"That's it? Hermione Ann Granger."
"Your turn."
"Same question."
"Oh, don't ask, it'll take ages to say."
"Your name's that long? I thought only vampires--"
"Let's just say that my mother had a lot of time to think up a name for me."
"All right...heh-heh...all right. What's your life story?"
"What? No! That's cheating, Hermione!"
"No, it's not. It's a question, fair and square. And you have to answer it." Laugh.
"...All right. Ahem. I was born at a very young age--"
Eyeroll.
"--to my mum and dad, Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy.
When I was five, I went to--"
"Some detail, please!"
"What? That is detailed."
"Say how you were born, for instance."
"I told you. At a very young age."
"..."
"Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much..."
Warning. "Draco..."
"Look, it's not like it's anything interesting. My mother's water broke when she was taking a nap, and she called my father, and he yelled at her for making a mess--"
Laughter.
"What? What's funny?"
"Keep going, keep going."
"Right, so he owled the MediWitch, but for some reason, the Floo Network was down, and since you can't Apparate to or from Malfoy Manor..."
"She couldn't come?"
"Right. So my father owled her a message, 'What should I do?' and she owled back, 'Catch,' and a book on delivering babies."
Laughter.
"What? I don't get it."
"So what happened then?"
"Well, obviously, my father had to deliver me himself."
Hooting. "Oh! I could just picture that!"
"I don't see what's so funny, here."
"Jokes aren't as funny if you have them explained to you. Keep going." Snort.
"So when I was five..."
"No, come on, you have to keep telling me how you were born!"
"Why? There's nothing else interesting."
"You said that about the whole story, and look how it turned out!"
"I don't find it interesting."
"Why not? I mean, just picturing your dad standing there yelling at your mum..." Laughter.
"Obviously you've never spent a weekend alone with my father." Shudder.
"I'm sorry. But please continue?"
"...Okay. Nothing much happened after that. My dad coordinated the House Elves to fetch hot water--"
"Whatever for?"
"So he didn't have to get it himself."
"No, I mean, why is it that women in labor always need hot water?"
"...You know, I've never been sure myself. But he was very disgusted with the whole thing. Maybe that's why he hates me so much."
"Your dad hates you?"
"Granger, where have you been? Of course he hates me. He hates everybody. Except...well, let's just go with everybody."
"But--why?"
"I told you, he was disgusted with how I was born. Same way he's disgusted with me now."
"How could a man be disgusted with the birth of his own son?"
"Have you even met my dad, Granger?"
"Let's get off the subject. Tell me more about your life story."
"...Can I get comfortable first? My legs are falling asleep."
"Just your legs? My whole body's fallen asleep...How are we going to manage this? I mean, there's barely any room."
"Um...what if you skirted around to the other side, or...shifted just a little bit?"
"Why does it have to be me?"
"Because you're on top."
"So?"
"And you're heavy."
"Grr. Fine, Draco. Um...I'll just move..."
Squeaky. "Er. Hermione? Stop moving. Right now."
"I've only moved a few inches, Draco."
Still squeaky. "That's enough."
"But why--ohh."
Blush. "You better not tell anyone."
"...Look, it's a perfectly natural biological reaction."
"Easy for you to say."
Blushing. "...er, I mean, er, with the friction and all and..."
"Just...shut up."
"...it could have happened to anyone, really, I mean--"
"My legs could use the sleep. So, anyhow, when I was five, I got my first broom..."
Blush.
"...I'll just...not...talk about brooms right now, shall I?"
"Good idea."
"So when I was eleven..."
"Wait! You can't skip that much of your life!"
"Why not?"
"Because you're only sixteen! That's, like, your whole life!"
"My life is boring."
"I asked, didn't I?"
"Well, I don't know what to tell you about!"
"Erm...how about which school you went to?"
"I should have known you would ask about school, Hermione."
Irritated. "School is a very important aspect of our lives, I'll have you know, Draco, and we need to--"
"I didn't go to school before Hogwarts."
"Oh. Really?"
"I had tutors."
"Oh. How were they?"
"No good. They were tutors, after all."
Snicker. "Draco..."
"They were okay. It was weird, though: I had three tutors teaching just me in this big empty house...I mean, I didn't think it was weird at the time, but now that I think about it, it was weird."
"What did they teach you?"
"To be a good little automaton before the Dark Lord."
Warning. "Draco..."
"No, really."
"So you do know propaganda when you see it."
"...I'm still not sure what was propaganda and what wasn't...Are you sure you haven't been fed propaganda?"
***
A/N: And on that controversial note, I'll end the chapter. First off,
I have to apologize for not updating in forever. Honestly. What's wrong
with me? Well, actually, it's been two things: my life has been ridiculously
hectic. This is what I have to contend with at this time:
1) college stuff (financial aid, etc.)
2) school
3) Drama Club (which I run--eek!)
4) I have a new job
All of that, plus I've been practicing for auditions for my
school musical. Eep. The second thing that's kept me away is--
writer's block.
Yeah, I know, I'm pathetic.
I started writing chapter fourteen before, but it wouldn't come out,
because I was trying to force Draco to say something he wasn't ready to
say.
...Could I get a little more absorbed in my characters?
Second of all, I have to thank all you lovely people for being so immensely patient and for breaking the 400-review mark. You are the best, and I love you all.