adorable.

Apparently, his posturing impressed Sigyn much more than it did him. She climbed down from the bed and curtsied to Thor. "I apologize my king, but I really couldn't tell you!"

"Why? Are you under a goose or something?"

"Geas," Loki corrected.

"No, your majesty, but I'm not supposed to talk about, um, the place that I'm not supposed to talk about with people who aren't supposed to know about it."

Loki had a pretty good idea which place she meant. "By any chance, are you talking about—"

"Loki," Sigyn hissed. "You're not supposed to tell anyone who can't use magic about Otherworld."

Loki arched an eyebrow at her. "Thor is All-Father now, Sigyn. He might not be any good with it yet, but he does happen to possess the magic that goes along with the title."

"Are you sure that counts? Did Odin even know about it?"

"I don't particularly care anyway." Although she might have a point; he very much doubted that Odin had known about it, or at the very least he hadn't known that his wife had visited there on a semi-regular basis, or that she had occasionally taken one of his children with her.

"Excuse me, but what is this 'Otherworld?'" Thor interrupted.

Loki stretched and sat up cross legged in bed. "Thor, when your grandfather Bor set out to eliminate magic from Midgard, he didn't manage to eradicate it completely. Some of the most powerful Midgardian magic users escaped into a pocket dimension, set up shop there, and named that dimension 'Otherworld.' Ever since then, it's been a bit of a hideout for magic users from all nine realms."

"I see. Have you ever been there?"

"Mother began taking me there when I was quite young, actually."

To his credit, Thor didn't demand to know how Loki could have kept such a large secret from him for several hundred years. "And how does one get to this 'Otherworld?'"

"There are other access points in various places around the nine realms, but on Midgard I believe there's an entrance to it in England, near some Neolithic monuments or whatnot."

Thor nodded; then with a look of determination in his eye that Loki didn't like, he turned to go.

"You're not thinking of going there on your own?" Loki called after him. Not that he was too worried; even if Thor found his way to Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire, he had no more chance of finding the entrance than Jane had of building her own Bifrost.

His brother turned around. "You know very well that Tony would not want you pursuing Amora anymore than he would want you going off to explore a secret tenth realm."

"Tenth realm?" asked Sigyn.

Loki ignored her. "Thor, you can't go to Otherworld on your own. Not when you don't know anyone there and you're still hardly a novice at magic."

"Do you mean that I won't physically be able to enter it, or—"

"That even if you find your way there, you'll be pwned like a n00b?" Both Thor and Sigyn stared at him until he translated. "You're going to get yourself killed in about three seconds."

"It can't be that dangerous or Mother wouldn't have brought you there as a child."

"The first time she took me there, a fairy stole my dress and when I chased after it, I was nearly beaten to death by a bunch of trees. There are very few things in Otherworld that aren't deadly, and don't think that your little hammer will be enough to protect you from them. Not to mention, if you confront Amora on your own, she'll have you under her control in less than ten minutes."

"I thought I was going to die in three seconds anyway."

"The point is, you can't go without a powerful magic user to accompany you, and I'm the only one you know."

"That isn't true. There's always Mother."

"She's gone on her honeymoon. Didn't you wonder why Sigyn was here?"

Thor looked at Sigyn as if noticing her for the first time, despite the fact that he had addressed her directly earlier. "You aren't the one who ate my toaster pastry, are you?"

(ꎤ°д°)و ༉ ))Д´)

It was still morning, but neither Leonard nor Bruce planned on working that day, which made everything feel a little like 5 PM. It was a good feeling, like things were starting to get back to normal. They had slept in the same bed the night before, and Bruce seemed almost cheerful that morning. When Leonard sat down next to him on the couch with his coffee, Bruce even smiled at him. "You were really going to propose to me?"

Leonard nearly choked on his first sip of coffee. Right, that had been bound to come up again. "To be fair, I was pretty shaken up at the time. I saw you jump out a window, and then I had a near death experience."

"I can't believe you were worried enough about me to you let Tony fly you all the way to West Virginia."

"Of course I was worried about you! You're my, um—"

"Your boyfriend?"

Leonard nodded, and put down his coffee so he could take Bruce's hand. "Yes, that's it, and I don't care if I feel a little silly saying it."

"You still haven't said it," Bruce pointed out.

