A/N: Uhhh...where this came from...er...I was looking at the name of an orc and this suddenly popped into my brain...By the way, I do know some about Tolkien's languages, and this is simply an exaggeration. So don't flame me, telling me how incorrect it is, because I KNOW!

Disclaimer: I do not own

The Orc Naming System

"Next!" Said a particularly ugly Orc. Not that any one orc could ever be particularly ugly, as they basically all look the same. Well, not the same, but they are all extremely ugly and therefore not a single one of them could ever be uglier than another. Though there was this one orc...

"Alright," The orc at the banker/window/type/thing said when the next orc had stepped up to the window. "Orc # 1837241. You have been issued six letters. Do with them what you will." With those words he handed the orc a sheet of paper with the letters u, g, k, n, o, and l on it. The orc began frantically scrambling together, and when he had formed what he thought was a good name for himself, he stood up on a random table that happened to be there, and shouted to the room, "Alright! This is my name! Ulgkon! My name! My name!"

"Hey!" Another orc shouted from across the room. "That's my name, and I got it first!"

"No, my name!" Ulgkon #2 shouted. "My name!"

"Mine!" With that, Ulgkon #1 and Ulgkon #2 began fighting, until they heard an exceptionally loud voice call out, "But that's my name too!"

And then, several others, about thirty, in fact, shouted the same.

"My name too!"

"Wait a minute..." said Ulgkon #2. "That means that they gave us the same sheet of paper, with the same letters on it!"

"But!" Said a voice. "I got those same letters, and my name is Kulgon. So, obviously, it is your fault for mixing up the letters the same as others."

"It's a conspiracy!"

"Burn them all!"

"Wait a minute! WAIT A MINUTE!" Said Kulgon, banging together random pots and pans. "There is a solution to this! Just scramble up your names differently! Leave out a letter if you have to!"

There was silence at this shocking suggestion.

"Can we DO that?" Asked only of the Ulgkons.

"Of course you can! They don't care what we call ourselves anyway!"

Once they started scrambling up their names, Kulgon went back to the desk thing. He was, naturally, a secret agent for the people behind the desk.

"Thanks for calming them down. You'll have to do it again in about an hour or so, once the next hundred orcs find out that thirty of them have the same sheet."

"That's okay. Go ahead and print them up."

Kulgon disappeared, while all the Ulgkons became Ulkons and Goulks and other such names.

The End

A/N: Yes, very random story. Lately all these little plot bunnies just start randomly attacking me,so I've been writing a lot of one-shots. Inspiration for my real stories hasn't really come as of late.