Disclaimer: Anything you recognise, not mine. I wish!
A/N: This fic was inspired by the poem of the same name, written by John Keats.
'When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high-piled books, in charactery,
Hold like rich garners the full ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love;--then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.'
The fear grips me as it has never before. As I sit here in the dark pondering what my life may have been like, I can not help but wonder what awaits me tomorrow. For it is coming. The end. My end.
A little melodramatic that may seem, but in my world, it is reality. I have never set much store in flights of fancy and optimism; life is rarely that generous.
I sit in the dark, the room cold now, as the fire has long burned out. I know that I should get some sleep in preparation for tomorrow's events in the hope I can change my destiny, but I can not seem to will my body to move from this position. My feet are numbing with the cold and my fingers starting to ache, but still I sit here, alone.
Some would look at my life as it currently stands and say that I have been forced to lead a ghastly existence, but I tend to disagree. In many ways, I have led a charmed life. After all the scrapes and tangles I have managed to lead my life into, I have always had someone to aid me in getting out. Now, I can not see where my saviour will come from, I see no light at the end of this tunnel. Tomorrow will be the final battle and, after tiptoeing the line between the two sides for so long, I have no doubts as to the outcome for me.
Moreover, it is this realisation that has led me to this conclusion – I am going to die and I haven't told her.
I haven't told her that she lights up the room as she enters it. I haven't told her that when I look into her eyes I feel that I will never return. I haven't told her that when she leaves my presence my heart aches for her to be close once more. I haven't told her I care for her.
And for this, I am a coward. I have had the opportunity and have never had the courage. I deemed the risk of losing her from my everyday happenings to be too high. I was weak. To have her in my mind was better than nothing at all. What a fool I was. Ah, for a Gryffindor heart in this matter.
While I fully realise that did I possess the courage needed, she would not reciprocate, it is not reciprocation I wish for. All I wish for is for her to know, for my life to have meant something to somebody. And this is the fear that has trapped me in this chair. My life has meant nothing.
I close my eyes to picture her. Will this be my last chance?
"Severus?"
Is it a dream? Do I dare to find out? For it is her voice. Have I willed myself to hear it? I open my eyes slowly and my breath catches in my chest.
A/N: Having only ever written one-shots before, I am attempting something new, so please bear with me. All constructive criticism welcome! Jelly.