Bananaz the Sugar Monkey: the teaser will be in this chapter. Yes, Arty was slightly ooc shouting at his mother, but it was right after he lost his genius and it had affected him in many ways: it not only made him less clever but it is hurting him a lot, and making him snappish. He's feeling as someone who had been healthy and suddenly got crippled. A great loss makes some people downright morose, so no wonder Arty got so easily riled. No idea where Holly shops, ask Juliet ;) I seriously don't know how you could incorporate MORE A/H into your fic, especially because your fic is about nothing else but A/H. I'd say there's just enough A/H in it ;) All I can give you as an advice is to make them quarrel a little less and have a bit more romance. I know that I made them quarrel in the Aztec incident a lot too, but you seem to be overdoing it a bit.
The Flying Moose: no, this fic has absolutely nothing to do with The Opal Deception. This is AU.
AnnieThePipster: a baffle board is something like an additional wall that makes sure that no noises come out of your room.
Obsessed4life: Patrick is a genius enough, he can solve things Artemis cannot.
Eva Evans: yes, once a week.
Anonymous: yes, Attila is the Hun. This is a bit longer than the Aztec Incident, but not much. Why I don't capitalise my fics and arts? Dunno, should I? In Hungarian we don't, so that must have rubbed off on me. Yes, I think that comma was superfluous.
Trouble Kelp: I'm blushing. And you're exaggerating :) But it feels nice… Thanks!
Inken: Angeline calls her husband 'Timmy' in the books as well, it's not something I made up. Yes, surely Holly would get bored with translating after a while, but she can't become a human police officer, can she?
chocolate smudge: I know of the two other books by Stroud, I just haven't read them yet. The Golem's eye should be out soon in Hungarian, I'll buy it then and I'll wait for the third one to read it Hungarian too because I love our translator's style (the same guy translates it as the Harry Potter books and he's absolutely great). I don't know when I'll be able to start reading The Golem's eye, though, because I've just started Eragon and it's a HUGE book… Btw, doesn't Nathaniel's personality remind you of Artemis? ;)
Mistri, Tonks' Admirer: yes, Holly now can make contact with sunlight. Yes, Artemis did expect that Holly might get pregnant, but he thought it'd take a little longer. Angline isn't mean but she's protective of her son and thinks that Holly isn't good for him.
septempopuli: yes, Patrick will complete it.
Fudge1: Holly will have some pregnancy problems in the next chapter, but nothing serious. Where did you read about Colfer having time-machine ideas? Was it in some interview with him?
Chixawitch: if you want to write a FULL story and make sure that you don't get bored while you're writing it, then - before you even start to write - have a clear idea in your mind what you want to reach by the end of the fic. This will urge you on to write because you want to get there, you want to make Artemis marry Holly (or Foaly confess his love to Opal or anything). Set goals and repeat to yourself that you want to reach them. It helps.
Marissa the Scamp: currently it's 2016 in the fic, but I'll be jumping back and forth in time (no worries, I will always add the date so that you won't get confused).
C-chan1: yup, I'm not putting details in the fic without a reason :)
lalalalala: if you read the Aztec Incident, then you must know that Artemis indeed lost his genius.
Also thanks to: purple snowflakes, jasx316, Rebel Rose, Teya Yashitoda, hogwartscharmed1, Holly Rox, harriettapotter, amber, Queen Dragon, PeanutButterOreoCookieGirl, Roz, Lines, CheshireHare, BeatlesLover, avovisto, Zodokai, almostinsane, AmethystPhoenix1, Fleury, Bethany, Phoenix Master, VampyGenieWitch, AutumnBreeze25, refloc
Spilling the beans - part I
"All right, Holly. Let's contact our son." With that, Artemis stood up from the picnic blanket and walked up to the Jeep he had parked nearby. Whenever he and Holly took a trip to 'their place', Artemis drove the Jeep. Truth was that he'd never liked driving. He had only learned it to stop his father badgering him with 'Artemis, a real man needs to know how to drive a car! You've got to prove you are one too!'
