Reviews:
DushkusBitch: You requested it, so here it is. Thanks!
melleh1: I'm glad you think that 'oh well, so I won't be able to punch as hard' was a good line. Thanks, I thought it would be an Alex thing to say. Here's your update!
AscaDuin: Yes, I know you can't wait to see how it is for Paige and Alex to be living in the same house. It will be a couple chapters before you see it, but you will. First let's see how they deal with having to share the same hallways at Degrassi...I tell my friend as often as possible that she kicks ass. I'm glad you liked the song choice.
A/N: This was an interesting chapter for me to write. I didn't think I'd be able to write a cold-hearted Alex, but I think it works. This was initially going to be chapter 7, but then decided to make it chapter 8. I wrote this before the previous chapter…which I have never done before: writing later chapters before earlier ones. It made me understand more how I wanted to transition to the point that this chapter is at. I hope you like it.
Song: Walking With Ghosts by Stand
Part 8: Realization
Paige's POV
Who's been walking with ghosts again?
Yes; men saying what she wants them to say
Such a fine line, such a crime
Life at home has been hell. God, who am I kidding? It still is hell. The hospital agreed to release Alex under the condition that my parents would take her in. They wouldn't release her to her own mom because of her living conditions, so it was either my place or the mental ward. Isn't it ironic how my house is always an option? Well, my parents believe that Alex needs a caring family more than she needs to be locked away and monitored like a reckless child. I couldn't agree more, but why must they insist that we be her new family?
She's being released midday today, while I'm at school, so I probably won't see her until evening. The guest bed is made up for her, and all of her clothing has already been transferred to the closet and dresser. It's almost as if she's becoming part of the family. My parent's have no clue how much I feel she is my family-or was.
After my mom had saved me from doing myself more harm than I had, she didn't ask too many questions. She had found my cell phone on the bathroom floor, with Hazel still shouting at me, asking if I was ok. Hazel didn't tell my mom anything about me and Alex, thank god, but she did explain that Alex was in trouble. My mom took that information and chalked up my freak out to a response to hearing about such a close friend being in such trouble. She wasn't too far off.
Who's been living their joke today?
Funny girl walking like she owns the place
Such a fine line, such a crime
I don't know if I'm going to feel comfortable with Alex living in my house, or seeing her in the halls again. Half of me want to take her in my arms and take back everything, but the other half of me now has stress issues. Those issues are having the school put Alex through hell, and with my mom finding out about how smitten I am with the goddess.
Hazel keeps saying that if I'm so worried about Alex being hurt by our peers, I should beg forgiveness and promise to stay by her side. That makes sense, I guess. She's going to have a harder time than before, now that the school thinks she's an insecure suicidal loser. Maybe it won't be so bad if we have each other. Too bad we can't be together every moment of every day. It's when the haters get us alone I have second thoughts.
And I've been stepping outside your waves
And nicotine patching my scars and shaves
I don't even smoke but your ways
Have got me all uptight
I'm kind of stunned by everything Hazel has said, as I stand staring at the bathroom door she walked through. I shouldn't call back one mistake as a new habit. Have I really sunk that deep? I'm looking down at my scarred arm and I just can't believe I did that to myself. Whatever: I'll just pocket this mirror piece. I don't know why, but it makes me feel like I'm still close to Alex.
The cuts on my arm are stinging, but I deserve it. I let the pain wash over me knowing that no amount of physical pain I feel will make up for how much I just put Alex through. She trusted me. I guess there's no chance of her trusting me again.
And you've been bitching liabilities
And cellophane wrapping my crazy dreams
I don't ever boast but your scenes
Have shown me I was right
I should be getting back to Simpson's class, but maybe I'll go to the guidance counselor. Or, better yet, I'll take a cab to my therapist. I'm ready to talk to her, for the moment at least. If I wait any longer I know I'll just crawl back into my shell of denial. I need to say these things out loud to someone, anyone, if I'm ever going to be secure.
Holy shit, I'm insecure. I'm insecure about reputations, relationships, hatred, and love: everything. How could I have been so blind and stupid and weak? I thought I was strong those weeks ago when I stood in here and told Alex we could make it. I thought I was being strong, but I was being hopeful and she knew it. She wasn't kidding about our emotional tennis match that day on the stairs.
Who's been talking with ghosts again?
Second-hand junkies making shite of the place
Such a fine line, such a crime
End Paige's POV
Who's been dining with cannibals?
Saving staked hearts as collectibles
Such a fine line, such a crime
Begin Hazel's POV
She's really starting to piss me off, that Paige. It should worry me that I'm angry, and not concerned, but really…the girl knows what she needs to do. God knows I've told her countless times in the last week, but she's ignoring me. I'm not going to empathize with her if she's going to toss my two cents in the trash.
She's not going to cut again, I know it. I think I verbally slapped her enough to finally make her think. Now, when Alex comes back to school tomorrow maybe Paige will at least say sorry for her cruel words. I waited with her in the intensive care waiting room for hours, but by the time Alex woke up social workers were rushed into her room. Paige and I never had a chance to visit. After that one day, Paige gave up on trying to visit. She's convinced Alex wants nothing to do with her.
I'm surprised that Alex agreed to stay with Paige's family. But it makes sense. Poor girl, the whole school thinks she's someone she's not. From what Paige has told me in idle conversation, Alex has been through shit: women's shelters and whatnot.