"I did, you just weren't there. Bruce, I—"

That was when one of Betty's weird dogs wandered into the room, panting heavily. It started making a choking sound before regurgitating approximately half a cup of mostly unchewed kibbles onto the carpet in front of them. It then began to gobble them back up. Leonard let go of Bruce's hand, and both exchanged a look, acknowledging that at least for the moment, whatever moment they had been having had passed.

｡:ﾟ૮ - ﻌ - ა ﾟ:｡

It seemed that half the residents of Stark Tower had gathered to watch Zora examine dog Bruce and to hear her verdict. Though given that the examination had taken place in the common room, it could have been that the majority of them had wandered in seeking breakfast, not that they were particularly concerned about the dog. Still, when they had seen what was going on, they had gathered around to watch.

It didn't take Zora long to come to a conclusion. All the signs were there; the engorged nipples, the gently rounded stomach. She couldn't feel anything moving yet, but she thought she could feel the outline of a small pup. "This dog is pregnant," Zora announced to the room with near one hundred percent certainty. The dog blinked its many eyes at her and wagged its tail happily as her palpitations turned into a gentle rubbing of her swollen belly.

Betty's eyebrows flew upwards. "But how can Bruce be pregnant? Unless—"

"Please give that dog a different name," said Bruce. "Obviously, it isn't even male."

"To be honest, I thought Bruce didn't have any fully developed reproductive organs."

"Please give it a different name," repeated Bruce.

"And I was sure Leonard was sterile."

"Going to have to agree with Bruce here," said Leonard. "Please give your dogs different names."

Wanda knelt down next to Zora to help her rub dog Bruce's belly. "Bruce is going to have puppies?"

"Yes, I'm going to have puppies." Human Bruce had apparently given up.

Pietro joined his sister and Zora on the floor. "What is going to happen to Bruce's puppies? Can we keep them?"

Tony scowled at him. "Isn't three dogs that I never technically approved enough?"

Wanda and Pietro looked up at him with large, cartoon-like eyes, but Loki took a different approach. She scowled back at him. "If any other member of our family were pregnant, you wouldn't force them to give up their children, would you?"

"Since when are Betty's lab experiments family?"

"I'm not sure there would be any way of adopting them out," said Betty. "Unless they happen to come out looking like normal dogs. But even then, they would carry Bruce and Leonard's DNA, and I would be worried about them falling into the wrong hands—"

"Betty, you mean dog Bruce and dog Leonard's DNA, right?" asked Leonard. "Those dogs don't actually have any of our DNA, do they?"

"Don't be silly, Leonard. Of course they don't have any of your DNA."

Now all three children were giving Tony the same wide-eyed look, and while at first he tried to stare them down, he eventually hung his head in defeat. "Oh, fine! I'm not going to win this, am I? The puppies stay. It's not like we don't have enough room for them. Maybe we can convert one of the floors into a dog park."

Loki jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you, daddy!"

Tony smiled and melted into the embrace. "Anything for you, sweet pea."

"In that case, may I borrow your credit card?"

"What? Why do you need—"

"We're going to need decorations, and a cake, and Bruce will need a dress—"

"How about Daisy?" suggested Bruce. "That's a cute name for a dog."

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

"Did we really have to dress up for this?" Her partner loosened his tie, pulling it askew in the process, and Natasha reached over to straighten it.

"It is a wedding."

"They're dogs. How do we even know they want to be married? They might hate each other."

"They liked each other enough for Bruce to end up in the condition she's in."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Is there something going on with you and—"

"Of course not. I'm just saying, just because a dog gets knocked up, that doesn't mean she should have to get married."

"Lighten up, Clint. The kids wanted to do this. I think it's cute, and it's not like it's going to be official. The dogs don't even know what's going on, unless something Betty did gave them super-intelligence, and I really doubt that's the case." Natasha watched as the one eyed groom, who had been dressed up in a light blue dog tuxedo complete with satin bow tie, lifted his leg and licked himself.

It was all a little over the top, of course. The furniture had been moved out, and the common room had been transformed into a wedding venue, complete with folding chairs arranged in five rows of two on each side of a runner. There were large arrangements of orchids, peonies, and roses at the end of every row, and the walls had been draped in white chiffon. In front of them, a wedding arch dripped in even more fabric and flowers.

Clint leaned over to speak to her again. "Where's Loki, by the way?"

Natasha pointed to a black wolf-like dog with eerily green eyes who sat next to the groom licking his paw and using it to clean his face like a cat. "You didn't notice the extra dog?"