Now, however, that Holly was around and they occasionally felt like getting away from Fowl Manor, he was more than happy to have received the Jeep for his eighteenth birthday and having learned to drive. It would have been highly embarrassing if he had had to ask Butler to drive them to their picnic place in the Bentley and then leave them there every time they longed for a bit of 'outdoors romancing'…
He climbed into the car, searched for a few moments, then returned to Holly with his laptop. Even though he no longer invented new gadgets, he was still highly dependent on this little beauty and still carried it everywhere he went. Even on a short and expected-to-be-romantic trip like this one.
He flopped down on the blanket and switched on the notebook. Once the program had loaded, Artemis opened the secret channel they had been using for two months to stay in contact with Patrick. Whenever they talked with their son through this channel, Artemis couldn't help but feel a slight discomfort (that he tried not to call pangs of remorse) - he had after all promised the Haven Council that he'd never ever contact the fairies again. He had broken this promise at least a dozen times already. And the funniest thing was that Commander Root, the epitome of law-abidingness, didn't mind it at all.
"How are you proceeding with your tele… trans… new project?" asked Root benignly.
"It's called transporter, and will work similarly to the ones in Star Trek, with the exception that this is going to be real, and portable. As for your question: thank you, I'm proceeding quite well, Uncle Julius," Patrick replied, bent over a tiny gadget with a micro-screwdriver. "Even Foaly says it's going to be one of the greatest things ever invented when it's ready."
"Does he, really?" Root sent the centaur a dubious glance. "I thought he couldn't bear the thought of the pupil surpassing the master…"
"Ha-ha," Foaly replied with a scowl. "Just for your information, Julius, I don't mind if Patrick gets his share of fame-"
"…As long as he doesn't outshine you," the commander pointed out.
"Now honestly, I don't understand why you - or anyone - would think that I'm so jealous and want all the glory for myself…" The centaur said theatrically, placing his right hand on his heart. "And why are you looking at me like that?"
"I was just wondering if I indeed saw a halo around your head…" Root replied and when his gaze met Patrick's, they both hid a grin.
"Has anyone told you yet that your sense of humour is… how to put it… nonexistent?" retorted Foaly, reaching for a carrot.
"And do you think I care what people say?" Julius said aloofly. "Usually they're completely wrong. For example that Butler girl… she kept telling me I had absolutely no sense for romantic matters. And then whose idea was it to advise Holly to join her Mud Man and be happy with him? Mine."
"Yeah, 'cause you wanted Holly's position so badly, Julius," the centaur replied with carrot-filled mouth.
"You know it's not true!" the commander snapped. "And don't call me Julius!"
"Touchy, aren't we?" Foaly raised an eyebrow at his boss.
"No." Root grunted. "I just… miss her."
A dreamy expression spread on the face of the L.E.P.'s technical genius. "I know the feeling, Julius… we all miss her. I often wonder: 'what could she be doing right now? What could they be doing?'"
"Probably shagging each other senseless," young Short said, not even looking up from his project.
"Patrick…!" Root gasped, but even he realised that his voice didn't manage to sound as scandalised as he'd wanted it to.
Foaly chuckled, and when Root was just about to tell off both him and Patrick for their 'low morals', there was a beeping sound.
All three of them glanced at the consoles and saw a green light flashing in a peculiar way.
The secret signal.
The one that always indicated that Holly and/or Artemis wanted to talk to them. It had been Patrick's idea to receive all calls from his parents like this, because if there happened to be others around when the signal started to beep, he or Foaly could shut down the channel and make sure that no one else found out they were in contact with Artemis Fowl. After all, it would have been highly embarrassing if Wing Commander Vinyáya or Trouble Kelp were around when Artemis's face appeared on the monitor… The best thing about this system was that it worked both ways. Artemis's laptop also signalled him if there was a call coming from Haven, and if others than Holly, Butler or Juliet were nearby, he could decide not to receive the call.
Foaly opened the channel, and young Fowl's face filled the screen.
"Talk of the devil," the commander muttered.