And I've been stepping outside your waves
And nicotine patching my scars and shaves
I don't even smoke but your ways
Have got me all uptight
She'd been bruised at least once a week by Chad 'accidentally' losing his temper. Her parents, wow what can be said about her parents? I hope I never have to meet them. Paige has been one to exaggerate, but she'd never go overboard on something this important. Alex probably doesn't want to go through the torture of foster families after all of that, and Paige's parents are pretty chill.
I just hope Alex knows what she's getting herself into. I know I never liked the girl, and I'm Paige's friend, but right now I'm praying for Alex. Maybe I should go to the Michalchuk's house before Paige can get there and debrief Alex on Paige's sudden reversion to Queen Bee attitude and status.
And you've been bitching liabilities
And cellophane wrapping my crazy dreams
I don't ever boast but your scenes
Have shown me I was right
Things are so messed up right now; I just don't know where my loyalties lie. Should I still stick by Paige's side? That could just end up encouraging her bitchiness. This isn't really about choosing sides. I think I'll talk to Marco and see what he thinks about possibly playing matchmaker. Hopefully he will be able to help come up with a plan.
"Holy shit, Alex," lo and behold, as I am storming to intercept Marco as he walks out of Simpson's class, Alex appears before me. She turned out of a corridor right by where I was walking; at first I didn't think it was her, but it is. Oh my god, she's not supposed to be back in these halls until tomorrow. Now she's just looking at me with a cold look in her eyes. "We seriously need to talk about…" and then the bitch cuts me off!
"Hazel, look, I don't need you and the other cheer bitches giving me shit about what happened with me and…her. Put that in the past and go back to your usual 'torment the trailer trash' antics," she's turning to leave. What do I do? I mean, yeah that was a typical Alex thing to say, but the Alex before the incident wasn't 'typical' Alex. She'd changed because of Paige. I sure hope they can both go back to being who they were when they were together, even if they stay apart. They were both way easier to put up with.
"Alex, wait," I don't know what I'm pulling for by trying to talk to her. I guess I'll just wing it, and see what happens. "She's been different since it happened." Smooth, Hazel. Her eyes just got harder. "She's who she was before you came into her life."
We kept going at it hammers and tongs
Never separating those rights from wrongs
Such a fine line, such a crime
"Yeah, I kind of figured. Though really, she never was a different person. I don't associate myself with liars and hypocrites, or their lackeys," wow, that was cold. She's definitely not peachy right now. Maybe I should just shrug off that comment and continue. Her fists are clenched at her side…I hope her violent streak hasn't resurfaced.
Here goes nothing. I'm taking in a deep breath, as if that's gonna prepare me. "She had changed. Look, she's not expecting to see you here, and she and I just had a fight. Well, I just tossed some criticism at her. She still cares about you, no matter what she tells herself and everyone else. Just be warned that she may be cold towards you."
"Look, bitch, go back to your master so she can get her leash back on you. I don't need you trying to 'help' me, if that's even what you're doing. Oil and water don't mix, so I'm out of here," and now she is flipping me off. Damn it, I knew I should have talked to Marco.
End Hazel's POV
Begin Paige's POV
You've been walking with ghosts again
And living like a shadow of your former self
Such a fine line, such a crime
Simpson's class is such a bore. The guy is a sleaze, too. Well, I wouldn't know for sure, but there's a rumor going around that he's having an affair with Ms. Hatzilakos. Either that or he was having one. Either way his class isn't too exciting.
I'm on my way to the cafeteria for lunch. Hopefully it's not something completely repulsive today. Oh my god. Speaking of repulsive, there's this girl walking a few yards ahead of me wearing this hideous black shirt with khakis. The outfit looks totally outdated. Maybe the shirt is okay, but those pants? Holy shit. "Alex?"
End Paige's POV
The brunette walking before Paige stopped short in her tracks, fists clenching at her sides. She'd almost hoped she wouldn't run into the blonde before that evening when they would be forced to eat at the same dinner table together. "Paige Michalchuk. What a pleasant surprise to see you walking the same lowly halls as someone like me. Don't you figure they'd have 'popular' designated hallways? It would make sense, seeing as there are already popular tables and popular hangouts…do I have a point?"
Paige opened and closed her mouth a few times, unsure of what to say to the girl now facing her. "Maybe it would make sense. I'll put it in the suggestion box and even throw in 'trailer trash' drinking fountains and 'bully only' bathrooms," she smirked to hide her inner feelings. Subconsciously she fingered the piece of glass in her pocket. "I didn't think I'd have to put up with you until tonight. Was it your choice or my mom's to make you come back here so soon?"
And I've been stepping outside your waves
And nicotine patching my scars and shaves
I don't even smoke but your ways
Have got me all uptight
Alex took two steps forward right up to Paige's face and glared down at her from her two-inch superior height. "I came back because I didn't want my enemies to think I'm backing down," she spat. "Next time you send your puppy to me with some lame ass message, I'm going after the source: you. Watch it, Michalchuk. We aren't chill anymore."
And you've been bitching liabilities
And cellophane wrapping my crazy dreams
I don't ever boast but your scenes
Have shown me I was right
A/N: Tell me what you think.