Zoro, fresh from his heart-to-heart with Sanji, burst onto deck, accompanied by a scream of rage and a shower of splinters. He was far too full of passion to let a little thing like a closed door stop him, and in his current frame of mind, it was much easier to crash through it than to work the knob. On the way to confront that thief of hearts (better known as 'Luffy'), he passed a crying Usopp on his way to get his tools and extra plywood, but paid him no mind.

"YOU!" He roared, pointing at Luffy.

"You!" His captain returned.

Zoro, enraged by his rival's wit, drew his swords. Now, he thought. Something witty and clever to say, something that will capture Marianne's heart, and make her mine. But what emerged from his mouth was... "There once was a man named Gold Roger - wait. Do over," he called. Crap, that had nothing to the situation at hand. Something better, something better... curse you, Sanji, for putting me in this situation!

"Thirty-six earthly desires..."

"You used that one already," Luffy pointed out.

"Zoro stab! Zoro stab now!" Not exactly what I was going for, but it'll do.

Zoro lunged at the rubber-man, swords at the ready.

- - -

Nami sipped at her strawberry fruit drink with a quiet sigh of contentment, as Sanji gleefully waited on her. "Are you comfortable, Nami-swan? Would you like for me to get you a pillow? Or another drink? Maybe... a massage?"

"Well," she asked cutely. "Maybe some more fried clam?"

"Right away, Nami-swan!" Sanji sang happily as he went to slave and toil for her in the galley.

She slurped at her drink as she watched Zoro and Luffy tear into each other in a glorious ultimate battle, as life and love hung in the balance. "I wonder why Zoro suddenly started being crazy?" she wondered aloud.

"Oh," Sanji said from behind her, clams in hand. "That's because of the cactus."

Nami briefly pondered the whether Sanji had actually cooked those clams in less than three minutes, or if he'd had another batch waiting in the wings. Then, his words actually registered on the navigator. "Cactus?"

Sanji's head bobbed. "Yes. You remember those cacti in Arabasta that made Luffy hallucinate? I stocked some before we left, and fed it to Zoro awhile back as a joke."

"That is a good joke, Sanji," Nami admitted. "But Zoro's craziness is starting to keep me away from more important things, like drawing my map. Is there some way to snap him out of it?"

Sanji contemplated. "Well, I do have that vial of universal antidote... I was saving it in case you or Robin-chwan contracted some sickness. It'd be almost criminal to use it on Zoro."

Nami smiled at him sweetly. "Would you do it, though? For me?"

Sanji immediately went into sensory overload, even as he went to do her bidding.

"Mellorine, mellorine!"

- - -

A/N:Nefarious plot twist ahoy!Next chapter will likely be the last, and you probably shouldn't expect it for a few weeks.

Ah, finals, you be a cruel mistress...

Next! Zoro comes to his senses! Such as they are.