Notes from the author: I'm so sorry for making you all wait this long for a chapter. I admit I can't offer up a better excuse than I've been busy with many other things in my life right now… and I'm just a lazy and procrastinating person. Euugh. Not much I can say about this chapter. But please continue to review. You don't want me to beg again, do you?

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with The OC, or anything else for that matter. So please don't sue, I don't have much to give except for six tattered Harry Potter books and a fat rabbit.

Pairings: Ryan/Marissa, maybe some Seth/Summer and Kirsten/Sandy – no fluff.

Rating: T for language and violence

Summary: The death of Ryan's brother, Trey, sparks a domino effect that will alter the Cohen's lives forever.

Welcome to my wonderful world of pain and agony
Let me introduce myself my name is tragedy
The kind that sneaks into your bedroom late at night
The kind that makes an airplane crash while it's in flight
I'm the type of stress that'll make your heart skip a beat
The type that left you hungry and homeless on the street
The kind that makes you spin like CD ROM
I took the life from your body 'till your spirit is gone
I'm the type that turns your fantasies to bad dreams
I'm the type to turn ideas into deadly schemes
I'm the kind that caused you pain until you blacked out
I'm the last thing you saw before you passed out

- Behind Closed Doors, Project Wyze

My Elusive Drug

A warm breeze blew by, whipping Ryan's hair around and causing the boat to rock back and forth as water lapped at the sides. Ryan unconsciously grasped the railing as the boat lurched - he never did like sailing much. Seth had always teased him about his nervousness, but now the boy was silent.

The awkward silence between the two had been going on since they had set sail. Seth squirmed. If there was anything he hated more than awkward silences, it was awkward silences with Ryan. Much to his dismay, Seth feared that Trey's death would be a bump in their friendship that would take more than a sailing trip to patch up. Sighing inwardly, Seth turned the boat around, starting to head back to shore.

As Seth tied up the Summer Breeze to the dock, he glanced up at Ryan, squinting against the sun. "Dude, you know if you ever want to... you know... talk..."

Ryan grimaced. Not this from Seth too. Though, before he had a chance to say anything in response, Marissa's voice called from across the beach.

"Ryan! Seth!" They both turned as she came bounding up to them, blond hair flailing behind her in the warm summer wind. "Hey Marissa," Seth greeted, raising a hand in a slight wave before turning back to the boat.

"Hey," Ryan said, managing as smile as his girlfriend looked up at him. "Hey," she repeated. "How are you holding up?"

Ryan shrugged. Did she really want to know what he was feeling? The curtain of guilt that had been draped over him since his brother's death? The annoyance of the Cohen's constant attempts to "help" and the guilt he later felt about not being grateful for it? "I'm okay."

She knew he wasn't telling her the whole truth... nothing was ever just "okay" with Ryan Atwood. Ryan sighed. "Really, I'm fine." He smiled, but it didn't reach up to his eyes.

"Okay...," Marissa replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But know I'm here if you want to -"

"Talk?" he finished her sentence for her. "Yeah, I know." He grinned playfully.

"Okay guys!" Seth exclaimed, turning around and pretending that he hadn't been eavesdropping. "What do you say to a bite to eat at the Crab Shack?"

"Actually, I should probably get home," Marissa said with a small sigh. "Caleb just came home from a business trip in Washington, and my mom wants to plan something 'special'."

"Ah," Seth nodded and Ryan gave her a quick kiss. "I'll talk to you later." Marissa nodded and smiled at him, though Ryan could tell she was worried about him.

As Marissa departed, Seth looked to Ryan. "So, my friend, it's down to us once again. The two amigos, partners in crime, Obi Wan and Anakin... before he turns into Vader... because then that wouldn't really work. Up for a little king crab?" He rubbed his hands together and nudged Ryan with his elbow. "Perhaps some shrimp cocktail?"

Ryan looked to him with eyebrows raised. "Uh huh... um, not really. Wanna just head home?"

