A/N Thanks to all my reviewers. I love all of you so much. Well enjoy and review.

Ch. 4- Let Me Go

I knew that it would all come down to that question. If I loved Erik like I told him I did, then why did I accept Raoul's proposal. As I looked into his eyes I no longer saw anger, all I saw was sadness and curiosity. I should have known that something was still bothering him; I suppose I just did not want to see it.

"Christine, answer me. You wanted to talk well lets talk." Erik said. "Why did you agree to marry him?"

"I don't know why I did it." I replied hoping he would leave it at that.

"Don't lie about it Christine, tell me why, I am dying to know." He yelled back at me sadistically.

"I don't know why Erik." I yelled back. "I don't know why."

"Yes you do." He raged.

I would have to tell him now it seemed. There was no point on me telling him anymore lies.

"Do you want the truth Erik? Do you really want to know why I said yes?" I screamed.

"Yes Christine, tell me the truth."

"I told him yes because I was scared to love you." I answered as the tears my eyes had tried to keep in rolled down my cheeks. "I thought it was wrong to love you. God I thought it was so wrong to love you."

I could see the hurt in his eyes. But I had to tell him.

"You did some awful things Erik. You killed innocent people for no reason; you slaughtered them as if they were tiny specks of nothing. They had lives, they had families. Do you understand that you ruined people's lives?"

"And you manipulated me into believing you were a heavenly angel. I believed in you so much because my father told me the angel would come. I thought that the angel coming would be the end to all the horrible things that had been going on in my life. Oh it was just the beginning."

"But I thought that if those things were wrong, then surly it was wrong to love the person who had done them. I loved you so yet I tried so hard not to. I did not know what to believe." I admitted shamefully.

His tears were falling just as freely as mine were. "Christine, did you think it was right to marry Raoul even when you knew you did not love him. Is that not a sin also?"

"I know, but I did not understand what was going on at the time. I was so confused about my feelings for you; I had never felt passion like yours. Then there was Raoul. He loved me and that was all I could see. I knew that he was a respectable man and that he would take care of me. But even when I knew that, I could not help what I felt for you."

"Do you not see it Erik?" I asked him. "I was scared to love you. But loving you is what saved me from hurting Raoul more than I already had. It saved me from living a life without you."

It was a few moments of silence before he answered me.

"I don't know if I can believe you Christine." Erik cried. "I wish so much to believe you."

I tried to hold back my sobs, but it was a worthless effort. I was crying for my mistakes, my naivety, my cowardice, and my doubt in our love. I could hardly look him in the face let alone stay in the same room with the man I had hurt more than one should imagine.

I slipped my robe on and walked into the guest room and out to the balcony. As I looked up at the sky I could tell that the night was coming soon. If I looked close enough I could see some stars already lighting up the sky. I wondered if my father was up there looking down on me.

I wondered if he knew the sins I had committed. Would he hate me now?

"Are you ashamed of what I have done?" I whispered to him. "Do you hate me now father?"

I wished more than anything that he could answer me. I needed his guidance, but he was gone. I would never hear his voice again.

"Are you up there?" I asked more clearly. "Or have I been so wicked that you would send me an angel then have him doubt my love. Have I been so wicked?"

I looked up at the darkening sky before a voice behind me answered.

"You have been wicked." I heard Erik say behind me. "I won't lie to you, but I don't doubt your love for me."

I turned around to see him bear in all, body, heart, and face.

"You're lying, you do doubt my love." I cried more. "I know that you doubt my love."

"Christine, listen to me." Erik replied as he pulled my up by the arm to look him in the eyes. "I do not doubt that you love me. I just doubt the amount."

My heart then broke. "What have I done Erik, what have I possibly done for you to deem me unable to love you just as much as you love me?"

Then I remembered. Raoul. Oh God, what had I done?

My stupidity seemed to catch up with me. I knew that Erik was also thinking about Raoul. I could see the murderous look in his eyes.

"I had a dream last night Christine. I dreamt that he took you away from me. You married me and you were happy. Then one day he came to get you." Erik's confession was killing me.

"and you went with him. You left me here to die alone and live without you. And you left to go back to him. You left me to be with him." Erik wept.

I could hardly believe my ears. "I have not spoken a word about him since we arrived here, Erik. How can you possibly think that I love him like I love you? You have meant more to me than anyone else in my life."

"I'm sorry Christine, but was it not you who was asking the dashing the Vicomte to whisk you away form this monster's darkness? Was it not you who once told him that I was twisted every way? That I would kill than rather let you live your life. That I kill without a thought and murder all that's good. That was indeed you my dear."

"You accepted his proposal Christine. You told him yes to being his wife. Do you realize how much that hurt me? Do you have any idea? To know that you were to marry him almost killed me. I almost killed myself Christine. But then I heard your voice, you once again saved me. When you choose me, I choose to believe it was because you loved me." He told me.

"Erik."

"No Christine, let me finish… I choose to believe that you loved me. That despite all the things we had done to each other, I believed in my heart that you loved me. My fears were erased when you told me the truth to you decision. But the weight still did not lift. It did not lift because deep down, I know enough to know that you loved the boy. Whether you admit it or not, I know you loved him." Erik growled.

"I am sorry for the things I did Erik, but you did some worse things than me." I replied.

"Believe me Christine, I know that I am no saint." Erik said. "But look at who I am, look at all the things that have happened to me. Can you not see why I have such a hard time letting someone in? You were the only one. I wanted you to be the only one. Then you betrayed me. I never thought I would get over it. But here you are."

"Do you think you will ever learn to believe I love you?"

"I don't know Christine."

"Then I will tell you this." I began. "I love you like I loved my father. He was the most important man in the world to me. If that does not abate your fears, then let me go. For nothing ever will."