So...it's now summer vacation. Why do I feel like bawling?

Chapter 6 Reverie

Raven didn't know she had fallen asleep until her eyes shot open with a start to the sound of the six o'clock alarm. It took her a few moments to realize what this meant--she had slept the entire day, and night, away. Today was Christmas Eve.

She jerked violently as someone pounded on her metal door. "FRIEND RAVEN! AWAKEN! WE MUST FROST PRESENTS AND GIVE COOKIES, FOR TODAY IS THE EVE OF--"

The hellish morning call ended abruptly as Raven placed a sound barrier around her entire room. The long sleep paid off; her powers no longer felt drained, her emotions had calmed. She felt oddly ready for what lay ahead of her. Why worry about something that could not be changed? Life continued after Christmas.

Tugging off the gray hoody with a vague sense of disappointment, Raven quickly dressed in her usual clothes, pulling the heavy cloak around her shoulders and adjusting the hood. A quick glance at the window revealed that the snow was still falling; delicate white flakes drifted past the glass, much as they had that morning...

Her eyebrows drifted together in a frown as yesterday's ache rose in her chest. She remembered the conversation all too clearly, and couldn't help but wonder if any of it had meant anything to him. Try as she might, Raven still couldn't see how that person could be hiding somewhere inside Robin. How could something so good come out of something so...

A white spot at the corner of her eye brought her attention to the bedroom door for the first time that morning. The black of the carpet was broken by an envelope, halfway under the door as though someone had placed it there the night before. She could barely make out her name scrawled across the front in black ink.

Sighing, Raven bent to pick it up, fully expecting to find some kind of lame excuse or a weak explanation, but when she slit open the envelope, she found neither. Instead, a plain CD slid into her hand. No note, no explanation. Just a CD.

Intrigued against her will, Raven picked up the disc, taking the few steps necessary to reach her stereo. Play.

Eerie, mournful piano music filled the room, drifting to her ears and wrapping itself around her in a cold embrace.

This is my December, this is my time of the year...This is my December, this is all so clear...

Raven's eyes widened slightly, gaze fixed on empty space as the song brought back a rush of memories. She could feel the chill of snow, the gray material brushing her skin...

And I'd give it all away...just to have somewhere to go to. Give it all away, to have someone to come home to...

She could hear his whisper as clearly as though he was standing a foot from her. "Have you ever felt like...everything you worked for...everything you are...just...isn't worth anything anymore?"

This is my December, these are my snow-covered trees...This is me pretending this is all I need...

Raven found the hoody clutched in her hands, her face buried in it, slowly enhaling the lingering smell. "It is him," she whispered, the words muffled by the material. "It is Robin."

The slow, mournful tune drifted into silence, though the trance over Raven remained unbroken. Just when she was beginning to think there was nothing else on the disc, a familiar voice filled the room, jolting her from her reverie.

"Raven...we need to talk."

Robin's tone was not the familiar bossy and demanding one he used with his teammate Raven, but a different...softer one, resembling someone she had met in a bookstore once. How could she have missed that in his voice for so long?

"Just...give me a chance to explain? If you're answer is yes, meet me at the docks at sundown. If not..."

Silence lingered, as though he was fighting with the possibility.

"...I'll see you in combat practice."

The stereo whirred gently, signaling the end of the disc. Raven stared at it in bewilderment, as though expecting it to offer some explanation. When it remained silent, she shook her head dazedly, and removed the CD. He said he wanted to explain. Maybe now she would finally have some answers.

Raven pulled the hoody tighter around her as she trudged through the snow and the slush from a day of sun and an oncoming night of cold. The pier was deserted, the surface of the water stained a violent shade of orange as the sun sank below the horizon. Robin should be here somewhere...he said to meet here at sundown. Lingering doubts awoke in her mind, and Raven couldn't quite push them down.

The sound of snow crunching under foot made Raven jerk her head back the way she had come, only to see Robin making his way through the snow. Instant disappointment dragged her stomach into her toes as she saw that the mask was still in place...she had a foolish hope that someone else would be meeting her tonight.

Robin didn't say anything, just kept walking until he was barely three feet away from her. Halting deliberately, as though he had planned this out to the step, he lifted ungloved hands to touch the mask. It was then that she realized the mask was the only remaining bit of his costume.

The mask dropped from his hand, fluttering down to rest on the snow-covered ground. Smiling slightly, he ruffled his hair, freeing it from the gravity-defying spikes until it fell haphazardly on his forehead and trailed down the back of his neck. Piercing blue eyes peered from beneath the black curtain, freezing Raven where she stood. There was absolutely no room for doubt now. It was him. She almost forgot herself then and there; seeing him again had made her realize just how much she missed him.