"The devil?" Artemis raised an eyebrow at him. "I might not have been an angel, but that's a bit harsh…"
"Indeed?" Root's mouth tucked into a small smile as he reached into his breast pocket and fished out a fungus cigar. "So, what's up, Fowl? And where's Holly?"
"Here I am." Holly's face appeared next to Artemis's. "Hi, Foaly… good that you could authorise the call, because we really need to talk to you."
"To which one of us?" the centaur asked, munching on a second carrot.
"It depends on who else is there besides you and Root," replied Artemis.
"Me, for example," Patrick stuck his head in front of Foaly's, blocking the centaur out of the screen's view. "Hi, Mum, Dad."
"Hello, dear." Holly sent her son a loving glance.
"Hello, Son," Artemis added. "In this case, we want to talk to all three of you. But especially you, Patrick."
"Wow, you sound pretty official, Dad," the boy remarked with a smirk. "Do tell, what do you need your genius son for?"
Artemis fought with his facial muscles not to tuck into a pained grimace at the mention of the word 'genius'. In fact he was grateful to Holly for answering instead of him.
"We have big news for you, dear," she said. "Two big news items, actually."
Patrick flashed them with a quizzical look, then a grin spread on his face. "Let me guess: you're pregnant and getting married."
"Er…" Artemis and Holly exchanged a glance.
"No…" Patrick breathed. "Don't tell me it's true. I meant it as a joke…"
"Well, it isn't." Artemis shrugged with the most embarrassed expression imaginable.
Root got a bout of coughs due to the fact that he'd almost swallowed his fungus cigar, Foaly patted him on the back to stop the coughing and said: "Our assumptions weren't that far-fetched, after all, do you think, Julius?"
"What sort of assumptions?" Holly asked curiously.
"That you two were-" Foaly began, only to be silenced by Root's scowl. "Nothing. So, getting married, huh?"
"Yes." The newly engaged couple nodded in unison.
"Do you need more papers for the wedding? I could forge you any if you wish…"
"No, I don't think so." Holly shook her head. "I believe those that you've already forged for me will suffice. Right, Artemis?"
"Right. There will be no problem with getting the marriage licence. However, we might have a bit of problem with the church, as you're not Catholic, but… that's something I will settle. Father Brian is a distant relative and quite open-minded for a priest."
"Do you insist on a church wedding?" Holly furrowed her brow.
"I do not, but my parents will. Both are Catholics, and Mother can be a bit of a… bigot sometimes, if you get my drift."
"Just a bit of a bigot?" Holly smirked at him. Artemis grinned back, knowing exactly what she meant.
"How come you're telling us you're getting married and you haven't even discussed the details yet?" Patrick enquired.
"Well, we've just decided about getting married." His mother explained. "Five minutes ago."
"Indeed?"
"Yeah. Five minutes ago I told Artemis about the baby and he immediately proposed. Well, if that could be called a proposal," Holly said with a reproachful edge in her voice.
"What do you mean?" Artemis wondered.
"Nooooothing." She rolled her eyes.
Leaning close to the monitor, Artemis gave their son an innocent expression. "I have no idea what's wrong with her…"
"Must be the pregnancy." Patrick replied knowingly. "Hormones making her over-sensitive…"
"Talk about me like I wasn't here." Holly said sharply. "And no, it's not my hormones. My hormones haven't done anything weird yet, I'm feeling totally all right, thank you very much."
"No mood swings, then? No morning sickness?"
"None. Just your father being an insensitive git."
"What, me?" Artemis frowned.
Holly cast a sideways glance at him, and seeing his expression that suggested he really had no idea why she was miffed, she could no longer feel angry with him. After all, he had only started to feel properly two months ago. Before that, he had suppressed all his emotions, and feeling was something new for him. Something he had a lot to learn about. He hadn't yet learnt how to react upon his feelings, and that's why most of the time he seemed as though he had the emotional range of a teaspoon. "Yes, you," she replied, her voice no longer sharp. "But… I still love you."
"I'm glad you do… even though I have no idea why I made you angry," he whispered, reaching out to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warm touch of his hand.
"Please spare us," Foaly groaned.
Artemis and Holly decided to spare them and turned their attention back to the monitor.
