Disclaimer: I do not own Ai Yori Aoshi and Ai Yori Aoshi Enishi. This is the property of Kou Fumizuki, Pioneer/Geneon, and JC Staff.

Blue Monarch
Act 3, Scene 5

Since that strange and cathartic evening, Aoi felt like the days were passing with a tenuous atmosphere. It was in the way the servants glanced at her bandaged hands and how Miyabi hovered even closer to her side. Aoi knew it was all because of her and embarrassment burned from the inside over her second outburst. She was trying so hard to keep herself together, and yet, it only fed her frustration all the more. Why weren't her efforts ever enough?

No, no... She couldn't strain herself. If she pushed and pushed and became more frantic, she would come unhinged. She had to try and find some sense of calm, or at least pretend to, and then she would feel it. Aoi decided it was best now to kept such turmoil to herself and find more subtle means to expel such tumultuous feelings. She had to retain some notion of control, even if she did not feel it. She had made so many steps and motions towards emotional repair or something like it, only to stumble back.

Maybe acceptance would initiate recovery, but acceptance of what? Of many things Aoi vaguely had notions of. The foremost concept was to just accept that such painful things had happened and will continue to happen; the past was done and all she had was the now. And she couldn't rely on the future, because it would only result in disappointment when all her plans and expectations were dashed. Only in the present could she make the best of things, because they would not always last. She would have to find some intention, focus on it, and work a little harder - mohto, mohto, mohto - towards some end.

It would not last. She could try and try, but it would not last.

Internalizing her discord, Aoi was (by all outward appearances) emerging from her malaise. It meant that Miyabi could readily return to her duties with the "dormitory," instead of fussing over her. Aoi's mood seemed to lift, though it was not entirely of her own doing and it wasn't entirely artificial - she had missed her guardian, and could feel the older woman's reluctance to leave her side. She appreciated the wine-haired woman's presence and conversation, which kept her anchored in the moment and her thoughts on other matters.

Miyabi's companionship was another reminder of Aoi's earlier years, which was mirrored on this day. The two of them stood in front of the same pond where Aoi, as a child, had told her governess about the man she wanted to marry. And it was just in front of the little house where she used to engage in her lessons. Autumn was making itself more apparent, and her hands felt cold. Or maybe the bandages were done up too tightly, cutting off some circulation.

In the chill air, Aoi looked into the pond again. She felt Miyabi stand beside her, her gaze following.

"Miyabi, what do you think of Seiji-kun?"

"He's a fine young man. Very hard working, very successful. Within a year of internship, he made junior manager. He will most likely become a full-fledged manager by the end of this year. And that is not by his standing to the main family. I've heard nothing but glowing praise about him from all the departments he has been placed in. He appears to be a prodigy."

"Prodigy?"

The notion of a smile played on Miyabi's lips. "Personally, I don't like that word, prodigy; it feels like an overused exaggeration. But he has proven to be exceptional, despite the hardship he has faced and continues to face. Some people say it is a shame that he is not heir," she looked at Aoi reassuringly, "but those are the just the rumblings of the discontented factions."

"He never told me about that."

"He was probably being modest, Aoi-sama."

"Mm... maybe. He just told me so many stories of his travels, and very little about his achievements. He is always so lighthearted. I do not think I can ever remember a time when he was not like that."

Both women looked into the water, watching as the harsher breezes disturbed the surface, creating ripples that scattered the koi about.

"Really? There must have been that one time..."

"What time, Miyabi-san?"

Miyabi appeared puzzled, and turned her gaze to the waters again. "You honestly don't remember?"

She shook her head. "Mm-mm."

"It was when his mother died. I believe... I believe it happened some time before the Hanabishi announced the cancellation of your engagement..."

"Eh? Midori-obasan?"

Miyabi did not seem to notice the confusion, rather, she cleared her throat and straightened her posture much more than it already was. "Aoi-sama." Ah, her stern but receptive voice. She clasped her hands behind her back. Aoi knew that she was all business, but was ready to receive some command, however implied, from her. "Do you wish for me to stay with you longer? I am ready to resume my duties to you and-"

"You do not need to trouble yourself on my account, Miyabi."

This was surprising for the governess; it was one of the rare times that her charge ever interrupted her. "Aoi-sama?"

"I think that you should go back. That is, until we can find a way to dissolve the cover story."

"Say the word and I will evict Hanabishi-san and the rest of them." Eagerness crept into the woman's tone.

Aoi spotted an old koi fish, one she remembered seeing ever since she first peered into the pond. "You cannot do that."

"I am the manager, Aoi-sama."

"And I am the landlady."

Miyabi dropped to her knees, fist to the ground and head bowed. Now it was Aoi's turn to be surprised. She was ready to plead with her.

"Aoi-sama! I do not think it is proper that we continue this useless charade!" Miyabi was addressing her like she was a spoilt child again. "It's not fair that they should continue to take advantage of your generosity, not when they have all hurt you, in one way or another, knowingly or unknowingly. None of them are deserving of it, especially Hanabishi-san! Do you know that he has not shown a single sign of remorse or regret since you have left? He continues to live his life as if you were never there! It's shameless, the way that all of them continue to fawn over him, Aoi-sama."

She swallowed hard and continued watching the fish. "Miyabi, do you think that I should become so petty?" It took almost all of her will to keep the her voice from breaking. "Kaoru-sama is coping in his own ways, and I will not question them. I am trying to cope as well; I will weather this with grace, for I am a daughter of Sakuraba. After all, I have over two hundred years of tradition to uphold."

