"Too right."
"Granger, can I ask you a question?"
"If you promise to talk civilly."
"All right, I promise."
"And swear you won't start singing again."
"That, too. I mean, I swear."
"...That was too easy. There's got to be a loophole."
"Why's there got to be a loophole, Granger?! I just want to bloody ask you a question!"
"Aha! Promise you won't pinch me or hit me or anything anymore."
"Only if you'll promise to that, too."
"All right. I'm not one to resort to violence, anyway."
"Now there's a blatant lie."
"What are you talking about?! I consider myself a very passive person. I use non-agressive forms of--"
"Yeah, yeah, except for that time you slapped me in third year."
"That was an exception!"
"Didn't feel like any damn exception to me! Hell, I can practically still feel it stinging!"
"After three years?"
"I have sensitive skin, okay."
"Look, what I mean to say is that, under normal circumstances, I don't tend to lash out at anyone. Physically."
"Then what was that pinch a few minutes ago?"
"Well, that was--"
"You've been beating me up ever since we fell in here! I'm probably bruising as we speak!"
"But you were really asking for it!"
"No, I wasn't. Tell me, Granger, have I once said, since we fell in here, 'Oh, pretty please, Granger, beat me up'?"
"You know what I meant, Malfoy."
"Urgh, hold on a sec, that sounded kind of dirty..."
"Never knew you were into rough play, Malfoy."
Snort. "'Rough play'? Oh, look at you, Miss Prude! Most people call it--"
"I thought you promised to talk civilly, Malfoy! Or was that just my imagination?"
"We all know what an extensive imagination you have, Granger."
Warning. "Malfoy..."
"All right, fine. I won't force your completely passive self into using violence again."
"Now, besides the unfortunate grammar mistake you just made, Malfoy, you're also continually breaking our bargain to talk civilly."
"Can I just ask my question, now?"
Sigh. "Fine, go ahead. Ask the question."
"Well, I'm not going to ask it if you're going to act all put-out about it! A question from a Malfoy is a precious thing! Considering that you're not even worthy of a question from a Malfoy, you ought to feel--"
"'Not worthy'?! Just what is that supposed to mean?!"
"It's obviously 'cause you're a Mud--"
"Don't say it, Malfoy, or I will break my pact of non-violence."
"Let's just say it's 'cause your parents were Muggles."
"And why does that make them any less than your parents, I'd like to know! Why should that make me inferior to you?! We come from different--walks of life, that's all! It's not like there's any bloody difference in the way we're built! We're both human! And all humans are the same--"
"--on the inside. Lovely impassioned speech, Granger."
"Grr. I wasn't finished."
"I know. Can I ask my question, now? Before you start ranting again?"
"Is that what this is to you?! Ranting?! I'm trying to make you understand that--"
"Maybe I don't want to understand, Granger! Ever think of that?!"
"...You don't, do you? Want to understand?"
"Finally she gets it!"
"But--why not?"
"And you're supposed to be the smartest witch in school."
"I am, aren't I, Malfoy? Me, a common Muggleborn. I'm supposed to be the smartest witch in school. Doesn't that prove something to you? My parents aren't animals, Malfoy, and I'm not an animal simply because I hadn't heard about magic before I was eleven."
"..."
"Don't you get it? We're all people."
"..."
"Say something, Malfoy."
"..."
"Did your brain blow a fuse from all these new ideas?"
"..."
Worried. "Malfoy? Say something, will you? Or--I dunno, make some noise. Whimper, that oughtn't to be too hard for you, should it?"
Puzzled. "What's a fuse?"
Sigh. "Geez, Malfoy. Thought you were dead. If I'd killed you, there would've been hell to pay."
"What's a fuse?"
"Hmm. Hard to explain. It's a Muggle thing, you probably wouldn't want to hear about it."
"...You're right, I probably wouldn't."
"Malfoy?"
"Yes?"
"Are we having a civil conversation?"
"Um...yes. Yes, I think we are."
"...Are you as weirded-out as I am?"
"...Definitely. If not more so."
"...What was your question, Malfoy?"
"You mean I can ask it, now? You won't start being all patronizing about my long-standing beliefs again?"
"Malfoy, I wasn't being patronizing of your beliefs, I was just--"
"Granger. Shut up."
"But I wasn't, I--"
"I know what you were doing. I'll just ask my question, now, then."
"Okay. Ask away."
"What's a bicycle?"
"What?"
"A bicycle. You know, when I was singing that song before--"
"That's your question?"
"Yeah. See, I learned that song from my nanny when I was a little kid, and I never really thought about it before--"
"After all that? Haha! That's your question?!"
"Yeah. You gonna answer, or shall I just sit here all morning?"
"You're going to be sitting there all morning anyway...a bicycle is a simple Muggle vehicle, usually used for short-distance transportation. Except in special cases. Have you ever heard of the Tour de France?"
"Um. No."
"Didn't think so. Don't suppose you have a television, either, so you probably wouldn't have--"
"What's a 'telefission'?"
"Ah...let's stick to bicycles for now."
"Yeah, what do they look like?"
"Well...they have two wheels, and a seat, and handlebars that you use for steering."
"Oh! I think I've seen one of those! Do the people driving them--"
"--riding them--"
"--whatever, do they wear, like, really tight, shiny clothes?"
"Uh, some of them."
"That must have been it, then. It looked sort of fun. Like being on a broomstick, except you're glued to the ground."
"You don't take Muggle Studies, do you, Malfoy?"
"And shame the Malfoy name forever? No, I don't. I'm not about to go learning about some stupid, poncy--"
"Civil conversation, Malfoy?"
"I am being civil, I'm just of the opinion that--"
"The bigoted opinion. From now on, 'civil' means 'keep your racism to yourself, please.' Besides, you were the one just talking about Muggle bikes being fun."
"I did nothing of the sort!"
"You did too."
"I didn't!"
"Malfoy, haha, you did--haha--you did too. You were just talking about--"
"What's funny? What's there to laugh at?"
"Hahahaha, nothing, it's just you--hmmf, hmmf, hmmf, you're just--ah!--gripping my stomach, and it tickles. Heeheeheeheehee..."
"Oh! Uh..."
"Ha-ha, thanks, Malfoy."
"You're not welcome...What was I saying?"
"Something about how you were going to take a vow of silence and begin a life of solemn piety."
"Right, Granger. And hippogriffs will fly out of my arse."
*********
A/N: Happy New Year! Uh, I'm going to be going away for a few days (family
emergency), but don't worry, I'll be writing on the road. After all, what
else am I gonna do while sitting in a car for six hours. There'll be one
more chapter before I skedaddle, though. I'm really enjoying writing this,
the characters are very...explosive.
Oh! And there you have it. Civilized conversation.
Don't panic, there will be much more bickering before this fic is over,
though. Thanks for all the reviews, guys! They make me happy. :D