Reviews:
Melleh1: I have a knack? Why thank you! Here's the next installation of the emotionally trying story. This chapter wasn't even going to exist until last minute, but I think you'll like it. Thanks for the feedback!
DushkusBitch: The 'um' at the beginning of your review had me worried for a second. Lol. You're going to get a taste of the old hard Alex in the next chapter. At least, I think it's the old hard Alex. I'm not sure if I got her character right, but that doesn't matter for now. This chapter goes into the thoughts of Alex as she's in her hospital bed. Enjoy!
A/N: This chapter, like I said, wasn't supposed to exist originally. But, I think it's good that it now does. The initial chapter 7 is going to be chapter 8 and is written, so expect an update soon.
Song: At Home by my friend Meredith Pollack. (she rocks. Seriously, this girl is the shit.) I may have fuzzed up a line here or there because it's hard to hear the lyrics in some places on the recording, but it makes sense. The bold in the song are a spoken part: a message on an answering machine.
Part 7: Realization
Alex's POV
Every time you look up
Pay attention to your sky
'Cause every time you wake up
I'm looking at that same bright light
The IV in my arm is really starting to bug me. Really, the doctors think I need it? If it's keeping me alive, then I could just rip it out and let myself die. That's what I want to do right now. But if it's there for no important reason, I'm definitely taking it out. One: I hate needles. Two: the damn thing is starting to itch. I don't think it's supposed to itch.
It's been two days since Marco found me. Not once have I seen Paige. I'd have thought that maybe when she found out…I'd hoped that she'd at least stop by as a friend. I can't live with her just as a friend; I would need more. I would need love. But I could deal with her just-friendship until I'm out of the hospital. I need some positive thinking to get me out of here.
Maybe you're looking down
Maybe you're inside
If you hear this
Can you please try
When I woke up, social workers were at my side in an instant. When they left, the nurse on duty said that a blonde and her friend had been waiting, but then left when news came that I was officially among the living. I guess that answers my question. She cared enough to make sure I was alive, but didn't want to deal with me. She said she doesn't want to deal with me, like those movies with subtitles she hates. Why is it that I always love someone for those tiny cute details, and never remember them for the way they stomped on my heart?
I feel sick each time I think of her name, but still I smile at the injustice of the whole situation. It seems to me that I always have inappropriate reactions to extreme situations. When Marco found me, I laughed maniacally. And now I smile at what Paige did to me, because I remember loving her laugh. I remember hating her tears when they fell for the wrong reasons; when they fell for lying to me and dumping me like the trash everyone thinks I am.
To remember I'm here at home
You might be coming back soon
But for now you still don't know
It's always hard to miss you
It's even harder to have to miss you alone
I'm going to have to get used to not having her in my life anymore, at least not in a friendly manner. It's either lovers or nothing. She can just screw herself if she asks for friendship. She can't just do that, you know? Yeah, Nunez, I know. The girl can't take all I've got and leave me with nothing but a friendly word. A killer doesn't torture his victim, and then apologize right before pulling the final trigger. It's cruel. Paige is either cruel or lost, and if she can't let me help her find her way, I'm not going to be her punching bag.
I used to be her crowd's punching bag. Even when she and I were together…that one precious week; at least then they targeted the both of us, and we had each other for comfort and safety. Now there's nothing protecting me, and she has her clique on hands and knees doing her will. She just doesn't get what it means to be a couple.
Every time you look up
Pay attention to your sky
Your city might have more
But remember those lights are
Just still lights
If she could just learn to trust enough to close her eyes and open her heart…I don't know. Can people ever learn if they're gone too far into societal pressures and expectations? Maybe if I'd told her I love her, she'd have known how much I trust her. But it could have been in vain. This whole experience has been in vain.
I just wish she could get a grip on reality. Maybe she'll be able to prevent herself from making this same mistake with some other person. Whatever she says, I don't believe that she would rather be with a guy than me. I saw her eyes betrayed her true emotions. She wanted to protect me, but she just didn't see that in a relationship no one needs to be a protector. As long as both people are safety nets to fall into with open arms, then that's enough. Fear can do shit for a relationship.
And sometimes the tears are falling
But they're not falling hard
We're both inside
We're both still dry
We're still apart
Social services want to put me in foster care. I say bullshit to that idea. But they looked into my family and don't want me with Mom and Chad anymore. I guess that's for the better, but I'd rather be somewhere else than in foster care: anywhere else. And that's where it gets complicated.
Wait…wasn't it already complicated? The fuckers gave me an ultimatum: go into foster care, or live with the Michalchuks. Paige's parents offered to take me in. It's so weird that her parents trust me after all of this. I accepted because it gets me out of social services' clutches, but I know I'm in for a hell of a shitty time. I have to live with the girl who ruined me. Do her parents even know what she did? I bet they wouldn't want me living there if they knew about me and Paige.
But remember
I'm here are home
You might be coming back soon
But for now you still don't know
It's always hard to miss you
I just hate having to miss you alone
I've wanted to call Paige, but she beat me to the punch. She called many, many times and left messages with the nurse. I refused to take them and return them, so finally she gave up. She told me she wants me out of her life, so she's not going to just barge back in.
"Hey, it's me
I've been calling since like six
And you are not answering the phone
And I'm kind of worried about you
And I called you like fifteen times
I just don't know where you are
I hope that everything's okay
And you're probably just like
Making out with someone or something
But you mean a lot
And you can call me back
I guess if you want to
Okay, bye."
I'm starting to feel nauseous. I'm disgusted by what I did in that bathroom. My wrist throbs almost constantly. I swear the doctors are lying about the pain meds they're supposedly giving me. Once I heal up, I'm going to have to endure serious physical therapy, and even then my hand won't be what it used to.
Oh well, so I won't be able to punch as hard.
So remember
I'm here at home
You might be coming back soon
But for now you still don't know
It's always hard to miss you
Please, Nunez, you can do it. Don't cry, you can't cry. I can do this without shedding anymore tears. She won't see them, she won't care about them: so I don't need them. I just need to move on with my life. I can definitely name a few guys who'd love to be with me.
I'm just happy I'm not
Missing you alone
So remember
A/N: I liked writing this chapter, mostly because of the song. Also because it's focused more on Alex, as opposed to Paige. Most of the previous chapters seemed to be leaning more towards Paige, so I thought an Alex chapter may balance it out. Hope you liked it.