"Er, Holly… If you haven't had any sort of sickness yet, then how can you be sure you're pregnant?" wondered Root.
"Well, I got suspicious because I realised I'm late, then the test proved it-"
"Late? For what?" The commander furrowed his white eyebrows.
Patrick and Foaly exchanged amused glances and could barely stifle a chuckle. Old Root had never been particularly good at biology…
"How late?" asked Artemis, wondering why he hadn't noticed that there had been no 'technical interruption' in their sexual life. Perhaps it had occurred to him if he were still a genius… he didn't know.
"Six weeks," she responded.
"That means it must have happened around eight weeks ago," Patrick concluded. "And you left Haven exactly eight weeks ago."
Holly bit into her lower lip and her face revealed that she couldn't decide whether to look embarrassed or laugh out loud. "Yeah… it's possible that it happened right on our first night together… after all, your father is Artemis, God of Potency. Didn't you know?"
Artemis willed himself not to blush. "Why, it's still better than Artemis, Impotent God of Knowledge…"
"What are you two talking about?" asked Patrick.
His mother gave him a benign smile. "Just an insider joke, dear. I love teasing your father about it…"
"You love teasing me about everything," Artemis pointed out.
"The pot calling the kettle black…" she riposted.
"Aren't they cute?" Foaly chuckled. "I bet you two are never bored with each other. But do tell, if you haven't planned this child - and apparently you haven't - then what are you going to do if it's born and looks like Holly?"
The mother-to-be took a deep breath. "Well, that's why we first wanted to talk to you. We've reached a rather… unpleasant decision."
"Are you going to terminate it?" Patrick asked sullenly.
"Oh no, never." Holly shook her head. "It's something completely different…"
"I have a bad feeling about this," muttered the commander.
Under normal circumstances Foaly would have asked 'have you become a Star Wars fan too?', but he found that the situation did not allow for childishness. "What sort of decision?"
Now it was Artemis's turn to heave a sigh. "We've got to tell my parents who Holly really is."
"No!" Root, Patrick and Foaly gasped.
Artemis held up his hand. "Please, let me explain. First of all: you've got to know that we aren't any happier about it than you are. But we have to tell them. Exactly because the baby might take after Holly and then my parents will get a heart attack, not to mention that if they insist that Holly gives birth in a hospital, then the doctors and nurses will get a heart attack too. My parents need to know what to expect, and need to get used to the thought that Holly will deliver the baby at Fowl Manor. There's no other way."
"But… there's the MMM," Patrick protested.
"Would you dare use it on a newborn?" His father arched an eyebrow at the boy.
Patrick's pointed ears drooped. "No. You're right… I wouldn't. But… perhaps Mum could mesmerise your parents into believing that the kid looks completely human, even though it doesn't… Or not. She would have to renew the mesmer almost daily, and if she forgets it just one time, then the cat is out of the bag. D'Arvit, you two really got yourselves in trouble!"
"Big news," Root grunted through his cigar. "That's all they are capable of…" For some reason there was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Fowl was indeed a horrible troublemaker, but so was Holly, and the old commander had to admit it to himself that this was one of Holly's qualities that first made him grow fond of her.
"Don't worry, my parents can keep a secret," Artemis added. "And speaking of the MMM, you're invited to the wedding."
"You mean Uncle Julius and me?" Patrick smirked. "Great. Finally I'll get a chance to test the half-fairy version."
"And of course I am not invited," Foaly huffed.
"You know we'd love to invite you," said Holly in an apologetic voice, "but…" She pointed at the centaur's legs. "I bet not even the MMM can do anything about those."
"It can't," Patrick confirmed. "It can only transform two-legged fairies into humans, but it cannot make two extra legs disappear…"
Giving the others a hurt glance, Foaly bit into a third carrot. "By the way, when is the wedding going to take place?"
"As soon as possible. I'd say we could have the official engagement in about a week, and the wedding in a month," Artemis replied.
"So soon?" Holly asked. "Will we be able to arrange everything in a month?"
"We'll have to if you want to fit into a decent wedding dress and not walk down the aisle with a bulging belly," her fiancé said matter-of-factly.
