Disclaimer: I do not own Ai Yori Aoshi and Ai Yori Aoshi Enishi. This is the property of Kou Fumizuki, Pioneer/Geneon, and JC Staff.
Blue Monarch
Act 3, Scene 3
Sunset was swiftly giving way to evening, and the rest of the winding way to Sakuraba was filled in silence. It was a strange and depressing day, which Aoi quietly blamed on her own deficiencies. Putting on a wan smile, she touched his arm.
"Sumimasen, Seiji-kun. I ruined everything."
"Sa..." He pushed his glasses back up his nose. "Shouganai, Aoi-hime. It couldn't be helped; things just got in the way. What matters is that we tried."
She nodded, and resumed watching the scenery fly by. They were driving deeper into the mountainous forests, where familiar land marks appeared as they came closer and closer to what was supposed to be home. They had just passed the bamboo grove on the edge of the property; deep inside was the small shrine to the kami of fate and lovers. The bamboo was giving way to trees, and she barely glimpsed the top of the shrine gate. Soon enough, the first gate along the thick, high walls of the compound appeared.
Aoi knew what lay behind that gate: a pond, a tiny villa. It was most likely the same as all the other guest houses scattered on the edges of Sakuraba, but she knew what distinguished this one from all the others.
"Please stop the car, Seiji-kun."
She could feel the car slowing. "Aoi-hime?"
"I want some air."
He looked at her, his face twisted up in concern. "Would you like some company?"
"I would prefer it if I were alone." Her voice had taken on that tension, where she was almost angry and ready to cry.
"I don't think I should let you be alone at this time."
"And I think you should." That terseness threatened to spill over again.
The car backed up to the large entrance.
Aoi exited, then bowed slightly to her cousin. "Do not worry, Seiji-kun. We are home."
She turned and entered the heavy gate, hearing the car pull away as soon as she was inside. She walked along the familiar polished stone pathway. In the orange hues of dusk, Aoi could already imagine the entire area tinged by moonlight and starlight. Blue eyes saw the pond, the little house, the tables with folded red umbrellas and she tried to push the memories out of her mind.
She looked down at the duffle bag in her hand. So that was the weight she felt on her arm... She was a bit absent minded to just take it with her... all it had were her tennis clothes, a few balls, and her racket.
Her cheeks burned.
Really, she should have had more control. How could she have allowed such an outburst to happen, and right in front of Seiji-kun? She would have been mortified if she hadn't been so hysterical. The only other person she could have shown such a reaction would have been Miyabi, and even that was unlikely. She simply should have known better.
But... it was somewhat gratifying. To let go like that.
She pulled the racket out and clutched handle, feeling its familiar weight. Blue eyes appraised the instrument.
Tennis. Playing and carrying its paraphernalia, all of this was purely for herself. This was the only thing she held that stood outside of tradition and away from Kaoru. With a racket in her hand, the only thing that came to mind was the game; how to play, how to win. Within the chain link fence that enclosed the court, she never felt more free. There were no kimonos or sandals, only sneakers and skirts. Demure and timid movements were cast aside in favour of wide, sweeping arms, and scrambled running. The racket's swing and the crack of a ball against the surface were her flower arrangements and tea ceremonies.
A test swing was executed, wielded by her own power, then returned to rest.
It was all under her own power.
And then she showed that part of herself to Kaoru-sama, shared it with him, made him a part of it.
Aoi suddenly became painfully aware of her surroundings. She had wandered into the room where she and Kaoru made their marriage bed.
The dormant bedroll, the lonely little table, the empty dresser and closet.
So bare, beyond the point of utility, but it was full of their pledges to each other.
Yet the only other inhabitant was his lingering presence. She breathed in and could feel him around her, memories of caring for him, of stolen moments, glancing touches. It was all so painful; the air was hard to breathe and it watered her eyes.
She gripped the racket tighter. She was getting angry at herself, and at him. Anger that she was feeling this way, for all the time and emotion that was wasted, for everything. She wanted so very badly to feel rage at another person. It would be so much easier if she could blame one party, to blame him or to blame that other girl. All she had was herself.
He would never leave her, and she could never let him go.
Whether Aoi loved him now or not, whether she missed him now or not, all that she could feel was betrayal and frustration for being trapped in here with him.
Here, where she gave all of herself to him.
And he gave all of himself to her.
And then he took it all away.
Carelessly gave it away.
If her blue moods had been in remission, here they returned and surged through her until she could see nothing but red.
No one heard the sounds of light alloy swooping and battering walls and furniture. No one heard shoji ripping and cracking as it was punctured. No one especially heard her screaming within that tiny house.