"All I know is that we went on a mission, and when we came back there were all these extra animals and people around. Is it just me, or is it getting a little crowded around here?"

"I don't know, I've always kind of wanted a big family."

Clint smirked at her. "Aren't you the one that always used to tell Tony that the Avengers weren't a family?"

"A lady reserves the right to change her mind."

"And since when have you been a lady?"

Natasha elbowed Clint in the stomach, and he responded by grabbing her around her middle and nearly pulling her into the aisle as he mussed up her hair. They probably would have ended up wrestling on the floor if Tony hadn't turned around in his seat. "Hey, will you two behave yourself? This is a solemn occasion."

"Yes, Dad," they said in unison.

Tony gave them the look he always gave them whenever they did something to creep him out, then turned back around without saying another word.

Natasha sat up straight and tried to fix her hair the best she could. "You're redoing this for me after the ceremony."

"Why?" asked Clint. "There isn't going to be a reception, is there?"

"I heard that the groom's cake is a fire hydrant made out of chopped liver."

JARVIS started playing Wagner's bridal chorus, and a moment later the multi-ocular bride began her trot down the aisle. She wore a white gown with several layers of tulle and lace which trailed behind her. At the other end, Thori held them in his mouth. It didn't appear that he had intended to carry her train so much as it seemed he had been trying, ineffectively, to pull the dress off of her, and was now being drug down the aisle by the much larger dog.

"Who's officiating this thing, anyway?"

Clint's question was answered when Thor stepped in front of the wedding party and cleared his throat. "Friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of dog Leonard and dog Bruce. Marriage is a joyous occasion, is it not? There can be nothing better than finding those we are meant to be with; those who accept us despite our flaws and yet inspire us to be our best selves; those who love us so unconditionally we cannot help but believe in that love."

Natasha glanced towards the other side of the aisle across from Pepper and Tony, where Bruce and Leonard sat behind Betty. Leonard's hand moved slowly over Bruce's and Bruce squeezed his hand back. Natasha suppressed a grin.

"Those who inspire us to follow our dreams, and those who bring out our passion," Thor continued, and his eyes drifted toward Jane, who sat with her assistant on the same row as Natasha and Clint, again on the other side of the aisle. His voice came out as a low rumble. "The kind of passion which on a cold night in a very small tent—ow! Loki, let go of my leg!"

The room erupted in laughter as Thor tried to shake his brother off of him. Finally, Loki let go with one final growl of warning aimed at his brother.

"Bad Loki. Very, very bad," Thor scolded. "Now where was I?"

"Just get to the point, Point Break," Tony called out.

"Very well. As a symbol of their devotion to one another, Bruce and Leonard will now drink to their love together, in accordance with mortal Celtic tradition." Wanda jumped up from her seat in the front row long enough to hand Thor a dog bowl, which he held up as if it were some artifact of great significance. "This Loving Cup is symbolic of happiness, joy, hope, peace, love and delight. As you drink deeply from the Loving Cup with an open heart and willing spirit, may you share all things from this day on with love and understanding." Thor put the bowl down in front of the bride and groom, and together they eagerly slurped up its contents. Thori attempted to slip in between them to get a drink as well, but Loki caught him by the scruff of the neck and pulled him back. With the pup dangling from his mouth, he trotted towards the kitchen, presumably to help him find his own water bowl.

When the dogs had finished drinking and Loki had returned, Thor proceeded. "Bruce, do you take Leonard to be your canine husband? If you do, then speak."

"Woof," said dog Bruce.

"Good girl, Bruce. And Leonard, do you take Bruce to be your flea-bitten wife?" ("Please name your dogs something else," Natasha heard dog Bruce's human counterpart grumble.)

"Woof," said dog Leonard.

With a dramatic flourish, Thor spread his arms out over the wedding party. "Then by the power vested in me as All-Father of these nine realms, I pronounce you dog and wife. You may now sniff your bride."

...φ(•̀ᴗ•́ )و

Author's Note:

*Loki is speaking Esperanto again, if you want to look up what he said.

The next chapter will be the last, at least for now. I want to give myself a little extra time to make sure it's right, so expect it to be up in about two weeks, between Friday, August 26th and Monday, August 29th.

I don't have a definite date in mind at this point, but if I do publish a third novel-length fic it will probably start sometime next year. However, in the meantime I do plan on releasing some short stories that will go in between this and the next novel-length story (possibly as often as every month or two).