"Glad to know my life has some entertainment value, Granger."

"What I meant to say was that--it's better to learn more about you than to spend all my time arguing with you."

"So finally you admit you were wrong."

"Huh?"

"About me. Obviously I'm not some--well, all those things you've called me over the years."

"The only thing I remember calling you over the years is 'Ferret.'"

"Oh, no. Don't go bringing that up again."

Smile. "Why, what's wrong with it?"

"It's only the most embarrassing incident in my life, that's all."

"That can't be the most embarrassing moment."

"It was humiliating!"

"It wasn't that bad."

"Being turned into a ferret and being bounced along in front of your enemies?! You wouldn't say that's at least slightly degrading?! Not to mention the unbearable pain..."

"Oh, please, Draco."

"You try being smashed into the floor over and over again!"

"No thanks, I'm set."

"I'd like to see you come up with a more embarrassing story!"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yes, Hermione, that is a challenge."

"But we're not playing Truth anymore...?"

"No, Hermione, we are not."

"Therefore, I do not have to answer your challenge."

"Yes, you do. Or I'll pinch you."

"Where?"

"On the bum."

"You wouldn't!"

"I would."

"But you swore you wouldn't pinch me or hit me or anything, Draco!"

"Yeah, but what did I swear by?"

"Grr, that is so--Slytherin."

"You say that as if it's an insult."

"How's this one, then: sneaky."

Pleased. "I am. Thanks."

"But you swore!"

"Nothing worse than 'damn' or 'hell,' though."

"I thought you wanted me to trust you, Draco!"

"...So I do. Hmm, all right, no pinching, then...ha!"

"Oh, no, this can't be good."

"I have discovered a way to make you tell your story without pinching you and thus reneging on our promise!"

"Good job."

"It is, isn't it? I'm rather proud of it, myself. Brilliant work, really. Smashing. Stunning. I'll go down in history, I'd wager, for this thought..."

"You can't mean that, Draco."

"No, I can't." Cackle. "But it is a great plan, if I do say so myself."

"Let's see how much longer you can keep from saying it."

"...Well, now that idea doesn't seem half as much fun, now that you've said it, Hermione."

Sarcastic. "Sorry to rain on your parade."

"Whatever that means. All right, here it is: I'm going to..."

"Do pause a little bit longer, Draco, it's not as if I'm bored, up here."

"...give you a hickey!"

Gasp. "What?!"

Smug. "You heard me."

"No. You can't do that. Everyone will know we've been in here together, and if I come out with a hickey--no, it's too awful. Even for you. In fact, worse for you. Everyone would know that you'd given a hickey to me--your reputation would be ruined. I don't believe you'd do such a thing!"

"Believe it. Now tell me your most embarrassing story, or face the consequences!" Laughter.

"I would have liked that 'ha-ha'ing a lot better if you hadn't put the 'mwa' in front of it."

"Just tell it, Hermione."

"Okay...my most embarrassing story? Hmm... Well, there was this one time, in Transfiguration, and, well, I'd been up really late the night before, studying for Arithmancy, so I didn't have time to look ahead in the Transfiguration book, and--"

"Okay, I think I see where this is going."

Irritated. "Where is it going, then?"

"You didn't know the answer to a question. Right? Am I right? I'm right."

"…I am not that predictable."

"I hate to tell you, but you are. And that was a pathetic excuse for an embarrassing story."

"So was yours!"

"But yours wasn't even humiliating at all! No one laughed at you, or brought it up again, or--"

"Excuse me, you didn't let me finish! They did so laugh! And Ron brings it up all the time! …So there!"

"Are you telling me that you've--you know--never had your underwear exposed to the public or something?"

"Do you have a fixation on my underwear or something?"

"Please. Don't flatter yourself. I have a fixation on all female underwear. Except, perhaps, Pansy's." Shudder.

"No, Draco, I haven't ever had my underwear exposed to the public. In fact, I--"

"I can fix that."

"What?! No!"

"Just kidding. Relax, Hermione."

"Oh. Okay."

"But I wasn't kidding about the hickey. Let's hear it, woman! I demand an embarrassing story! Now!"

"But I--"

Singing. "Come on, Hermione…"

"But you--"

"Hickey begins in three…two…"

"All right! All right. Fine. Have it your way."

"Heh-heh. I will."

"Fine…most embarrassing story…"

"You don't even have to think about it, do you?"

"No…there was a book I took out of the library one summer--"

"I should have known this would be about a book."

"Pipe down, Draco, I'm not finished. Right, so this book was about…something embarrassing…and I left it out in my room, and my--"

"Wait, wait, what was this book about?"

Blush. "It was called The Best Sex I Ever Had, if you must know."

Laughter.

"Look, a friend was making me read it!"

Raucous laughter.

"I wasn't even enjoying it anyway!"

Choking laughter.

"Do you want me to finish this, or not?"

Snort. Snerk. "No, go ahead."

"So I left it lying around in my room, and my mum went in to borrow this other book I had, it was about--"

"Get to the point, please."

"Right, my mum found the book, and that night, when I came back from the movies--"

"Oh, movies again! Were you off seeing that…one with the…baby?"

"No, that one came out years ago. I was only a few years old. Anyway, I came home, and my mum sat me down on my bed, and asked me if I--oh, god, do I have to say it?"

Teasing. "Hickey, hickey…"

"She asked me if I was having 'feelings for people' and if I wanted to talk about it. And then she asked me if I'd been watching any…'special films.'"

"What are those?"

"Porn."

"What?"

"Like Playwizard."

"Ohhh…" Laughter. "That's so great. What'd you tell her?"

"I told her, 'No, mum, and I know all about it, so no need to give me The Talk, just go about your business, and I've already found out all about it in Sex Ed at school.'"

"What's Sex Ed?"

"It's a class a Muggle school where they teach you about sex."

"They teach about sex?! I had to ask my father. Most mortifying conversation of my life…and most confusing, too, now that I think about it. Good thing I got that subscription to Playwizard…"

"You what?!"

"I didn't keep it!"

*********

A/N: Sorry for not updating as usual, but school started up again. School sucks, and it eats up all my time, meaning that I can't sit down and write this. Oh well. Every couple days will be the norm, okay?

Ohyeah, and for those of you who are about to protest that Hermione wouldn't have had Muggle Sex Ed, I personally learned more than I wanted to know about sex (at the time) in fifth grade. They should never have passed those sanitary pads around, really…one of them wound up on my best buddy's back.

For those of you disturbed by the preceding paragraph, please discount it. Oh, and thank you, yet again, for all your fabulous feedback.