Clearing her throat uncomfortably, Raven broke his gaze and started down at the snow. "You said you wanted to explain?" The empath was shocked at how cold the words came out. Robin...Richard, remained steadfast, however.

He nodded, one hand raking through his hair in the only sign of nervousness he had given since appearing. "I do."

The wind provided the only sound as the sky became a painter's pallette of pink, purple, and blue. Finally he spoke.

"So...this is me." He spread his arms as though using himself as Exhibit A, though the shifting of his feet said that it was nothing he was proud of. "This is what I really am. This is what I've tried to hide from everyone. I'm not Robin, I'm not a superhuman being...I'm just Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne's orphan from Gotham City." The eyes became frigid, widening as though shocked as his body betrayed him, spilling his well-kept secrets on the snow. "And you're the first to know."

Raven stared calmly back at him, though she felt anything but calm beneath the surface. "You say that as though you resent me for it."

The eyes softened immediately as he raked a hand through his hair again. "No, that's not it, I don't resent you--"

"Then what is it?" Her voice had risen another octave or so, as pain began simmering beneath the surface and confusion twisted her mind into knots. "What do you want from me? You lie to me, now you act as though it's my fault?"

"No! Raven, that's not--"

"Was it just a game to you? Some twisted way to keep yourself occupied?" A burning feeling krept into the corners of Raven's eyes as the pain approached the surface.

"I would never do that to you!" His voice too had grown in volume, though it spoke of desperation rather than anger. "Please, just listen for a minute. Let me explain."

Raven fell silent, heart racing as she fought to control her breathing, cold seeping through to her bones. The thought of feeling this again scared her more than she would ever let him know...

Wait. What could it hurt to hear him out?

He let out a quiet sigh, then gently took her hand and let her over to a roughly made wooden bench, hastily brushing the snow off for her. Raven let herself be led, allowed herself to sit down next to him. Somehow his aura was leeching the anger right out of her and leaving behind only the desire to comfort and protect him. It was just short of torture, keeping the feeling under control.

He sighed deeply, dropping his head in his hands only to jerk it back up again, the tension around him tightening yet again. "I just...I guess I just...don't really know where I'm at right now." He seemed to realize how vague and unhelpful this statement is, because he let out another sigh of frustration and tried again. "I mean, lately I've been feeling so...confused. About who I am, what I should do...I've been wondering if it's really worth it, being Robin...being a superhero. I guess I just wanted to feel what it was like to be just...me, again." The saphire gaze drifted to her face, heralding the familiar lurching warmth in her stomach. "When you saw me...I was scared. Afraid that you'd find out, afraid of...what you'd think of me when you did." A slight red tinge krept into his cheeks despite the cold. "But at the same time...I couldn't stop running into you. It was by accident, at first...but the more time I spent with you..." He stopped, and she could almost hear his brain desperately searching for the words. "It was so different, being able to talk to you as me, not Robin. And you...you were different with me. You..." He swallowed hard. "You looked at me different."

Raven studied her hands silently, taking in his words as the aching increased tenfold. Everything he said made perfect sense to her, and try as she might, she couldn't summon any anger towards him for what he had done. Wouldn't she have done the same, if she had the chance? Wouldn't she want to be normal, just for once in her life?

"I know that I lied to you...and it's not enough, but I'm sorry, Raven. I just wanted to get to know you, and...I knew that could never happen for Robin. I'm sorry." He looked down, allowing his hair to fall forward and hide his eyes as he stood. "I...I guess that's it." Still refusing to meet her eyes, Richard stepped away from the bench, shoulders hunched.

Raven chewed her lip, fighting the need to control her emotions and the desire to free them. The battle didn't last long; one side clearly outwayed the other. "Richard."

He froze, turning on his heel and cautiously looking at her through the locks of black hair.

Raven allowed herself to smile, feeling a great decrease in the pressure inside her. "I know."

Blue eyes grew wide as the familiar words echoed on the air, and the tiniest of smiles graced his lips as well. Blushing slightly, he swung a hand aimlessly, stuffing the other in his pocket. "So...what happens now?" he whispered.

Raven's smile widened as she stood, taking the necessary steps to bring her close to him. The air seemed to spark with electricity, as though they were forcing the opposite ends of a magnet together. Robin and Raven were never meant to be. But they weren't Robin and Raven...not now.

She hugged him tightly, allowing him to warm her and giving a little of her warmth to him as well. Shouts drifted out from the city, the distant thud of music reaching their ears in the quiet of the docks. It was nearing midnight, judging by the position of the moon.

3...2...

Raven shifted a little until she could look up at him. "Richard..."

..1.

"Merry Christmas."

WHOA! Five months later, my Christmas fic is finally finished! Kick me if you want, but I'm already kicking myself...Ahem. Hope you liked this ending...I had fun with this story. Farewell, fellow fanficers! This is Dusty...signing out.