"Oh, so you're afraid the house of Fowl would become a laughing stock if I were already showing at the wedding." Holly concluded resentfully.
"Exactly." Artemis nodded.
"I can't decide whether to ignore the fact that you're again behaving like an insensitive git or simply punch you in the face!" she snapped.
"I'd prefer the former, dear, your fists are lethal."
"No, I'm sure they never get bored with each other." Patrick sent Foaly a grin.
"Wedding? And a baby?" Butler's eyes widened. Artemis and Holly nodded, beaming up at him. "Well, what can I say?" The manservant ran his enormous hand across his shaved dome. "Er… congratulations. Yes… I think that's all I can say."
"Thank you, old friend," Artemis replied. "Please go and get Juliet, we've got to tell her too."
"Oh, she knows already." Holly waved.
"She knows?" The young man blinked, surprised.
"Of course she does. Who do you think got a pee stick for me behind your back?" She replied with a naughty grin.
"So you told her earlier than me, the father!" Artemis tried to look hurt.
"I didn't specifically tell her I was pregnant, I told her that I suspected I might be pregnant, as I've been living together with sex god Artemis for two months without having my period."
Artemis blushed furiously and tried to avoid Butler's glance. The man was more of a father to him than his real father had ever been, and being called 'sex god' in front of him made Artemis want to vanish. It was one thing that Butler knew perfectly well what he and Holly were doing every night (and occasionally at daytime as well), but speaking it aloud was a completely different matter.
"But Artemis…"
"Yes, Butler?"
"I fear that with the birth of this child an old tradition will be broken."
"Yeah, this will be the first half-fairy by the name Fowl," Artemis replied knowingly.
"That's not what I meant." The manservant shook his head. "Juliet's the youngest Butler, and she's already your bodyguard. There's no Butler to be the personal guard of your child-to-be-born."
"True. I haven't thought of that." Artemis nodded. "Well, every tradition needs to be broken some day, don't you think? And after all, I'm living a peaceful life now. No fishy business transactions, no dangerous business associates, and not even the fairies are after my blood. No one wants to harm me or anyone in my family."
"May you be right, Artemis," Domovoi sighed.
"When have I been wrong?" Artemis gave Butler his trademark smug vampire smile - a smile that no one had seen on his face since he'd returned from Mexico. "The kid's completely safe. I'm more worried about telling Mother and Father the news…"
"You know, Artemis, I wouldn't be in your place now," the manservant replied jovially.
"Thanks for the encouragement," the young man said sarcastically.
"You're welcome." Butler smiled down at him. "If I could help you somehow…"
"You could. Fetch Juliet and go into the Emerald Room, both of you. I'll ask my parents to join us there." Young Fowl glanced at his fiancée, then back at his old friend "We've got to tell them a story, and I might need your help with it."
"Gladly, Artemis." The one-time bodyguard nodded and headed for the door.
"Oh, and Butler…"
"Yes?"
"If everything turns out all right, will you be my best man?"
A huge smile spread on the elderly man's face. "I'd be honoured, Artemis."
"What could Artemis want to tell us?" Fowl Senior wondered as his wife readied herself for the 'big talk' in front of her vanity table.
"I don't know, Timmy." Angeline shook her head, fishing a pearl necklace out of her jewel box. "But Butler sounded pretty serious…" She turned around to face her husband. "Perhaps Arty's broken up with Holly?"
"Am I imagining things or is there really a hopeful expression on your face, dear?" Artemis the First asked sardonically.
"Why?" Angeline dropped the necklace into her lap. "Aren't I allowed to hope? Miracles happen once in a while."
Her husband clasped his hands behind his back and began pacing the room. "I seriously don't understand you. Why do you hate that poor girl so much?"
"You really don't understand me," Angeline snapped. "I don't hate Holly. I'm rather… afraid of her."
"Afraid?" Mr. Fowl raised his black eyebrows at her. "What for?"
