Note: Thanks to everyone for your reviews... I'm truly enjoying writing this, and I'm glad you are enjoying reading it!

Warning: for all the Lee/Kara shippers out there. It's pretty obvious that I'm a L/K shipper as well, and I know they will eventually work out their issues on the show--- but since this is supposed to be an explanation of what might have happened to drive them apart at the end of season 2, please be aware that this story takes some not-so-ideal twists and turns. I hope much of it is enjoyable though--- because it expresses my genuine feelings about their relationship.

Chapter Four

Starbuck slammed her head back against her headrest as she moved her Viper into position alongside Galactica. Dammit. What was I thinking? she thought as she reflected on the hours before with Lee.

She was so confused. First of all, she felt angry. She was angry at Lee for--- well, dammit... for being Lee, she thought. Last night with him was everything she imagined it would be. No one knew her as well as Lee. They didn't always agree--- hell, they rarely agreed, but they always fought through it and still loved each other on the other side. He had this way of getting under her skin, and calling her out on things no one else would ever dare approach with her. She was always mad as hell at the time--- she even slugged him once--- but he always forced her to take a closer look at herself when she needed it the most.

Who better to spend the rest of your life with than someone who knows you better than you know yourself?

She smiled as she muttered, "Life with him would certainly never be boring."

"What was that, Captain?"

Starbuck had forgotten that she still had an open channel with Hotdog, who was flying as her wingman on today's CAP run.

"Sorry, Hotdog. Forget I said anything."

Thinking back on the night before, she was angry at herself as well. She'd had no intention of telling Lee that she loved him. But those were the only words that described what she felt at that moment. When she was in his arms, she felt like she'd finally come home. It felt almost as though she'd finally found a huge puzzle piece that she'd been searching for all her life, the critical piece that made the entire puzzle make sense. It was an incredible--- and foreign--- feeling.

Still, she didn't like to let down her guard like that. She didn't actually realize that she'd said the words out loud until he stopped to look at her. That made her feel like she'd lost control, and Starbuck did not like to lose control.

Without even really thinking about it, Starbuck rolled her Viper 180 degrees and positioned herself perfectly underneath Hotdog, flying at an identical speed about fifteen feet beneath him.

"What the frak," Hotdog muttered. "With all due respect Starbuck, what the hell are you doing?"

Starbuck gave a small laugh as she resumed her position next to him. "Just keeping you on your toes, Hotdog. I'm worried that all of these uneventful CAP runs might be making my pilots a little soft."

"Understood." Hotdog spoke slowly, as if he really didn't understand… but was trying to humor her. "If you don't mind though--- just give me a little warning before you do that again."

"Don't worry, I gave you plenty of room. Remember, I always have everything under complete control." ...At least when I'm in a Viper, she thought.

Another thing she found she couldn't control was Lee's reaction to what she'd said. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had created a situation where he felt obligated to say he loved her, too.

"I love you, too, Kara. I always have."

How could he love her? She'd brought him nothing but heartache since they met.

Lee knew she had let her personal feelings get in the way when she was Zak's flight instructor--- and passed him in basic flight, even though he'd clearly failed. She never imagined that move would cost Zak his life. He died making a rookie mistake on his first mission. Both she and Lee were devastated by his death.

Just recently, she really hurt Lee when she thought Sam was dead as well. She had promised Sam that she would return as soon as possible to Caprica to rescue him and the other resistance fighters, but it took her months to get permission to go back. She was sure that he wouldn't survive that long. So in an effort to take away the pain, she had too much to drink and tried to sleep with Lee for all the wrong reasons. She didn't even take his feelings into account as she desperately tried to recreate her experience with Sam, in a foolish schoolgirl fantasy to bring him back to life. Lee, of course, had no clue was she was trying to do--- and couldn't live up to a memory he'd never experienced, so she eventually got frustrated and pushed him away.

As if that wasn't enough, she felt the need to hurt him to prove to herself that she was still in control of the situation:

"There is no us. There is nothing here."

She didn't mean a word of it. But Lee didn't know that.

And just a few weeks after that embarrassing incident, she once again let her feelings get in the way--- this time during a rescue attempt involving Lee and dozens of other hostages. Because Lee was involved, she decided she wanted to do reconnaissance on the mission, when she knew she should've sent someone else. Her cover was blown, things quickly deteriorated, and she had to start shooting. Just seconds into it, she accidentally shot Lee in the chest. She would never forget the shocked look he gave her as a Marine forced her to leave the room. She desperately wanted to stay with Lee--- to hold him and tell him just how sorry she was, but all she could do was sit outside the room for several agonizing hours, wondering if she'd killed him.

The memory of that night brought her thoughts back to Dee. Dee was with Lee when he was shot, and was the one who took care of him. She probably saved his life. To make matters worse, she insisted on staying by his side while he recovered in the hospital, and helped him through rehab. Kara felt so guilty she couldn't approach him for days. She spent hours watching him from afar, and would disappear anytime it looked like he might spot her.

What had Lee said to her just before she left his quarters? "I care about Dee. But I don't want you to think for a minute that she means more to me than you."

How could Lee feel more for the woman who shot him and then deserted him than the one who kept him alive and supported him? It just didn't add up.

Kara wanted to be with Lee so much. But based on their history, she just knew that eventually she would frak things up and drive him away.

Hotdog's voice shattered the silence. "So Starbuck... I wasn't sure if I should say anything... but I hear congratulations are in order."

She held her breath for a second. "Trust that first instinct, Hotdog. We're not out here to get all close and personal."

Hotdog sounded a little apologetic. "Gotcha, Captain. Maybe later."

The final nail in the coffin... Starbuck thought. On top of everything else--- she felt guilty. Sam was nothing but great to her. He'd done absolutely nothing wrong. And she'd betrayed him.

Once again, Thrace, Starbuck thought, you frakked up. Big time.

The question was, what was she going to do about it?