A/N: This may be the second to last chapter. I might have a sequel idea. And I am very willing to write a sequel. It just may take a while to get it started.

The chapter prior to this one wasn't too great. It was very awkward writing it. I wasn't sure how to advance the story. But oh well, such is life. Thank you so much for reading this and following along with it as you have. It means a lot!

Song: You Must Love Me from Evita

Part 11

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Alex and Paige sat in the back seat of a car on either side, with their hands in their laps. Not a word was being spoken. Alex's lawyer, courtesy of the Michalchuks, was in the front passenger seat, and Paige's mom was driving. It had been a long two weeks since that day in Hazel's living room.

(Alex's POV)

I hope she doesn't hate me. I wish I could bring myself to look into her eyes like I once did. I remember how it felt that day on her bed when we first kissed. I saw through her eyes and knew that she had part of my soul inside her; it was that part of me I needed to make me whole.

It's still there, I know. She has me in her heart, and she in mine. I want more than anything to take her in my arms and kiss her fears away, because I know her fears and they're for me. There's enough worry in my life when I have her pain and mine. But now she's worried about me…she needn't be.

This car ride isn't too cheerful. But it wouldn't be, would it? We're on our way to conference with Chad and his lawyer. I still haven't told anyone, except Paige, about Jay's part in that evening's…incident.

God, I wish I could find something else to call it, other than 'the incident.' That's not what it was. Well, ok, it certainly was an incident but it seems so cold and heartless to call it that. It's almost like saying it was nothing but an incident. But it was so much more. It was damning. It was…something that I sometimes wish was a nightmare, but I'd rather it be real than a dream. If it were a dream it could come back any time it wanted.


Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive
As we used to do?

It still haunts me, but it will fade. That's something that Paige told me, and I trust it. I trust her. Then why can't I look at her? Why can't I touch her? I'm afraid of myself, that's why. I'm afraid that when I touch her I'll remember what Jay and Chad tried to do…almost did.

Still, I know she must understand what I'm going through. She told me all about Dean. I can't believe the bastard got off. But she said he wore a condom. I hate it when sickos are smart. Thank god Jay and Chad aren't. I'm thinking I'll tell Ms. Creighton, after today's meeting, about Jay.

But back to me and Paige…I need her. And I need her to know how I feel. I guess it's time to get over my fear, because underneath it all I've been missing her lips on mine and her arms around me.

(End Alex's POV)

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

The two glanced over at each other and exchanged worried smiles. Sighing, Paige moved her hand to the middle of the back seat, between them. Alex breathed heavily. It's either now or never, she thought as she looked at the rearview mirror: Mrs. Michalchuk was focused on the road, eyes nowhere near the girls.

This was a moment she'd been hoping for, the moment of her bravery starting to shine through. The last month had been a test of her emotions, and the build up of desire didn't help matters much. She put her hand over Paige's and fixed her in a gaze of longing.

The blonde nodded, eyes softening in understanding and realization. She wouldn't be sleeping on the couch that night. She'd be in the arms of the girl she loved. Her eyes sent a message to Alex, asking 'are you sure?' Paige couldn't help but smile warmly at the affectionate squeeze her hand received. She brought Alex's hand to her lips and gently kissed her knuckles. Things are finally settling down.


You must love me
You must love me

The day was finally over. Chad was in an outrage, but the young couple couldn't care less about him. They shut the door to Paige's bedroom with a soft thud and tossed their handbags to the floor. Before Paige could say anything, before she could turn her back to the door, Alex wrapped her arms around her from behind. "Thank you," she whispered.

Paige turned in Alex's arms and looked silently at the tears on her cheeks. "Thank you…for what? I don't understand…though if this is my reward, I'm not complaining," she smiled and rested her head on Alex's chest. The brunette's perfume invaded her senses. It was a mixture of lavender and lilac. "You always smelled good, you know? Even before we got close…I'd walk by and you'd always smell like something…exotic."

"Thank you for being by me through this, Paige," Alex ran her fingers through Paige's hair. "I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around…I've snapped at you, shut you out, yet still expected you to be with me; and you have. Thanks for putting up with my crap." She softly kissed the top of Paige's head.

"Please, don't thank me…it's not even the least I can do after everything I put your through…I want us to work, you know that right?" Looking up, Paige met Alex's lips. "Let's not talk about this, okay? Tabula rasa: a clean slate. That's what this is…you and me starting over…being happy. I love you," again their lips met.


Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed

(Paige's POV)

Wow, I didn't expect that one. She's thanking me? She should be forcing me to beg on my hands and knees. I should be thanking her. But then again, I understand why she feels like she needs to thank me. I too was distant and cruel when Dean raped me. I felt in debt of all my friends who stood by me, most of all Spinner. Shit, that wasn't the best time of my life and they helped me…start living again.

But like I said: tabula rasa. For both of us to get through this we need to put that all behind us. Right now I'm focusing on her hand on my back, slowly making its way down…oh god I've missed kissing her. I can definitely get used to this being a normal thing.

I love how her kisses always taste sweet and new. Each time our lips touch, I seem to get even more of a rush than the kiss before. Sparks fly higher each time and I know that we're meant to be.

(End Paige's POV)


Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

Alex's heart beat faster and faster as her breath became ragged. Adrenaline soared through her system: she'd never felt this way before. Sure, she'd slept with plenty of guys. But she'd never been in love. That's why, as her hands roamed Paige's body and the blonde kissed slowly down her neck, she was once again afraid.

"Paige…Paige, wait," she cupped Paige's face in her hands and brought their lips together in a passionate kiss. "Not…not now, Paige," she smiled when she saw that she hadn't been the only one crying. They both had shed tears, and their eyes were still wet.

You must love me
You must love me

"What? Is something wrong: is this too much?" If it hadn't been this night and this moment, Paige would have worried for Alex. But she saw that look in her lover's eyes. It was vulnerability. Paige smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind Alex's ear.

"No, nothing is wrong…this is perfect. It's just…I need you to hold me tonight…just be with me," Alex kissed Paige again. "I feel like I just need to soak all of this in right now…because all of the things I'm feeling…I love you, Paige. The thing is…I don't just love you. I'm in love with you…so…hold me?"

Paige nodded. No words needed to be said, because she saw that Alex knew the feelings were mutual. Instead she took Alex by the hand and led her to the bed. That night they fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms. Their dreams were not disturbed by images of Chad, Jay, or Dean. Their dreams were filled with kisses, each of them meaningful.

You must love me