His wife turned back to the mirror, facing away from him. "I… I don't know, Timmy. I couldn't explain it. Somehow she… she gives me the creeps. She's more than just a pretty face. She seems so very, very different from all of us… Remember when she didn't know what a napkin was used for?"
"Yes, I do." Artemis Senior smiled to himself. "She made a rather nice paper dragon of it, though…"
"But Timmy!"
"Angeline, dear, it's possible she just spent too much time in Japan, that's where her fascination with origami comes from. It doesn't mean she's from Mars!"
Seeing the shocked expression on his wife's face he realised that he'd just voiced her greatest fears. "Angeline… you don't think she's an alien, do you?"
"I wouldn't be surprised if she were," she replied defiantly. "She's too weird, and don't say you haven't noticed it, Timmy!"
"I have." Fowl Senior shrugged. "But I don't mind. As long as Arty loves her…"
"That's exactly what I mean!" Angeline hopped up from her seat, the pearl necklace landing on the floor. "Arty's in her power! Perhaps she hypnotized him, or bewitched him, or…"
"Angeline, enough of this!"
The woman looked at her husband through teary eyes. He had never yelled at her like that before. Her little Arty had yelled at her too… and it's all because of Holly Short…
"Right, Mr Fowl." She drew herself up, blinking back her tears. "I will not voice my assumptions in the future. But don't say I haven't warned you."
"I don't know what takes them so long," Artemis said in an annoyed voice. He, Holly and the Butler siblings had been waiting in the Emerald Room for over half an hour.
Holly reached out and squeezed his hand. "Perhaps your mum can't decide what to wear…"
Artemis had to hide a grimace. His mother was indeed very choosy when it came to clothing and whenever his parents went out to the opera or a party, Angeline needed at least three hours to get ready.
Artemis couldn't be thankful enough for a mate who didn't have a fetish about elegance and didn't need to spend hours in the bathroom every morning and evening. Not that Holly didn't dress nicely - she had a great taste in clothing, but she always kept to the simplest dresses. She was elegant in her own way, and Artemis sometimes couldn't help being surprised how different she looked in a yellow summer dress than in her L.E.P. uniform…
Finally Mr and Mrs Fowl entered, and Artemis immediately saw that his mother had been crying. She had tried to conceal it with liberal amounts of make-up, but she couldn't do anything against the redness of her eyes. Noticing Holly holding hands with Artemis, Angeline's bloodshot eyes narrowed, and her husband didn't need to guess why: if the young ones were holding hands like this, it was impossible they had just broken up… very much the opposite. Artemis the First wouldn't have been surprised if his son's first words were 'we're having a baby', but he knew that it would only give his wife another reason to complain about Holly behind her back…
Fowl Junior felt Holly squeeze his hand again and cast a sideways glance at her to see that now she was nervous. Apparently she too had noticed Angeline's bad mood and knew that their announcement could be even less welcomed if Artemis's mother was currently emotionally instable.
"Well," the Fowl patriarch spoke up, seating himself opposite the young couple. Angeline took a place next to him but didn't look at her son and Holly, nor her husband. She defiantly focused her glance at the Persian carpet instead.
"Well," younger Artemis echoed his father, "we've asked you to come here because we need to tell you something important."
Angeline now lifted her glance and stared at her son through narrowed eyes. Anyone in Artemis's place would have shuddered at her icy glance, but Artemis decided to act as impassively as possible and pretend he hadn't noticed her bad mood at all. He saw that Angeline's eyes were challenging him to say 'yes, Mum, it is as you expected, Holly's pregnant…', so he thought it better to start their announcements with something completely different.
"It all began with your disappearance, Father," Artemis said.
Angeline sent her son a confused look. Well, that didn't sound a bit like Holly being pregnant, did it?
"My disappearance?" Fowl Senior asked back.
"Exactly, Father." Artemis nodded. "After you went missing, I spent most of the family's fortune on searching missions, and our bank accounts were depleted to such an extent that I knew I had to find a new source of income. That was when I decided to kidnap a fairy for ransom."
"Kidnap a… what?" his father coughed.
Typical, Artemis thought. His father, the one-time criminal, was not shocked by the fact that he was talking about 'kidnap', but by the fact that it was a 'fairy' he was talking about.
