A/N: Just one more warning before anyone reads further. This chapter is rater M for lenguage and intense secenes with mature content. This was extremely hard to write as my life relates to what happens more than I wish it did. It sucked putting Paige and Alex through this, but don't worry, it's coming back together that makes it so worth it.
Song: Fallen Rock Zone by Ra
Part 9, second half
Who do you see standing beside you
Your shadow is me, and you are mine
The feel of the hard pavement beneath her running shoes was comfort to Alex. The slapping of her feet on the road fell in rhythm with the invisible tears rolling down her cheeks. It was when she wanted to cry that her body wouldn't allow it, and it was when she least wanted to cry that her body forced it. She was at a loss for reason: all coherent thought a blurry line between hopeful wishing and rock bottom.
She hadn't paced herself, so when she arrived at Jay's she was out of breath. Alex could almost smell the six packs of beer through the crack under the door as she inhaled deeply to calm her nerves. It was embarrassing to have fought with Paige like that in front of the woman who was now Alex's guardian. Sighing she knocked on Jay's door.
"Lexi, you made it!" Jay grinned and let the brunette step inside the apartment. "Sorry to have missed you earlier. I was at work and then I had to extend an invitation to a good friend of ours to join us…hey, is it raining or something? Your face is wet." He turned his head to shout into the adjacent room. "Chad, buddy, look out the window: Is it raining?" Jay continued to smile stupidly as he took Alex by the arm. "Lex, let's go into the kitchen and grab a beer. I want to talk to you about something important."
What do you want you sick, little pervert
I'll hunt you down for all of time
"Rain? No, I jogged through a sprinkler," Alex slowly took everything in. "Wait: what the hell is Chad doing here? This interferes with the case, you know that? This could fuck everything up!" It was a chore for her to keep her voice down as Jay ushered her into the kitchen. Chad's laughter could be heard mingled with sounds of the TV.
Cut to Paige at Hazel's house
The blonde knocked on Hazel's door, shaking off her false rage towards Alex. Why can't I just say I love her? After too many long moments of nobody answering the door, Paige got quite annoyed. She slowly turned the doorknob, hoping an alarm would not sound. "Hello, anyone here?" She called through the now ajar door. "The message said to be here at four-thirty, I thought. Is this some kind of joke?"
"We're in the living room, Paige," Hazel shouted back. "Grab a soda from the fridge and get comfortable in here. We have something important to discuss with you," an uncomfortable silence hung over the house. Paige entered.
A fallen rock zone
A broken back bone
I want to hear you scream into your cell phone
Once she had gotten a diet cola from the kitchen, Paige went into the living room to find every girl in the squad seated in couches and chairs with one overstuffed armchair left. She dropped her lightly packed backpack on the floor and made her way over to the chair where she sat down. Upon sitting, Paige realized that from her point of view, every pair of eyes was focused on her. "Guys, what's going on?" Frowning she noticed Hazel appear in the doorway. "Hazel, is there something up with the squad or not? I have homework to deal with, so this better not be a waste of…"
"Cut the crap, Paige. We're here because there's something up with you. Actually, there are a few things upwith you," Hazel entered fully into the room and sat where some girls made room for her on the edge of a sofa. "We're worried about you. There are some things you need to hear from us. You won't listen to me alone, so maybe when you hear all of us you can come to your senses."
From questioning to steely and hard went Paige's facial expression. Her lower lip trembled as the shaking of her voice was suppressed. She felt saved, but she lied to herself and told herself that she was feeling betrayal. "Why does it seem that everybody thinks I'm full of crap today? I'm not the one with problems," absentmindedly she fingered the piece of mirror in her pocket.
"First, we need you to take your hand out of your pocket. While you're at it, take out the piece of glass you're playing with and roll up your sleeves," Hazel fixed Paige with a stern look that said she wasn't joking. This was serious. No more would she let her friend hurt herself and the girl she loves.
You're just a traitor, eleventh grader
A cyber sex addicted masturbator
"I don't know what you're talking about. Is this…is this some kind of intervention? You think I'm crazy, don't you?" Paige stood and reached for her backpack. "I can't believe you of all people are against me. You talk about me being hurt? What are you doing to me right now?" she stormed out and went to the front door. She tried to open it but it was locked and needed a key to be opened. "This is insane! It's kidnapping! Let me out!"
Hazel and another one of the girls took her by an arm and gently pulled her back towards the living room. "Just relax, Paige. We aren't trying to hurt you, and we don't think you're crazy." Thankfully Paige didn't struggle, and the two seated her back in her chair. "We just think that you're in denial. You know it, Paige. You're in love with Alex."
Cowardly punk, you make me nauseous
Misguided fool, you have no balls
Silently Paige reached into her pocket and removed the piece of mirror. It was now stained with her own blood, as well as Alex's. She rolled up her sleeves and revealed old and new scars. Finally she spoke. "I don't know why I do this," she sighed when her friends nodded towards the Band-Aid on her finger and she took it off. "That one wasn't intentional. When I'm nervous I play with the glass in my pocket. It makes me feel like she's with me and everything's okay. One time I accidentally gripped it too hard. That's all."
