"Hmm..."

"I've got it!"

"What? What?"

"We take your cat, what's-his-name--Spitface--"

"--Crookshanks--"

"Right, Crookedlegs--so we take him and throw him in the lake--"

"Draco!"

"Wait for it, Hermione, you're not letting me make my point--"

"Hmpf."

"So we take Bandybutt, toss him in the lake--but with spells on, so he doesn't get hurt--satisfied now?--and then we stage an elaborate and very visible rescue by me, so that I can arrive very grandly, with the cat in my arms--"

"This will not work, Draco."

"--Hold on, I'm just getting to the best part! So I come out of the lake, looking very handsome, but at the same time very sexy in my wet robes, holding Gobbledygook--"

"Crookshanks!"

"No, my name's Draco. Anyway, then I proclaim to you, loudly, so as to be heard over all my screaming fans--"

"--I do not believe this--"

"--and I'll say, 'Never worry, fair maiden, your pet is safe while I'm around.'"

"That tone does not suit you--"

"And then you'll sob all over me--"

Snort.

"--but it'll be okay, because my robes will already be wet from the lake--"

"Draco."

"And then you'll have to have your statement taken for the papers about what a hero I am--"

"DRACO!"

"And Potter and Weasley will had no choice but to admire me and be forever indebted to me...I'm sorry, did you want to say something?"

Laughter.

"Heh-heh-heh..."

"Haha, ahem, haha, but, no, really. How are we going to stop them from hating you so much?"

"Let's consider. How did you stop hating me so much?"

"Haven't we gone over this?...I don't know. It just sort of...happened."

"Tsk. You can do better than that."

"You're right, I can. Erm...I guess I just...got to know you. Heh. Just the same way you got to know me...Is that a stupid way to put it?"

"Yes."

"Draco!"

"What?! It is!"

"You didn't have to say so!" Sniff. "There's such a thing as tact."

"Would it help if I said it's the best way of putting it?"

Primly. "...Yes."

"...Still stupid, though."

"Hey!"

"Just being honest. Uh. What were we talking about?"

"How to get Harry and Ron to--at least respect you."

"Ah, yes, my dramatic rescue of Snotbag."

Laughter. "Now you're not even trying."

"..."

"...Well, we could--no...hmm..."

"...I've got it!"

"Oh, no..."

"No, no, this is a good one, this time. So we perform memory charms on Potter and Weasley--ah!--thus making them forget ever meeting me."

"Oh, Merlin..."

"Then, you reintroduce me as--ehm--your friend, and I shall proceed to charm them as I tried to five and a third years ago. But, with my much improved social skills--"

"Shyeah, right, okay, Draco."

"They're better, I tell you!"

"Wait a minute. You're telling me you tried to make friends with Harry and Ron before?"

"Harry, yes. Ron, no. First day I met Potter, in fact. Didn't even know who he was. At the time, I was still using the 'insult-something-we-can-both-see' technique to make friends."

Wryly. "And that didn't work?"

"No."

"Why ever not?"

"I picked Hagrid."

"Ooh."

"I told you I've gotten better at it."

"I'm afraid that plan won't work either, Draco. This requires more thought."

"..."

"Hmm...would a--no..."

"I've got it!"

"Not again..."

"Right, so all we have to do is go into Hogsmeade together, no, even better, go to Madam Puddifoot's together!--and Potter and Weasley will die of shock, thus solving our problem by being dead and not around to care about whether we're friends or not. Ha!"

"Draco? Not even for you would I got to Madam Puddifoot's."

"Will you at least go to Hogsmeade with me, then?"

"Wh-what, like--on a date?! And besides, the rumours would never stop if we were seen!"

"So we'll go invisible!"

"All right, let's say we do go invisible. That would require a decent disillusionment charm for the both of us."

"No, thanks, I've been disillusioned enough for one day."

"You set that up, didn't y--" Scoff. "We wouldn't be able to go, Draco."

"What happened to Inter-House Unity?!"

"You have to introduce it gradually!"

Amused. "DAMN you, woman! DAMN you and your rationality!"

"It only makes SENSE!"

"DAMN your 'sense'!"

Laughter.

"Damn POTTER, while I'm at it!"

"Hahaha, Dra--hahaha--"

"Damn WEASLEY, too! And this TRICK STAIR!"

"Hahaha," gasp, "hahahahahahahaha--"

"Damn YOU, you--"

"Damn YOU!" Laughter.

Laughing. "You SWORE! DAMN you!"

"Hahaha, no YOU!"

"Heh-heh, YOU!"

"YOU! Hahaha--Why are we still YELLING?"

"I don't KNOW!"

Laughter.

"FUN, though, ISN'T it?"

"Hahaha, yeah, it's--oof!"

"It's OOF? Heh-heh-heh--"

"Dr--o, N---ll-'s j--t--"

"Hermione? What?"

"I J-ST G-T--F--K!--"

"You okay? You're moving around a lot."

Gasp, cough, cough. "That's because--" Cough. "That's because--unh--I just got kicked in the stomach!"

"There's a foot up there?!"

Hoarsely. "Argh! Yes! I assume it's Neville's!"

"Well, grab hold of it, are you daft?!"

"What do you think I've been--unh--doing? He's kicking all over the place! Ow! Grab onto my waist!"

"Okay! Hermione?"

"What? Oh, ew, there's something sticky all over the bottom of his shoe..."

"See you on the other side!"

Cough. "Ha! Yeah, see you then!"

"Still friends?"

"Still friends. Hang on tight, they're pulling us up!"

"But we never decided how to--whoa!"

"Aaaahh!"

"Hermion--"

Scrape.

Long pause.

WHOOMP!

Pause.

Thud, thud, thud, thud, tap-a, tap-a, tap-a...scrape, tap-a...tap-a...tap-a...

Rrrrrrriiiiinnnnngggg!

Silence.

THE END.

A/N: ::bawls:: It's done, it's done, I did it...and I don't want it to be over! ::much wailing::

Oh, boy. Okay, as all authors have to do at the end of an epic fic, I'll wrap this up. Items:

1) Thank you so much for following this fic. It's taken a great deal of work, a great deal of stress, and, above all, a great deal of commitment. And without your encouragement, I wouldn't have gotten past the third chapter. So thank you!

2) I realize this chapter was short, but that's how the final chapter wanted to be written. I might have said before: I don't control my characters, they control me. If I try and control them, they get rebellious and stop being interesting.

3) Never fear! There's still the epilogue to read, and the sequel, for which I'm already drawing up plans! So don't yell at me because the fic is over! The saga...is far from over. ;D

4) I've opened a shop based on this fic at There is a wondrous land filled with all manner of things bearing quotes and pretty pictures based on this story. Imagine yourself sporting a Trick Stair t-shirt, carrying a Trick Stair lunchbox (you'll be the envy of all your friends!), or writing your innermost thoughts in a Trick Stair journal ("Dear Diary, today there was an update on the sequel...I'm so happy..."). So go!, if only to see my lovely computer graphics management! And stuff! The URL is in my profile, and on my LiveJournal.

5) Regarding the shop: feel free to e-mail me any requests or suggestions regarding quotes or colors, I'm very flexible about such things...

6) Thanks for reading, you lovely people, you!