"You heard it well," Artemis said calmly. "And don't worry, Father, I'm not crazy. Butler and Juliet reacted the same way when I first told them about my plans for getting money."
"Exactly," Juliet chimed in. "I told Arty that fairies only existed in… well, fairy tales, but… I was wrong."
Perplexed, Angeline glanced from her son to her husband, then to Juliet. As none of them seemed very helpful, she finally looked at Butler, who, noticing her glance, diverted his eyes. Apparently even he felt awkward about the whole situation.
"Butler?" she asked in a demanding voice.
The manservant looked back at her and reluctantly nodded. "It is as Artemis and Juliet say, madam."
"May I continue?" Artemis spoke up. "Thank you. So, my plan was to capture a fairy and demand fairy gold in return for setting him free. However, things turned out a bit different than I had expected. For one, the 'he' I wanted to kidnap happened to be a 'she', whom I not only released for half of the agreed amount of gold, but whom I also befriended…" He cast a glance at Holly, then at his parents, "…and whom I've recently fallen in love with."
Angeline gasped and pressed her hands on her heart while Artemis the First raised an eyebrow at Holly, but his expression didn't seem shocked or scandalised, rather amused. He knew his son enough to know that 'Arty' was the most peculiar boy on the face of earth, and naturally a peculiar person would choose another peculiar person as his life mate. There wasn't anything surprising about it. Well, the 'existence' of fairies did sound surprising, but…
"So, you're a… fairy, Holly?" Fowl Senior asked.
"Yes, sir. To be precise, I'm an elf."
"Like the elves in Tolkien's books?"
"Not really." Holly shook her head with a smile. "Tolkien's elves are human-sized with pointy ears. Real elves are three feet tall, have nut-coloured skin and pointy ears."
"Three feet tall? Nut-coloured skin?" the elderly man echoed Holly's words. "But you don't look a bit…"
"Because I drank the MMM," the elf replied.
"The what?"
Holly and Artemis looked at each other, as if communicating through some nonexistent mind-link. The young woman seemed to hesitate, but seeing her fiancé's 'reasoning' expression, she nodded. Artemis was right - if they had already spilled some beans, why not spill some more? If they wanted to talk about the way they had got this close, they needed to mention Patrick. There was no other way.
"There's a serum that can make a fairy look like a human," Artemis explained. "A serum invented by… our son."
Anyone who hadn't heard the young man's last few words would have thought that Angeline had suddenly got a dangerous bout of asthma.
A few minutes later when Juliet had managed to force some water down Madam Fowl's throat and her coughs ceased, silence fell on the Emerald Room.
It was Artemis's father who broke the silence. "Your… son? Excuse me for my curiosity, but how is that possible? First, you're both too young to have a son old enough to invent anything, second, didn't you say Miss Short was a… um… virgin just two months ago?"
Holly frowned at Artemis but decided not to make the situation even more difficult by questioning him about telling his parents such intimate things. So she rather turned to the Fowl patriarch. "Mr Fowl," she began, "first: I'm not exactly… young, at least not by human standards. Fairies happen to have long lives. They can live thousands of years, and with my 94 years I count as young in the fairy society."
"Ni-ninety four?" Angeline stammered.
Holly nodded. "I look about the same age as Artemis, but yes, I'm old compared to him. And well… I'm likely to outlive him with about a thousand and five hundred years…"
"…and that's exactly what I had doubts about when Holly decided to leave her world and live with me," Artemis added. "I asked her whether it would hurt her to see me grow old and die…"
"…and I told him that certainly it would, but I have this single chance in my life to be happy with someone I love, and I didn't want to miss it," Holly concluded. "And back to your other question, Mr Fowl, two months ago I was a virgin. My son… our son has been conceived artificially. In a petri dish. And… without Artemis knowing." She bit into her lower lip and sent her fiancé a propitiatory glance. "I will always feel sorry for having used you-"
"No." Artemis gently pressed his index finger on her lips. "Don't. You had your reasons. And I'm proud of Patrick."
