Bittersweet

In a blink of an eye my whole world changed. Mother is dead and it was my entire fault. Calhoun,

my dearest and beloved brother wanted nothing to do with me. His love for me had died only to

be replaced by anger and hatred. He too blamed me for our mother's death. Where was our

father? Shouldn't he be here to say his goodbyes to the love of his life? His beloved wife was

murdered in cold blood. I wish I could remember him, but I can't. He's nothing more than a blurry

face in room crowded with people. That's all he will ever be. I can feel and see everyone around

me whispering to each other about my lack of tears and inability to cry. I feel so numb inside. Too

numb to care about the looks full of pity they look at me with. It only makes my desperation to cry

and get away even greater. I want to let the tears flow freely down my pale cheeks, but I'm to

numb inside. Why did he have to kill her? Why? Why her and not me? I should be the one in that

coffin, not her.

"But he was there to kill you, don't you remember?" I can hear the voice say inside my

head. "If he was there to kill me why is she the one inside the coffin and not me?" I ask softly

"She was protecting you, that's why," was the only reply I got in return.

I want to look at her one last time before they close her coffin. A strong arm pressed

lightly, yet firmly on my shoulder. I looked at the creamy colored hand that was keeping me from

taking another step. I hadn't even realized I had taken a step toward the coffin. I looked up to

have beautiful honey-colored eyes look into my white gold colored ones. I could see it in his

eyes. He didn't want me to look at my mother. I wanted to. NO! I need to look at her. I needed

to hug her and kiss her cheek one last time. I shook free of his of his grasp. I could only feel my

body run up to the coffin. I climbed a chair so that I could see inside and gaze at my mother in

her deep slumber.

She was as beautiful and dazzling as ever. She looked as if she was just sleeping

peacefully in the coffin. Her silky beautiful golden curls framed her face. Her cheeks had a pink

tint of a blush, like when she looked flushed after having to go running to go look for something.

Her soft pink lips were still as I remembered. Maybe she was sleeping. I could feel the hope

welling up inside my now cold broken heart. I needed to touch her one last time to remember the

warmth of her skin. Before I knew what I was doing I had reached out to caress her cheek.

"NO!" an ear splitting scream emerged from my throat. I sat bolt upright on my bed. Why

had I dreamed such a vile and horrid memory? It's been years since I'd had that dream. It's been

twelve years since she died. That was the last memory I had of the last time I saw her. Fear

gripped me in its arms. I could feel my heart beating rapidly like a rabbit's heart when it's scared

and running away from hunting dogs. I could hear it beating loudly and fast in my ears. I remember

everything before that sudden moment before I had realized that she was truly dead. There was a

loud knocking on my door before it was thrown open.

"Rose, are you all right?" Andrew asked his beautiful grey blue eyes full of concern. I

vaguely nodded since I still didn't trust myself to speak. "Are you sure?" Drew asks again while

making sure that the window was shut tightly.

"Yes I'm sure Andrew, I'm perfectly fine," I reply this time. Taking a deep breath before

I went on, "I just had a bad dream that's all," although this is more to comfort myself with the

thought than him.

"Thank the goddess," Drew let out a slow breath placing his hand over his chest making

the statement more dramatic. I roll my eyes at him and threw a pillow at him. He caught the

pillow with his right hand like it was nothing. Dam him and his reflexes. He's staring at me the

way he always does while he's thinking about whether he should ask the question he wants to

askor not. His brow furrowed in deep thought and a frown playing on his pink thin lips.

"I'm okay don't worry it was just a nightmare," I smile one of my 'oh its okay don't you

worry' smiles more for his sake than my own. I really wish he would stop looking at me that way

he makes me uncomfortable. Then again he knows I'm lying and that I know he knows. Walking

over to my huge canopy bed while shaking his head making his already messy light brown hair to

be come even more messier if that was possible.

"This is the second month in a row you've been having nightmares," he stated in a matter

of fact type of tone as he sat down on the bed next to me. "Do you want to talk about it?" he

asked and I just can't help but smile innocently at him.

"No, I'm fine really I'm truly fine," I try to reassure him but I can tell he isn't buying it. His eyes

tell me everything I need to know. I can't help but smile.

"Would you like me to stay with you?" He asked like every other night that this has

happened. "You know just incase the boogie man wants get you," He says as an afterthought

with a grin on his face. I simply nod in response. "Move over then," he orders gently I scoot over

to make room for him. He gently held me close to him like when we were kids, and I would

constantly have nightmares after I had come to live with Uncle Alfred. By far he had become one

of my favorite cousins. I snuggle closer to him feeling the warmth and love radiate from him and

seep into my skin. He has been so nice to me like the big brother I once had.

"Goodnight Drew, I don't know what I would do without you," I whispered softly into the

room. Gazing up at his face, I could tell that he still seemed to have traces of concern in his

features. He was beautiful he looked like he was carved out of marble. He smiles kindly at me.

Kissing the top of my head he closed his eyes holding me tighter to him. Something I appreciated

gratefully.

"I don't know what I would do without you either, goodnight my little Rose," he whispered

back to me. Making me smile at the use of my name something that rarely anyone called me since

my mother died. "Sleep thy baby on my bosom, warm and cozy, it will prove," he singed the first

lines to the lullaby that was passed down from generation to generation in our blood line. "Round

thee. Ravens arms are folding, in my heart a brother's love," his soft voice sang the new

adjustments to the song but before I could hear him finish the rest my eyes closed and took me

into a dreamless slumber.