disclaimer: i don't own PoT. sadly.
Closed Doors
He waited outside the room, leaning against the wall casually. Time and time again his hands itched with the need to reach for his notebook. The need to do something, to occupy himself, to shut himself safely away until the door opened again. And so he resolutely folded his arms across his chest; he would not escape again.
This time, he would face it as it came.
And so he continued waiting outside the room, perfectly still. Time seemed to waiting with him; seconds felt like hours and minutes stretched into forever. Even the air was not moving. It was like being in water. So hard to move, so hard to breathe.
His hands itched for the familiar comfort of pen flying over open pages again; this was becoming unbearable. He would suffocate soon, he thought. But it was okay. He would wait, like he promised; he promised to keep his promise, so he would. So he continued to wait.
Soft breathy moans drifted from behind closed doors. He thought he heard the sound of tears falling as well, but he could not be sure; that silent thud. Feathery gasps and silent cries. He shook; the sounds were almost too much to bear, the key word being almost.
Because he promised.
He never asked it of him, but he wanted to do it for him. He would wait for him. He would be the sanctuary for him when he was hurt, and nurse him till he was alright again. Then he would let him go until the next time he was needed again. It was the right thing to do, this waiting.
It was much better than holding him down and making him unhappy.
If anyone were to be hurt at all, let it be him. He could handle it; his trusty numbers and figures would drown him into oblivion.
He waited.
Then the doors opened and the other he came out; it was over. Finally.
You were waiting here all along? the other he asked.
He did not reply as the other he slowly opened his eyes. They were so blue, like the ocean. Washing over him.
You love him, don't you? Clear, pure, blue swallowing him,
He did not reply. Again. Just like he did the time before, and the time before, and before. There was no need for an answer.
No one deserves this. Not even him. You don't deserve to love him if you can't even protect him. The words lashed at him like a million daggers despite the silken voice, yet he said nothing. There was nothing left to be said.
He felt as if he had just been thoroughly read. Like an open book.
The other he left, to return to the arms of his loved one, while he stood stoned at the door.
Senpai? His voice was meek and gentle.
He heard him coming to the door. Senpai. You were here all along? His lips trembled a little; they looked a little swollen.
Yes.
Silence.
I was waiting.
He looked up, his brilliant green eyes shining much too brightly. What for? His voice was quivering.
He longed to take him into his arms, but he kept still.
For you. To open the door, he said. But he opened it first. Is he going to come back?
He was silent as crystalline drops fell from his beautiful green eyes. They fell to the ground before he could catch them.
He never meant to come, senpai. I opened the door for you but you always slammed it in my face. I waited but you never came. You were always behind closed doors. It was barely above a whisper, but he thought it sounded louder than anything else.
He thought he would go deaf soon.
You never came unless he left the doors open. You never came even when you knew what was going on. Nothing I ever did made you care enough to come through the doors. You always shut me in.
Suddenly the words of the other he started to make more sense.
He knew?
He nodded slowly. He knew better than I did, senpai.
He knew better than we both did, he said as he finally threw his arms around his slender frame, holding so close like he was never letting him go.
And he would never let his Akaya go again. Never let him shed a tear over them, never let the door close between them again.
The wait was finally over.
Fuji Syuusuke smiled a knowing smile as he walked away; they made a good pair, Renji and Akaya.
A/N: This came about because of some random thoughts. Must be because of the test results I just got back. Oh wel Originally wanted it to be a full-blown fic about fujiXakayaXyanagi, but thought better of it. Haha. Fuji was thrown in for fun. This was supposed to take place during the American invitational camp. But that wasn't very clear in the fic was it? No bother. This was too convoluted anyway. School and tests do that to your brain. (rambles off shinji-style...) Haha.