Reviews:
WolfkidX: Breathe, wild child. Sharp objects can be dangerous in unstable hands. Remember how the last chapter ended? Only one of the girls actually took something into her hand. But that doesn't mean much, right? I know I'm being cryptic, but since you like me so much…read to find out and enjoy!
Laney3147565: You like the song? Yay! I love it when people inform me of my ability in song choice. I hope you keep reading. Enjoy!
AscaDuin: Did you read deeply into the chapter? Thank you so much, your review was great. Yes, what Paige said was hurtful, but she knew that, and she hated saying it. It goes deeper into their thoughts in this chapter. Yep. It's a POV chapter. It will alternate between the two lovely ladies. I think you'll enjoy it.
melleh1: Whoa! I almost got your review too late to give you thanks here at the top of this chapter like I love doing for all my reviewers. I'm glad you liked my attempt at angsty depression. Here's more! Lol. Enjoy!
A/N: To everyone, reviewers and not, but to anyone who hated Paige's cruelty in my last chapter: that was a really difficult chapter for me to write. It was hard because I love Palex and I hate for it to be ripped apart for any amount of time for any reason, but it had to be done. It's not permanent, don't worry. But Paige would have insecurities and I needed to show that despite her obvious feelings for Alex, those insecurities would interfere. She knows she loves Alex, but she feels like it's her fault people have turned the tables on Alex and become Alex's bullies. More details on that in the story…you'll get it when you read it!
The song: From the Guts by Stand. Once again:bold means there's another voice in the background or overlapping with theregular fontvoice. (This applies only to the song. Bold italics in the midst of character though means emphasis.)
Part 4: Resistance
Paige's POV (thoughts are italics)
What the hell am I doing? Paige Michalchuk, don't even think about touching that god damned razor. You did what you had to in letting Alex down. Yes, I did what I had to do to make things right. She'll get over it. She has to because I have to. I can't stand to see her getting hurt.
One thing needs to be understood about me: I feel very insecure when it comes to reputations. Well, I don't care about that anymore. Seriously: that insecurity is gone, goodbye, sayonara, homerun-out-of-here. Now I'm insecure about her happiness. Everything we feel is so wonderful. But it's horrible that people are being so mean to her. They're hurting her so much.
Tear ducts drying up
Big boys weren't always tough
Hearts on sleeves
We're mopping up
All this crazy stuff
Okay, they're hurting me, too. But she came to be with me thinking that together we could make our troubles and pains go away, and now it's worse. It was better when we were a secret from the school. There were rumors, but we could easily have dispelled them and gone behind everyone's backs. That would have gotten tiring after a while, but it would have given us time to plan out how we would, well…come out.
God fucking damn it, Paige! We both would have been miserable anyways. We were both getting shit tossed at us (literally). Paper balls with messages, spit balls, meatballs: pretty much most kinds of balls. We even had a few penises with smiley faces attached to our lockers via duct tape. Man, it took forever to get those off.
We both may be feeling low right now, but in the end we'll both see it's worth it. It was worth it, right? I don't know, Michalchuk. She looked so hurt at what I said. It was worse than when she heard me tell Hazel that she meant nothing to me. Living a life apart could be better than living a life together as victims. It's not like we're soul mates or anything. We would have gone out and then faded like the best of couples. Then why do I feel so empty like scum on a railroad track?
Shit, like things couldn't get any worse. Hazel is calling me. "Hey Hazel," I'm trying not to sound sad, and I'm trying not to sniffle as I am still sitting on my bathroom floor with my untouched razor. "You're kidding, right? Hah, Hazel you are so stupid." I know I don't mean it, but I feel it. She's telling me how she's casting her vote to throw me off the squad and she's saying that I'll thank her for it some day. "You're seriously telling me that you're taking advice from Jay?" I'm about to gag myself with the razor handle any second now, she's disgusting me so much.
Hard fools with surface grace
A pick-axe never found a trace
Of sentiment, the keepsake
That no one else could take
Drag it down, deep down, deeper again, deeper
Bang it down; deep down, buried again keep her
"Hazel, I don't give a shit about what the squad thinks or what you think. Alex and I are done. Throw me off the squad, go ahead: As long as the girls stop giving her crap." She's asking me if I was happy with Alex. "Like you seriously care about something more than your rep, Haze." She's really annoying me now. "Like I said, kick me off the fucking squad! Just stop those bitches from hurting her or me anymore." I can't believe it! The bitch thinks she understands my feelings more than I do! She's babbling on and on about 'if I care so much about Alex still, than are we as over as I think?' Ugh! Why do I make such messes?
And I know just how it feels
On the underside of here
But I just don't have the skill
To keep away the fear
And I'm trying to get out
Deeper again, deeper
And I'm trying to get out
Buried again keep her
I just slammed my cell phone shut and I'm sinking deeper onto the floor. I wish the ground would just swallow me up. Oh well. Tomorrow's a new day. Damn, that sounded so cliché.
End Paige's POV
Begin Alex's POV (thoughts are italics)
Why am I here at school holding a broken mirror to my already bloodstained arm? My hands are stinging with probably a hundred cuts from breaking the mirror. I think there's some glass embedded in my skin, too. Yet I still stand holding the long shard of mirror in my clenched fist, the sharp material digging into my flesh; it's about to go into a major artery if I don't stop myself soon. Why am I not stopping!
Seeing this blood flow out of my knuckles and fingers is like watching my pain go away before my very eyes. At the same time it hurts more than anything else because I know it's not really easing anything. But still, it's like I'm getting a strange high from it.
It's a high unlike anything I've gotten from pot, and I feel drunker than I have ever felt when I've been actually drunk. This blood is my insides and now I'm studying what keeps me alive when all I want to do is die. This sticky red liquid is what keeps my shattered heart beating.
Conquered marvel lost
Your soul was left to count the cost
Inside a skin, aglow with frost
As deep as you could go
My steps were feminine
Just let me say before I begin
A macho mess was lingering
All across the porch
Drag it down, deep down, deeper again, deeper
Bang it down; deep down, buried again keep her
Who knew I could be so gushy? I guess that's all that was bottled up when I decided to close myself off. Yeah, I decided to shut out other people. It's funny how a person can make all of these life changing realizations as their life is pouring onto a tiled floor. One thing is that my life isn't pouring yet.
And I know just how it feels
On the underside of here
But I just don't have the skill
To keep away the fear
And I'm trying to get out
Voices are coming into the bathroom now. I guess they heard me break the mirror. Shit, it's Marco. Hah. He's in the girl's bathroom. Now I'm laughing at this? Why can't I stop laughing? I'm looking down and I realize it's done. The shard is almost down to the bone and I collapse. "Paige…"
Deeper again, deeper
And I'm trying to get out
Buried again keep her
End Alex's POV
Sirens wailed into Degrassi's parking lot. Ambulances were scattered all over, and paramedics rushed around trying to find anyone who could tell anything about Alex's medical record, or possible history of depression.
As Alex was being rushed to the hospital, Jay watched from the laneway. He didn't feel remorse or guilt. He felt fear because he could be blamed. Hazel would just say the word and Jay would be investigated. He was already expelled from Degrassi, like he cared about that shit place anyway. Now his worthless life was threatened with jail. It was his turn to run and pray that Alex didn't die.
Stay today, and take your feelings from the guts
Stay today, and take your feelings from the guts
Stay today
A/N: Yes, I know, it's sad. Don't worry.I hope you liked the song choice. Next chapter soon after I get some advice from my amazing readers.