:Lyrics are in italics. For added ambience play Robbie Williams Feel.
Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I've been given.
I sit and talk to god And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language, I don't understand.
Sitting in front of her computer she couldn't help but stare at the blank screen. Not exactly staring at her desktop picture but more like fixated in its direction. She was in a daze, one big fat daze and nothing seemed to take her mind off what she was thinking. He held her hand and she held back! What was she doing? What she'd been wanting to do for so long, but she couldn't. Her mind tried to think in logical terms weighing out the pros and cons, her heart yearned, but it seemed there was one thing and she never knew what it was. That one small feeling of fear, of rejection and pain. The same hurt Vegas had caused her...could she do it again? Was it worth it?
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
'cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.
"Okay I scrounged up some left over chocolate cake, a couple of roast beef sandwiches, and to make it all healthy two large glasses full of OJ."
Jill smiled as Brooke placed their snacks on the desk.
"Didn't you just eat Mcdonald's and Taco Bell all at the same time?"
"Yeah so? You did too! Besides that was hours ago when we stopped at that plaza in Charlotte. I have to eat every hour or I get cranky."
"We wouldn't want that."
The brunette nodded between mouthfuls of her already half eaten sandwich.
I don't wanna die,
But I ain't keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I'm preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death,
That's why I keep on running.
Before I've arrived, I can see myself coming.
Jill sighed still staring at the screen then back at Brooke.
"Uh thanks for coming over, I know you had your heart set on shopping. I just really didn't feel like being alone."
"Don't worry about it shopping can wait.Besides no one's at my house right now and I'm pretty sure my mom forgot to buy groceries. And I knew you and your wimpy ass wouldn't have the guts to ask Nathan to stay."
She squirmed at the sound of his name. It made her jumpy, nervous, and excited all at the same time. If that was even possible.
"Yeah," she paused, "about that."
"Watever you don't have to explain to me. I know it's complicated with feelings, emotions, and what not. But if you ask me, you're just being stupid."
"What do you mean?"
"I get that you were hurt by Vegas, a whole lot. I know how it feels to really like someone only to find out they never felt the same way. You felt cheated and it wasn't fair but it's not fair to Nathan that you can't deal with it."
"It's not that easy Brooke."
"Duh! I know that. It's hard to get up after falling. You need treatment before you get back in the game. It's just that you know Nathan and you see how he is and that's no where near Vegas. Nathan's been hurt too, he was hurt by the first girl he ever loved but you don't see him running away. You need to get back in the game."
"I know."
"Do you? I mean you both were pretty much in the same situation yet it seems he learned his lesson and you haven't?"
"What lesson?"
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
'cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.
And I need to feel, real love And a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.
Brooke layed her glass on the table as Jill awaited her answer.
"That life is a constant struggle filled with love, sadness, anger, and every emotion you can name. You're going to make mistakes and mistakes they will be. Are you going to use it as an experience for future reference or are you going to let it be the reason to not try again?"
"You're talking about my feelings for Nathan aren't you?"
"Yeah pretty much. It's ashamed to keep it hidden. You need to tell him how you really feel."
She picked at her sandwich not even taking a bite out of it.
"I don't know."
"Quit being such a baby and stop missing out on something that could be good."
"What if it isn't?"
"You'll never know unless you try."
"When?"
"No time like the present."
"Now?" What was she imposing?
"Well not now geez, let's at least finish the cake before you lay your heart out on the line."
Jill smiled grabbing a fork.
"Thanks."
"Anytime," the brunette smiled back following her suit in attacking the cake, "oh pass me your sandwich. You haven't touched it and I'm still hungry."
"Brooke!"
"What? I'm starving."
Both girls laughed as they picked at the chocolate masterpiece. Jill wasn't sure she understood what she was about to do, but it sure did feel right!