Chapter 6:
Back in the cave (which became a tunnel; which became a door; which became a Red Dwarf III cargo bay), the skeleton crew of Red Dwarf stopped because Holly stopped and said "Kryten, the material this tunnel is made from isn't metal, it's rock. It's either very highly polished or it's been melted."
"Are you sure Holly? Kryten asked. "It looks and even feels like metal."
"What could do this to smeggin' rock, Holl?" asked Lister.
"Well, Dave. I'd hazard a guess and say it was probably something along the lines of… oh, let's see… how about the dragon" answered Holly sarcastically.
"But those files Kryten downloaded to you didn't mention anything about the dragon breathing smegging fire, Holly" said Rimmer nervously.
"That's right, Arnold; but they never mentioned anything about it talking either."
"Good point."
"Thank you Arnold" said Holly and proceeded to give Rimmer his own hair back.
"Can we stop all this smeg and get going? I really want to find out what the heck is going on here" said Lister impatiently as he continued further along the cave… err, tunnel.
Once in the cargo bay they played Holly the recording that the dragon left and waited for him to give them his opinion of it. He said "I haven't got an opinion, sorry."
"So do you think we should open the stasis chamber and let the dragon out?" asked Rimmer, hoping the answer would be a definitive no.
"Well, it's no skin off my nose either way. But I can't see why not."
"OK, we do this, but with bazookoids ready and aimed at the stasis chamber while it opens" said Lister, cocking his weapon. "Holly, can you open the door while we cover it?"
"OK, Dave."
So they all went into the stasis room and prepared.
The Red Dwarf Possie stood ready, bazookoids loaded, cocked and aimed at the door of the chamber. Lister said "right'o Holly, open her up."
They waited for what seemed like an eternity for the door to start to open. Sweat poured from the pores of Lister and the Cat; Kryten was so scared his voice unit got stuck in a loop and all they heard was "I… I… I…"
Pulses raced, nerves twitched and as the door opened, Rimmer did that thing that holograms weren't supposed to be able to do!
And then they saw it!
They couldn't believe their eyes as they beheld a 15 foot high dragon skeleton.
"Smeg" said Lister as he wiped hot, salty sweat from his eyes.
"Smeg" said Rimmer hoping there was no smell.
"Smeeeeeeeeee" said Kryten.
"There goes my date" said the Cat.
"Will you shut the smegging smeg up about your date you simple-minded gimboid of a cat!" screamed Rimmer.
"Bite me goal-post head!" replied the Cat, sniffing the air and looking around. "And what's that smell?"
"This is ridiculous; what the smeg happened here Holly? Did the stasis chamber malfunction or something?" said Lister really, really smegged off at their apparent lack of luck.
"Beats me, Dave" Holly said, plugging into a socket on the chamber. He searched the computer for any information but eventually said "there's nothing here that gives me any indication of why this chamber failed."
"So that's it, we'll never know what happened or how this thing knew all about us?"
"Or if it was a girl or a boy" said the Cat.
"CAT WILL YOU SHUT THE SMEG UP!" they all shouted.
And then they all looked at Kryten.
"Kryten, you said 'smeg' and you didn't stutter" said Lister.
"Did I sir, Sorry; I was so angry that I didn't notice" replied the only known Diva Droid product to over-ride its 'there's-a-new-model-on-its-way' shut-down procedure.
"Forget that tot" said Rimmer. "Let's do something about this tractor beam and get off this rock."
Disappointed and dejected, the boys from the Dwarf were about to leave the stasis room when Holly said "half a mo, there's something else in here besides the skeleton."
"What is it Holly?" asked Lister.
"It's a piece of paper, Dave."
Lister reached in and grabbed the paper. He opened it up and his eyes bulged like he had just seen Kristine Kochanski naked on a horse. "Smeggin' hell!"
"What is it Lister" asked Rimmer. "What does it say?"
"You're not going to believe this"
"Believe what sir" said Kryten.
"It's a note, from the dragon."
"It is? What does she say?" said the Cat.
They all looked at the Cat with stares that could kill a rouge simulant where it stood.
"OK, OK, I'm sorry! What does IT say?"
Lister looked at the note again, not really believing what he saw. Eventually he said "it says: 'I'm in the other smegging chamber you boneheads.'
"Say what?" said the Cat.
"Oh my" said Kryten"
"What other chamber?" Rimmer said.
Lister looked back at the note and said "Smeg! It says 'the one behind you Dave.'"
They all slowly turned and looked behind them and saw the second chamber, but it was half covered with debris and dust and frankly, not a lot of people would have spotted it. Ah! Who am I kidding; a blind man could have seen it.
"There it is" said Holly cheerfully.
"Thanks Holl; we'd have never found it without you" said Lister, still wondering how they could have missed it.
"The computer never mentioned two stasis chambers" said Kryten nervously, hoping he hadn't missed an important file when he downloaded them.
"And it never mentioned two dragons either" said Holly. "Maybe some of the files were wiped or something."
"I don't think the files really matter now" said Rimmer calmly, almost like he had a heart.
"Thank you sir" said Kryten. "That really means a lot to me."
"Maybe I had you all wrong Arnold" said Holly
But his demeanour soon changed. "All that really matters is that you two mechanical munchkins screwed up - the two things with the highest IQs on the ship and you smegged it up good and proper!"
"C'mon Rimmer, that's a bit harsh isn't it" said Dave, sticking up for his mechanical pals.
"Yea helmet hair, back off a little" said the Cat.
"It's alright sirs" said Kryten.
Holly didn't say a thing. He wouldn't do anything to Rimmer yet but he had a long memory, sometimes."
"You OK, Holl?" said Lister.
"I'm fine thanks Dave. Shall we clear this junk away and open the chamber do you think?" said Holly.
Not a word was spoken as they cleaned up the mess and prepared to open the second chamber.
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