"So you admit it, then? You're in love with her?" The girl who spoke had softness in her eyes. "We're all sorry for how cruel we were. Man, Paige, you're in deep. Hazel chewed us out and we finally saw beyond our own ignorance. You don't have to be scared anymore. We want you to be happy. So, if Alex makes you happy…you should be with her."
"No, she hates me. Every time I try to talk to her, the wrong words come out. And then she starts yelling at me," the piece of glass in her hand moved toward her exposed arm. She didn't realize it but she was about to dig into her skin again. "It's not worth it. I'm better off finding someone new. I'll get over it." A rush of movement before her flashed into her mind before she blacked out and lost all sense of real time.
Cut back to Alex at Jay's place
"Lexi, I know you aren't supposed to be around him or your mom until the case is over because it might jeopardize the case, but that's only if they try to talk to you about it. Right, Lex?" Jay's voice was lilt; he was exercising his persuasive ability. "I made it clear to him that he's here just as a friend, and he's not to make you feel uncomfortable."
"Jay, you son of a bitch, how can I not feel uncomfortable around him? He beat up me and my mom on a regular basis," Alex shouted. She wanted the bastard to hear her hatred. "Why the hell did you invite him? This was supposed to be about me and you getting to know each other again. Or was that a lie you told Ms. Michalchuk just to get me over here?"
"Calm down, Lex. The reason I wanted you to come over, Chad too, was so that we could all have a good time together and maybe let bygones be bygones," Jay gripped Alex firmly by her shoulders. The door slammed open as Chad entered the room. "I was just so glad that you were coming back to me…"
Stalking young girls, preying on weakness
Bent on a life with bars for walls
Alex shoved Jay back and slapped him hard. Her hand stung upon impact, but she didn't mind. What hurt was her injured wrist. "Ow, fuck! Jay, I'm not coming back to you. Not yet. Yeah, I figured we could do some fooling around. But I'm not about to get gonorrhea again."
"You little slut, don't you fucking hit me," Jay roared. Chad was to the side, his face getting red. "I haven't been sleeping around the ravine at all in a really long time. Come on, you and me. You knew what was coming when you agreed to come over, and don't deny it," he grabbed her shoulders again and pushed her against a wall.
"I knew you'd want it, but I knew I'd reject it. And I am. I will not have sex with you after one day of being on redemption road. You still have a hell of a lot to make up for," Alex squirmed under his grasp and tried to break free. "Let go of me, asshole. I want to go home."
Chad downed the rest of his beer, which happened to be the fourth of the day so far, and stepped next to Jay. "Watch your mouth, what would your mother think if she heard you?" His words were slurred and he wobbled on his feet a little.
A fallen rock zone
Stealing my tongue
I want to hear you scream into your cell phone
"You…don't you fucking talk about my mother! You have no right," Alex spat, literally, saliva flying from her mouth and landing near his eye. "Bastard: I'll never forgive you. My mom might blindly love you enough to forgive you on a daily basis, but you're scum. Jay." She pushed against Jay again and momentarily freed herself. "Let me get to the door, Jay. Get out of my way."
This time Chad grabbed her and shoved her. She fell backwards, bent over a small table, and he rammed his fist into the side of her face. While she was down, Jay grabbed her from the bottom and pushed her so that her body was completely on the table. She barely moved, too stunned by Chad's blow. "Stupid bitch, I didn't mean it. I just wanted to teach her a lesson for spitting in my face," he grunted and walked to the fridge for another beer. When he returned, Alex's foot came out and hit him in his crotch. "Mother fucking whore! Don't touch me there unless you want it, little girl."
Jay took a flask of vodka from his back pocket, took a swig, and then moved over to Alex's face. "You want it, right Lexi? That is why you came. You knew it was going to happen and you want it." He forced her mouth open and poured some liquor down her throat. "What do you say we give it to her, Chad buddy? A little two on one never hurt anybody." He laughed. "Maybe then she'll realize her mistake in running after that chick. Hear that, Lex? We're gonna show you what you've been missing," the former Degrassi student thrust his hip towards her face and patted the bulge inside his jeans.
You're just a traitor, eleventh grader
A cyber sex addicted masturbator
Alex felt the vomit rise to her mouth. She tasted it mixed with the vodka that was spilled in her mouth and over her face. She did like liquor, but she despised it when it was forced down her throat. "Jay, don't do this. If you ever want to regain my trust, don't do this," she coughed only to have a fist come down on the other side of her face. Seconds later fingers groped and squeezed her breasts very hard; she almost couldn't suppress her cry of pain.
As Jay's hands grabbed her by the base of her head where it met her neck, forcing her to let him kiss her and shove his tongue down her throat, she felt Chad straddle her legs. Rough hand slipped under her shirt and forcibly inside her bra, while Chad ran his hand along her thighs, and she felt like filthy mud with crawling insects was being poured over her entire body. A different pair of hands then went to the button on her pants, but didn't undo the button. Instead they pulled, and the button fell off. She knew what was coming next. Just as Jay was shoving her legs painfully open, and Chad was moving up her torso with his own pants undone, towards her face, the phone rang. "Shit, what are we doing?"