The kneeling woman flattened both her hands to the grass and lowered her forehead until it touched the earth. "Forgive me, Aoi-sama. But something must be done. There is no need to cover anything up anymore."

"At least... provide them with some alternate living arrangements before you close the dormitory."

"Hai, Aoi-sama." Aoi heard the rustle of clothing as she righted herself to her feet, and even then, she felt that she still simmered with anger. She caught Miyabi clenching her jaw, body still tensed. A few moments passed, and Miyabi asked, "If... If it pains you so much to be away from him, why don't you come back?"

Aoi shook her head.

"Why?"

"I think to myself that I was not good enough for him; if I was, he would have never betrayed me... if I were better, he would not have given in to temptation. Everything I ever did was to make him happy, and he still went to another girl... And if I go back to him, when I was not enough in the first place, how could I ever keep him? No, I do not think I could live with being at his side and harbouring the mistrust, the fear, that someday he will leave me, or that I will make him unhappy again." She kept herself from crying, her voice gentle and even, not hitching at all. "It would be very cruel to be given back my hope, only to wait for the moment when it will be taken away. I would not want to go through the feelings of shame, doubt, and self-loathing all over again; it is a terrible burden, and should I bear it again, I do not think I would find life worth living."

"Aoi-sama!"

"Go back, please." She turned to face Miyabi, head tilted slightly and looking calm as if it was some reassurance that she would be fine. "I have Seiji-kun to keep me company."

A look she could not place crossed Miyabi's features, then disappeared. Her guardian still appeared reluctant, but her expression softened somewhat. "I will go back... but I will return to you."

She bowed slightly, then left the area.

"Miyabi-san! Aoi-hime!" His familiar, jovial voice rang in the air, and the sound brought a hint of summer back to Aoi.

Her fingers twitched.

There were two sets of footsteps, and they stopped as they met each other. Aoi watched over her shoulder, just past the bend of a stretching wing, and saw Miyabi and Seiji standing before each other. The wine-haired woman approached him aggressively, leaning forward, right into his face, ready to exchange a few words with the grass headed boy.

"How could you let her do that? What were you thinking? Do you know how fragile Aoi-sama's emotional state is? She hurt herself! Do you have any idea what she has just been through? I trusted you not to disappoint her, Seiji-san. One man too many has done that to her, and I will not let it happen again!"

It was impolite to eavesdrop, but it was so easy to hear Miyabi's voice from the breeze and pick out the traces of hysteria in it.

But Seiji-kun, he stood still, head bowed and waited until she was finished. He slowly raised his arm, his lips moving quietly. She couldn't hear him, but what he said was enough to calm Miyabi, for she took a step back. She laid a hand on his shoulder, appeared much more composed as they exchanged parting words, then left him.

She briefly wondered what he had said to disarm the overprotective woman, but turned away.

Aoi appeared composed when he arrived, and she did not even glance his way when he stood beside her and followed her line of sight. She tilted her head in thought. "Seiji-kun, about the other day... Sumimasen. Also, I am sorry when I asked you about Midori-obasan and how she was... I had forgotten she died."

He brushed at his bangs, fingers lightly tracing over the faded scar. "Eh? I thought that you were asking to see if I had visited her lately. And I thought to myself, Aoi-hime is a very considerate person."

"Oh no! No, no. I... I am not very considerate at all... I was very rude."

"Aoi-hime? Rude?" He laughed. "Mah, mah... You're always worrying about others and going out of your way to make them happy. You're the most considerate person I know."

She nodded, and wondered if there was some truth to that compliment. She bent over to pick up a stone, and saw Seiji shifting his weight from foot to foot, back and forth. Another fleeting look as she stood upright, and she caught his fingers twitching behind his back.

Aoi did not fidget as much. She slowly rolled the stone over and over in her hands, passing it from hand to hand every few minutes or so.

Her fingers twitched.

She held the rock out to him, and he took it.

His hand fidgeted with the rock, shaking to use it and fingers running along its smooth surface again and again. He flicked his wrist and let loose with the flat rock - it skipped across the water, reaching the other side of the pond.

Aoi watched him as she picked up another rock. He was licking his lips.

"Ano...?"

His mouth worked open and close a few times, considering what to say.

"Did Miyabi ever tell you that Sakuraba-sama had announced your continued engagement shortly before you came home? There was no agreement to be met between the factions, so it was never made official.

"I don't know if it's ever my place to say it, but I think... I think nothing good would have come, whether you stayed, or you left. At the time, I was working with a distant relative in Kyoto, and he's part of those restless factions Miyabi told you about. I had heard about everything from him. Sakuraba-sama was trying to stall for you and your Kaoru-sama, but he was under a lot of pressure. All the factions were moving against him on the issue of your marriage. Since the Hanabishi didn't live up to their side of the bargain, they've been trying to find some way, some one, to take that place.

"To become head, you know. But... well... what he had to do, was about to do... it was the only thing Sakuraba-sama was forced into."

Confusion lined her face. "Otou-sama was forced into what?"

"I heard that there was going to be an ultimatum. Either he returns to Hanabishi, or your 'dormitory' would be closed and torn down."

The never realized threat hung in the air, and in the silence, it felt like winter.

"I'm sorry."

She turned her head to watch Seiji's quickly retreating back, then turned back again to throw her stone.

The rock made a graceful arc in the air and hit the water's surface.

It sank.