Seth gave a half nod. "Home, yes, let us go home. We'll play my new Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction game."

Ryan snorted, shoving Seth to the side as they made their way up the beach.

"Go ahead, say it," Trey said, walking past Ryan who was standing in the doorway to his apartment. Ryan glanced around the room that was smaller than the pool house. Half of it was devoted to a mini kitchen, in which Trey had just stomped in to, yanking open the handle to the mini fridge and pulling out two bottles of beer.

"It sucks ass," Trey finished, tossing a bottle towards Ryan. Ryan caught the chilled bottle in one hand as his eyes surveyed the apartment. A small television on a metal stand stood in the center of the room, facing a couch with the stuffing falling out of it. There was a scratched-up coffee table next to the couch, and a garbage can in the corner. One lone window was on the wall across from Ryan, facing the street. The apartment was only a twenty to thirty minute walk from their old neighborhood, five minutes from the notorious Fred's Diner.

"It's not that bad," Ryan lied. Two years ago, having a place like this, a place of his own, would be like heaven to Ryan. Is this what living with the Cohens had done to him? Had the pool house, the Rage Rover, private school and black tie events become his life? His mother would have told him he was growing soft.

Ryan made his way over to the window, looking out at the street. Three boys sped down the road on their hand-me-down bicycles, yelling and whooping at they made jumps and ramps out of old car parts and discarded junk they found in the streets. That was Ryan's life not too long ago. Before Theresa got pregnant. Before his mother abandoned him. Before Marissa, and before Seth. Before Newport and the world of the wealthy.

"Going to the bathroom," Trey grunted from behind him, and Ryan heard the door open and slam shut. He didn't know how long he had been staring out the window, lost in thought, when a loud knock sounded on the door.

Ryan glanced over his shoulder at the door. The banging knocks sounded again. He walked over to the door, setting his unopened beer bottle on the coffee table, and tugged at the handle.

The man that stood before him wore a pair of baggy and torn jeans and a dirty white wife-beater - not unlike those that Seth called Ryan's "trademark". He smelled like cigarettes. "Trey here?"

Ryan eyed the man. "No. He'll be back soon." The man gave Ryan the once-over, then looked at him expectantly. "Gonna let me in or what?"

Ryan looked at him for a few seconds before stepping aside to allow the man in, and closed the door behind him. The two eyed each other before the man stuck out his hand. "I'm Johnny."

Johnny? The Johnny? The Giving-Trey-Drugs Johnny? Ryan clasped his hand. "Ryan."

An unkind grin slid onto Johnny's face. "Trey's baby brother, huh? He told me all about you." Johnny took a step towards Ryan, his eyes glinting. "Big fancy house in Newport, huh?" Ryan matched Johnny's glare.

The door opened. Trey stood in the doorway, glancing between Ryan and Johnny. Johnny raised his eyebrows at Ryan before turning to face Trey and sliding a smirk on his face. "Yo, Trey. Got it all right here." Johnny reached into his back pocket as Trey closed the door behind him, shooting a look at Ryan. Johnny pulled out a small bag full of white powder, sliding it into Trey's outstretched hand.

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Julie: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad I have some readers! grin

Kukka: Oh, great you head you liked the old version. This chapter, chapter four, had a lot more changes done to it than the previous chapters, I hope all for the better. Thanks for the review, and for reading!

amyordinary: Glad you're enjoying it! Thanks for taking the time to press that little review button, it means so much to me!

beachtree: Ah, of course, a review by beachtree. I'm so glad you're reading this again. You're right, I didn't change most on chapter three, but I will be more on later chapters, definitely. I love how much you take my story and analyze it, and that you think I'm capturing Ryan's voice – I try really hard to make my characters as realistic as I can. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you keep it up! Teehee.

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! Sorry for such the long wait on this chapter, but I hope you keep leaving reviews for me. Even a simple, "I like it" makes me happy! Because remember (yes, I'm going to say this every chapter) – a reviewed author is a happy author!