"P…Patrick?" Angeline muttered, still as white as a sheet. "Is he… is he… your son?"
The young couple nodded.
Another minute of silence followed that was again broken by Fowl Senior. "I don't know about Angeline, but I'd love to hear about my… grandson."
As though the ice had broken, Artemis and Holly started to talk, and once in a while even Juliet put in a few words.
"Foaly, the technical genius fell ill and there was no one to take care of the communications systems, and…"
"…Patrick is so much like Artemis, yes, he has pointy ears and red hair, but his eyes are all Artemis's! He even talks and thinks like his father!"
"Yeah, I've noticed that…"
"The point is that Patrick was kidnapped…"
"You couldn't imagine my surprise when I found out I was a father…"
"…I could have stifled that Quench…"
"…we ended up near Chichén Itza…"
"…those bloody mosquitoes…"
"…I fell in the river…"
"…and once we were in the Aztec village…"
"Hey, I did not want to shag the princess!"
"…Artemis shot the jaguar! A real archer, true to his name!"
"Then there were those rickety mountains that looked like two mutant hedgehogs…"
"…and Artemis even joked about some King Leo…"
"That was Leonidas, love."
"Whatever."
"…then came the endless path and…"
"The golden statue was on a plinth…"
"Frazetti was getting more and more confused by the moment. She simply didn't know whom to trust…"
"I though my heart broke to pieces when Artemis left…"
"…I felt the same, Holly. I was depressed for the first time in my life… Butler can attest to it…"
"…I drank the serum and here I am."
By the time they'd finished recounting the events it had gone dark outside and the Fowl parents' heads were buzzing with the amount of new information about fairies, the Aztecs and the dangers of the Mexican jungle. Pyramids, mesmer, predators (they still couldn't believe their little Arty had shot one) and several horrible tasks…
Neither Artemis the First nor Angeline had noticed their son squeezing Holly's wrist when she'd begun talking about a path that lead through nothingness… only Holly had noticed it, alongside with the pleading glance in her lover's eyes. She understood that he didn't want to talk about his lost intelligence to his parents - at least not yet. So, she altered that part of the story by leaving out the Voice.
All the way through the story-telling Angeline had been wrinkling her tissue, and at the end she found that she was on the verge of tears. How she had misjudged this girl! True, Holly wasn't an angel - no, far from it. She was a fairy. Not perfect, not a well-behaved noblewoman, but at least she never thirsted for Artemis's money, and she'd even given up her old life to start a new one with him…
Angeline could no longer ignore the fact that Holly loved her son. Still, she didn't know whether she'd ever learn to accept this girl… She couldn't help thinking that Holly was even more dangerous than someone who only wanted her little Arty for his money… What horrible dangers she had dragged her son through just to save their son - a son whom Arty had never even wanted!
There were too many reasons why Angeline could have continued hating Holly, but inexplicably she couldn't find it in her heart. She knew what being a mother meant - a mother would do anything for her child, and Holly had only done that. She'd used all the help she could to save the boy. And for that Angeline couldn't be angry with her. Her mind told her that she should; after all, this fairy chick had caused so much trouble for Arty, but… she'd done so much for Arty in return. If she could believe her son, then it was Holly who taught him how to face his emotions and it was also Holly who convinced him that gathering wealth wasn't the most important thing in the world (Angeline had always felt uneasy about her son's earlier passion of moneymaking). This girl must have indeed bewitched him, but in the good sense of the word…
Angeline was too confused to decide how she should react. So, she rather chose to be silent.
"Well, Artemis, Holly…" Mr Fowl spoke up, "that all sounded great, but there's one thing I don't understand. If fairies are so careful to avoid humans finding out about them, then why did you tell us this whole story? You needn't have. I mean… you could have continued living without us knowing…"
"Not exactly, Father," his son replied. "Truth be told we wouldn't have told you about it if certain circumstances hadn't forced us to…"
"What circumstances?" Angeline asked in a shaky voice.
Artemis and Holly exchanged a glance and a smile. "We're having a baby."
A/N: next chapter: the engagement party with a few little problems. And now: review, please!