Yeah we've all seen it before,
How some people just...hunt and prey on women
Cut back to Hazel's house
The girls had just taken the piece of glass from Paige, who was now staring at her scarred, bloody arms, when the doorbell rang. The blonde's face was streaked with tears, and Hazel hated to leave her side for a moment, but she had to answer the door, leaving Paige with the rest of the Spirit Squad.
Hazel hesitated before opening the door. She wasn't done with Paige, and she wasn't sure she wanted to have to put up with an interruption. However, the doorbell rang and her manners took control. She wasn't about to leave someone standing on the front stoop.
When she opened the door, she almost gasped. "Oh my god, what happened?" The sight that greeted her was Alex, beaten and battered, bruised, with one hand clutching her shirt and the other holding her pants up. The whole of Degrassi had seen a fair share of a beaten up Alex during her bully days, but there was something wrong about this. "Come in, sit down. I'll get you clothes and a blanket. Do you want hot coco or tea?" She stepped aside and let Alex in, closing the door behind her. She smelled vomit and booze, and her fears became stronger.
The next time you see a guy put his hands on a girl
And she don't want him to put his hands on her,
"I didn't know where else to come. I didn't want to go to the Michalchuk's. They'd question me. I knew if I came here you'd let me relax before making me spill," Alex shivered and winced in pain. Her wrist had been damaged more during the ordeal at Jay's, and she worried it might be sprained. "Just let me sit down."
"Alex, there's something I need to tell you before we go into the other room," Hazel began but it was too late. They had reached the living room and Alex was graced with the scene of Paige sobbing into her hands with a group of girls trying to comfort her. "Ok, well, I guess we should leave the two of you alone.
You tell him he's a punk,
You tell him he's a fucking punk!
The two girls, blonde and brunette, sat alone in Hazel's living room. Paige took hold of one of Alex's hands in both of her own, and Alex covered Paige's hands with her other. "This whole time you've been hurting yourself because you hurt me. Kind of like that saying, what goes around comes around. You could have just told me the truth, that you were scared. I mean, maybe you were scared because you thought you needed to be strong for me…but look at us now," her tears fell freely and for once she didn't hide it.
"Yeah, look at us. I'm a cutter and you…Jesus, Alex, what happened to you?" Paige choked on her own heavy sobs. "You look like a train wreck happened on top of you…you're bloody, bruised…you're shaking. Come here," without thinking Paige moved to wrap her arms around Alex. To her surprise the girl stiffened and pulled back. "Alex, who did this, whatever this is? Was it Chad or Jay? You can tell me…I'm ready to listen…I'm ready to look at reality with an honest heart."
Alex laughed grimly, then winced and gripped her side in pain. "Jay…I went to his apartment because he wanted to make it up to me for missing me when I stopped by," another involuntary laugh captured her speech for a moment. "You really have learned how we can share the strength, haven't you?" She coughed and moved closer to Paige, but still refused to let the girl hold her. "He had invited Chad without telling me. How convenient. Anyway, we fought, he expected sex, I told him to fuck off, and I slapped him. Without going into details…him and Chad both tried to…They pushed me onto a table and…"
A fallen rock zone
A broken back bone
I want to hear you scream into your cell phone
You're just a traitor, eleventh grader
A cyber sex addicted masturbator
Paige gasped and with that she was finally broken. "They tried to rape you," was all she said. She gently pulled Alex's face with her fingers so that their eyes locked. They stared at each other, searching each other's souls for answers. Paige was full of understanding for the pain she found in Alex. At last, for she was at a loss for any other words, she said what she knew. "I love you, Alex. I won't hurt you."
For a moment anger flared in Alex's eyes. She didn't know who or what to trust, so she certainly couldn't trust herself. But then those doubtful feelings subsided. "Paige…I feel like bugs are crawling over me and in me. They won't get off. I try and try to scratch them, but they won't leave me alone." She dropped her arms from where they were wrapped around her shoulders and revealed shallow scratch marks. "I can't see them crawling, but I feel them. I feel dirt and scum. It's like because Jay was inside me I've got him inside me forever."
Once more Paige tried to hold Alex. At first the other girl closed off and tightened again. "Alex, let me hold you. I can help you through this…and in that you can give me the help I never had. Strong together: you said that. Now I believe…" Without waiting for an answer, she threw her arms around Alex and they both fell to their knees on the floor.
Alex tried to bury herself in Paige's embrace. Finally something was happening that they both longed for. At last they could both find closure. "Paige, don't let go. Even if I fight and try to leave you here, don't let go. Just keep holding me. Make me feel like we're dancing again…when we danced no pain existed." She sighed and nuzzled closer to Paige, sliding onto her lap and enjoyed feeling safe. "I love you too."
A/N: Hmm. What can I say about when I'm posting this right now? It's 6:21AM, I haven't showered, and I'm absolutely positive that I'm going to miss my bus for the second time this week. Yep, It's going to be one of those days. But then again I've got Palex writing to cheer me up! Tell me what you think!